pleased to meet you. hope you eat my eggs.
The list of things I have never done is rather diverse. I have never:
- jumped out of an airplane
- run with the bulls
- swam in shark-infested waters
- snorted cocaine off the rippled belly of a supermodel
- sung in public
- used the phrase "True dat!" in conversation (although I think I recently used it in a comment I left on someone elses blog, and if that's the case and that person found it either ironic and/or humorous, then I might consider incorporating it into actual conversation)
- dined with royalty
- broken a man's heart
- pulled off a heist
Pretty diverse, eh? I know. I look at that list and think how amazing my life really is, even though I've never done any of those things. I do actually think I have broken a man's heart before, but the dude in question refuses to admit it, thinking it's cool to have this big strong man demeanor, but whatever. I believe he misses me, and really, sometimes what I make up in my head is all that matters.
Also on the list of things I've never done?
Deviled an egg!
But guess what! This morning, I have to do just that, and not just one egg. No. I have to devil 24 eggs for the Thanksgiving meal my family foisted itself upon. Have you ever Googled the recipe for deviled eggs? There are more than 2 million entries! My Tool Man (his heart - completely intact) looks up from one of the 2 million Facebook games he plays and says, "How hard can it be. Some mustard. Some mayo. There you go." Well, well, well. Check out the Iron Chef over there. However, have you ever tasted his recipe for Jell-O? I suggest you rub your distended belly and say you're full as you back away from the buffet line. Easiest thing to prepare in the world, and I've watched him get confused pondering the one cup hot, one cup cold guidelines.
So I'm on the hunt for a classic deviled egg recipe. I refuse to ask my Mom for her recipe, because she will make fun of me. I can hear her now. "You're 41 years old and you've never made deviled eggs? Who raised you? Wolves? Hell, I bet you can't even make Jell-O, can you?" To which I would respond, meekly, "I make Jell-O better than you, woman!" before running to my bedroom, slamming the door, and turning the volume on my stereo super loud so my Journey Escape album would drown out the sound of my tears.
Here's what I've learned while browsing a handful of the millions of recipes. Deviled eggs should not have meat, barbecue seasoning, pickles, or cheese in them. To all of you who think these would be a treat, I ask why? The thought alone makes me shudder. I simply want mustard, mayo, and maybe (if I remember to stop at the grocery store on my way home from work tonight) a sprinkling of paprika.
Actually, what I wouldn't mind is just having my Mom make them because her recipe is pretty damn good, but I refuse to admit defeat. Only so many tears you can cry, right Steve Perry? Sigh....
Before I wish you all a happy Thanksgiving with your friends and family, I want to say here (because there are just so many wonderful comments below) that I thank each of you who responded to my previous post. This week was another rough one for my son, even though it appears we have the bullying situation curbed (fingers crossed), but if not, I may be looking up those of you who were willing to go to bat for him! The length of time he put up with this and all the time he has spent worrying about it still causes him to stress out every morning. Yesterday was actually the first morning we've gotten through without any tears, which is a relief. We've fallen into a routine where I write him a short note that lets him know I love him and encourages him to think of something fun we can do together after school. He tucks that note into his pocket, and his teacher, who is wonderful, lets him read it at any point in the day where he may feel stressed, and that seems to calm him down. My son, who actually 6 years old and not 7 but sometimes comes across like he's 24, is not typically an anxious or stressed out child, so I'm hopeful this will all go away soon, and also that this three day holiday break the kids are currently on doesn't mean a set-back by the time Monday rolls around again.
Anyway, you all are some truly kind people, and I appreciate your words. I hope all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.
Labels: i'm just a devil woman