...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

pleased to meet you. hope you eat my eggs.

The list of things I have never done is rather diverse. I have never:
  • jumped out of an airplane
  • run with the bulls
  • swam in shark-infested waters
  • snorted cocaine off the rippled belly of a supermodel
  • sung in public
  • used the phrase "True dat!" in conversation (although I think I recently used it in a comment I left on someone elses blog, and if that's the case and that person found it either ironic and/or humorous, then I might consider incorporating it into actual conversation)
  • dined with royalty
  • broken a man's heart
  • pulled off a heist

Pretty diverse, eh? I know. I look at that list and think how amazing my life really is, even though I've never done any of those things. I do actually think I have broken a man's heart before, but the dude in question refuses to admit it, thinking it's cool to have this big strong man demeanor, but whatever. I believe he misses me, and really, sometimes what I make up in my head is all that matters.

Also on the list of things I've never done?

Deviled an egg!

But guess what! This morning, I have to do just that, and not just one egg. No. I have to devil 24 eggs for the Thanksgiving meal my family foisted itself upon. Have you ever Googled the recipe for deviled eggs? There are more than 2 million entries! My Tool Man (his heart - completely intact) looks up from one of the 2 million Facebook games he plays and says, "How hard can it be. Some mustard. Some mayo. There you go." Well, well, well. Check out the Iron Chef over there. However, have you ever tasted his recipe for Jell-O? I suggest you rub your distended belly and say you're full as you back away from the buffet line. Easiest thing to prepare in the world, and I've watched him get confused pondering the one cup hot, one cup cold guidelines.

So I'm on the hunt for a classic deviled egg recipe. I refuse to ask my Mom for her recipe, because she will make fun of me. I can hear her now. "You're 41 years old and you've never made deviled eggs? Who raised you? Wolves? Hell, I bet you can't even make Jell-O, can you?" To which I would respond, meekly, "I make Jell-O better than you, woman!" before running to my bedroom, slamming the door, and turning the volume on my stereo super loud so my Journey Escape album would drown out the sound of my tears.

Here's what I've learned while browsing a handful of the millions of recipes. Deviled eggs should not have meat, barbecue seasoning, pickles, or cheese in them. To all of you who think these would be a treat, I ask why? The thought alone makes me shudder. I simply want mustard, mayo, and maybe (if I remember to stop at the grocery store on my way home from work tonight) a sprinkling of paprika.

Actually, what I wouldn't mind is just having my Mom make them because her recipe is pretty damn good, but I refuse to admit defeat. Only so many tears you can cry, right Steve Perry? Sigh....

Right.

--------------------

Before I wish you all a happy Thanksgiving with your friends and family, I want to say here (because there are just so many wonderful comments below) that I thank each of you who responded to my previous post. This week was another rough one for my son, even though it appears we have the bullying situation curbed (fingers crossed), but if not, I may be looking up those of you who were willing to go to bat for him! The length of time he put up with this and all the time he has spent worrying about it still causes him to stress out every morning. Yesterday was actually the first morning we've gotten through without any tears, which is a relief. We've fallen into a routine where I write him a short note that lets him know I love him and encourages him to think of something fun we can do together after school. He tucks that note into his pocket, and his teacher, who is wonderful, lets him read it at any point in the day where he may feel stressed, and that seems to calm him down. My son, who actually 6 years old and not 7 but sometimes comes across like he's 24, is not typically an anxious or stressed out child, so I'm hopeful this will all go away soon, and also that this three day holiday break the kids are currently on doesn't mean a set-back by the time Monday rolls around again.

Anyway, you all are some truly kind people, and I appreciate your words. I hope all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

--------------------

In closing, all I really want to say is I kind of wish that I was Pink. The actual Pink. Not the Aerosmith song. I bet that chick can devil a damn good egg.

Labels:

55 Comments:

Anonymous goodfather said...

FIRST!!!!!

I angeled an egg once. Just saying'.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 9:41:00 AM  
Blogger Velma said...

The little break might actually be a good thing for your son. A new start on Monday, maybe? I hope you have a happy Thanksgiving!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 9:42:00 AM  
Anonymous Sammanthia said...

Dammit, woman... I have the flu, how could you do this to me! Deviled eggs are NOT what I need to be reading about right now!
Good luck and you know where to find me if an ass whoopin' needs to be doled out.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 9:44:00 AM  
Blogger ChurchPunkMom said...

hm.. I've never deviled and egg either.. oh, wait.. I have. but I used my mom's recipe.. where ever she got that from..

Try bhg.com - they'll probably still have more than one recipe, but it should help narrow it down. And you can look at it as an effort to 'support a local cause' or something.. since they're based here in cornland and all.

good luck, bring some over when you're done, i'll eat 'em (or we can feed them to my pregnant cat if they aren't good.. she'll eat anything).

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 9:46:00 AM  
Blogger Cocotte said...

Deviled eggs reminds me of my grandma. Nothing like an old fashioned Midwest appetizer, along with some Jello salad that has marshmallows in it. Happy T-Day FADKOG.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 9:47:00 AM  
Anonymous TwoBusy said...

First off, there's nothing wrong with being raised by wolves. Secondly... I'm thoroughly grossed out by deviled eggs. (urk)

Third: Happy Thanksgiving!!!

(note the excess punctuation indicating excess enthusiasm)

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 9:48:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Cute hook, with the Stones/Devil cross-ref. . .

Hmmmmmm. . . I can say that I've fertilized an egg (or eight) in my life. . .

But, you know, if you just went to your mom and asked her for her recipe, it could lead to deep healing in your relationship. . . ;)

----------

And, you can give yer boy a sustaining, courage-inducing {hug} from me. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and don't let the bully-boy have power in your life. . . And if you need me to come down and clock the little cretin, just lemme know. . .

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 9:50:00 AM  
Blogger Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

I'm sorry to read about your son--but your strategy with note seems right on. Happy Thanksgiving.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 9:57:00 AM  
Blogger The Stiletto Mom said...

Never snorted cocaine off the rippled belly of a supermodel? PFFT. That's all I did in the 80's. Well that and making deviled eggs. Which was an interesting combination. I'M KIDDING.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving...I'm sure this break will do your son a world of good and if it starts up again, just tell me where I need to be to help you deal with it. :)

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 9:58:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

1/2 cup prince of darkness
1/2 cup unfertilized chicken embryo

Add that to the list of dumb "deviled egg" jokey comments.

Deviled eggs make me yack. I do need some baking tips, however. I shall be baking a plethora of Christmas yum-yums on Friday whilst my wife is out doing the crazy shopping. Any tips?

Or should I just call your mom and ask her?

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 10:21:00 AM  
Blogger Trueself said...

I saw Pink on Ellen Degeneres on Monday. She is awesome! I doubt, however, that she makes awesome devilled eggs.

One option on the devilled eggs is to ask your mom for her recipe saying "your devilled eggs are always so good, and I've just never been able to quite duplicate them."

The other option is to use the recipe I always use from Betty Crocker (except I use prepared yellow mustard instead of the dry mustard because I think they taste better that way):

6 hard cooked eggs
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp dry mustard
1/4 tsp pepper
3 tablespoons salad dressing or mayonnaise

Cut peeled eggs lengthwise in half. Slip out yolks; mash with fork. Mix in seasonings and salad dressing. Fill whites with egg yolk mixture, heaping it up lightly.

Good luck!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 10:23:00 AM  
Blogger KimandCo said...

Glad to hear your son is better. I'm still in for some ass kicking if it becomes necessary.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 10:35:00 AM  
Blogger Shonda Little said...

I'd rather swim in shark infested waters than devil eggs. And that's not because I don't like to cook, I do. I just hate eggs, particularly deviled eggs. Everywhere I go someone is swooning about the deviled eggs.

Also, snort cocaine off a supermodel's belly.....God I love your mind.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 10:43:00 AM  
Blogger Christina Lee said...

I would add one ingredient to truself's good recipe- and that is a shot of tobasco to give them a little kick- that's what I do and it's good!! True Dat!!!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 11:09:00 AM  
Anonymous Laura said...

Miracle Whip!! Miracle Whip is the secret to the bestest deviled eggs.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 11:23:00 AM  
Blogger Bunny said...

1. Use horseradish mustard or a touch of prepared horseradish - this will make them perfect. Pickles are definitely a big, big no-no.

2. If all else fails, have Tool Man call your mom and claim that he is making the eggs as a surprise for you and could he please have her recipe.

I also want to be Pink. Though I'm not so sure about making out with myself like she does in her Sober video. I just don't find myself all that attractive.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. Embrace your blessings and be openly grateful for them
.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 11:23:00 AM  
Blogger Phyllis RenĂ©e said...

Deviled eggs -- easy peasy recipe:

After hard boiling eggs and removing shells, cut each in half (lengthwise) and scoop out the yolk. Mix yolks with mayo and sweet pickle relish, adding mayo a little at a time until you get the consistency you like. Then spoon the mixture back into the egg whites. Arrange eggs on platter and lightly sprinkle with paprika.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 11:26:00 AM  
Blogger Immoral Matriarch said...

I have something to add! The easiest way to peel an egg:

Crack and peel both ends of a hard boiled egg. Put your mouth on one end and blow. The egg will pop right out of the other end.

If you already knew that, then my comment sucks. :(

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 11:33:00 AM  
Blogger Andrea with the Flipflops said...

I so have to try Immoral Matriarch trick...

I love pink and yes I bet she can devil an egg and make it look hot at the same time.

I love the note idea! I put a picture in the front of my daughters planner of my husband and I... and when she starts missing us she can just look at the picture and give it a hug.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 12:02:00 PM  
Blogger kaila said...

I totally have to devil some eggs too! I am making 36 of them though. Keep tasting as you add ingredients until it tastes just right.
And Pink is cool and devilish.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 12:42:00 PM  
Blogger Ali said...

i have never deviled an egg...but i have sung in public. do i win a prize?

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 12:42:00 PM  
Blogger Swirl Girl said...

so your list of things you have never done and my list are quite similar.

I have only snorted cocaine from an unripped supermodels rather flabby abs.

hahaha

happy holiday

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 12:43:00 PM  
Blogger Brian o vretanos said...

You should definitely try the heist thing. It'd make for a great post.

So what have you snorted off a supermodel's belly?

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 1:01:00 PM  
Blogger PAPATV said...

Happy Gobble Gobble from the Papa gobbler staff.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 1:48:00 PM  
Anonymous Redneck Mommy said...

I'll devil your eggs anytime, woman.

*Waggles her eyes suggestively while slowly licking her lips with the tip of her tongue...*

Enjoy your turkey this weekend.

Smooches.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 2:53:00 PM  
Blogger justlori2day said...

I have deviled many an egg, but I cant tell you how much of what to put in - its all about personal taste and a wing and prayer. That being said, if you can boil, and cool the eggs without turning them green then you have proven yourself worthy to devil them any old way you like!

I just got to read the bully story and I am nearly in tears- because as I have mentioned before to you, I think my Jadon and your sweet boy are kindred spirits, and if I found out this was happening to my 6 year old, I would go eye to eye with the other kid. I remember the day Jim picked him up at the bus stop, and he was walking all alone - with all of his buddy's walking together - leaving him in their dust. My heart broke and I didn't even know why there was a separation. Turned out to be innocent, but trust me, I called daycare and asked if he was being picked on by these same kids.

I feel for you, and will most certainly come down with a tub of frosting for you, and Jadons Hulk Smashers for this kid!!!

And Pink, yeah, I hear ya! I wanna be her when the fight breaks out, I am guessing she could take that bully down with one snear! She is hawt man!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 2:56:00 PM  
Blogger DCD said...

I had to make deviled eggs last year and had the same conundrum. How can there be so many recipes for deviled eggs??? Finally I just listened to the husband (an actual Chef.) Mayo, dried mustard. That's about it.

Have a very Happy Thanksgiving!! (I heart Pink.)

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 3:21:00 PM  
Blogger Sailor said...

I love deviled eggs; and can make them quite nicely, but I don't have a recipe, I do it with a little of this and a dash of that.

Hugs for your boy, just pass 'em along, and know you're still in my prayers.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 3:35:00 PM  
Blogger Jill said...

You already have the recipes- mayo/mustard/salt/pepper. Dont use Miracle Whip- PLEASE!

Happy Thanksgiving!

jill

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 3:39:00 PM  
Blogger The Savage said...

I believe I may have bedeviled an egg once.. and when I say egg I mean woman but I digress....

Happy Thanksgiving and stuff....
Especially stuff!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 4:56:00 PM  
Blogger *~*Cece*~* said...

I've never deviled an egg, either. I love those things.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 6:22:00 PM  
Blogger Laggin said...

I'd eat your eggs!

Me? I've never put meat in a jello salad, but my grandma did. Urp.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 6:39:00 PM  
Blogger Biscuit said...

Oh god...you and Pink rolled into one. Serving me deviled eggs. Girly boner just went *shwing!* ;)

Glad your son is perking up. Bullies suck.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 6:47:00 PM  
Blogger Chag said...

Not only have I never deviled an egg, I've never eaten a deviled egg either. They just look way too nasty.

Glad to hear things are going a bit better for your son. Hope you guys have a great Thanksgiving!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 8:27:00 PM  
Blogger MereCat said...

Just catching up here. The bullying? Oh for the love of all that's holy! Bless his heart. I am so sorry you all are going through this. I wish I knew how to deal with people like that. Sadly, it's hard to deal with today. Bullies just get more tricky in their bullying.

And I'm no help on the deviled eggs. I don't devil eggs either. Lotta good I am, huh.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 9:13:00 PM  
Blogger Always Home and Uncool said...

If there's no Jello w/ fruit and marshmallows floating in it, then I'm not coming.

OK, I'm coming. I'll bring some twice-baked potatoes.

Cheers and peace, sweet FADKOG.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 9:34:00 PM  
Anonymous WaltzInExile said...

Nor have I ever deviled an egg. Unless it's a euphemism for something dirty. In which case, I'm probably lying. Either way, I can't help you.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008 11:41:00 PM  
Blogger Bee said...

I love that song! I sing it every morning before work and I think it's sad that I'm happy with my man and I can't sing it to some dude. Then I slap myself. I also think that should be the new woman's anthem replacing gloria gaynor's/

Happy Thanksgiving!
And I've never deviled an egg either.

Thursday, November 27, 2008 1:12:00 AM  
Blogger Zip n Tizzy said...

Just remember, if the eggs turn out horribly, maybe next year you'll get to make the jello!

Lot's of extra hugs to your sweet guy. The start is his knowing that he's not alone and that he can talk to you.
Not easy for any of you.

Thursday, November 27, 2008 2:41:00 AM  
Blogger Chris Wood said...

All the best to your son in this, & you & yours for the holiday.

PS Pink makes rotten eggs.

Thursday, November 27, 2008 4:38:00 AM  
Blogger Michele said...

"sometimes what I make up in my head is all that matters." You need your own Princessland like I have.

Here's hoping you have a festive holiday season.

Oh for that ass kicking, I'll send my 23 year old son. He hates bullies.

Thursday, November 27, 2008 1:10:00 PM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

fuck those other recipes; when you have the egg yolks in a bowl, add Helman's mayo, yellow mustard and a splash of dill pickle juice. But don't make it too runny. I plop it in a zip loc bag, but off the tip and squeeze it into the white "shells". DELISH.

You've NEVER broken a man's heart?

Thursday, November 27, 2008 6:37:00 PM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

good luck to your boy.........

Thursday, November 27, 2008 6:38:00 PM  
Blogger April said...

I suck at deviled eggs. They always turn out too salty. And I have never made and entire Thanksgiving meal by myself. I am pretty sure that means I am not quite yet a grown up. :)

Thursday, November 27, 2008 11:51:00 PM  
Blogger Kat said...

I love deviled eggs and can make some really good ones. Lucky for me this year all I had to do for Thanksgiving was stick a couple frozen pies in the oven and take them to a friends house.

Friday, November 28, 2008 2:05:00 AM  
Blogger Recovering Soul said...

mmm... I love deviled eggs. Will you mail me some?

Friday, November 28, 2008 2:35:00 PM  
Blogger Bethany said...

De-lurking simply to say - the siren song of "true dat" - why, oh why?? I am oddly drawn to it, but have not yet found the right moment. Happy deviling. Thx for the fun post :)

Friday, November 28, 2008 7:33:00 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

I know I'm too late to help you on this one, but an easy way to fill the eggs back up with the filling is to spoon it into a plastic sandwich bag, cut off one of the corners, and pipe it in like a pastry bag.
It's easy to make a deviled egg. It's the same as egg salad, only not chopped up. I rarely make them any more because over the years, I have noticed - it's almost impossible to peel a boiled egg. I try and try, and they always end up looking mangled.

Sunday, November 30, 2008 11:06:00 AM  
Blogger Diesel said...

You know, if you steal some deviled eggs, that may count as a heist.

Sunday, November 30, 2008 11:55:00 AM  
Blogger Lollie said...

Pink, I'd also bet that chick can devil a damn good egg...and she would probably beat the crap out of your son's bully. So sorry this is happening to him. Hopefully it is in the past. If not? Tae Kwon Do.

Sunday, November 30, 2008 12:44:00 PM  
Blogger Maggie, Dammit said...

Relish. I know you said no pickles, but trust me on this one.

Sunday, November 30, 2008 12:53:00 PM  
Blogger bernthis said...

Hi there: first time here. I wanted to say that I was bullied too, in junior high and it was so so traumatic for me, it took years of therapy to recover from. The one difference b/w myself and your son is that my parents did very little to help. To be on top of it the way you are will, I promise you,, make all the difference in the long run for your son. Nice to meet you.

Sunday, November 30, 2008 2:51:00 PM  
Blogger Stacie said...

good call not askin' your mom for the recipe. I made that mistake 19 years ago and the echo of her laughter still haunts me whenever I think about eggs.

Happy Thanksgiving!
Stacie

ps..what's this about that sweet baby being bullied? You need me to beat someone up? I'd do it for ya! ;P

Sunday, November 30, 2008 3:08:00 PM  
Blogger Tulipsanticipation said...

Yeah, not a fan of deviled eggs in any form.

I did, however, have a good cranberry theme to everything I brought to my mom's house: not-from-a-jar cranberry sauce, salad with dried cranberries in it, and orange-cranberry cheesecake bars. All went over very well.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008 8:38:00 AM  
Blogger Sherendipity said...

Alright, I've done four of the items on your list, and devilled many an egg. Wow, I'm a rockstar.
Right.

Saturday, December 06, 2008 7:57:00 PM  

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