...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

'grab that cash with both hands & make a stash'

This afternoon, my youngest son and I were sitting on his bed, fishing coins from a near capacity quart-size Ziploc bag and dropping them into his blue Little Tykes piggy bank (which has a far better interest rate than my own lousy bank and gives out Dum Dum suckers). The coins were a gift from my son's grandpa. Either that or my kid handed him a scrawled stick up note, told Grandpa to give him all his money, and no one would get hurt, which, based on my son's desire to buy every wrestling action figure Target can stock, I'd not put that past him.

As we pulled the various coins from the bag, I quizzed him on the value of each, and we tried out various mathematical equations before feeding the piggy bank. Several minutes into our task, my son sighed loudly, then threw his tiny hands up into the air and proceeded to shake them out like he was in some hyper parade.

"My hands are very tired from doing this," he explained. "This job is making my hands very tired from all this money."

This job.

This job involved not actually having to do any work, and yet still allowed my son to pull in a far bigger paycheck than I will this week. Grandpa, Inc., is a leading manufacturer in spoiled children, and their non-taxing work environment makes it a great place to punch in and put the hours in.

"Mommy needs a job like this," I said. "I wish I had a job where I could drink all the orange pop I wanted and bank baggies of money without having to actually do any work!"

His eyes shining like the brand new quarters we found in his bag, my son looked at me with a grin and said, "You need to get yourself a Grandpa, Mommy. We can find you an old man to give you money!"

Assuming the only way I'd get money from an old man would involve either an inheritance or doing the sort of job I can't put my resume (And they don't call that a job for nothin', mister. Oh, and also, when I relayed this story to my husband later, he winked at me, patted around his wallet area, and told me he'd give me a raise. Get it? A raise? Yeah.), I assured my son that my financial portfolio was doing OK.

Then, when he wasn't looking, I pocketed 50 cents (parental commission), and we went downstairs and enjoyed our Dum Dums.

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Blogger 1blueshi1 said...

heHeHEE! remember that nothing on a man at your workplace should be pink & shiny!!!

Monday, June 23, 2008 7:16:00 AM  
Blogger Lipstick Jungle said...

Im so glad I came here for a little double e before getting ready for work! hehehehehehe

Your boy and my boy are very similar in their actions. I could totally see J doing the e.x.a.c.t. same thing!

So better views and free money, maybe I am not giving your southern state enough credit!

BTW, as I was posting I had a song in my head I was going to type up quickie, but then noticed you already had under labels. ;)

Monday, June 23, 2008 7:59:00 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

So Grandpas are the new Sugar Daddies? I need a job at Grandpa, Inc. too.

Monday, June 23, 2008 9:01:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...


Monday, June 23, 2008 10:12:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

Now I feel bad about my last comment. I didn't mean it, baby. You'll take me back, won't you?

Monday, June 23, 2008 10:18:00 AM  
Blogger Bee said...

BWAHAHAHA! He told you to find an old dude! Out of the mouths of babes!

I get an allowance every week from the hubs.
I know it sounds way old fashioned but I do have a serious addiction to spending all money that was ever made and even the future money that hasn’t been made yet.

I once asked for a raise and he said “sure! I just need you to do a little extra somethin’ somethin’ for me every week.”

My response “Honey, I used to charge big bucks for that and you don’t have enough dough to keep it up on a weekly basis.”

I just don’t know why he got mad.

Monday, June 23, 2008 10:26:00 AM  
Blogger Eternal Sunshine said...

Kids are such mercenaries, aren't they? I promised my little ones two dollars each for getting stickers every day of the last week of school, and my six year old followed me around for a week (I never carry cash, OK??) asking for his two dollars. I thought I was in a John Cusack movie for a while there... Whew!!

Monday, June 23, 2008 10:53:00 AM  
Blogger Eternal Sunshine said...

Oh - and have you noticed that four of your last five posts started with the letter G?

Just wondering...

Monday, June 23, 2008 10:55:00 AM  
Blogger Bijoux said...

I've been known to pocket my kids' money when it ends up in the washer or dryer. I call it my "tip."

So, whatcha gonna do with your 50 cents??

Monday, June 23, 2008 11:02:00 AM  
Blogger Choppzs said...

Your son is going to find you a sugar daddy! lol One with lots of money and lots of dum dums!

I love dum dums!

Monday, June 23, 2008 11:55:00 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

OMG stealing from your son. ;) Nice to hear about the two of you bonding.

Monday, June 23, 2008 2:46:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you're into meme's I've tagged you for one. Stop by http://chexmate.blogspot.com/ for details.

Hoo Dee Hoo!

Monday, June 23, 2008 3:40:00 PM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

tell lil man i want a grandpa too.

i'm gettin tired of workin for the man.

Monday, June 23, 2008 6:15:00 PM  
Blogger Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Is your son trying to pimp you out? What a player!!

Hallie :)

Monday, June 23, 2008 7:30:00 PM  
Blogger Meg said...

My father and father in law are both shareholders in Grandpa Inc. and are happily sticking with the mission statement of spoiling the kids.

I wish someone would show up with a big bag of coins for me.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008 12:27:00 AM  
Blogger Edtime Stories said...

What amazes me is the no one said they are taking applications....

Stealing $.50 is funny, but it made me realize that the c with a slash cents sign is no longer on the keyboard. When did that disappear?

Tuesday, June 24, 2008 6:32:00 AM  
Blogger The Maid said...

I am cracking up here...

I often take the first bite of my kids french fries or ice cream and tell them that it is my "mom tax."

You tell lil man to render to Caesar that which is Caesars...or give him a note that says..."give me all your money..."


You are too funny.
The Maid

Tuesday, June 24, 2008 10:28:00 AM  
Blogger Me said...

Wouldn't we all love that kind of job!!

I had to pull $2 from Sweets piggy bank last week. How sad is that???

Tuesday, June 24, 2008 10:35:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

I had to laugh at Becky. . . We have the 'Daddy Tax' at our house. . .

Tuesday, June 24, 2008 12:11:00 PM  
Blogger Phyllis Renée said...

We can find you and old man to give you money.

I'm picturing you at the store in the Depends aisle and some old fart standing in front of you saying, "Sure, honey, I got some money for ya. Just reach down into my pocket and grab whatever you can find."


Tuesday, June 24, 2008 12:36:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy said...

Too funny! I can't get a mental image of a dirty old man propositioning you out of my head.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008 12:53:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

1blueshi1 - I'd have to get paid a hell of a lot to work in an environment with pink and shiny things all over the place!

lori - It's like a utopia in this most magical southern state!

Chag - I'll put a word in with Human Resources. New incentive program says if they hire someone I recommend, I get a free gift card!

ftn - Only for you, baby. Only for you.

ftn - I can't quit you, baby. You can't quit me. We're toxic. Come 'ere, you.

Bee - For a moment, there was a fleeting idea that I might have to polish up my resume, for I never have any money. Ever. But who wants a six year old for a pimp?

Melody - As soon as I saw the $2 thing in your comment, I crossed my fingers and thought, "Please, please, please! Make sure she refences 'Better Off Dead' in this comment!!" If I had $2, I'd give it to you just for that!

Melody - Ha! I had no idea! I wonder if I could figure out how to get sponsorship money from the letter G!

Cocotte - I always pocket the coins from the washer and dryer. I also pocket the coins I find on the sales floor at work. I figure all those pennies are going to take really good care of me in my old age! Alas, I can't do much with 50 cents. I blew it all no a 32 ounce Diet Mt. Dew at the Kum and Go.

Choppzs - I'd be willing to let an old man take care of me for an endless supply of Dum Dums. Especially the chocolate ones!

Mike - Shhhh! It isn't the first time I've stolen from him! I prefer to call it a loan, however!

Chex - I'll see what I can do sometime!

kimmy - I want an especially nice grandpa. I'd even consider a very kind grandma. I'll be a reference for you!

WWoW - I'm pretty proud of the pimptastical nature of my boys!

Madwoman - Every day I check my mailbox for a big bag of coins. So far, nothing!

Ed - The fact that no one has applied to take care of me apparenty means my male readership skews young and poor. Dang it!

Becky - I'm mad for anyone who references Shakespeare, therefore, I am mad for you! I must add, also, that sometimes I am not too funny. Sometimes I'm just sorta funny. A lot of times, I am very lame. But thank you!

Wethyb - As sad as the time I borrowed $4 from my oldest to get i don't know what now! There is still a little IOU note tucked in my bill caddy.

Des - I never thought of taking the french fries that conveniently fell out of the bag or what have you as a "mommy tax." More like I was being their official food testers. However, for all the things I do for them, I can see the benefit of implimenting a Mommy Tax around here. Maybe even a Wife Tax.

Phyllis - That scenario is why I am always cautious when planning my shopping route through Target!

Mandy - I hope the dirty old man in your mental image at least has a few redeeming qualities about him that makes that scenario less ugly!

Tuesday, June 24, 2008 2:34:00 PM  
Blogger Michael said...

You need to start your own bank, First National Bank of Mommy. Then you just USE your kids cash until some future time when they need it. Of course, there are normally fees and penalties if they want to take money out of the fund early.

Worst case, you can always just embezzle all the funds and make a run for it... ;-)

Tuesday, June 24, 2008 6:06:00 PM  
Blogger That girl from Shallotte said...

Awwww, yeeahhh... that boy is stone pimpin'... hands getting tired from counting money, telling the old lady to find an old man...

My fave yet, sistah!

Tuesday, June 24, 2008 7:36:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Michael - I've tried to make my kids buy into the idea that is "what's mine is yours and vice versa" has, to date, been a tough sell. I think I just need to start skimming off the top of the cash pile!

That girl - Kid is a hardcore biddness man. Rollin' with an entourage. I've got my hands full with this one!

Wednesday, June 25, 2008 12:24:00 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

LOL We have the "asshole" tax at my house. It applies to everything from taking extra napkins at a fast food restaurant to taking my husband's change. Don't be an asshole, or you have to pay. Haha. Am I funny or what?

Thursday, June 26, 2008 7:42:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

heather - you are equal parts hilarious AND practical!

Friday, June 27, 2008 12:34:00 AM  

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