...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

from awesome to awkward - a beginner's guide

So, when you hear the word 'awesome,' what do you think of?

Me? You think of me? You're entirely too nice to me sometimes, Internet!

I'll tell you what I think of. I think of zombies (and you...definitely you). Zombies are awesome. I know what you're thinking. "Aren't you the girl who has problems with Bigfoot?" The answer is yes. So much so that I felt it would be gratuitous to insert the NINE posts I've written outlining said Bigfoot phobia. However, I love zombies like I love cake, meaning I drool over all things zombie-related. They're like giant, helpless babies.

I've also written of zombies SIXTEEN times, but I won't link those, either, because really, are you going to flit off and read 25 other rambly posts of mine? That's what I thought.

In addition to zombies, I also think Dairy Queen Blizzards are awesome. Last night, I got a hankerin' for a delicious Reece's peanut butter cup Blizzard, so I raced over the the DQ (five minutes before close!) and ordered a treat for me and my Tool Man. That in itself is awesome. Even more awesome? Having a coworker from the bookstore who ALSO MANAGES MY LOCAL DQ! "These two are on me, insert real name here!" she said. "Really? Are you sure?" I asked. Then I thanked her and sped away before she could change her mind. Nearly 1o bucks (that price, btw? not awesome) in free Blizzard? Why, yes, Dave Ramsey, I knew you'd approve!

So those are the things on my awesome list.

Want to know what I find not all that awesome?

Making small talk with a former paramour for more than an hour while our kids run around the playground.

Let me set the scene -

Last night, the boys and I figured we'd delay dinner and use the last hour of springtime sunlight to go shoot baskets at the elementary school playground. It was a delight to chase my boys around the pebble covered cement court, and to amaze my oldest basketball-loving son with my keen ability to still be able to sink a ball from outside the key. When he told me that was where I was shooting from, I just nodded my head and acted cool. I have no idea all this basketball talk.

Anyway, about 20 minutes into our games, a car came barreling around the corner, parked near our court, and out lumbered a father and his young son, who was cupping his own basketball. From the discreet vantage point behind my giant sunglasses, I thought the father looked a bit familiar, my head spinning with thoughts that "Hmmm...I think I know that flat butt and the way he seems to be pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose with his thumb."

And then I muttered "Crap..."

I did, indeed, know that flat butt and the thumb-attacks-glasses maneuver because I'd dated this man who still employed both traits 15 years ago. The fact that he looks EXACTLY the same (whereas I look more stunning and polished)(and oh, hahahaha...yeah, right...) as he did when we dated for a year was also a big giveaway.

Then we made eye contact (though I kept my giant sunglasses on as hope he'd not immediately recognize me, a plan I destroyed a bit later, which you'll see if you keep reading) and I'm pretty sure he muttered "Crap..." also. Though it was hard to tell for sure. He never was a great conversationalist.

So, I thought I'd come here today and offer you all tips on how to avoid this type of not awesome situation should you ever find yourself in it. You may want to take notes. Here we go:
  • If you wish to try and get through this experience anonymously and pretend you and the person you used to get naked with years ago actually do not know each other, do not saddle your firstborn child with your maiden name. Additionally, do not habitually yell or call for said firstborn child saddled with your maiden name while the person you used to get naked with, the one you don't want realizing who you are, is standing less than 30 feet away. Trust me. It's a dead giveaway.
  • Wave and/or nod your head politely when said former flame has his suspicions confirmed for him because you've now said your maiden name 14 or 538 times.
  • Grit your teeth in the form of a smile and mutter hushed warnings to your kids when your former flame's kid suggest he and your two sons play a game of pick-up ball together. Sigh and throw your arms up in the air in exasperation if your kids do not listen to you and take off running to play with said kid. Pretend you're swatting away at bugs when former flame spies you throwing your arms in the air (and perhaps kicking at rocks).
  • Have a short-list of conversation topics you can pull from when you find yourself standing next to your former boyfriend or girlfriend. Do not choose from the following suggestions:

"Remember that time when I was over at your apartment and we watched 'Ghost' and you leaned over and whispered you wanted to recreate the 'Unchained Melody' scene where Demi and Patrick are at the potter's wheel, but with your penis, and I laughed?"

"What about the time when we were driving home from a dinner date and you asked me what the worst thing I'd ever done was, and I looked at your sweet, innocent, snow-white face and told you I once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die, and I thought I was so clever, but you kind of looked shocked, then said, 'Huh. Well, the worst thing I've ever done was cheat on a math test in sixth grade.' Yeah. That was good times."

"Wait! I've got another one! Remember that time when you told me I had beautiful eyes and pulled me in really close and I hardly knew you and I was, I'll admit it, kind of scared, so I just rolled said beautiful eyes at you?"

  • If you give said former paramour an opportunity to speak - and you likely will, because all the talking you've been doing up to this point has meant you've been breathing a lot and breathing a lot means you've had to press your stomach out rather than suck it in (it's been 15 years. A lot changes in 15 years...which you'll soon notice...) in hopes that your former amour will have spent all the time you were babbling thinking how mad he is that he could have had you and not the sad existence his life has turned into - don't be surprised (or indignant) if he says the following:

"You know what was a good time? That time I called you while you were on vacation and we talked for quite a bit, and then you told me you'd met someone else and thought perhaps that you and I should break up. I think your exact words were, 'You're a really nice guy, and you're so sweet. I'm sure there's a girl out there who would really enjoy spending time with you. I'm just not sure I'm that girl, and I don't want to keep you from her.'"

(sidebar - this is totally true. I am not particularly proud, but seriously, this dude was soft white Wonderbread boring, and I'd met my not-yet-a Tool Man Tool Man and thought he hung the moon, even though he was sporting a pedophile mustache, the memory of which just made me cringe...)
  • Catch your breath. Yeah. You'll have to stick that stomach out again a bit, but get your breath, suck it back in, and then, blow a giant thought balloon atop your head where you see the two of you standing against the brick school wall, much as you're doing that very moment in real life, and have your thought version of yourself get all sassy, rolling her arms down the length of her body and saying, "Mmmmmhhhmmmm....all this coulda been yours, baby!"
  • Don't appear flustered when, after you pop said thought balloon atop your head, you remember you didn't put any make-up on today and your roots? Your roots are so dark scientists want to study them in hopes of proving their hypothesis that your head is where the space-time continuum originates.
  • Stand around in a silence that grows increasingly uncomfortable. Break up the quiet by sporadically alerting your kids they have 10 more minutes to play or inquiring about the nice weather.
  • Finally, and quite literally in this case, take your ball and go home.

Yeah. Good times. Good, good times.

When I'd gotten the boys loaded into the mini, I turned around to them and asked if they'd seen the man I was talking to, the father of the boy they'd been playing basketball with. "Years ago, before I met your Dad, I dated him," I said. "Can you believe that!?" My oldest son, who thinks the whole idea dating is gross, just chuckled. My youngest piped up and said he was glad I didn't marry him, "because I like our Dad."

Me, too, I assured him. He's pretty awesome.

Not as awesome as zombies, though...

Labels: ,


Blogger Heather said...

But what if my ex-boyfriend IS a zombie? That would just confuse things even more.

Thursday, March 19, 2009 11:38:00 AM  
Blogger Phyllis RenĂ©e said...

I think you're awesome (for taking the boys out to play basketball) and I've missed you.

Thursday, March 19, 2009 11:40:00 AM  
Blogger Peggy said...

Holy hilarious! That has happened to me a couple of times and it's so akward!
ps - I had no makeup on either without the benefit of sunglasses! Ugh!

Thursday, March 19, 2009 11:52:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank God I'm not a big fan of "Ghost," because if I was I'm pretty sure you would've just killed it for me.

Thursday, March 19, 2009 11:55:00 AM  
Blogger Craig said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

Thursday, March 19, 2009 12:08:00 PM  
Blogger DKC said...

I have had the occasion to meet the woman who married one of my exes at the park. When I introduced her to my husband I said, "This is R, we went to high school together." And she pipes up with, "AND I married her EX!"

Um. Okay, freakazoid. I was not going to mention that because clearly, in the husband category? I totally won.

On a zombie aside - have you read World War Z? That is an awesome zombie must read.

Thursday, March 19, 2009 12:14:00 PM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Funny. . . The other day I got a flurry of emails from my GF1. About once every year or two, she appears in my in-box (tell Seth to shut up). This one was a little weird - she had obviously googled me, and kept hitting me with all these, "I never knew your middle name was. . ." kind of things. Awwwwk-warrrrd.

And of course, my GF2 is now Molly's best friend. A few years ago, it slipped to our kids (and hers) that 'Dad and Mrs. GF2 used to date; isn't that weird?' Which, having our kids talking about it, is REALLY weird, even if our long-ago relationship isn't quite so weird.

And I have a cousin whose first name is his mother's maiden name. And since his mother was my dad's sister, his first name and my last name are one and the same. Which is also weird. . .

Thursday, March 19, 2009 12:15:00 PM  
Blogger HoodChick said...

I met and married a guy in a different town just so I wouldn't run into any exes.

Although my parents still live there, and I'm going visiting this weekend since it's my mom's birthday.


Thursday, March 19, 2009 12:28:00 PM  
Blogger Casey said...

funny post! I've run into an ex a couple times, always without makeup too. He goes to the same doctor as us, so whenever we have to go now I make sure to look as hot as possible lol

Thursday, March 19, 2009 12:35:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You shoulda just asked him about the herpes before abruptly walking away.

Thursday, March 19, 2009 1:09:00 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Suddenly I'm less than thrilled to go to the 20 year reunion. I'll make it from awesome to awkward in 2.5 seconds. Sweet.

Thursday, March 19, 2009 1:18:00 PM  
Blogger MereCat said...

I hate it when stuff like that happens. Ran into first boyfriend ever, well, he actually ran after me in a grocery store not that long ago. I had on no makeup. Lovely. And here's the best one, my husband and I ran into his ex-wife at the OB-gyn when I was pregnant. How's that for awkard?

I'm glad you found your Tool Man. It's always best to see an old flame when you've got a better one. And that was sweet of your kids.

Thursday, March 19, 2009 1:31:00 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Booms said...

Nothing is cooler than zombies! Nothing.

Well Robots tie. With a capital R.

Thursday, March 19, 2009 1:33:00 PM  
Blogger CT Mom said...

My high school boyfriend of 3 years and I follow each other on Twitter. We live one town apart and have not seen each other in person in 23 years. I guess it's inevitable that we will run into each other one of these days.

His wife worked with one of my law school classmates and did not like me. She'd never even met me. Hmmm.

Thursday, March 19, 2009 1:39:00 PM  
Blogger Brian o vretanos said...

No, it doesn't sound like an awesome situation. It did make for an awesome post, though...

Thursday, March 19, 2009 2:11:00 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Zombies just never come along at the right minute, do they? Damn their inconsiderate ways!

Thursday, March 19, 2009 2:22:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I once ran into an ex at Blockbuster. I was just getting over a cold and both of the kids were sick... I looked like TOTAL hell and Gage had wiped his nose on my shirt, thus leaving a trail of green snot on my already coffee stained t-shirt. MORTIFIED. I all but got down on my hands and knees and crawled my way out of the store but I was busted. I haven't seen the sunshine since I don't know when just because I haven't left the house since.

Thursday, March 19, 2009 2:40:00 PM  
Blogger Swirl Girl said...

awesome story -I found an old paramour through facebook....he is the only guy to have written me a love letter - and I still have it 20 years later....good times indeed.

Thursday, March 19, 2009 2:49:00 PM  
Blogger Melissa @ I Pick Pretty said...

I think I have whiplash from all of the delicious action in this post: zombies! Blizzards! Exes! Awkward encounters! "These are a few of my favorite things . . ."

Thursday, March 19, 2009 3:06:00 PM  
Blogger Bijoux said...

I literally haven't run into an ex in decades. Started dating Husband 25 years ago. By now, I doubt I'd recognize any of those middle aged men.

Thursday, March 19, 2009 3:20:00 PM  
Blogger kaila said...

Wow, ran into an Ex while with the Oilybeauhunk. Problem was, I had met the Oilybeauhunk at a party while the Ex was passed out on a sofa (and not quite my Ex yet). Kinda ditched him without him knowing and hooked up with OBH. The Ex stalked me for awhile until he saw me at a Queensryche concert with OBH. At least I had make up on. The 120lb Ex walked away with his tail between his legs upon seeing me with that 210lb dude we met at the party so many months before. Ooh! There weren't any Zombies at the Queensryche concert except perhaps in the audience.

Thursday, March 19, 2009 3:36:00 PM  
Blogger Kevin McKeever said...

Girls with brains like yours are so awesome.

Mmmmm ... braaaaaaains.

Thursday, March 19, 2009 3:45:00 PM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

oh god i never wanna run into an ex...ever. EV.ER.

Ever ever? EVER EVER!

I would seriously throw myself under the mini should something like that arise. I would however love a DQ Blizzard. Chocolate covered cherry blizzard with rainbow sprinkles. OR OR!! Shit or...a banana puddin' one. Holy ssssmokes that sounds good.

Thursday, March 19, 2009 4:37:00 PM  
Blogger Twolia said...

Ugh..I dated an ex from years ago..I was the same, he was just older. Not in the good kind of way either. I will never go to the ex-side again. Been there, done that...unless I run into???

Thursday, March 19, 2009 4:40:00 PM  
Blogger Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

well, you got something out of this whole experience, and that is now, you know for sure, that your kids do like their dad. So that's good.

Otherwise, really awkward and uncomfortable and I hope it doesn't happen to me someday!

Thursday, March 19, 2009 5:13:00 PM  
Blogger Meg said...

I totally want to recreate that Ghost scene now.

Thursday, March 19, 2009 5:21:00 PM  
Blogger Meg said...

I think I might have to burn my copy of Ghost now.

But that aside, you're awesome. Cos you like zombies. And you dumped Wonderbread Guy for Tool Man. Yay!

Thursday, March 19, 2009 5:41:00 PM  
Blogger lime said...

ok so just so we are clear...anythign involving peanut butter cups is awesome. and if you're as warped as i am go get yourself a copy of the book "zombie haiku." enjoy.

the paramours...oh yeah. last week my well pump needed to be pulled and replaced. the guy who did said dirty job turned out to be the nephew of my former flame. ."omg! you were that crazy one who did such and such! i remember you." oh yes...within earshot of all three of my teenagers. that whole stroll down memory lane turned out to be just such a joy.

Thursday, March 19, 2009 7:15:00 PM  
Blogger Laura Marchant said...

Oh I couldn't even imagine, lol! What are the chances of that happening.

Thursday, March 19, 2009 8:33:00 PM  
Blogger Sailor said...

Thankfully, I wont run into any exes, so I'll be both spared looking for a zombie to rescue me from an awkward situation, and also spare said (nonexistent) ex the same looks.

Thursday, March 19, 2009 8:49:00 PM  
Blogger Bee said...

You know, why is the universe such a bitch?? I have run into guys I've dated while looking like total crap but the worst is when I run into them looking like total crap and they're on dates with their girlfriends and their girlfriends look hot! I want to say, stay right here! I'm gonna go shower, scrape, lacquer, shellack and then I'll come back!

The only thing I have over them is that I broke up with each and every one of them. ;o)

Thursday, March 19, 2009 10:55:00 PM  
Blogger Kat said...

Can we say..awkward?

Friday, March 20, 2009 3:39:00 AM  
Blogger The Savage said...

I'm lucky enough not to run into any of my ex's (awkwardly that is).
So, the Tool Man sported a molestache? Interesting....

I've decided to name my mustache Gunther.... I'll post pics in a few weeks or so. (More than likely or so considering I'll be away from any web cams in the near future and with very limited internet access until I can afford the lap top....)

Friday, March 20, 2009 6:53:00 AM  
Blogger Christina Lee said...

oh how horrible- I haved played this what if scenario over in my head, just in case I happen to run into one of them in particular that I now knows lives near me-so thanks for all the tips!!!!!!

Friday, March 20, 2009 8:19:00 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

Go to ebay and search for "zombie escape plan". You will want one.

Friday, March 20, 2009 8:28:00 AM  
Blogger Divine Chaos said...

you should talked to him about zombies .. how can you go wrong with a zombie conversation?? I mean .. really! ...not to mention that said former boring as soft white wonderbread paramour may have left a little sooner if you struck up a conversation about zombies whose bits keep fallin off while they're have a delectable breakfast of brains and other various fleshy body parts.

I'm catchin up on zombie movies this weekend, so maybe my Zombie Monday will actually have a post about zombies next week lol

Friday, March 20, 2009 8:55:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ouch! My ex married one of my girlfriends from college. Which he met at a party I held. (I knew he was only hanging around still for the chicks.) Though, surprisingly, it was all good. Especially considering that he dumped me. But then I got him back with a "Oh, I met someone" speech of my own when he totally wanted me back.

And you know, given all that, the fact that my girlfriend that he married looks like (I kid you not) Scarlett Johansen AND is a sweetheart... I kind of feel like he should be sending me diamonds every Christmas.

Where the hell are my diamonds?!

Friday, March 20, 2009 10:53:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What I want to know is when he was whispering in your ear about that ghost stuff, did he exhale and stutter his breathe...that's what I keep thinking, and ewww.

Friday, March 20, 2009 11:46:00 AM  
Blogger motherbumper said...

So when you shot that guy in Reno... oh wait, you asked me to save those questions for offline chatter. SEE I REALLY DO LISTEN :)

I moved a thousand kilometres away to escape the ex thing and since I've had a kid, it turns out that THREE have moved to this city to raise their youngens. I hate running into people I've seen naked.

Friday, March 20, 2009 11:51:00 AM  
Blogger San Diego Momma said...

I cannot think of even one ex I would be able to banter with for an hour.

So kudos on that. And wow! Really? He brought up how you broke up?

Also and in addition, zombies are very awesome.

Friday, March 20, 2009 3:32:00 PM  
Blogger Moderator said...

I never even saw "Ghost!!!"

Friday, March 20, 2009 4:05:00 PM  
Blogger Chasity said...

Oofta. You're right with the awkward part. I have moved like 15 times since I've been married, and have an unlisted number just to avoid my (psycho) ex. And he still managed to send me an email a couple of years ago (which I discussed with Bonehead before promptly deleting). Let's just say if I ran into him on the playground, it was absolutely deliberate and all part of his master plan.

Of course, I did break up with him to marry his best friend. ;)

Friday, March 20, 2009 6:27:00 PM  
Blogger bernthis said...

I guess I'm lucky the only long term relationship I had was with my now ex husband. Although I will say when we see each other both of us are definitely thinking "crap"

Friday, March 20, 2009 7:19:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, I'm still stuck on the Ghost thing. He wanted to recreate the potters wheel scene with his PENIS? How does that happen, exactly? He wanted to pull his penis off and put it on a potters wheel, so you could massage it while it spun around in circles? Or he wanted his penis to play all the parts? Or maybe just one of the parts?

I'm so confused.

Friday, March 20, 2009 7:21:00 PM  
Blogger Leslie said...

I ran into an ex at the 20th reunion--a 7th grade ex, so the kind that doesn't really count. And, at the top of his beer-laden voice, just as the music stopped and right as Car-man arrived behind me with fresh drinks, this guy says, "LAGGIN! I kissed you, didn't I?".
P.S. The word verification thingy is "horphip". I think you should use that to name a zombie!

Saturday, March 21, 2009 4:12:00 PM  
Blogger FTN said...

I was waiting to hear he was incredibly handsome and rich, like maybe a doctor.

Was he half as uncomfortable as it sounds like you were? My ex came over once when I was up at my parents to see me and my wife, right after our first was born. It was fine for me, if I remember correctly.

Saturday, March 21, 2009 8:17:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt Becky said...

NOTHING and I mean NOTHING is as awesome as zombies. Period.

Sunday, March 22, 2009 2:27:00 PM  
Blogger The Stiletto Mom said...

Oh so very AWKWARD. I haven't run into any ex boyfriends with my kids, but I have when I was with my husband. Also awkward? The two guys staring at eachother because they both "know me". Ugh.

Sunday, March 22, 2009 4:41:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just run into ex husbands..........

and I always look awful......
(Hey, baby, baby, eat your heart out..... see what you could have had!!!)

Sunday, March 22, 2009 6:37:00 PM  
Blogger Barb Chamberlain said...

M and bejewell win the "made me laugh out loud in an empty room" awards for this set of comments. Not only are you the funniest writer I read, you have the funniest readers/fans/commenters.

I have two ex-husbands, neither of which lives in my town, which keeps me sort of safe. Except that one lives one town over so I might run into him if I go to the beautiful lake & beach there.

The other one is the biological father of my children, which means I'm stuck hearing from him or seeing him every so often.

Back when I'd have to take the kids to visit him (he moved away & they don't see him unless he comes to town), I'd get subjected to beery sentimentality and the distinct sensation that he wasn't over me, which was really, really icky.

I saw my college boyfriend because he got in touch, and it was actually just fine (whew). He and his wife and 2 girls, and me with my 2 girls, all had a friendly dinner together when he was in town to move older daughter to the same college he and I attended.

About 3 weeks later they separated and subsequently divorced. Totally not my fault. (She was having an affair and apparently did quite an acting job throughout our dinner by being Mrs. Nicey-Nice-I-Was-His-High-School-Girlfriend-Before-You-Met-Him-In-College-and-He-Married-Me-Not-You-So-There. But in a nice way.)

Other than that, I have occasional encounters with someone who was a small fling and we just don't make much eye contact. I'm now married to The Love Of My Life Forever, which provides a lot of insulating power against any unfortunate flashbacks or outbursts of nervous giggles.

Word verification is Incer, which is more Tolkienesque than zombie-esque, at least for me.


Sunday, March 22, 2009 7:59:00 PM  
Blogger Therese in Heaven said...

Zombies are awesome, and I think a possible real threat. RS and I have a disaster scenario survival plan just in case.

It might work for escaping old lovers too, now that I think about it.

Sunday, March 22, 2009 9:57:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

I foresee post-like responses for many of these comments, but I must go to bed now since we return to normal tomorrow. I'll be back here soon!

Sunday, March 22, 2009 11:26:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Heather - In all honesty, the fact this particular ex looks and acts exactly the same, I think we're onto something with this zombie business.

Phyllis - Yeah! Phyllis! I've missed you, too!

Peggy - If I've learned one thing, it's never be without sunglasses!

TwoBusy - Just thinking about ghosts in general now makes me shudder because of that.

Dana's Brain - You should counter with "He's an ex for a reason, sista!" I have read World War Z. Did you know they're making a movie of it?

Des - Had I married this particular ex, who, it should be noted, became my ex when we lived in a different town together than the one we presently reside in, my last name would now rhyme with a particular sexual verb. That's not the reason I broke up with him, though!

HoodChick - When I dated this ex, we lived in a different town. Inevitably, our boys, who are the same age, will probably end up in class together. I'm sure it will be most awesome! Hope you steered clear of any exes!

Casey - This is one of those life lessons where you learn to always be prepared with sunglasses and/or mascara.

M - All the best ideas come after you've walked away from a situation!

Melissa - See, I was just happy to skip my high school reunions because I was a giant dork!

MereCat - If only my Tool Man had been with us so I could at least have pointed to him and been all, "See? If you were me, you'd have broken up with me to go hang with him!"

Betsey - I think I'll forever trust zombies more than robots, though. Robots have a tendency to go rogue.

CT Mom - I still have somewhat regular contact with a college/post-college boyfriend, but I've not seen or actually spoken to him in..gah! Nearly 15 years! When did that much time go by in life!?

Brian - I sacrifice for my craft!

Chris - If only it were possible to summon one up when you need one in these types of uncomfortable lfe situations!

Sammanthia - Your tale is probably the reason Blockbuster started delivering movies in the mail! :)

Swirl Girl - I still have a collection of old boyfriend letters. Funny, though, how few of them wax poetic about love.

Legallyblondemel - It was all I could do not to burst when I was writing it, what with all the awesome!

Cocotte - Thankfully, the last I knew, the only other ex I had lived in Kansas City, and I'm pretty positive I'd not know him if I saw him. This one, however, must have made a deal with the devil for he's not changed at all!

kaila - You've got the makings of a good Lifetime Movie Channel story with your ex tale!

Always Home - Is that a fantastic brain in your head, or are you just happy to see me? ;)

kimmy - Seriously! As soon as he got out of his car, I was all, "Boys! We gotta go! I think I left the iron on and the water running!" They weren't buying it, dammit!

Twolia - The Ex Side. Ha!
I hope I get a little reprieve from tihs ex action for awhile.

Petra - Good point! Now, if my Tool Man just had an ex of his own so I could test out this theory to see if the boys really liked me... ;)

Wednesday, March 25, 2009 7:11:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Prefers Her Fantasy Life - That 'Ghost' scene is better than that last one when the cartoon ghosts go screaming out of the warehouse, I'll grant you that!

MadWoman - There are days I think I may have dropped Wonderbread Boy for a Zombie husband, I dig zombies just that much... ;)

Lime - Oh, I love me some "Zombie Haiku"! I even wrote a post about it last summer when it came out, that's how much I love it. If there are zombies in the book, chances are, I'm reading it!

Midwest Mommy - Too close in this particular town!

Sailor - Pocket zombies! That's what we need! Little pocket zombies that can be brought out to save us from awkward situations.

Bee - And you know what's even more worse? Even when guys are looking their worst, they STILL always look better than when we are. Universe!! (shaking fist at the sky!)

Kat - WAY awkward!

Savage - You look like a dude who would have a mustache named Gunther, really. Excellent choice!

Christina Lee - It's always good to have talking points in mind for any situation! :)

Heather - I have ideas in mind, and really, there's no reason any of us can't get away from zombies should the need ever arise. Unless they outnumber us. Then we're screwed.

Divine Chaos - I'm disappointed in myself, really, that I didn't go the zombie route with him during one of those uncomfortable silences.

weirdgirl - For that, you should TOTALLY be dripping in diamonds! Huge diamonds!

Marla - You just gave me the shudders even imagining he would exhale and stutter his breath...becuse he totally probably would!

motherbumper - This proves the point that we should always pause a mment while removing our clothing in front of someone and think what it will be like when we bump into them years from now while reaching for the same carton of yogurt. Or at parent-teacher conferences.

San Diego Momma - Well, the remarks I wrote of were more 'talking points' for those times when our conversation lagged (which it did)(a lot!), but I imagine he was thinking about how I broke up with him (because gah, my ego!)(ha!)

Grant Miller - Consider yourself blessed, really!

Chas - I never imagined I'd end up in the same town as this particular ex...and not to be creepy stalkerish, but I did Google him when I got home and found he doesn't live that far from me in the neighborhood, either!

bernthis - Hell, sometimes I think when Tool Man sees ME, he thinks "Crap!"

bejewell - I'm pretty sure he wanted to keep his penis intact, but he may have wanted me to create a realistic cast of it. Or perhaps a fancy vase I could then use for the flowers he showered with me. Odd, either way.

Laggin - I'm surprised a dude would remember a seventh grade kiss! Also, horphip is an excellent zombie name!

ftn - I think what you've described with your ex's visit a few years ago is really just a male fantasy, and there was probably deep bass music playing loudly on the soundtrack.

Aunt Becky - Totally agree!

Stiletto Mom - Even more awkward? If said men then started talking about the different ways they "know you" and asking if you still "do that one thing?" ;)

zelzee - Maybe we're just doing this 'look awful' thing as a way to protect ourselves. Sure. That's what I'll tell myself. ;)

BiketoWork Barb - The wonderful people who comment here are pretty dang awesome with the funny, for sure! Sounds like your ex's ex wife was, indeed, quite the thespian!

Therese - Zombies. Ex-loves. Really, they're one in the same when you break it down!

Wordy Girl - So maybe not tomorrow so much, eh?

Wednesday, March 25, 2009 7:43:00 AM  

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