sometimes...
- I like to turn the air vents in my minivan on high, pop a little Ru'Paul's 'Supermodel' or Pat Benatar's 'Sex As A Weapon' up even higher, and pretend I'm a model while my hair whips wildly around me. That means the man stopped next to me at a red light this morning got an early look at the spring 2011 line from the Fashion House of Me. Look for kicky v-neck T-shirts in bold colors and black pants to be all the rage next year!
- Speaking of Pat Benatar, sometimes I like to read books so you don't have to. You can thank me now and scratch Pat's memoir off your 'to read' list. Here's something you might not know since you're not going to read this book now. Pat long ago nicknamed her husband 'Spyder,' and still lovingly refers to him as such. You'll know this by the way she refers to him as such 24,359,987 times.
- I wish I could stop reading a book if I can tell immediately that I'll hate it. See above. Pat, I love you, but that book was a battlefield.
- I wish I knew someone reading the same book I'm currently reading so we could discuss and guffaw.
- I could use a good guffawing from time to time.
- When I talk to myself, I do so as though I'm auditioning for a television show or part in a movie. I turned yesterday's lapse into a bad attitude into a scene from a romantic comedy. Were there tears? Yes, but if you thought those were silly, happy tears, then I'd like to thank my lord and savior (big ups, G!) and the Academy!
- I wonder why I'm still watching '90201.' No, not the old one in repeats, but the new one. The NEW ONE!! Some of those actors are as old as me, but I still feel I could be their grandparent. Also? Totally sucks. In addition to my award, I'd like to also thank God for giving me the power and the wisdom to delete all episodes of 'Hellcats' from my DVR without watching any of them, and await his divine and glorious guidance regarding the new season of 'Desperate Housewives.'
- I wonder if I may be using my time in my church's 24/7 prayer room incorrectly. See above.
- When I cook, I pretend I'm the host of a cooking show. Almost every time, including when I'm doing something as simple as pouring a bowl of cereal (uh, yeah, that's cooking around here some days, pals). Tonight's episode is called "The choice is yours - Domino's or Reheated Pork Chops!" (pssst - it's a rerun).
- I think I'm developing a crush on Pauly D from 'The Jersey Shore.' Listen, I know. I KNOW! He annoyed me, too, until a couple weeks ago when, after an episode spent scamming on girls who were apparently DTF (you can figure that one out), he returned from the commercial break having met a girl he respected and wanted to treat nice, so he planned a date, got his hair did and his flowers bought, and proceeded to treat this dream girl "like a man treats a wifey." Consider me sold right then and there! Consider me also playing that segment of the show on a semi-constant loop on the occasions when my husband is home.
- I write posts like this when I don't know what else to write or really don't want to scare you with the other stuff filling my head, the stuff I talk to myself about after successfully auditioning for a co-starring role in a Lifetime Movie Network presentation staring Meredith Baxter or Melissa Gilbert.
- I wonder what's going on with you.
posted by for a different kind of girl @ 4:39 PM
23 Comments:
In a perfect world we'd all have jets.
And still you reek of awesome! (major compliment, yo)
Sex as a Weapon? Why would anyone want to do that?
And, uh, listen - we used to tell our kids that too much TV would turn their brains into oatmeal.
Just, you know, sayin'. . .
;)
I listen to gangsta rap in my minivan, but the other mothers at kindergarten give us funny looks when I pull up to school playing NWA.
Sometimes I go to Kohl's and try on 18 items and not one thing looks good on me. Then I go to TJMaxx and try on 20 more things, and still leave empty handed.
I am a time waster.
I'm going to try that hair blowing, loud music in the mini van. I might try it with my head hanging out of the sunroof, though, so everyone can hear my jammin' tunes!
i have nothing to say except i love all of this.
Sometimes when I cook, even when it's a sandwich, the theme from Top Chef will play on a loop in my head and I'll try to chop everything really fast. Even the Peanut butter.
And, sometimes when I get a little down, I do a whole oscar winning "Why, world, why?" scene in the bathroom mirror. Also, sometimes, when I take my cholesterol pill and my allergy pill, I'll close the medicine cabinet, splash water on my face, look in the mirror and go "Showtime!" a la All That Jazz.
So, uh, yeah.
I love that you talk to yourself when you're cooking. Me too!
I can't see Melissa Gilbert as anything other than Laura Ingalls (well, that, or the space marine chick from that episode of The Outer Limits back in the 1990s).
I've always wanted to have hair that didn't curl like a brillo pad so I could do all that hair whipping stuff.
I'd think Jonna would be reading or have already read that book. If not, Houston, we have a problem.
I'm so damn glad you're watching all those shows and reading those books so I don't have to. That alone makes whatever you do in the 24/7 prayer room okay by me.
I like these posts. And I actually watched Desperate Housewives for the first time since the first season. It's um...Why exactly is that show still on the air? The fact that Felicity Huffman's twins are now 35 made me feel very old... That's the last time that I mistakenly think that Brothers and Sisters is on at 9:00. And what about that show? Will it survive the departure of Rob Lowe? I may need to go back to my Netflix only ways...
sometimes i fantacise about sleeping late for the first time in weeks...when it's a cool rainy morning, ya know perfect for such and activity. then my nerves get jangled into consciousness by a sick child and after i get up early to deal with that i come sit online and catch up on blogs.
life of a wild woman, i tell ya.
Pat, I love you, but that book was a battlefield. *snort*
I can't agree with you on Jersey Shore, because I cannot allow myself to EVER watch that show for fear I will get sucked in.
I do agree with the cooking like I'm on a food network show. I like to taste my jarred spaghetti sauce with a wooden spoon and comment on the spices. Yup, THAT lame.
Thanks for reading Pat Benatar's memoir. Now I can cross it off my list. :)
I don't watch Jersey Shore but it looks like a big Douche Festival. No. Really, Pat Benatar?? I love her songs... tee-hee.
Pauly D is my favorite. I love him. When he gets all excited about the cabs?? OMG.
I'd suggest you take up reading Greek crime fiction, except that it doesn't really have that much guffawing material.
Well ONE thing that's up with me is that I'm NOT deleting "Hellcats" from the DVR...
I can't believe you knew about it and didn't tell me before.
Backpacking Dad - I think we are supposed to pretend those are shooting stars.
Savage - So THAT'S what that smell is!
Craig - Despite what it might seem like from this post, I honestly watch very little television and am in the middle of five different books right now...it's just that when I do choose TV, I don't always make the best choices. :)
Pigeon - That is yet another delight that is the curse of parent pick-up/drop-off!
Cocotte - I wasted nearly 2 hours in Kohl's recently just wandering around trying to find a pair of black shoes I liked. When I finally gave up and resorted to a pair, naturally they didn't have my size. I, too, am a time waster.
Under The Influence - It is a soul cleansing, spirit refreshing activity. Trust me!
Anna See - And I love you for that!
Homemaker Man - What do you think the chances are we were born twins, but our mother, in a fit of despair and dangerously low income, gave us away to other women and, even though we've been separated by fate, there's something about our habits that, when we talk about cracking eggs or high cholesterol, we just sense there's someone out there like us?
Maggie - I've honestly been doing it since I was a kid and played pretend kitchen in my bedroom!
SciFi Dad - Than you are missing out on the magic that is Melissa Gilbert as a scorned Mafia bride!
Cheryl - Thus is the curse of having stick straight hair and a DVR loaded with tasteless culture!
Kate - Lord, I just watched last weeks' premiere of 'Desperate Housewives," and listen, the only thing keeping it on my 'to record' list is the appearance of Brian Austin Green as the new handyman. :)
lime - What is this sleeping in thing you dream of? Methinks me needs to get more sleep in order to dream of such a magical thing!
Christina - I think that book was sorely lacking in zombies!
Meg - Oh, Meg, I wasn't ever going to watch Jersey Shore, but yes! YES! All it took for me to get sucked in was one viewing last season! You are wise to stay strong in the face of this! (said the girl takes a knife and acts out "Choosy Mothers Choose JIF!" commercials every time I open a jar of peanut butter...even if it isn't JIF!)
Pat - You're welcome. Seriously. Now, how can I get those four days back?
Margarita - It might be a better show if they actually called it 'Douche Festival.' :)
Ali - OMG! Lady, I think you and I are kindred. Sing it with me - "It's T-shirt time! Oh, yes, it's T-shirt time!" ;)
Brian - Are there naked men in Greek crime fiction? Like the statues and gods and such? Because I might consider that then!
WaltzinExile - Please, please, please don't tell me it's actually good and now I'll curse myself for not watching it!
I highly recommend Jeffree Star's "Beauty Killer" and "Porn Star Dancing" by Darkest Days, as well. And strangely enough, my Fashion House is predicting the exact same styles and colors...for the rest of my life, probably.
1blueshi1 - consider me adding those suggestions to my list.
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