but they're too busy reading to put anybody down

In addition to finding clever ways to display 187 copies of the first book in the eternally popular (somewhere) Boxcar Children series or the 49 copies (because 48 didn't seem like quite enough) of Handy Manny's Motorcycle Adventure, the majority of my days at the book store involve connecting shoppers with the perfect book for their young readers.

I routinely scan my department for shoppers who appear dazed (and occasionally injured - sorry about those books falling off the top shelf and onto your head today, lady. Sometimes, if you give a mouse a cookie, he's going to ask for a glass of milk. Then he's going to punch you in the face)(Oh, don't worry! The moose had a muffin, so it had the strength to knock the lady out of the way with it's mighty rack). Typically, helping shoppers involves fielding a lot of questions. "He's 8 years old and he doesn't read. What would he like?" or "I have to buy a book for my grandson, who I never see. Do you think he'd like books about the Civil War?" Occasionally, the shopper comes prepared with a detailed set of requirements. "She likes fantasy books, but we don't want her reading Harry Potter, or anything with dragons, witches, fairies, unicorns, castles, mermaids, goblins, sprites, pixies, glowing orbs capable of casting spells or anything else like that. What do you recommend?" As a matter of fact, yes. How do you feel about teenage vampires?

It sounds like a tough job, doesn't it? Oh, sure, I imagine it's not as tough as piloting fighter jets, performing brain surgery, brokering world peace, forecasting the weather, or preparing a meal my children will eat without suspecting sabotage, but as you can see, it does present some routine challenges. However, that doesn't mean you should feel like you can't handle it. Let me run you through a little training exercise I developed after helping a woman who journeyed into the children's department this afternoon. To make this experience extra fun, let's roll play, shall we? I'll play the role of 'Me,' and if you wish, you can play the part of the woman. Ready? Let's go!

Me: Hi! It looks like you have a rather long list of items you're looking for. Can I be of any help to you today?

(sidebar - Did you notice how nice I am? How costumer-focused? Yeah. Me, too. So, why do you think I only got a quarter raise at my review three weeks ago?)

(Take 2!)(or, as we say in the book biz, Chapter 2!)

Me: Hi! It looks like you have a rather long list of items you're looking for. Can I be of any help to you today?

Woman: Oh, that would be lovely! I'm looking for a variety of books to build the children's library at my church and I need books for all ages.

Me: I'd be glad to suggest some great titles! Follow me! I'll show you!

(seriously, friends. a quarter.)

Cut to the part where you see me showing the grateful shopper a variety of books, primarily those with recognizable, time-honored titles such as I'll Love You Forever, Hop on Pop, Guess How Much I Love You, Goodnight, Moon, Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Olivia, etc.

Woman: These all seems like great choices! You've been tremendously helpful! What other books would you recommend?

Me: Well, my children were big fans of Chicka Chicka Boom Boom when they were younger. I really think you must include that book in your collection.

Woman: Perfect! Anything else?

Me: Yes! You absolutely MUST get Good Night, Gorilla! Children LOVE this story."

Woman: What's it about?

Me: It's a very cute story about a zoo keeper, his wife, and a mischievous little gorilla and what happens when the gorilla steals away with the zoo keeper's keys.

Woman: Oh. Hmmm. Well....I'm not sure...

Me: Is it the stealing you're worried about? Don't give it a second thought!

Woman: No, it's not that...

Me (thinking): Please don't make me say something about the gorilla crawling into bed with the zoo keeper's wife, please don't make me say...

Woman: Well, it's just that I have to be courteous and think of the members of our congregation who are vegetarians...

Me: ::blink blink::

Woman: ::blink blink::

Me: Um...

Woman: I just really don't want to offend those who choose not to eat meat.

Me: Well, I can assure you, the zookeeper doesn't fillet the gorilla and toss him on the grill after marinating him overnight in a delicious balsamic reduction.

(in maintaining your good customer service skills, say the preceding with a smile that you enhance with a lighthearted chuckle)

(plus, p.s., where do your congregants eat where things like gorilla or hyena are on the menu? Be thee not confused between 'Good night, deer' and 'good night, dear,' my children.)

Woman: So...any other suggestions?

Of course I had suggestions for her.

The Carrot Seed

There you go. Everyone's happy, and that, friends, is good customer service. Here's a quarter, I think you're ready! Can you fill my shift Thursday?

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We currently have 170 paperback copies of Where The Wild Things Are in the store. Today, while suggesting books to another shopper, I placed a copy of the book in her hand and raved about what a great book it would be to share with her child, who was running around the place and was definitely not young. "Oh, that story would be far too long for him!" she responded.

The book is 10 sentences long. If it was a video game, the kid would probably play it for hours.

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I try to read at least one book a week. Sometimes it takes a bit longer. Sadly, I've spent more than a month trying to get through The Time Traveler's Wife. I tend to be one who tries to finish what I start, but I'm to the point where I wish I was the one who could flit through the time and get this beast done. I also wish I could let go of my irritation about the author's love affair with commas. There are way too many misplaced commas in this story.

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Do you need something fun to read? After Whit wrote about the Skulduggery Pleasant series at Dadcentric, I was all, "Oh, I must read those!" However, need I remind you my raise was just a quarter an hour? Yeah, so as a result, I am not buying them, but I am listening to them. Well, I'm listening to the first one, and strongly suggest you do, too. Sure, they're found in the young reader's section of your favorite bookstore, but they make a fun adult read, too.

Oh, and in case you're wondering, yes, there's vampires in the book, but thankfully, they're not glowing and angst-ridden.