...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Sunday, January 02, 2011

hot, happy and having a blast!

Those three words headline a profile of Reece Witherspoon in this month's edition of Glamour magazine, which I just got done reading and tossing across the room in a fit of boredom and overall apathy (which may just be a fancy way of saying 'boredom,' but eh, there you go), but I think I'm going to go ahead and also declare them to be my resolutions for the new year.

In 2011, I will be hot! I will be happy! And I will be having a blast!

I'm going to do all those things in exactly that order, too. Based on the fact I wake up most nights in a simmering, lukewarm pool of my own sweat, I can safely say I'm (possibly too old to be reading Glamour magazine) already a third of the way toward meeting my goals. Huzzah! Check mark in column one of my Trifecta of Awesome! That was a hell of a lot easier than the time I vowed to not let little things annoy me, and cut back on sweets.

Oh, January 1. That was a good day...

Seriously. It's January 2, and at approximately 12:37 p.m., CST, 36+ hours into a banner new year, I lost my mind at my children and my husband over two slices of leftover pizza and a few measly reheated chicken strips, then I scored a bowl of brownie batter and inhaled that. It's now 4:06 p.m., CST, no one is speaking to each other, and I have the shakes so bad it's a wonder I can type at all. It's hard getting that monkey off your back, friends.

It's also hard to get brownie batter stains off your shirt. Clearly you can see why being hot in 2011 is going to totally work for me. I'm either going to be (a) gorgeous or (b) get full-blown menopause. Oh, but hey! If option (a) works, maybe I'll end up pregnant instead! I know which one I'm rooting for...and which one(s) my husband fears!

I'm not quite sure how I'm going to accomplish the happy component of this plan, though I'll confess, the brownie batter went a small way toward helping it. Maybe some therapy would, too. And having a blast? What constitutes a blast? I'm almost afraid to find out.

It's possible I have my work cut out for me this year, so my final resolution for 2011? It's flossing my teeth every night before bed, but only because I've already been doing this religiously for the last four months and I want some small victory to enjoy at the close of this year when I've failed miserably at the Three H's.

Trust me. It's hard to look hot when you have questionable brown stains splattered across your bosoms, but as the great Howard Jones once said, "Things can only get better."

Wow wow wow oh, wow wow wow oh oh oh oh...

(FINAL final resolution for 2011 - do not say 'bosoms' again. At least not until March)


I hope you all had lovely holidays. My husband's mother passed away Christmas morning, and this last week has been a blur of grief and all the other things that seem to go along with death. It's been a difficult time here, but I truly believe, thanks to my faith and my mother-in-law's very, very strong beliefs, that she chose Christmas day as her last here on Earth for a reason. We gathered as a family to celebrate her 80th birthday three days prior to her death, and it was clear then that she'd made peace with God's plan and was ready. I think that's given my husband, our boys, and his family some sense of joy during this sad time. It's never easy, but there is still joy to be had in what we have here. I hope you all have some of that joy, too.



Blogger Bijoux said...

Oh, FADKOG, I'm so sorry for your loss. So sad about Xmas morning, but I'm glad she made it for her 80th birthday and you were all there to celebrate it with her.

And girl - we both need to stop thinking about food!

Sunday, January 02, 2011 4:57:00 PM  
Blogger Anna Whiston-Donaldson said...

I am sorry for your loss.

I am impressed by the flossing. I can't seem to floss except the day before the dental visit. Can you say bleeding gums?

Sunday, January 02, 2011 5:04:00 PM  
Blogger Lisa @ Lisa Moves said...

I'm sorry for your loss, and at such a difficult time. I hope your 2011 is filled with nothing but good things.

Chocolate covered caramels with sea salt are my new obsession. Way better than brownie batter.

Sunday, January 02, 2011 5:08:00 PM  
Anonymous Cat said...

I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. I agree with you that I think Christmas was chosen for a reason. My heart goes out to you and your family and I hope that 2011 brings you joy and less pain and lots of faith and friends, family and love.


Sunday, January 02, 2011 5:24:00 PM  
Blogger The Savage said...

Well you've been hot and lustable ever since forever...

Sunday, January 02, 2011 5:26:00 PM  
Blogger Possum said...

...and there I was pondering the word "bosoms" - how one might label it a 'handsome' word... wondering why I can never remember what CST stands for...
Then you literally took my breath away with the news of your mother in law's passing! I am so sorry for your loss but equally glad you had the privilege of celebrating her life with her..
Hambe Gashle

Sunday, January 02, 2011 6:22:00 PM  
Blogger Craig said...

Well, I can tell you that, at 54, Jen still hasn't officially made it all the way to menopause just yet (altho - and I'm pretty sure that putting this into parentheses means I didn't 'really' say it, thus shielding me from hubristic karma - another pregnancy seems pretty darned unlikely at this point) (please God). . .

Sorry for the loss of your MIL. But, something about choosing Christmas for your exit day just seems kinda cool. . .

Sunday, January 02, 2011 7:36:00 PM  
Blogger Leandra said...

I'm sorry. I've never been sad for the person who died (if they were a person of faith), I've always been sad for me because I'll miss that person. I know you'll miss her. My condolences to you.

Brownie batter sounds like an oustanding way to start the new year; however, since my ass is fast eclipsing my husband's (no lie), I started out 2011 by re-joining Weight Watchers. Huzzah!

Sunday, January 02, 2011 8:07:00 PM  
Blogger Logical Libby said...

I'm sorry about your MIL.

Oh, and don't worry about the resolutions. everyone gets "new year delirium."

Sunday, January 02, 2011 10:07:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how difficult the holidays were for you, but you and your family and in my thoughts and prayers.

Monday, January 03, 2011 11:01:00 AM  
Blogger Creative-Type Dad said...

Sorry to hear of your loss.

Now you've got me searching for my old Howard Jones CD's...or maybe they're on cassettes?

Monday, January 03, 2011 12:29:00 PM  
Blogger Pat said...

So sorry to hear about your mother-in-law. On Christmas day no less. At least you celebrated her birthday together.

My resolution is not to make any and so far I've succeeded.

Monday, January 03, 2011 6:44:00 PM  
Blogger jennyonthespot said...

Honey. Friend. My heart to you. {hugs} and every ounce of love... prayers and more hugs <3

Monday, January 03, 2011 11:57:00 PM  
Anonymous goodfather said...

I am very sorry for your loss.

Brownie Batter was the nickname a certain hillbilly bully (or hillbully as we referred to them in my town) bestowed upon me before pushing me down in the mud. I'm not kidding. Well, maybe a little.

Happy New Year!

Tuesday, January 04, 2011 12:28:00 AM  
Blogger SciFi Dad said...

I am sorry for your family's loss.

You'll have to forgive me as I just got back to work after two weeks off, so my brain no work so good now.

Tuesday, January 04, 2011 6:26:00 AM  
Blogger lime said...

i'm so sorry to hear about your MIL but glad you do not grieve without hope. my sympathies to your family. sending hugs.

as for resolutins, i'm all about attainable so go with that flossing thing. i'm adding it to my list too since i am already a dedicated flosser.

Tuesday, January 04, 2011 9:09:00 AM  
Blogger WILLIAM said...

I am sorry for your loss.

I hope you have a blast this year.

Tuesday, January 04, 2011 10:10:00 AM  
Blogger 1blueshi1 said...

Good Lord, girl, life just keeps throwing these right at you, doesn't it? So sorry for your family's loss. We said goodbye to my maternal grandmother on the day before Thanksgiving. Big virtual hugs, and oh yeah, that's me trying to suck the brownie stains off your shirt.

Tuesday, January 04, 2011 4:16:00 PM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

Sorry for your family's loss. I'm glad you have faith to keep you strong.

Been one hell of a ride for you for quite awhile.

Good luck with them there resolves. I personally think blowing up junk would qualify as having a blast.

Tuesday, January 04, 2011 7:06:00 PM  
Blogger Kate Coveny Hood said...

I'm so sorry about your mother in law... I can only imagine how hard the past week has been.

But on the HHH front - you have 12 whole months to get to that Hollywood ideal. Or at least make up a regular Jane in suburbia version of it. Maybe the "hot" part will it will be easier in the summer. You can be "happy" while "blast"ing the AC.

Tuesday, January 04, 2011 10:06:00 PM  
Blogger Homemaker Man said...

So sorry for your loss. Glad to hear the story of her strength.

If my wife got brownie stains on her bosoms, I'd call that hot, I'd be happy, and we'd both end up having a blast.

While we stain treated her blouse, silly.

And from now on I'm referring to you in my head as "fedlog" because that's the suggestion google makes every time I type in FADKOG. Like I don't know the difference between a FADKOG and a fedlog. Please.

Tuesday, January 04, 2011 10:39:00 PM  
Blogger the weirdgirl said...

Oh hon, I'm so sorry about your MIL! You always have my virtual hugs, you know. It's been a rough year, hasn't it? But between you and me, I think we're both handling things beautifully.

(And bosoms should be said every day.)

Wednesday, January 05, 2011 1:20:00 AM  
Anonymous Bejewell said...

So very sorry, friend.

Stick with the brownie batter strategy and I'm pretty sure the rest will come. There's a reason why they call it "fat and happy."


Wednesday, January 05, 2011 7:20:00 PM  
Blogger Michele R said...

You had me laughing at the visual of the Glamour being tossed across the room.
Sorry about the news of your MIL; am heartened to read that the whole family was together before hand.

Thursday, January 06, 2011 1:46:00 PM  
Blogger TwoBusy said...

Re: you & brownie batter. Obv. parallel: Lady Macbeth.

"Out, out, damn batter!"

Re: your MIL — I'm so sorry to hear it. My heartfelt sympathies to your entire family.

Monday, January 10, 2011 3:09:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Forgive me the delay, but please accept my very sincere thanks to all of you and for your prayers and well wishes. We're still sorting through some things here, putting life back in some sense of order, so I've been semi-offline a great deal, but please know the kind words extended by all of you have not gone unnoticed and are definitely appreciated.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011 8:59:00 AM  
Anonymous oscar like trophies said...

Things may not turn out the way we plan it but eventually everything will fall to its rightful place. Have a prosperous 2011 to you & may this be a better year for all of us.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011 7:26:00 PM  

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