i remember when you couldn't wait to love me, used to hate to leave me

A typical night at a typical bookstore:

She - "You know, I've been going to a lot of movies lately and when I've been to them, I've been seeing a lot of previews for movies that are going to be coming out soon, and I figure I'd like to read the books first, so, tell me, where would I find those books?"

Me - "..........." (I believe I actually look just like that when I'm waiting for a customer to fill in big, obvious blocks of missing information. My eyes morph into feathery quotation marks and my mouth is a series of dots)

She - blink, blink.

Me - "Well, since we broke up last month, you've not been calling me to go to movies with you. Because you didn't want to go out with me anymore, I don't know what you've been seeing. I thought when we ended things, we'd at least try to still be friends. Maybe still get together for a movie. Maybe split a dessert somewhere afterward."

She - "Um..."

Me - (pointing to the good natured man with her) "I suppose you've been going to movies with this guy, haven't you?"

She - blink, blink.

Me - "I miss you."

I swear I have the customer service skills of an angel (though the lady searching for MC. Hammer's greatest hits CD last year may recall it differently)(though I was being fantastically nice and cute during that encounter)(you know what? just go read that post because it is MUCH better than this one is turning out to be), and in the end, I sold her copies of The Time Traveler's Wife (have had this book forever, but never read it), Julie and Julia: My Year of Cooking Dangerously (read this and very much enjoyed it), and I Love You Beth Cooper (love this book, but fear the mess the movie could be). This, friends, is what's called up selling. I like to call it selling the hell out of my night. My managers probably like to call it earning my place on the schedule.

She - "Thanks for all your help!"

Me - "No problem at all! Hope you enjoy them! Oh, and, um, you know...call me."

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Can I just put this out there? If you're out shopping somewhere and realize suddenly that you have a pressing need to pass gas, and it's so urgent you just have to drop it right then and there, STAY IN THE AISLE AND OWN IT! The last two nights I have been leading customers to different areas of the store and found myself both times struck down by a smooth criminal. Other times I've fallen into the post mortem, had customers wander that way and then pause, thinking the offense had been committed by my hands, which leaves me aghast and wanting to clear my name through the unclear air. Stay in the aisle and own it, dammit it, or I will totally call you on it as I see you slinking around on the other side of the book shelves (I'm talking to you, Guy I Saw Peering Over The Top Of Reference Books Yet Who Refused To Make Eye Contact With Me While I Declared 'Jeeeeesus' At The Ass Of Your Undoing).

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So should I go see Rick Springfield when he's here in town tonight? "Haven't you seen him enough already?" you ask. Well, sort of. I mean, sure, if you consider two times enough. But the thing is, the Jonas Brothers were less than two hours away from me Tuesday night and I'm convinced my Tool Man kept the boys away from home an additional night this week so they wouldn't be here to see me all twitchy and bitchy because he didn't get tickets for me, which would have been ideal gifts for the birthday and/or Mother's Day he completely blew off (not that I'm bitter)(I TOTALLY AM, btw). Rick Springfield is my original Joe Jonas (and at 59, he's entirely age appropriate), so I'm tempted to bite the bullet. I need a human touch because I think I'm this close to giving Tool Man a human punch (Sally had a hard time holding back). Actually, I just wanted a reason to link that video again.

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I should have just shut up after the first portion of this post. You know what? Honestly, just go read the previous posts I linked to in here. They're much better. OK, maybe 'much' is a bit much. I think I really need to go see a movie.