...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Friday, August 08, 2008

'you actin' kinda shady, ain't callin' me baby, better say my name'

So the other day, I'm at the YMCA swimming pool with the boys. While they swam in the mysteriously warm waters of the cement pond, I sat out to keep one eye on them and the other on the year old copy of Self magazine I was carelessly flipping through.

I know what you're thinking. "A year old issue? Don't you think it's about time to let go of the past and move on?" People, I still have semi-regular contact with an old boyfriend, so randomly tossing an old issue of Real Simple in the recycling bin would be nothing short of traumatic to me. Call me quirky. Perhaps dependent. Either works.

Anyway, I'm watching and reading, reading and watching, when I sense a presence near me. My boys have started watching all those ghost hunting and scare me stupid shows, so my first inclination is to feel a bit paranoid by this sense of doom I'm having. Steeling my nerves, I dog-ear the Self article on acting upon one's sexual fantasies (FYI - Mine don't all involve my old boyfriend. Maybe two) to look around for zombies or ghostly figures, I hear "Hey! How are you!?" and glance up to see an older man standing in front of me, dripping with what was either that gooey crap Carol Ann came back to her family covered in in Poltergeist or the remnants of that mysteriously warm pool water.

(sidebar - Backpacking Dad? If Poltergeist shows up on TV one of these days, is it a date? Call me, yeah?)

I smile and respond to the hulking gentleman, who by now has placed a tiny towel down beside me on the bench and has shoved over to see what I'm reading. "Hmmmm. Interesting," he says, and I avoid eye contact for a moment, for, while I'm perhaps intrigued at the thought, I don't truly wish to know this person's sexual fantasies. Those kind of things are best shared with a loving partner. And sometimes the Internet. I looked around, but I didn't see either option there at that time.

From there, the man engaged me in a rapid fire conversation about kids, his gout, the weather, his time in the military, and how hot I am. OK, not really that last one, but seriously, they keep the pool area at the YMCA just a tad under 'surface of the sun' hot, and I was becoming increasingly crestfallen the longer I sat there. Between each topic, the man would ask my name, then use it as a transition into the next phase of our conversation. Now, I like my name, but at about the 40 minute mark in our conversation, I was to the point where I was ready to invoke the playground rebuttal of "That's my name! Don't wear it out!" but the dude never seemed to take a breath before introducing the next topic of conversation, thus depriving me of the chance to figure out how I might then be able to zing him with the bonus "Take a picture, it'll last longer!"

More than an HOUR LATER (!!!!) (I'm super nice, people. Also, I'm a former reporter, so when I felt like we were losing our connection, I was right there in the game with follow up questions!), I stand up, stretch, and call out to my boys to come gather up so we can go home.

"What's your name again?" My new friend asked. I glance back at him, my face conveying a full on look of "Are you kidding me with that question? You've just spent the last hour plus saying my name with such affection I was beginning to think you wanted to marry it, and now you're playing fickle with me?"

So I told him again, smiled, tucked the unfinished, year-old Self - now a day older - back in my bag for the next time, and thanked him for spending his afternoon with me. He reached for my hand, said my name AGAIN, and closed our day with "I never forget a name, INSERT MY NAME HERE. Especially those of such pretty girls, INSERT MY NAME HERE. Now, I may not remember it the next time we meet, INSERT MY NAME HERE, but believe me, I never forget a name, YOU KNOW THE DRILL BY NOW."

I stood there, smiling, wanting my hand back, and thinking, "Really? You already forgot my name, even though you used it nonstop. Also, I believe not remembering my name the next time we meet, then following up that declaration by insisting you never forget a name constitutes a FAIL!"

I've been back to the pool a few times since this encounter, and between flipping my magazine pages, I've scanned the place for my new friend, but he's not been there at the same time I have. My guess is he's seen me sitting there, then dashed out quickly because he can't recall who I am. That would also be kind of like how I approached this blog post. I had some idea in mind for it when I sat down to write, but before I could blow the embers of that idea and watch it spark into a blazing post, I was bombarded by the use of my other name.

"Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!"

Yep, it's going to be a good day, my friends.

Oh, it is actually going to be a good weekend. Tonight, my Tool Man and I are ditching the kids (perhaps in a real ditch!), and attending a wedding, where I anticipate doing the Cha Cha Slide with a few of my coworkers. Then, on Saturday, I'm running away with my first real pretend boyfriend because it's the moment I've been waiting for - THE RICK SPRINGFIELD CONCERT! Tool Man has again blessed the never-ending, burning union between Rick and me.

I'll cap my weekend on Sunday by observing the Sabbath. Oh, and also doing something special to recognize National Duran Duran Appreciation Day! I plan to slather on a lot of make-up, ala 80s era Duran, blow the dust off my old grey fedora, and learn to play keyboards. Then kiss my posters of Simon and John. I 'heart' you, Simon and John!

(Yes, and you, too, Rick!)

In conclusion, blame the dude at the pool - whose name, I should point out, I never got! - for my lack of blog topic focus today. Also, you in the back? I know you weren't thinking about the fact I was reading a year old magazine. You were wondering what kind of swimsuit I was wearing. Sorry. It was a one-piece. Maybe next time. Now, all of you leave me some love (especially all of you who come here and bail! I had well over 200 visits the other day, but some of you must be shy. Don't be. I'm nice. And I have brownies. With stick figures of Simon, John, Nick, Roger, and Andy stuck in them, but we can cut around them), and have a good weekend.

video: ABBA's The Name Of The Game. Because I like to pound on my themes AND my obsessions head on!



Blogger Kevin McKeever said...

You should have just ripped the address label off your Self mag and handed it to the old guy. That way, he can swing by any time and ask you your name in person. Happy Rick!

Friday, August 08, 2008 10:33:00 AM  
Blogger Bee said...


Friday, August 08, 2008 10:46:00 AM  
Blogger Bee said...

I hate it when people come up to me and make small talk.
I swear I’m a weirdo magnet so that makes it worse. My question to you is, did he have soft hands?? ::shiver::

I too am in a "it's a great effin' day and it will be a great effin' weekend if it kills me!" kinda mood.

Have fun! :o)

Friday, August 08, 2008 10:54:00 AM  
Blogger Rug's Bug said...

Have a fantastic weekend! I'd like to ditch, or leave in a ditch, my kids this weekend. I'm joking. Sort of.

Umm and the pool guy? Yeah, that would freak me out. I would've dragged my kids out of the pool and made some excuse to go home. You are too nice to carry on for 1 hour.

Friday, August 08, 2008 11:01:00 AM  
Blogger Eternal Sunshine said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

Friday, August 08, 2008 11:17:00 AM  
Blogger Eternal Sunshine said...

I'm all a flitter /a flutter / atwitter??? whatever over the Duran Duran celebration.

A party is in order. On the menu:

Notorious Nachos
Girls on Film Guacamole
Hungry Like the Wolf Hummus
Ordinary World H'ors d'oeuvres
Electric Barbarella Lemonade
New Moon on Monday Potatoes
The Reflex Rum & Coke.

You're invited!!!

Friday, August 08, 2008 11:18:00 AM  
Blogger Madame Queen said...

Okay, you called me out. I've been visiting from Stay At Home Mom Going Quickly Insane. I kept seeing you on all these other sites and I'm not sure why I never visited your site. So then I did. And now I'm hooked.

Friday, August 08, 2008 11:44:00 AM  
Blogger Choppzs said...

I am finally commenting...can I have a brownie now please??? lol

Friday, August 08, 2008 12:46:00 PM  
Blogger Alice said...

You are much braver than me. I don't talk with strangers. As soon as he parked it, I would have been up and outta there with my kids. Folks just creep me out.

Have fun at your concert!

My word verif. is 'ivbag'.


Friday, August 08, 2008 12:52:00 PM  
Blogger Laura B. said...

Ugh...I am SO NOT a small talk kind of person, especially if I don't know you from Adam. I would have so had to have gotten up to to something...maybe spend an extended break in the bathroom....to get away from him at the 15 min mark. An hour, though! Ugh...kill me with a spoon. ;-)

Friday, August 08, 2008 12:58:00 PM  
Blogger Brian o vretanos said...

I'm not sure I could manage an hour non-stop, but here goes:

Only kidding. I'm quite shy, so I'd almost rather die than start a conversation with a stranger.

Maybe you should get a name-badge.

Friday, August 08, 2008 1:13:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Creepy older dude parks himself next to you - at a pool, in dripping bathing attire, with terrible "Little Children" implications all around - for more than an hour... and you managed to stay civil, friendly and engaged the entire time? Damn. I can't imagine dealing with more than 10 minutes of the same without finding some reason to excuse myself (e.g. "I need to go wash my phone now."). Which, unsurprisingly, tells us only that you're a much nicer person than I am.

Friday, August 08, 2008 1:29:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I recently got hit on in the LAX airport 'cantina' while attempting to get drunk on really bad merlot so I had the balls to board my flight. The guy, a good twenty years my elder, sits down next to me and says, "Hmmm... a wine girl. I like that!"

And I just tartly replied, "Yeah? That's all you got?"

Perhaps I should try and be nicer... Seems like you made that guy's day. Whatever your name is.

Friday, August 08, 2008 3:17:00 PM  
Blogger Nature Girl said...

I can't throw a magazine away either, it just about kills me. I'm gonna be one of those old ladies that when I die they'll have to weave around my house through a maze of magazine stacks decades old piled all around till they find my body.

On another note, I'm guessing your new friend has alzheimers and was taught to use peoples names over and over again in an effort not to forget them, but it's not working. I hate hearing my name over and over during the course of a conversation. I don't think I'd even like it if I LIKED my name, which I don't so to continuously use it like that would forever cement this person in my mind as one to be avoided at all costs!

I do love some duran duran..yeah baby! Love them.

Friday, August 08, 2008 3:30:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I knew you were nice when you played the silly photo game, but this is over the top! I'll talk to strangers for the variety, but not ones with the screaming creepy vibe at a place I'll frequent.

Now I need to go get my Duran Duran fix.

Friday, August 08, 2008 3:54:00 PM  
Blogger FTN said...

I had planned to post a link to some classic LOLCat FAIL! pictures. Sadly, my lack of initiative is shining through, because as you can see, I didn't.

You know, sometimes I want to go where everybody knows my name.

Where they're always glad I came.

That place, by the way, is NOT the pool at the Y.

Friday, August 08, 2008 4:05:00 PM  
Blogger Zip n Tizzy said...

You just reminded me to pull out a copy of Real Simple I haven't read...
Looks like we both have poltergeists on the mind... are you sure your new friend was "all there" if you know what I mean, or was he maybe a friendly ghost?

Friday, August 08, 2008 4:33:00 PM  
Blogger San Diego Momma said...

I'm sorry, what were you saying?
The inside of my legs are burning up JUST thinking about it.
Please bring back a lock of his hair. I'll send you my address.

Friday, August 08, 2008 4:40:00 PM  
Blogger The Savage said...

Firstly, I must say, "I lust you."

I do however know your name and say it quite often.... but with more of a Hannibal Lecter flair. "Hello (insert your name hear)."
This is more of my fantasy meeting with you. Then we'd go for something dynamically chocolate and I'd swith into my super flamer voice when The Tool Man showed up....

Abba Rocks! (saw Mama Mia a little while ago with my gal)

um.... errrr.... Did I mention I lust you?

Friday, August 08, 2008 5:29:00 PM  
Blogger TentCamper said...

sorry...it was me at the pool. I did not mean to make you feel wierd.

so...where do you live? can I get your number?

Friday, August 08, 2008 7:05:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I want in on that Poltergeist date. Can't have BPD move in on my woman.

I'll even say your name, over and over again, if you want me too. Heh.

Friday, August 08, 2008 7:22:00 PM  
Blogger 1blueshi1 said...

I had a creep on my phone at work the other day who kept referring to his "girl" at the local branch and how she "fucked up" his acct, etc etc, and calling me crappy insincere fakey names like sweetie and darling. At the end of the call I asked him, per our quality assurance guidelines, if there's anything else I can help him with. "Pay off my loan!" he prattles merrily. "Sorry, I'm not that sweet." I deadpanned back at him.
Surprise, surprise, he didn't have much of a sense of humor...hehehe...but I'm still laughing!

Friday, August 08, 2008 8:49:00 PM  
Blogger April said...

OMG! I had no idea it was national Duran Duran appreciation day! What kind of Duranny am I?? I am so gonna bust out my seven and the ragged tiger CD. (What the heck does that even mean?? Do you know??) Oh John, how I still heart you.

Friday, August 08, 2008 11:28:00 PM  
Blogger Backpacking Dad said...

Well, Poltergeist II is on Encore on Monday afternoon. I'm not sure if it's on a channel you get though, since it's Encore West (1:10pm PST).

Saturday, August 09, 2008 1:44:00 AM  
Blogger Nanette said...

(So jealous!!!!!!!)

"Hey baby, those floatation devices?" At least he didn't use that one...

I wish you'd have changed your name every time he asked to really scramble his brain.

Saturday, August 09, 2008 4:57:00 AM  
Blogger Melissa said...

It feels like an invasion of personal space, that overuse of names. Say it when you meet me, when you say goodbye, and if you're trying to get my attention, but much more than that kind of creeps me out.

Saturday, August 09, 2008 6:57:00 AM  
Blogger Bijoux said...

I too have noticed that the elderly crowd is growing progressively more bold. What's up with that?

And is not John Taylor THE HOTTEST DUDE of the past? Makes me sweat just thinking about him.....

Saturday, August 09, 2008 8:11:00 AM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

omg. i hate people like that.
you shoulda faked a cough and told him you were highly contagious. or hit speed dial and called me. or even pretended to be talkin to no one. i do that sometimes so people won't talk to me.


Saturday, August 09, 2008 2:49:00 PM  
Blogger Biscuit said...

I don't care what kind of swimsuit you were wearing, as long as it emphasized your kickass rack. :)

I dreamed about you last night. No shit. I came to visit you, as did a few other bloggers who get a little girly boner from the FADKOG. The dream got interrupted, but we'll just assume that we wore skimpy jammies and had pillow fights.

I really not this creepy in person...

Saturday, August 09, 2008 8:20:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. I LOVE being called Honey, and dear, and sweetie...as long as you mean it as a term of endearment I am ok with that.

2. I am sorry that you had a shit Saturday...don't days like that suck? Here's hoping you have many more good things to write about...may I suggest seeing Mamma Mia, saw it yesterday and I smiled from beginning to end.

Sunday, August 10, 2008 4:46:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Always Home - Why did I not think of that fantastic idea?! Oh, yeah. Because I was creeped out! Super nice, but creeped.


Bee - His hands were chilly. Chilly and pruney and really inappropriate.

Rug - Yeah! Look who's here! I wanted to yank the boys and go, but I swear they jump in that pool and go instantly deaf to me. I can talk to strangers, usually, but I'm really (really) aware of personal space, and this dude was so not.

Sunshine - Oh, my! This is fantastic! I shall bring Wild Boys Wontons and Save a Prayer Pudding!

Madame Queen - Thanks for following the call! I hope to see you here again!

Choppzs - For you, honey, two! The corner pieces if you wish, too!

Alice - I never sit down next to anyone I don't know, especially at the pool!

Laura - THe small talk thing is probably the curse of my former reporting days. Who knew I'd still be using those skills!

Brian - A name badge! Another good idea. I should start wearing my work tag, complete with the skull and crossbones flanking my name. Think that may ward them off?!

Twobusy - I bet you could pull off nice. It was nice of you to give me my out for the next time something like this happens!

Undomestic Diva - So, are you a wine girl? I'm a wine girl. We could be wine girls together!

Stacie - We could magazine swap! Of course, I have to read my stacks first! The guy was a grandfather (!!) with two little granddaughters flitting 'round from time to time. I kept hoping of them would have to go to the bathroom, but alas, apparently not!

Jeanne - I'll make chit chat, and hope I know the limits. Not so sure I always manage it, though. I danced around to my Duran Duran today. Hope you did the same!

ftn - It probably doesn't trump locker room sex, I'll grant you that. But this way I don't think I'm risking a potential fungus...

Zip - He was totally there, and totally keeping me from reading the months and months of Summer 2007 Self I need to tear through!

San Diego Momma - I know, right?! HE WAS HOTTTTT!!!!!!!! Such a great show...sigh....swoon...sigh..

Savage - I can totally hear the use of my name in a Hannibal Lector styling. It would be even cooler if used to sing ABBA tracks!

Tentcamper - Come up and talk to me a few more times, and then we'll see where we are with the phone number, k?

Redneck Mommy - I want you and BPD to court me during our Poltergeist date, but I'm telling you now, if you whisper my name a lot directly in my ear, I'm so going off with you, baby!

1blueshi1 - You and I, I believe, are cut from the same cloth. I just hink you got the better bit of it!

April - I'd tune John's bass anyday. And I mean, I'd actually tune his actual bass if that's all he wanted me to do...heh!

BP Dad - Dammit! I don't get the pay channels! This thing with being poor and broke just irritates me, and clearly cuts down on my virtual dating. Dammit!

Nan - OH! Another great idea! And had he used the "c-word" with me regarding my floation devices, I'd have kicked his ass! (the concert was fabulous!!)

Melissa - When someone I don't know uses my name so much, I often get a bit confused, wondering when did I meet this person?!

Cocotte - If John Taylor, as someone older than me, wishes to be bold and chat me up for an hour or so, I'd be fine with that!

kimmy - Do you have any idea how irritated I am that I can't get cell service in the Y?! I'd have even faked a phone call, all "ring, ring! Oh! Did you hear that? My phone!"

Biscuit - RAWR! In your dreams?! Hell, yes! Also, I think pajamas and pillow fights is pretty much the industry standard when women get together, even in just our dreams! Ha!

Loudange - Only as an endearment, honey, only as an endearment! A lot of Saturday totally rocked, but there were those eye rolling, heavy sigh-inducing moments. Mamma Mia is on my list. We're playing the soundtrack at work, and heaven help me, I am often found in the graphic novel section, singing and dancing along!

Sunday, August 10, 2008 11:58:00 PM  
Blogger Sully Sullivan said...

Hey nice blog.

You're a saint by the way for putting up with that guy but I guess there wasn't really any way of giving him the slip. I guess you could have punched him in the head...

Monday, August 11, 2008 8:44:00 AM  
Blogger Bogart said...

Did he really say he never forgets a name?

Party foul!

Monday, August 11, 2008 8:47:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Ummmm. . . I promise it wasn't me. . .

Monday, August 11, 2008 9:24:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Sully - Ha! I'm really better with a roundhouse kick, but the pool deck was pretty slippery, and I didn't want to take the chance of falling! Thanks for stopping by!

Bogart - Totally did! I thought for sure he was yanking my chain, but nope. Super serious.

Des - It was the lack of hairiness that gave that away, mister!

Monday, August 11, 2008 12:03:00 PM  
Blogger Robin said...

Halleluah, another Rick lover! I am and forever will be in love with Rick Springfield. So much so that when I saw him about 7 (?) years ago, my friend and I broke through security, ran on stage and sang Love Is Alright Tonight with him. He wouldn't let security take us off so we sang the entire song. I then kissed him, let him sign my shirt and drip sweat all over it. Still have that shirt and will never wash it...

Tuesday, August 12, 2008 2:00:00 AM  
Blogger MsPicketToYou said...

ditch them in a real ditch.

i like you. you is funny.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008 7:55:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Robin - Get your Rick love over here! Let us celebrate his birthday this week in grand style. Let me not be jealous of how you kissed him and harbour his DNA! I'm heading over to your place as soon as I can! Thanks for coming here and singing along with me!

Ms Picket - ::blushes:: Thank you!

Sunday, August 17, 2008 11:33:00 PM  

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