silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.
i just realized i'm writing about similiar things two posts in a row. this is my life, friends.
Things you might want to wake up to on a Saturday morning:Sounds good, right? Hell, even waking up with a stranger's arms in your bed wouldn't be all that bad if you could easily prove you weren't a party to the detachment of said appendages. If I could get a good night's sleep, those are exactly the kinds of things I would dream about waking up to.Here's a taste of what I woke up to Saturday morning: - my youngest son screaming
- my youngest son screaming the following - "HE FARTED ON MY CEREAL!!!"
Friends, you cannot come back from that. You cannot do anything but pull the blankets over your head and pray for divine intervention to help you get through the day before you've even set foot upon the floor to get it started. You cannot help but either stand in your shower and hope the water pelting your skin drowns out the sound of your tears, or count to 10 on a continuous loop to regain your composure as you come downstairs to the tears and apathy of those you live with.It's been a long weekend around here. The only saving grace in this whole tragedy? The kids were eating Froot Loops. Thank heaven this didn't occur over a bowl (or 'bowel')(but I figured why go for the cheap joke) of high fiber cereal.Labels: 100% of your recommended daily allowance
13 Comments:
See, what I immediately thought to myself was - "So, what did you do to provoke said farting? Hmmmmmm?" 'Cuz, you know, people don't just fart on other people's cereal for no reason at all, now do they? Hmmmmm?
But hey, ain't parenthood just the coolest, most rewarding thing you've ever done IN YOUR LIFE?
Hang in there; their brains do eventually outgrow their rectums. . .
Those are the days that cause headaches :-( I personally like to hide in the bath tub on those days!
I just realized I'm lucky to have just one boy. My girls would not engage in that sort of conversation with him.
I am impressed by anyone who can fart on command. It's a talent not often commended.
And I thought that annoying "beep beep beep" from may alarm was bad. You win.
Coulda been worse! As you dove under the covers you could have discovered that the hubs - well, you know. Might have made the cereal incident pale in comparison.
Craig said this: "Hang in there; their brains do eventually outgrow their rectums. . ."
What I want to know, is *when!!??*
Hang in there, maybe next time he'll fart quietly so the ensuing mayhem will be quieter too. It doesn't change the rest of the day, but if you can't *hear* it, it makes it easier to pretend it's happening in someone else's life.
Or, so I keep telling myself...
How in the hell does someone fart on cereal? I mean, that's almost too impressive to make someone mad.
My son has been working the word "poopy" (variations include poopyhead and poopy poops) into Every. Song. He knows! I've woken up to poopy McDonald's commercial songs.
And now I'm hungry.
That was my every Saturday morning when I was a kid. I had 7 brothers, it was not a matter of when or if...but amatter of who farted in my cereal.
Craig - I am never a provoker, ever! I'm just a mom who would like to get an extra half hour of sleep on Saturdays!
mrsodell1980 - I'd hide in the tub, too, if it wasn't located in the boys' bathroom and was the only one in our house!
Bijoux - I'm appropriately jealous in all manners concerning the having of girls!
Tracey - I have come to the realization, then, that I am living with a house full of on-command farting professionals!
Meg - It's truly an unwanted, unwarranted victory, I assure you!
bikinfool - He's learned there are some things one has to control if one wants a happy life around here!
Sailor - Oh, you just keep telling yourself that... :)
Libby - It's a wonder, really, someone wasn't physically hurt in the gymnastics such a performance surely demanded based on our kitchen layout!
weirdgirl - You know, I could eat something right about now, too...
William - Just the experience of living in a house with three males...I must confess, the idea of 8-plus, hell, EIGHT (potentially farting) SONS!!! gives me the shakes!
There have been a few times recently when either my husband or myself has been alone with the kids and the two against one thing really sucks. We've taken to saying, "You may come home to one less." Which is really code for, "You better be bringing wine home!"
well isn't that just the most special topping for froot loops. and lordy, being jangled to consciousness by THAT particular argument is a special brand of saturday morning misery.
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