lady in red

because i'm sure most of you have been aching to know what i look like, i give you this stunningly accurate representation as seen by my four-year-old son. granted, the hair is much longer, and i don't have that wacky 'david bowie' think going on with two different colored eyes. he's totally missing the kickass rack, but he's four, he's not supposed to love them like i do.

here's what i dig about this. my arms apparently have morphed into an all-purpose shovel, which is going to come in handy here soon with the weather, or serves as some type of weapon should i really be a super hero. shh. don't give me away. should you need me, look to the sky, where you'll see a beacon hoe shining in the mist, and relax, knowing all will be fine and tidy soon.

or, you could squint and cock your head to the right a bit, and my arms could be a penis (you want me to say "cock" again, don't you? come closer and i'll whisper it in your ear). this allows me to finally pull out the cliche i've always wanted to. that's right, baby...if my arms were a super sized penis, i'd never leave my house...yeah!

sigh. i feel better now.

even more so 'cause now you all think i'm hot!