...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Monday, November 06, 2006

so this is christmas...

with an assignment those in the retail world like to call 'fuck you, thanksgiving,' i spent a portion of my friday night at the bookstore unpacking and arranging hundreds of christmas cards. at least, i assume they were christmas cards. there wasn't one among them that contained some ethereal angel, a baby in swaddling clothes or even a hint at the image of jesus. i gotta say, nothing warms my heart like celebrating the birth of the christ child with images of cute furry kittens in stocking caps (it took a lot for me to type the word 'kittens' for some reason), wacky penguins decked out in colorful scarfs and ice skates, obscene cartoon reindeer caricatures and barely clad women in elfin wear.

so of course, i picked up some with the snarky reindeer and mrs. claus questioning santa about the scratch marks down his back. my friends expect nothing but the finest in stupid seasonal humor from me.

had to fight the crowds to get into the store friday night. we've been prepped for christmas since mid-september, but shoppers are now descending on us like a fresh kill in in the jungle. the news tells us (so it must be true) that shoppers hate to be rushed into the christmas buying season, but they're out there, spending money i wish i had. local reporters ask how to show your displeasure at the way christmas has creeped in on us sooner every year. unfortunately, they're asking shoppers at the town center where i work who bitch out of one side of their mouth about how awful it us, but just as giddily tell you out the other side that their shopping is done, packages are wrapped and therefore they're superior and you are a pathetic loser.

bookstore shoppers are normally calm, but there was an edge in the air friday. fierce cutting in line at the checkouts, some testiness when asking me to find a particular book ("i don't know who wrote it, what it's called or anything about it. i just saw it on tv." to which i say, "stick to watching tv."). a word of advice to you bookstore renegades. take a deep breath, enjoy the christmas music we're already piping through the store, bitch about the appearance of yet another rachael ray cookbook and before you know it, i'll be ready to serve your customer service needs. and if you know the book title, that's gonna make me a happier person. i can't do much with "i think the cover has some red in it."

i realize, of course, that i'm tackling two cliches in this post - the sudden holiday season and the stranglehold rachael ray has on our world (people love to bitch about her but they keep eating her up. therefore, she wins) and for that, i apologize. it can't all be great writing and they can't all allude to my kickass rack.

to wrap up ("praises to the unseen christ child!" you're perhaps crying. thanks for sticking with me. sorry this is all i've got), the holiday season is here. if you're having a hard time accepting it, maybe you can turn to the man who fully encompasses what the season is all about. if you think that's god and all, good luck. you won't find him anywhere, it seems (sorry. that's three cliches now, which is really not like me at all!).

no, i'm talking about billy idol.


yes. the man who gave us 'white wedding' is releasing his own version of 'white christmas' and other seasonal classics on his very own christmas album this month. this, my friends, is the kind of thing i live for. sad, i know. but not as sad as what has become of billy idol. i'll just close my eyes and pretend this is really 'rock the cradle of love,' wonder if this is what he had in mind for his life back in the generation x days and countdown the hours until he shows up on a season of 'the surreal life'.

enjoy. and don't say i never give you anything good (and be glad i spared you the 'jingle bell rock' clip).

Billy Idol's

8 Comments:

Blogger Finished Last said...

First of all, thank you for the funniest thing I have seen in a good long while. Working in the retail world you are in a very tough postion to not be cynical abot the season. I love Christmas but I refuse to play Christmas music , watcha Christmas movie or do any decorating before Thanksgiving. I find 5th Ave"s insistence of shoving this stuff at us in the fall to be a travesty and I for one say a resounding NO!!!!! (Of course I have done about 60%of my shopping already . but it's online so that doesn't count right?)

Monday, November 06, 2006 10:48:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am with FL that is the funniest thing I have seen in a long while. And I love Billy Idol too now he has gone and ruined it for me.

It is really annoying how they start the christmas stuff so early. The local radio station started to play christmas music on Nov 1st! Good Lord. But I don't start shopping until the day after Thanksgiving, plenty of time...

Monday, November 06, 2006 1:22:00 PM  
Blogger The Savage said...

White Christmas done lounge style is so very wrong.. but when it's White Christmas done lounge style by Billy Idol... well it's still wrong but ummm yeah it's wrong... lol I loved it...

Monday, November 06, 2006 5:05:00 PM  
Blogger JUnderCovers said...

Holy hell, that was weird. The only nice thing I can say about that is that it isn't QUITE as lame as Rod Stewart's slow descent into old age. But that's pretty bad for Mr. Rebel Yell. It was better seeing him on Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve last year trying to snarl at teenage girls.

Monday, November 06, 2006 5:20:00 PM  
Blogger Nanette said...

What do you mean, Christmas hasn't always been about corporate greed? ;) I guess BI will do anything for a buck....wouldn't most of us ;) Thanks for the laugh! :)

Tuesday, November 07, 2006 5:01:00 AM  
Blogger Edtime Stories said...

Ahhh the Christmas season that begins when? Sometime in July.

I love to go to stores like Wal-Mart at this time of year and get on the longest line with a roll of tape or kitchen gadget. Freaks out the clerk who just rang up 50 items having to argue the price of each one. I also like to see the spirit of joy and brother/sisterhood being experienced as people fight over the last piece of crap toy or sale item. Humanity, isn't it wonderful.

Oh and Nanatte....just what will you do for money?

Tuesday, November 07, 2006 5:51:00 AM  
Blogger Kelly said...

Argh! The Christmas season shouldn't start until the day after Thanksgiving!! At least give us that, Retail Industry! I hate you for cheapening the Christmas season! (Decires the atheist. Hey, I'm still allowed to love Christmas, aren't I?)

Tuesday, November 07, 2006 3:00:00 PM  
Blogger Nanette said...

Edtime--I would, if I had no other choice, do just about anything legal or slightly illegal for a buck--I am shameless ;)

Wednesday, November 08, 2006 1:26:00 AM  

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