...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Monday, February 05, 2007

so here's the rub...

"so..." my friend drawled out as we got in the car. "didja get naked?"

"damn right i got naked," i cheered. "girl, i was doffing clothes before the door latched."

"no!" she screamed, looking at me with a mix of glee and disbelief. "you did not get naked!"

"honey, listen," i replied. "i shaved my legs for this. i shaved lots of things for this. if you think i wasn't going to take it to its origins, you're sadly mistaken, my friend. if i'm going to let someone i just met seduce me with their gentle voice and promises of hot bags, then i'm in. it's all access."

"besides," i continued as we left the massage therapy school. "i believe the proper term for it is 'getting comfortable.'

i got so comfortable, in fact, that i believe losing my massage virginity this past saturday has put me on the path to being an utter massage whore. good heavens, whoever invented the practice of allowing another person to put you face down on a table so they could run their slippery hands all over your "as comfortable as you wish" body should be awarded a humanitarian prize. a gold-plated lotion holster, perhaps.

i'd even forgive them the apparent massage therapist code that states crazy ass 'atmospheric' music (or worse...enya!) must be played while the rubbing commences.

you may recall that i got together this weekend with some girlfriends. our plan was to "debrief and detox" our way through the two days we were together, and on the agenda was massages. not being one to stand in the way of order, i totally debriefed when my massage therapist stepped around the counter and called my name.

ok, not immediately. i waited until she took me in the back, plied me with chocolates, asked me what my expectations of a massage were, and told me she'd only touch my butt if i asked her to before i dropped my panties.

yes, i gave up my massage innocence to a woman, and nothing could have made me happier.

wait! something did make me happier, actually. when she referred to my ass as my "back porch," that made me happy. happy like a giggly school girl. i've never in my life heard an ass referred to as such, and now i'm totally planning on seducing my husband on valentine's day with that label alone. i've already been jotting down porch references to be prepared. it'll work. it really doesn't take much.

but back to the woman. vicky. sweet as can be, like a grandma. that should probably be creepy, because she could have easily been my grandma, but i tried not to think too much about that as she was getting ready to work on my back porch.

the woman was magic! of course, i have no basis of comparison, but if all massages are as good as the one i got on saturday, then i'm sad i've gone this far in life and not ever had one. cripes, my husband won't even rub my feet! not even when i put them on his back porch and playfully ask. vicky politely and gently talked me through the process and coached me on how to breath as she reached some insanely tense spots in my back and shoulders. if kissing her wouldn't have been frowned upon and resulted in the immediate cessation of the massage, i'd have sat right up and planted one on her for taking away the stress of my life in the 90 glorious minutes we shared together.

after 45 minutes totally devoted to the back side of my body, vicky got me in place to attend to the front and within minutes, i was asleep. seriously. not that deep rapid eye movement kind of sleep, but that gentle, light sleep where your brain tells you you're this close to going totally under, but it's impossible to pull yourself fully back out. i caught myself damn near purring like a kitten a couple of times. after another 45 minutes of bliss (i assume. seriously, i was on a different zone), grandma vicky actually had to give me a little shake to let me know our time together was up.

so like the first time i had sex, now that i've gotten a little taste of what this good life is all about, i'm totally wanting to be all over it. if i could find a way to swing the $45 for each 90 minute session, i'd be exclusive with vicky every couple of weeks.

kind of like the first time i had sex, actually.

but without the part where money was exchanged. and the part where it was with a woman.

"i still can't believe you took off all your clothes," my friend continued as we drove off, enroute to go get facials (where i kept my clothes on. except for my shirt and bra. for some reason, they got talked off me for that). "didn'tcha feel all weird and stuff?"

"not at all," i countered. "and honey, remember. i know you. you got naked for a lot less than a back rub back in the day. i believe you also called it 'getting comfortable.'"


Blogger The Savage said...

Some massages are better than others.... well more to the point.. some people are better at giving massages than others....
and there are a few different kinds of massages... different schools of thought as it were...

Normally I have something witty... somehow I switched to informative... weird...

Monday, February 05, 2007 4:15:00 AM  
Blogger Satan said...

I don't mind the Enya, it's the rushing water and electronically reproduced bird songs that are really irritating.

Monday, February 05, 2007 8:14:00 AM  
Blogger Nanette said...

Love this one!


If I were rich...I'd have a full time masseuse for sure!

Monday, February 05, 2007 9:27:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am one of those weird people who does not enjoy the casual back rub so I wonder how I would respond to what you described,. You do make it sound inviting I must admit. Glad you had a good time.

Monday, February 05, 2007 9:53:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

Geez. I was getting all comfortable and relaxed just reading this. But I have to say, you really killed the eroticism of this post when you said your massage therapist was like a grandma. Can you go back and edit that to make her more like, oh, say, late 20s, dark blonde hair, killer rack? Maybe topless?

No? Oh well, I tried.

And what's with the price? Only $45 for a 90 minute massage? Geez, I'd be all over that. This isn't some back-alley operation, is it?

I've only had two "paid" massages, and one was from a dude. But I'd totally take off all my clothes for Vicky.

Monday, February 05, 2007 10:00:00 AM  
Blogger Confused Husband said...

Oh yes the lovely art of massage. Aren't they just great? I know exactly what your talking about when you saying you fell asleep but not in the deep sleep. I do it all the time. But it don't matter to me front or back. Especially when Summer get's to my "back porch". For some reason that instantly puts me to sleep.

$45 for 90 minutes is cheap! That's what my wife charges for 50 minutes. If you ent to a massage school for your massage that's the way to go for cheap massages. The school Summer went to charged something like 30 for an hour.

Monday, February 05, 2007 10:32:00 AM  
Blogger Summer Rose said...

I'm pretty sure you have been hooked, lined and sinkered. That's what massage does to a person, relaxes every muscle in the body.

I don't wear anything while getting a massage, but that option is there for those who want to leave just their undergarments on.

Where ever you live, I'm sure you could find a school, that provides massages for the public.
S.R. C.M.T.

Monday, February 05, 2007 11:08:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great post again Fadkog. I can't believe you give this stuff away to us...


Monday, February 05, 2007 1:18:00 PM  
Blogger Kelly said...

So freakin' awesome. I want a massage like that!! Why is it that every time I go for a massage, I get a man? And not an attractive man -- a mousy, scrawny man with bad, oily hair. Takes all the fun out of it, I tell you. I want Grandma Vicky!!

Monday, February 05, 2007 10:01:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great post! The last (and only) massage I had was on our honeymoon. A couples massage at that. It was so incredible. Then afterward they put us both in the most awesome bubbly tub for two and served cold drinks. However, for the price you paid, I'm going to start searching for a local massage school! Wow what a tip.

Monday, February 05, 2007 10:48:00 PM  
Blogger Edtime Stories said...

massages is great... and though not licensced I have been trained to give them.... ;)

Tuesday, February 06, 2007 5:53:00 AM  
Blogger Cat said...

Great post, as usual. Now all I need is a massage...

Tuesday, February 06, 2007 1:51:00 PM  
Blogger you da mom! said...

i got a certificate for a massage and a facial for xmas and still haven't used it. it's one of those things i put off and when i finally get around to going, i wonder why the hell i don't do it more often!

Tuesday, February 06, 2007 2:08:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

savage - in many areas, i have little doubt you're a fountain of useful information...

satan - compared to the synthetic bird sounds accompanied by a steady electronic drum backbeat, i'd have opted for enya. or nose whistles. anything. especially when it got to the point it sounded like a aviary polka.

nanette - exactly! and a cook. hell...just make me oprah rich, but not actually oprah!

finished - i don't ever get a casual backrub, so this was like full on porn for me! look into it!

ftn - want i should hook you up at that price? the "dudes" there were sweet...in that "wow. i hope i don't get him" kind of way...that gust of air around 1:30 saturday afternoon? totally me breathing a sigh of relief when it was vicky talking about my back porch...

ch and summer - thanks for the visit! we were hooked up at a school, so that's probably why we got the insane price for that amount of time. plus, i'm not exactly presiding over my queendom in a metro area, so that has to help, too. i'm totally and insanely hooked on these!

lbp - here's me pondering setting up a paypal account now so you all can pay me for these! my motivation, of course, would be to charge $45 per entry, for obvious reasons. you're too kind!

kelly - oh, girl! you should have seen the very nice man my friend got that afternoon. the one you get must commute here on the weekends!

terry - get thee to the yellow pages and look for a massage therapy school immediately!

ed - these aren't those 'untrained, back alley' kind of massages, eh?

cat - you're too kind, too. seriously, i'm dropping hints and using the word "massage" a lot around my house now. "oh! did i say 'massage?' i meant to tell you he left a message. huh. silly me!"

youdamom - i gushed so much about this pampering day to my husband in hopes i get such a certificate for valentine's day. because it's saturday. because i cooked dinner last night. for whatever reason. the worm's on the hook. the dude will probably just keep swimming, though!

Tuesday, February 06, 2007 2:50:00 PM  
Blogger Ben said...

Soooo... where's the massage pictures missy? Laugh tomorrow. I've never had one of those before but heard they do the trick. Sounds like was just fine for you.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007 11:04:00 PM  
Blogger Therese in Heaven said...

I lost my massage virginity to an Asian man named David. It was amazing, and was a gift from my husband.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007 11:22:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

damn... only $45 for a 90 minute massage??? I need to find this place!

Monday, February 12, 2007 8:32:00 PM  

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