...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Friday, October 27, 2006

'took her bowlin' in the arcade. we went strollin', drank lemonade'

i don't often hear my married friends 'fess up to what i'm about to, so i've got to wonder if i'm alone in this thinking.

i miss dating.

this confession comes to you from a person whose dating experience includes a guy who told me, and i quote (because you don't forget poetry like this), "i just want grab onto them hooters you got!" before he climbed atop a light post at the amusement park we were visiting and pretended to shoot people.

it was our first date. tempted as i was, trust there was no second.

when my married friends and i discuss with our single friends what they perceive to be the hassles of the dating world, i have to say it makes me a bit jealous. sure, dating is nerve wracking. full of pressure. loaded with uncertainties. the opportunity for failure can sometimes far outweigh success.

but i crave a little uncertainty. hell, who am i kidding. i'd like to tear the wrapper off uncertainty and inhale it, roll around a bit in the muck of it.

i rather think marriage is the 'sure thing' in life you're led to believe you want. is it all bad? of course not. but sometimes, maybe, do you wonder if you're so sure about this 'sure thing' after you get it?

or is that just me?

marriage is fine. i'm not knocking it considering i subscribe to the principles of it. there's the security of knowing someone's got your back, who will hopefully stand up for and encourage you no matter what your whims, and will hopefully not bitch too much when you offer up cereal again for supper and "accidentally" delete their recording of 'supernatural' because you need to catch this week's 'grey's anatomy" airing at the same time.

(btw...you've just entered my house after reading the above...wipe your feet, help yourselves to seconds of the froot loops, and please wait for patrick dempsey to finish talking before speaking to me. unless you got something i crave, then prepare to get mucked).

as secure as an enriching marriage can be, it can also make you complacent. i realize that's a broad statement. not everyone feels that way, or if they do, they don't say it to their closest friends and least of all to their spouse. in my bouts of complacency, i miss the wonderment of not knowing what's going to happen next that i felt when i was single and dating. the planning that goes into the creation of what you hope will be a really great date. wondering if what you feel for the other person is potential chemistry or just the aftermath of the burger you shared before going out.

i miss being nervous, and how it feels when you meet someone for the first time. of being so taken by another person that you know without a doubt you're going to be calling them from the car as you drive home from that date, hoping for another opportunity.

the first kiss from a new person is such a barometer of things. i miss that. i miss the need to just touch the other person. push a strand of hair away, brush something off their shoulder. accidently and on purpose ensure that at some point before the night is out, bodies are entwined and you could care less two days have passed.

in a way, i also miss the breakups. the carthartic crying (should it be merited, of course), the playing of mix tapes filled with songs that most certainly had to have been written about your perfect love (i'm still trying to figure out what queensryche's 'silent lucidity' had to do with a past relationship). dissecting it with your friends who will side with you, and then getting up and trying all over again.

we talk about dating, my husband and I. dating each other, that is. all the parenting magazines encourage it. women's publications advocate for it. "keep connected!" "fall in love all over again!" not impossible, probably, but not always easy. we try, of course, but the things i miss about dating aren't ever really there. you don't get the 'first time' feeling ever again, and the anticipation i think i feel when we have some 'grand plan' could really just be chalked up to the giddiness that washes over me when i realize i get a night away from the kids.

we aren't exploring each other any more because we know what causes the other to tick, be elated or push them over the brink. and it's nearly a guarantee i'm going to put out when we do date because, you know, no kids and all. so the mystery there is not that high!

i know it's hard, this dating game. all of my married friends nearly cheer 'thank god i don't have to do that again!' but i ponder it (obviously), even if faced with the idea of a guy so rightly enamored with my hooters and a strange way of showing off his fondness for high powered weaponry.

maybe it is a silly thing to miss, but whatever. i do.

and by the way...i'm free friday night.


Blogger Cherrie said...

So then why don't you date? Other people?

We do. It's fun. Of course, our kids are grown, so if we end up at the other person's place, c'est la vie.

I'm going to a party tomorrow night. Want to come? Lots of horny theater people . . .

Friday, October 27, 2006 1:20:00 AM  
Blogger Nanette said...

I can totally understand where you are coming from--I have not yet reached this phase in my life yet, although I'm sure I could easily. Right now, I'm fairly content--fantasy/role play in marriage for me is enough to give me that butterfly first time feeling you describe.

Maybe you could try swinging, like Cherrie suggested.....hmmmm

And here I thought we were going to watch movies on Friday, oh well, maybe next week!

Summer dreams, ripped at the seams, but, oh---those summer nights!

Friday, October 27, 2006 2:51:00 AM  
Blogger Edtime Stories said...

well I know the feeling, as a big flirt I love that interaction. Check out itthelittlethings blog about monogomy today.

Friday, October 27, 2006 7:22:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are so not a lone. Why do you thinkn there are so many married people in the chat rooms. It's not just about jerking off in front of a pc monitor, it's about all those things you wrote about. having never really been in the dating scene I wondered for years what I was missing.

Friday, October 27, 2006 9:21:00 AM  
Blogger James Scolari said...

ach, the grass is always greener.

remember also the awful table manners, that sinking feeling of wondering how long you were going to have to listen to that person's shit before you could get away, the jockeying for a credible excuse to never see or speak to that gross person again?

remember that sinking feeling that maybe this time it was you who was the gross person? that notion that no matter how cool or charming you might be, you just weren't that person's cup of tea? or ew, remember the bad sex? the "omg, how many showers will it take to get this person's essence off me?"

remember the friday night when you felt you were at the top of your game, and had nobody to share you with? remember then going crusing in that desperate way that guaranteed you'd find nobody decent?

ah, maybe not. maybe all that was just me.

Friday, October 27, 2006 7:45:00 PM  
Blogger Biscuit said...

I'm just going to nod my head here...

Saturday, October 28, 2006 4:44:00 PM  
Blogger Kelly said...

I think we always want what we don't have. Maybe after you've been married a while, you start to feel like you'll never get to have that first-time feeling again (at least, not within the rules of a traditional marriage), and suddendly it's consuming. It's the will-'o-the-wisp that tempts you astray. I don't exactly know what you're going through (for which I'm glad), but I think I can understand it. The question is this: How do you construct a date with your husband, whom you've known intimately for years and who, as far as you know, holds no surprises for you -- construct a date with this man that gives you that butterfly feeling, the sense of uncertainty, the hope-fear-excitement of a first date that's going really, really well?

There must be a way.

Saturday, October 28, 2006 10:02:00 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home