trying hard not to use the obvious beatles lyric here...

i'm convinced preschool is really just a cover for the birthday party racket. every third day i open my son's super hero folder (upon which i've drawn a representation of myself) and find yet another damn party invitation inside. this is actually pretty amazing when you do the math knowing that there are 14 kids in the boy's class and they attend four afternoons a week for approximately nine months. i'd do it, but that gives me a headache. this girl doesn't dig story problems. bad memories of a 'type a' engineering degreed father trying to teach me, lots of crying. i count on my fingers yet today, people.

anyway, these birthday parties are at elaborate locales and require the purchase of some treasure from target. does no one celebrate within the boring confines of their backyard any longer? according to all the parenting magazines, it's quite possible. but no. we've been to indoor 'bounce palaces' filled with inflatable climbing equipment and mazes, huge recreational facilities, roller skating rinks, and the hell on earth of chuck e. cheese (last year, i did that delightful place three times in less than 10 days. yes, i'm the mother all mothers must aspire to be. and btw, if you're keeping track at home, that's like cliche number four i've used in posts this week. you can't go wrong with a little chuck bashing).

so here's my beef. my birthday is next week. wednesday to be exact. i've never in my life (and let the guessing of my age commence!) had a birthday party. i've seen the photos. there are no goofy hats, no pinatas, no pin the tail on anything, no magic shows documented anywhere.

by now you're all shocked, right? how is it anyone, especially someone as kickass as i no doubt was as a child, denied a birthday party? really, in this day and age, how is it i even survived childhood without being all entertained up in that birthday bitch? i find it shocking. so i'll give you all a moment to discuss amongst yourselves ways to fulfill this fantasy of mine (ok, as fantasies go, this one isn't the highest on my "god, that would send me into pleasant little shakes" mode, but let's work our way up, shall we? let's see how we all get along at a small gathering before i let you make me shake).

um.

hello?

snap out of your own fantasy!

some hints about me. i'm easy to please, but i do like some well thought out presents. i'm not ostentatious (though doesn't the use of the word make you want to say "really? you're not? maybe a little bit?"). i'm sincere in my appreciation. surely that gives you someplace to start.

"shall we have pink cake? i hear she loves extra frosting! i'm going to buy her the bestest present ever!"

how i adore you all! these are all wonderful ideas! might i throw in a plug for large bouquets of flowers and cheesy strippers? not necessarily in that order. see what you can do to work that in.

ok, i'm going to leave you all to make your plans (this four posts in a week thing nearly has me spent). i trust whatever you come up with will be as great as any preschooler's birthday bash (and if you want to have a celebration at some inflatable bounce house, you'll get an eyeful. yeah, you really thought i was going to let a post go and not allude to my boobs? please!). right now i must prepare for a trip to target to pick out yet another gift for a weekend party. my son has a fuller social calendar than i do and i'm going broke to support it.

oh. and that part about me loving extra frosting? spot on.