file under A for 'awesome, these things are not'

See that? That can't be good, right? I don't know why I'm asking you. I mean, I showed this photo to my Tool Man Monday night when he got home from work and I asked him, "This can't be good, right?" and he made this little tsk sound with his tongue, and then he said, "Oh, that can't be good," so I think we've ascertained that this cannot, in fact, be good. We've all heard of the blue screen of death. Hell, I've sent people condolence cards when they've mentioned their computers came down with it, so I figured I was totally living on borrowed time when this, in all it's various shades of blue and green stripes, popped up on my laptop screen Monday morning.

My first thought, of course, was (say it with me!) "This can't be good." Then I thought, "Crap! Now how am I going to discreetly watch episodes of True Blood in a manner that may or may not be responsible for this screen now adorning my laptop?"

(sidebar: Is it just me or did they switch the actress who plays Tara after the first episode, because I swear they did and it's bugging the hell out of me, and I asked Tool Man what he thought, but Tool Man? He doesn't put that much thought into a TV program unless there are Cyclons involved, and then it's like we reverse roles and I just can't be made to frackin' care)

(also, where might one such as myself acquire a gentlemanly Southern vampire to call on me?)

This malfunction occurred while I was noshing on some delicious peanut butter toast before work and watching a Kids In The Hall clip over at Backpacking Dad's blog. Right in the middle of the funny - Poof! I was all, "Well, that's a fine how do you do! First I do not get a free hot blogger calendar featuring some blogger whom I have made no secret I find to be awesome, but now this?!"

Then I took another bite of toast (while it was still warm and melty, something I bet hot bloggers, awesome or not, do not eat in order to maintain The Hotness), took out my camera (first thought - "This is lots and lots of pointless blog fodder!" followed by "I should probably show this to Tool Man."). Then I thought about calling Dell, from whom I purchased my laptop last year, but I bought it through their business arm to get a fantastic deal, and my made-up business' name is Happy Time Fun Ranch, and seriously, every time I say that or I get mail from Dell addressed to me in care of Happy Time Fun Ranch, I have to sit on the curb by the mailbox and giggle for a bit.

Because I lead a truly sad and boring life...

Long story short, tonight I'm writing this scintillating nugget of my life on the above pictured, apparently not doomed laptop, and after a bit of deduction on my part and those of my employees at Happy Time Fun Ranch, I believe the culprit of the 70s-era wallpaper death screen was the half glass of Diet Pepsi I spilled on the counter that seeped under my laptop Saturday while watching Gremlins on AMC.

An event also involving Backpacking Dad!!

Coincidence? I cannot say with any certainty. All I know is if my laptop now multiplies (kudos, sir...), we'll get a hell of a lot more work done around here at Happy Time Fun Ranch, and also, I should probably not watch Gremlins 2 - The New Batch when it airs this weekend.

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Had enough of me yet? No? OK, well let me regale you with this one:

See that? That can't be good, right? I don't know why I am asking you, because I can assure you that is, indeed, not good! I pulled that GIGANTIC HAIR out of my mouth, dislodging the remainder of it from my NOT DELICIOUS McDonald's cheeseburger tonight at supper. Let me just say two things before saying a whole bunch more: (a) my hair is amazing (ahem...), and (b) it doesn't look a thing like the follicle that garnished my half-eaten sandwich!!

I can't get hot french fries, but I can, apparently, get a fur burger.

(Oh, I'm sorry that I used that phrase. Honestly. But I am totally keeping it in there because I said it to my Tool Man after I tossed the rest of my meal out and he continued to eat the remainder of his apparently hairless cheeseburger in front of me!! Even while I was all, "I'm so hungry! I'll never eat at McDonald's again. Except I do like that Southwest grilled chicken salad, so dammit...")

Ali? Any chance you could take this up with the fine folks at McDonald's and see what they have to say for themselves? I'd consider retribution in the form of unlimited McFlurries.

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OK, I must say, I've reached the point where I'm boring myself, and that can't be good, right? So I'll apologize. I should be in bed anyway, because tomorrow, I have to be out of the house by 9 a.m., to go work a four hour volunteer shift at the Scholastic Books warehouse sale that I committed to doing when my friend suggested we do it together, except, ha ha, tonight my friend bailed on me!

Also, did you catch that?

I'm going to go work at a book sale.

On my only day off from my regular job.

My regular job as a bookseller at a Major Bookseller.

Where I normally only work three hours a shift.

Yeah. I'm volunteering even more time on my day off to do for free what I normally get paid to do for less

Because I'm good, alright?