...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Monday, December 01, 2008

(you drive me) crazy

So on Thursday, I had this totally awesome idea for a blog post, and I walked around my house most of Friday mapping it out in my head (because hell no, I didn't go shopping on the day after Thanksgiving, nor did I have to work my retail job, thanks to a little something I like to call "Don't Look The Manager Directly In The Eye When Asking For Time Off")(p.s. - if anyone asks, I was at my sister's in Missouri for the holiday, and seriously, have you tried her turkey because it is divine!).

Why not dive on the computer and just write on Friday? Good question. Logical. Straight-forward. I like that about you people. You don't mince words (or insert an insane number of parenthetical remarks as you stall through a blog post about nothing)(sorry about that...thanks for reading...love you...). Anyway, good question. My best answer is I don't remember much about Friday. I'd put my kids to bed Thursday night with the promise that I loved them and the threat that if they woke up at the beastly hour my Tool Man had set the alarm for, there would be a price to pay, so when they woke up at 6 a.m., Friday, and commenced bickering at 6:03 a.m., because THE TOUCHING!! DEAR GOD, THE TOUCHING!!, my brain cells poured out of my ears like a wound, and while I don't think my kids are to blame for the unexplained scratches all over my right hand, I do believe one day they will remember this past weekend as the time I went Crazy Britney and they found me huddled in a corner of our garage, crying, for real, because seriously, THE TOUCHING!! and because I may or may not have ignored their father when he called back after I may or may not have hung up the phone on him earlier and, yes, definitely, flung it across the room when he said he wasn't coming home until late Saturday and I had to have him repeat that last part because I couldn't hear so well because the boys were running through the house singing "Fat Bottomed Girls" and I was telling them to please be quiet and if they were singing that about me, AGAIN, they better rethink their performance.

YEAH! It's the holidays!

So that explains why you get this type of post today and not the clever, hilarious post that crossed my mind Thursday while I was basking in the warmth of Thanksgiving love extended by members of my immediate family and approximately 23 strangers and two dogs. I'm still riding a bit of the crazy train today, and yesterday, I think half the members of my church thought I was having a serious 'come to Jesus' moment, because I pretty much cried through half the service for no reason other than, wow, that drummer was really into worship, and good Lord, if Tool Man looks at me like that again, I will have no defense because this place is filled with witnesses...

So I figure I'll tell you how my deviled eggs turned out -


Want to know why? I emailed my Mom Wednesday morning to let her know I was in charge of bringing deviled eggs, and she immediately replied back that she had the best recipe for this tasty treat, and "Oh, you know what, why don't you just boil the eggs and bring them over and I'll make them Thursday morning before we go to your aunt's" (which, it should be noted, is not in Missouri, nor is my aunt actually code for "my sister's"). See what I did? I completely allowed her to step in without asking her to step in! Genius! Of course, this means I still have never made deviled eggs, but I figure there's always Christmas.

It also means I was also worried for nothing, because my Mom didn't even go on about how wolves must have raised me and not taught me a thing, so that was nice of her. However, as I departed her house Wednesday night after leaving my perfectly boiled eggs (ask me for my recipe - I seriously had to Google how to boil them!), she did say something to me that made me shake my head and mutter, "...and that's the reason why I was in therapy for two years," because wow, my Mom is awesome!

And so are her deviled eggs.

This post is boring. Being as how I'm still riding the fringes of Crazy Britney, here's where I'd either hit you with something or profess my love, but instead, I need to do a drunken dance up to the shower and get ready for work. I can't wait to burst into tears when some poor woman asks me for a picture book. Good times...

So how was your weekend, or, you know, whatever else you want to tell me?



Blogger The Stiletto Mom said...

No way...first??

Monday, December 01, 2008 9:40:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

See, now, at this point, it's almost worth it to keep your string goin', and try to make it all the way thru yer life without ever deviling an egg. . .

And the holiday bickering. . . My dear, I SO understand. . . And it would've been bad enough without a visit from Molly's "aunt" (finger-quotes optional. . .)

Monday, December 01, 2008 9:41:00 AM  
Blogger The Stiletto Mom said...

Despite a brief moment with tree decorating, mine were pretty amazing and continued their streak through yesterday. Which leads me to believe one of two things. 1) They are being secretly inhabited by aliens hoping to take over our planet with an army of cuteness or 2) Well...there is no number two. It has to be the aliens.

I totally know how you feel though...sometimes I lose it to the point that I hope they don't talk about whatever it was I just said in therapy years down the road...but they will.

My streak has to come to an end soon, this can't go on much longer.

Monday, December 01, 2008 9:46:00 AM  
Blogger ChurchPunkMom said...

how was my weekend? Friday, over coffee, my mother asked 'so, did you get any sleep between all the screaming??'

yeah, that about sums it up. i survived, and that's saying something considering we had to do so much driving yesterday..

Monday, December 01, 2008 9:55:00 AM  
Blogger Lipstick Jungle said...

See, I told you if you could boil eggs without turning them green you were already making damn good eggs (or something like that), but I didn't think I needed to include boiling instructions!

Wolves, or cougars, one of the two...

I am glad mom didn't rub your nose in the lack of culinary skills in all things deviled (eggs of course).

Im glad you made it back from your sisters in Missouri safely (bwahahahaha)!

And I love to insert all kinds of parenthetical remarks in my comments JUST FOR YOU!


Monday, December 01, 2008 9:55:00 AM  
Blogger Kat said...

You are so not allowed to go Crazy Britney before me. I just got told, on the way to the estate agents office no less, that we were not going to be able to sign the lease on our house today and that we would have to wait until tomorrow. I want my house already and I just used the "F" word in your comments. Have a better day today.

Monday, December 01, 2008 9:57:00 AM  
Blogger Kat said...

(almost used rather)...this just proves how shitty my day is going. I can't even comment correctly.

Monday, December 01, 2008 9:59:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmm... let's see...
1. Heater died Wednesday, can't order part until today (Monday).
2. Spent Thanksgiving day with just Munchkin and Da, who says, "Boy, this cooking Thanksgiving dinner business is hard work." (you would know this if you EVER tried to help in the past.)
3. Hubby is still at boot camp and couldn't call until Friday (which was his birthday, so you know at least it was a special day)
Yea, a little crazy.
Hope you're feeling better!

Monday, December 01, 2008 10:19:00 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

Thanksgiving was at my house this year - 26 total people. All in all in went well, which is quite a success for my nutty family.

You can die saying you've never deviled eggs. I plan to die being able to say I have never cut the grass. I want that on my tombstone.

Monday, December 01, 2008 10:24:00 AM  
Blogger Chasity said...

I spent the day in tears, which, surprisingly enough were not pms related. Why? Because I have no freeking clue. Does that count as Britney? Now that I think about it, I did briefly consider shaving my head when I was getting ready to go to the in-laws...

Monday, December 01, 2008 10:28:00 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

If it's not the touching, it's the looking. Then my head explodes. Good times had by all.

Monday, December 01, 2008 10:32:00 AM  
Blogger Biscuit said...

I make the world's most perfect boiled eggs. I was just instructing my husband yesterday and gloating over how perfect they were.

Off to google Fat Bottomed Girls...

Monday, December 01, 2008 10:35:00 AM  
Blogger Meg said...

Let's see, I worked Friday night and enjoyed the quiet which it turns out was just a sign of things to come. I spent the daytime hours of Saturday trying to decide how much pain could be inflicted if I chose to throw my husband out the bedroom window, then realized it would be decidedly more painful (for him) if I just withheld nookie. I was right.
Saturday night I was (as usual) inundated with drunken morons, miscreants and general run of the mill assholes. My Louisville Slugger nearly got its first work out.
And yesterday as I looked around my house and realized that it's a good thing I work night because dontcha know that's when the tornadoes rip through here, I thought that I could just be sitting quietly in a corner rocking back and forth humming "Another One Bites the Dust" and drinking vodka straight from my neighbour baby's sippy cup.

I have some hair clippers you can borrow if you'd like to partake in the ritual "crazy lady" hair shaving?!

Monday, December 01, 2008 10:44:00 AM  
Blogger Nature Girl said...

Every now and again you remind me how much I love you, even though I didn't really forget, you just kinda renew the thought you know?


Monday, December 01, 2008 10:55:00 AM  
Blogger Chat Blanc said...

embrace your inner crazy britney! hell, she's making a comeback now, you will too. and if there's a body count afterward just get a really good lawyer. :)

Monday, December 01, 2008 11:01:00 AM  
Blogger Bijoux said...

Sympathy on the early rising business at your house. We suffered through that for years. People would complain to me about their kids sleeping in till noon and I was always like, "and your problem with that is.......??"

Monday, December 01, 2008 11:01:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

After Thanksgiving first with my dad and his wife and family then my mom and her husband and her family, we went to my in-laws so I could be reminded once again how much of a sucktastic cook I am compared to my MIL and how I will never measure up to her. Awesome.

Monday, December 01, 2008 12:18:00 PM  
Blogger Phyllis RenĂ©e said...

Thursday everyone and their two dogs were at my house. Really. Hada a very good time with all four of my brothers.

Friday I did absolutely nothing! Laid on the couch and watched movies in between naps and RL's snoring in the recliner.

I cry in church all the time for no particular reason. That's why I don't go too much these days.

I'm glad your devilled eggs were awesome. And if you want, you can email me the recipe; I'm always looking for new recipes. Oh, and if you ever want to email me a cooking question instead of having to ask your Mom, that'd be ok. Cause, you know, I don't want you to have to go back into therapy.

Monday, December 01, 2008 12:21:00 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

you're not going to stop with the eggs til I go in the kitchen and make some and eat the entire plateful, are you? Dang, woman.

Monday, December 01, 2008 12:26:00 PM  
Blogger LarryLilly said...

I spent turkey day tiling the master bath, and if I dont get it done by mid month, SHMBO will be giving me hell.

enuf said.

Monday, December 01, 2008 12:47:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good Lord, woman, please don't tell me you shaved your head!!! Of course, if you did I would love you anyway, I just don't know if I would still want to run my finger up and down your arm.

Monday, December 01, 2008 1:18:00 PM  
Blogger Christina Lee said...

So what's your mom's recipe? Didn't write it down did ya?
Plan on using the same reverse psychology for next time? Taht was good! LOL!!!

Monday, December 01, 2008 1:22:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Boring? No. Hilarious? Yes.

My weekend was waaaaaaayyy dialed down on the crazy (Britney), and waaaaayyyy dialed up on sleeping. Every chance I got. Here's hoping for a more restive Holiday season for you...

Monday, December 01, 2008 1:50:00 PM  
Blogger Ali said...

how come when you think your post is boring it's kinda more entertaining than anything i could ever write??

ps. i've googled hot to boil eggs too. *sigh*

Monday, December 01, 2008 2:10:00 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Brain cells pouring out of your head like what?

Great, great, great line.

Monday, December 01, 2008 2:15:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I had to call my friend, who is graduating from the Culinary Institute of America this month, to find out how to hard boil eggs. So, you definately aren't the first to do that. And yay for your mom making them for you.

You're sons are lucky...I would've killed them. Do not mess with my sleep.

Monday, December 01, 2008 2:18:00 PM  
Blogger Backpacking Dad said...

I've started drinking Coke Zero in my office even though I hate Coke and always choose Pepsi.

Monday, December 01, 2008 2:41:00 PM  
Blogger FTN said...

This post was a veiled reminder that I keep forgetting to send you that recording of "Fat Bottomed Girls," wasn't it?

I thought your kids were far enough apart in age that they wouldn't be fighting so bad at 6 AM. Drat, there goes my doctoral thesis on sibling rivalry and fighting.

Monday, December 01, 2008 3:14:00 PM  
Blogger Eternal Sunshine said...

I love that song.

Still think deviled eggs should have pickled eggs, but I do not go as far as meat and other silly things...

We are always full up on crazy. The hubs had a touch of the PMS this weekend (Granted, he had good reason, but still...) so I may have been a teensy bit moodier than was absolutely necessary.

Monday, December 01, 2008 4:32:00 PM  
Blogger Zip n Tizzy said...

Perfectly good reasons, all, for going Brittany on us. Though, for your sake, I hope it doesn't last because it probably reads better than it feels. Know what I mean?

Now you know why you've never made a deviled egg... your mother LOVES to make them. It wasn't wolves that raised you, it was a devil egg hoarding mama!

Did she let you take the credit?

Monday, December 01, 2008 5:42:00 PM  
Blogger Shonda Little said...

Well, I hate deviled eggs and I'm glad you still haven't made those miserable sons a bitches.

Monday, December 01, 2008 5:48:00 PM  
Blogger kaila said...

Here is what I want to tell you.

1. My eggs were a huge hit (as ususal) and disappeared within 20 minutes. (all 36 of them)

2. I want to send my cousin (who thinks he is a master chef) to Hell's Kitchen so Gordon Ramsey can tell him to fuck off and put him in his place. 'Cuz seriously, dude, your cooking is not.that.good. (Thanks for the undercooked turkey and what the hell was in those potatos?)

3. My boobs itch.

Monday, December 01, 2008 6:06:00 PM  
Blogger Tuesday Girl said...

Wow, now I feel like I must make deviled eggs

Monday, December 01, 2008 6:22:00 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Congrats on the eggs. Don't go too crazy Britney on us. I'd hate to see all that beautiful hair gone.

Monday, December 01, 2008 6:48:00 PM  
Blogger DKC said...

I ate almost all of the deviled eggs at my MIL's. It was kind of pathetic.

The one and only time I made deviled eggs I had to look up how to hard boil them as well. And then I had to look it up again at Easter.

Sorry about the craziness. Here's hoping for a better week!

Monday, December 01, 2008 6:57:00 PM  
Blogger That girl from Shallotte said...

We all go crazy Britney from time to time. Smash all the SUVs with umbrellas your little heart desires, but don't touch your hair. You know how I feel about hair.

And about you, sweet girl.

Monday, December 01, 2008 7:21:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We had no kids and we did nothing. manicmariah is sick and I (don't laugh) threw my back out eating Thanksgiving dinner.

We did a good 20 loads of laundry, caught up on some recorded TV shows, cut firewood, ... uuuum ...oh yeah...BOTH of our cars broke down on the same day. now we are creeping around in the one that'kind of' works.
AND You have not followed me on Twitter yet!!!!!!!!! Just cuz I canged my name from TentCamper should not mean that you should not like me any more

Monday, December 01, 2008 7:39:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt Becky said...

If I had it my way, this year I'd cancel all things holiday related. So sick of it already.

Monday, December 01, 2008 7:50:00 PM  
Blogger Carolyn...Online said...

I hate to say this all out loud on the blog but... I think deviled eggs are NASTY. is that wrong?

Monday, December 01, 2008 7:54:00 PM  
Blogger Swirl Girl said...

Am I totally an ass for actually laughing at your misery?

Monday, December 01, 2008 10:38:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to teach my mother to cook, so no damn devilled eggs in my future.

And Britney crazy? I drank from that cooler on the weekend too.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008 1:31:00 AM  
Blogger Bogart said...

Ah parents...only they can affect you like that.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008 8:27:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love naked drunk dancing showering!!
Hope your days get better. I for one am happy the year is almost over. I have written and Ode to 2008 to be posted on 12/31 that will tell this year exactly how I feel and what it can do with itself.


Tuesday, December 02, 2008 8:52:00 AM  
Blogger Mary Ellen said...

Not boring! You can make anything funny. Which is a really cool skill.

You rock.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008 11:42:00 AM  
Blogger MereCat said...

I had nary a deviled egg this weekend. My MIL doesn't eat food so Thanksgiving was very lean. No gorging. So disappointed. Not even a pumpkin pie. Simply criminal.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008 2:03:00 PM  
Blogger San Diego Momma said...

I'm going through pre-menopause too.

Love you,

Tuesday, December 02, 2008 3:24:00 PM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

you obviously did NOT have enought vodka in the house.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008 5:16:00 PM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

and MY deviled eggs rocked. Except they gave everyone gas and they were farting all night long.


Tuesday, December 02, 2008 5:17:00 PM  
Blogger The Savage said...

There is a whole lotta nothing but lust from me!!!!!

Tuesday, December 02, 2008 7:50:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

I'll be back for all of you soon. I have plans to meet my youngest for lunch at school today (hamburgers...contain your jealousy) and have to get ready for my very cold, very snowy day.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008 8:53:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey... at least you didn't post your depressed poetry!

Wednesday, December 03, 2008 9:18:00 PM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

ask your mom how she peels the eggs without making them look all jacked will ya?

i totally made deviled eggs on thanksgiving at my moms and words can not describe how visually unappealing they were. thank goodness for mayo.

Saturday, December 06, 2008 6:18:00 PM  
Blogger Sherendipity said...

Crazy Britany is never boring.
Oh, how I've missed you.

Saturday, December 06, 2008 7:52:00 PM  

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