i went to chicago and all i got were these bullet points, a burnt scalp, and a better understanding of why we don't take many vacations

I call this one "Be thankful for small things." Like the fact this is not a small, curly piece of hair on the bed, but rather a long, curly hair on the lap shade. Hotels rock!

When last we were together, I was getting ready to leave for a vacation in beautiful Chicago. We've been home a few days, and those of you who travel know those days are spent doing laundry, playing catch up on real life, and regaling your Facebook friends with photos of your trip. I've not done any of those things yet. That's the plan for today! What a great way to spend the first day without my kids around all the time! Kids who apparently don't have any clean underwear and, well, at least one of the two is rather fond of fresh drawers and informed me I have work to do this afternoon. So needy that one! I was going to write a fantastic post letting all of you know Chicago did us a grade-A solid, because it really did (psst - call me, Chicago!), but instead, I figured why bore you with my vacation slides. Instead, here's a few things I observed during our time away that helped make our trip complete:

• HBO is airing the same episodes of Taxi Cab Confessions they were when I was 14 and would sneak viewings of what I then thought was edgy and shocking content. Now you've heard one transsexual's story, you've heard them all.
  
• One room bad, two rooms good. After an initial night of hotel lodging in which I thought my 8 year old was actually going to attempt womb re-entry as we tried to (yet never actually did) sleep, we booked a second hotel room. Hooray for Priority Club member points! Tool Man being gone constantly has it's rewards!
  
• There's something sweet (and OK, perhaps a wee bit wrong) hearing your 8 year old sing the lyric "...put your hands on me in my skin right jeans."
• Speaking of jeans, jeggings really aren't for everyone. Seriously. They're not. I mean it. No.
  
• While we're still on the subject, neither are body suits ::cough lady wearing neon blue body suit at the Iowa rest stop cough Glamour don't cough::
  
• Homeless people love, love, LOVE to pray for me! I was stopped three times on my walk to Buckingham Fountain for a bit of divine intervention. That's more times then we pray during an actual church service!
  
• I can go 6 days without a diet Mountain Dew, but you won't like me by the fourth day.
  
• I finally got a diet Mountain Dew on day seven, and alas, you would have liked me less. Let's just say fountain pop that's not mixed right put me into tears.
• However, I'm blaming the tears on having to listen to the that "I Wanna Be A Billionaire" song 5,402 (or an actual billion) times while we were traveling.
• What up, Oprah!
  
• Before I even unbuckled my seat belt when we got home, my oldest was in the house, up two sets of stairs and on the phone with his best friend.
• Before I got my leg out of the car, he was back asking if we could drive him to said best friend's house 14 minutes away. This after he'd complained and sighed his way through being in a car for 7 hours.
• Air travel has to be better than car travel with my family.
  
• Although portable DVD players are the shiz, yo!
  
• Ten minutes after we got home, the phone rang for my youngest but he was already gone to another friends house.
• Basically, my kids got a ticker tape parade upon arriving home, like they're astronauts.
  
• We learned about astronauts during a trip to the Adler Planetarium. Well, I learned about astronauts. Unlike my family, I like to stop and read about the various displays. Call me crazy!
  
• P.S. - no one has called for me (crazy or otherwise) yet. We've been home five days.
  
• "War" by Sebastian Junger isn't the lightest drive time read you could choose.
• Negative - My husband got to continue his vacation on Monday while I went back to work. Pro - While I was at work, he took the boys to Chuck E. Cheese and I didn't have to go!
  
• My kids ran around the Holiday Inn like they were freakin' Zack and Cody at the Tipton. That was just about as annoying as the actual Zack and Cody.
  
• My husband and I accidentally dressed alike on three of our vacation days. We didn't realize this faux pas, of course, thanks to our separate rooms. Not awesome. We were one day away from a fanny pack.
  
• We got gas bombed by a dude who got off the elevator two floors before us. I was this close to scratching a goodbye note on the walls before the doors finally opened and we all fell out and crumpled to the floor.
  
• We'd driven 40 miles before I finally abandoned all hope someone would say "That's what she said!" after I'd tossed a bag into the trunk and said "I don't want this giant thing between my legs for seven hours!"
• Speaking of my legs, they are strong like bull after walking the entirety of Chicago. My spirit, however, is crushed after walking the entirety of Chicago with two kids who only wanted to know when they could eat again and to remind me of just how tired they were. "Listen," I said. "You didn't stay up late watching HBO's Taxi Cab Confessions, so just zip it!"
• I also lost a tremendous amount of sleep on Day 3 because I dreamed of bed bugs most of the night.
• My scalp is still burned more than five days later. You could drive a Mars rover around up there and not know the difference between me and the red planet...which I learned more about at the planetarium. I did. Not my family, though.
• Dude, seriously, if I see another museum or anything remotely resembling a museum for awhile, it will still be too soon.
• Chicago, your pizza is made of fairy dust, angel's wishes, and the bright cheeriness of a child's smile, but sweet heaven, that's some serious cheese! It's way more cheese than my colon should be near. I needed a safe word after eating just one piece!
• Nice try, Sky Deck. You nearly got me to go completely out upon your 4 X 4 glassy box of (possible) death, but I realized what was happening before it could have been too late. You are a formidable foe, but this round goes to me.
  
• I can get Chicago souvenir cheaper on Iowa...so I did. Shhhh. Don't tell my kids!
• Whoa oh oh oh sweet bed of myyyy-eeee-iiine!
• "Heh...Wacker Drive...heh!" giggled Seth, my inner 13 year old boy (who should be celebrating a birthday soon) In fact, Seth found it hard NOT to giggle.
  
• P.S. - 'Found it hard'? Perfect place for a "That's what she said!" Take a note, Tool Man!
• Obviously, I need to get out more.

I choose to believe this is the dried blood of a previous occupant of my hotel room, and not the sauce of a delicious Chicago-style pizza left here as a reminder from said previous tenant as he or she searched the channel guide for the more adult fare on the hotel's television. It made things more exciting to think that.