frustrated, incorporated

So where were we?

I hope you're somewhere far more fun and lucrative than I am at the moment. Still. I could blame my lack of writing here on the usual things. Kids have kept me busy. Insomnia's been rocking my nights. Work's been crazy. I mean, life, right?? Sheesh!

Truth is, though, I just didn't feel right coming here and boring you. If this were the old days of blogging when people had music players installed to subject (which is just another word for 'share') readers to their favorite tunes when clicking over to their site (though let it be known I never, ever did this!)(and which, oh, honey, if you're still doing that, you have to stop, yes, you absolutely do), you'd arrive here to an orchestra of sad trombones. Sad trombones and maybe a GIF of that Nazi whose face melts off at the end of "Raiders of the Lost Ark," which, by the way, I'm giving you because it's the right thing to do. Consider it the first step I can make in paying forward all the good things that have come our way in the past five weeks (Happy trombone!).

(also? no more parenthetical remarks for the rest of this post!)

Long story short, we're awesome!

Ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha (::gasps for air::)(that technically doesn't count in my earlier disclaimer) hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

It's five weeks in and I think we're slipping a bit from optimism to straight up worry, and maybe it's too early for that, but no, I think not. There's been some interviews, some odd jobs, and a hearing on unemployment benefits that were contested by Needs A Job Man's former employer. We're waiting on a positive outcome on that matter.

I've been doing some side gigs for our church that involves writing and designing pamphlets and flyers. My only restraints are I can't curse, natch, and I must do all the work in Word, so sky really is the f'n limit there! Additionally, I put on my sad kitty eyes and approached the managers at the bookstore about working some additional hours since this is our only true source of income at the moment. That's worked out for the past two weeks, then comes to a screeching halt next week when I will cash a paycheck that, if I stretch, might reach 10 hours. Believe me when I say it's hard to jot your work schedule down through a cloudy film of tears.

I can't believe this can go on forever, of course. However, I also can't believe I'd come home every afternoon of late to find Needs A Job Man plopped on the couch watching "Dr. Oz," but that's happening. The only good thing about that is, well, for one, at least it's not "Dr. Phil," and two, when I join him, he's able to fill me in on the good man of medicine's idea for some weird spice of supplement that will help rid me of my stress-induced belly fat, to which I say how dare you make reference to my belly fat!

For the record, I don't have stress-induced belly fat. I laugh in the face of stress! I shall have none of you, I say! I shall also have none of this money in my checking account as I pay this month's bills! Begone cash! Join stress in the Great Not Having!

OK, the truth is I've recently discovered that going on the Job Loss Weight Loss (that's mine, don't steal it) Program is really doing wonders for my physique. Another few months of this and I predict I'll finally look like Kelly Ripa, which is all I've ever really wanted.

Well, that and a hundred million dollars, one to two more babies, and, yes, a job for my husband, if for no other reason than he needs a new blog nickname.

And because I want cash to come back. I miss you, cash (::sighs wistfully::)

(oh, come on! did you really think I wasn't going to go without another parenthetical remark?!)

anonymous

Thank you.

Thank you, anonymous.

I honestly don't know if you are out there, living somewhere in the world beyond my computer screen, but if you are, thank you. Your encouraging words for me, carefully crafted so as not to give anything about yourself away to me no matter low long I wracked my brain, are words I'm tucking into my bag and carrying with me to retrieve and review when the day forces me to. The kindness you shared with me and my family is overwhelming and appreciated. So very appreciated.

So, thank you, anonymous. If it was you and you are out there, please know I'm grateful.

i believe it was kanye west who said, 'N-n-now that that don't kill me can only make me stronger'

So here we are, just over a week into Unemployment Beard Watch 2012, and it's coming in quite nicely. Oh, not MINE! Mine is still a bit sparse, but last night I did pluck a white hair from my jawline that was so long I briefly considered spinning it into a cozy blanket we could huddle under should our heat get turned off because we couldn't pay the bill.

Oh, I kid, of course. I refuse to believe things will get that bad. Mostly because I don't know how to crochet. Thank heaven for our mild winter so far!

(I wish I was kidding about that hair, though. Seriously, it was so freakishly long, I figure if we don't have work by November, I could pick up a part-time gig as a mall Santa)

Just before our world exploded last week, I was preparing to write a 'woe is me, nothing made me happy this week, wah wah wah' post. Boo hoo, I was diagnosed with my very first bladder infection. Oh, yeah? Well your baby boy turned 10, too. Double digits. How's that make you feel? Pretty sad, huh? Well guess what? BOOM! Let's get fired (clap, clap, clapclapclap!)! That's a kick in the gonads, gut, and teeth, but you better duck because, whoops! No insurance!

We're still in the process of figuring things out. The hours remaining for the lying bastards He Who Shall Not Be Called Tool Man Any Longer once worked for to contest his unemployment benefits are waning. We're waiting on a DHS appointment for assistance, and options are being explored. In the meantime, the garage I once loathed because it harbored box after box of crap from his employer is being cleaned out (we seriously celebrated finding 23 pennies on the floor, but not nearly as much as we did a few days later when Unemployed Man plucked a dollar from the snow at church Sunday. God provides!)

I'm looking for a second job, and hope to take on a short term writing job with our church. Neither option is going to make us financially comfortable during this transition period, but we're doing everything we can think of.

We're also appreciating all the kindness and good thoughts being given to us. If nothing made me happy last week, this week has been overwhelming, starting with the stranger I approached to help at the store last Thursday who insisted I enjoy a free Godiva chocolate bar she'd purchased ("I will take this home and feed it to my family, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory-style!" I cried)(Not really. I did cry, though. Damn, last week was rough.). That sort of kindness has continued this week Friends and family have delivered bags of groceries and dog food to our door, and slipped money into my purse. The words and prayers all of you (welcome, strangers!) offered me mean a lot, too, and I regret not having the emotional stamina to thank you all personally. Please know I do, and if you have more - or, better yet, a job! - I will appreciate them, as well.

I still cry a lot, don't get me wrong, but when I'm done, I look at what our family and friends have stepped in to do and I am determined to pay it back AND pay it forward when we once again can.

I just hope it's soon. I thought I was already strong, but clearly I'm not strong enough because I feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.

(But at least they'll be warm, thanks to this chin hair shawl...)