...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Monday, November 22, 2010

wouldn't it be 'eggcelent' if I reran a post from 2 years ago?

Um, what are you doing here? Seriously, don't you know it's a holiday week? Don't you have some turkeys to stuff? Some thanks to give? No one's really around this week, you know that, right? Heck, even I'm not here. I'm busy busting my retail rump, providing the best customer service you've ever had. I'm talking the kind that makes you hunt down a manager just to tell them about the awesome woman in the children's department who helped you find all the books you wanted AND talked you into purchasing a tremendous amount of gift cards. You're welcome. I'm here for you.

Because of that, I'm not here. At least not completely. I decided to stop through and drop an oldie but a, well, oldie on you from a couple years ago. Remember a couple years ago? Time flies, eh? It's creepy, honestly, the way it does. Even creepier is how you get a sense of deja vu about it, like I did this week when my mom let me know what I could contribute to our family's Thanksgiving meal.

Did you guess deviled eggs?

Yep.

***************

The list of things I have never done is rather diverse. I have never:

  • jumped out of an airplane
  • run with the bulls
  • swam in shark-infested waters
  • snorted cocaine off the rippled belly of a supermodel
  • sung in public
  • used the phrase "True dat!" in conversation (although I think I recently used it in a comment I left on someone else's blog, and if that's the case and that person found it either ironic and/or humorous, then I might consider incorporating it into actual conversation)
  • dined with royalty
  • broken a man's heart
  • pulled off a heist

Pretty diverse, eh? I know. I look at that list and think how amazing my life really is, even though I've never done any of those things. I do actually think I have broken a man's heart before, but the dude in question refuses to admit it, thinking it's cool to have this big strong man demeanor, but whatever. I believe he misses me, and really, sometimes what I make up in my head is all that matters.

Also on the list of things I've never done?

Deviled an egg!

But guess what! This morning, I have to do just that, and not just one egg. No. I have to devil 24 eggs for the Thanksgiving meal my family foisted itself upon. Have you ever Googled the recipe for deviled eggs? There are more than 2 million entries! My Tool Man (his heart - completely intact) looks up from one of the 2 million Facebook games he plays and says, "How hard can it be. Some mustard. Some mayo. There you go." Well, well, well. Check out the Iron Chef over there. However, have you ever tasted his recipe for Jell-O? I suggest you rub your distended belly and say you're full as you back away from the buffet line. Easiest thing to prepare in the world, and I've watched him get confused pondering the one cup hot, one cup cold guidelines.

So I'm on the hunt for a classic deviled egg recipe. I refuse to ask my Mom for her recipe, because she will make fun of me. I can hear her now. "You're 41 years old and you've never made deviled eggs? Who raised you? Wolves? Hell, I bet you can't even make Jell-O, can you?" To which I would respond, meekly, "I make Jell-O better than you, woman!" before running to my bedroom, slamming the door, and turning the volume on my stereo super loud so my Journey Escape album would drown out the sound of my tears.

Here's what I've learned while browsing a handful of the millions of recipes. Deviled eggs should not have meat, barbecue seasoning, pickles, or cheese in them. To all of you who think these would be a treat, I ask why? The thought alone makes me shudder. I simply want mustard, mayo, and maybe (if I remember to stop at the grocery store on my way home from work tonight) a sprinkling of paprika.

Actually, what I wouldn't mind is just having my Mom make them because her recipe is pretty damn good, but I refuse to admit defeat. Only so many tears you can cry, right Steve Perry? Sigh....

Right.

***************

I wrote this post almost exactly two years ago, and guess what I've STILL never done? Made deviled eggs! After I wrote this, I apparently convinced my mom to take over production of my first attempt, and my inquiries into what I could contribute to later family meals have been ignored, or resulted in me bringing just my smiling face (which is delicious, btw). But this year, the deviled egg request has returned! Will this be the year I step up to the plate with my platter? Possibly not. My mom's already volunteered to make them if I simply boil a couple dozen. However, I may surprise her. It may be two years before I let you know, though, so until then, Happy Thanksgiving, my fellow Americans, and to the rest of you? Enjoy your Thursday!.

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14 Comments:

Blogger Cheryl said...

Mustard? Were you raised by wolves? Good grief and holy moly. Boil 'em. Run cold water over 'em. Drain. Shake the kettle until the shells all crack. Peel 'em. Slice 'em in 1/2 lengthwise. Pop yolks. Mash til somewhat smooth. Mayo (add slowly until you've got the consistency you want). {If you must have onions, dice 'em up fine. Ewww.} Salt to taste. White pepper (added touch of class). Spoon into waiting eggholes. Sprinkle with paprika.

Mayo first due to salt content. Paprika will also add some saltiness but not tons. If mustard is your thing, go easy on it for all that's good in the world.

DO NOT USE FRESH EGGS. Get the store bought ones and make sure they're close to expiring. The shell almost falls off after boiling. Fresh eggs will kill your dreams of ever being able to do this. Damn shells get stuck and you lose half the egg in the process.

My word veri: angst. I don't need it for deviled eggs. I rule the DE.

Monday, November 22, 2010 9:28:00 PM  
Blogger Always Home and Uncool said...

True 'dat.

Monday, November 22, 2010 9:34:00 PM  
Blogger Possum said...

Bwahahaha @ raised by wolves!!!
Great egg buying and boiling tricks Cheryl...am off to try them out forthwith.
My Mum sometimes adds a dash of tomato sauce (ketchup)to the yolk/mayo mix...the contrast colour presents well as does using a large star nozzle and piping the mix back into the waiting egg whites.
Happy thanksgiving!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010 3:49:00 AM  
Blogger SciFi Dad said...

Ditto to everything Cheryl said, except I prefer miracle whip to mayo, but that's a preference thing. We've tried onion and/or garlic salt in lieu of table salt some years and they've been good as well. Never mixed eggs and mustard; my two year old (who eats anything) has, mind you.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010 5:10:00 AM  
Blogger Cocotte said...

I can't give any advice like the fine people above me because alas, I don't believe I've ever deviled an egg either. But I do like them and they remind me of my grandma, so I thank you for this holiday memory (though Grandma H made them for July 4th).

Happy Thanksgiving to you too, FADKOG>

Tuesday, November 23, 2010 5:37:00 AM  
Blogger Lainey-Paney said...

Oh, how I heart deviled eggs.
Good luck!

And listen to all of Cheryl's advice. All of it.
Boil up more eggs than you're really going to need because inevitably a couple of them get f*cked up.

Another word to the wise: DO NOT put the shells down your disposal. Trust me.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010 7:58:00 AM  
Blogger Lainey-Paney said...

And I'm going to take this moment to encourage you to incorporate "True dat" into as many conversations as possible.
Just for fun.

My favorite go-to phrase that catches people off guard all the time??? "What Up, Dawg?"

Tuesday, November 23, 2010 7:59:00 AM  
Blogger Whitemist said...

Not made Devil Eggs? Not bad!
But until last Sunday, i never tried to make waffles (and i love waffles).
It was a mostly flop, but i had 2 good ones (0ut of 10).
everyone has not not something!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010 8:02:00 AM  
Blogger Sailor said...

Interesting, wolf-girl! Only, I'll contradict some of the earlier comments, and say yes to the mustard- gives a bit of spice to the eggs.

Also, if you don't have a "star tip" for piping, plop the mixture in a freezer bag, and seal- cut off one corner, and you have an instant deviled egg-fill with no mess.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010 8:20:00 AM  
Blogger Craig said...

Wait. . . so your mom is wondering whether or not she is a wolf? Seems like she'd know, if anyone would? Or is it one of those full-moon-at-midnight things? . . .

And I'm gonna assume that when you say "busting my retail rump", you don't mean that your rump is, you know, for sale.

(OK, now I'm imagining all your readers doing that one-hand-on-top-of-the-other, thumb-wiggling, 'awkward turtle' thing. . .)

Tuesday, November 23, 2010 8:52:00 AM  
Blogger Possum said...

..and this is a GREAT book..
"Women Who Run with the Wolves" by Clarissa Pinkola Estes
:)

Tuesday, November 23, 2010 1:09:00 PM  
Anonymous goodfather said...

I've snorted cocaine off the rippled belly of a super model. By rippled belly, I mean nondescript plastic mold, and by cocaine, I mean sawdust. Hope that still counts.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010 7:00:00 PM  
Blogger Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

Ewwwww... deviled eggs are evil.

ba dum bum.

But seriously folks. They're gross. Why mix egg yolks with anything, let alone mustard and mayo?!? WHO THINKS OF THIS SHIT??? Maybe a bit of meat would make it BETTER!!

Ay yi yi...

Good luck. Cute post. Even if it did make me gag. ;)

Sunday, November 28, 2010 5:49:00 AM  
Blogger 1blueshi1 said...

I love devilled eggs! I even love making them, because it's so easy. My secret ingredient is olives. Yes, a jar of sliced green olives! If you love olives, you will drool over and scarf down my devilled eggs..in fact, I am making some today to go with the bratwursts & cole slaw we're having for dinner.

Hope you had an awesome Thanksgiving, O Faddest of Kogs.

Saturday, December 04, 2010 11:58:00 AM  

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