'and i got so far before i had to say...'
So let's say you woke up today and you're all "Dang! It's a perfect day! But why do I feel this nagging sense there's something missing? Why does it feel like there are three or four pieces to life's mysterious puzzle that are missing? Like, did someone throw those pieces away when they were cleaning up the house and they'd complained AGAIN to the deaf ears that if the pieces didn't all get put back together and put away, they'd not be responsible for what happened? Why does it feel like that?"
I'll tell you why. Because if you have any tenure around here at all, you've been collecting pieces of information about me for very nearly a year (a year tomorrow, if you're thinking of making me a cake, or buying me a present or want to just call me and say nice things to me. I'd dig that). You know:
- I'm way hot for my pretend husbands (and my real husband...but God, I do love me some pretend husband harem...)
- I appreciate nature in all it's manifestations, particularly our aquatic friends
- I apparently only crawl into this decade with the knowledge that Duran Duran is still making music and yet the fact John Hughes is not making films is hard for me to just accept
- My rack is spectacular
- My panties work as a team to embarrass me
- I await science's discovery that Diet Mt. Dew can, in fact, be used as a blood substitute
- I have very little problem with nakedness
- Despite my penchant for grooming, giant nose hairs worthy of starring in their own SciFi Channel original movie will not prevent me from claiming sex
- Haikus make me hot
But I bet it's all the stuff about me you don't know that has you all in a funk today (play along, k? I'm easily amused and this simply makes me smile like a child who doesn't know any better). So here's your chance. You can toss off a comment and include any random question you like and I'll do my best to answer throughout the day. I know it's compelling, but don't ask to see the kick ass rack, because it's currently in rehab and isn't taking any visitors at the moment. Same with my ass. It did try to visit the rack and the staff at the rehab place thought it was looking a little shaky and weird, so they pulled it in for a 72 hour observation.
Break out with the questions. Pretty soon, you may have all those missing puzzle pieces and that "all is right with the world" feeling will be in place. Or you just really got a good night's sleep and in all honesty, you're just not that curious about me, in which case I'm now jealous about the sleep and a little bit despondant that you don't dig me the way I dig you. Geez. I thought we meant something to each other.
Oh, now you're gonna sweet talk me! Was it the fake and yet seemingly sincere tears that worked for you? Nice. That's a little move I picked up from my well crafted time spent watching bad reality television. Still doesn't mean you're gonna get to see the rack, though. Nice try.
Really, I just like talking about me, so this is a post that lets me do that (um, yeah, I do know that's what a blog is about, too, but follow my lead...). In the end, you know, we all win.
(Oh, and best part of all this? You don't have to listen to me giggling to get my answers!)
Labels: as a matter of fact my ego isn't as large as my kick ass rack
posted by for a different kind of girl @ 1:45 AM
23 Comments:
well darling I am sorry about the rehab....
My questions are many...but i will have to think one worthy of this endeavor...
We don't mind giggling
Talk of BOOBS! and panties rocks
But not Costco 'dogs.
Well to continue on with our previous conversation threads there is so much I need to know about you to help you pick the rabbit that is right for you.
Like are you a shower diddler? And are you a gusher? Because then you might need to go waterproof. You could go with the my first wabbit but lets face it, you arent just now breaking into the world of masturbation. So probably not.
Hmm.. decisions.
Girl with kickass rack
Happy Anniversary!
Glad I made a friend. . .
Aww, now I'm all tempted to play 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours', but you know, our friendship is built on sturdier stuff than that isn't it? Isn't it?
Though, you know, saying that the rack is 'looking a little shaky'. . . well, um, you know. . .
I wish I had some penetrating question to put to you (aww, now come on, people), but, just to show you that I can bust other songs than just the Beatles, "I Love You Just the Way You Are". . .
I asked my question in chat privately and got the answer I needed...I'll have to think of a suitable question to post to you here...I'll be back before the day is up.
sTacie
Did Stacie get to see the rack?
Ed - Rehab is rough. It's not like the celebrity rehabs, I'll tell you that much.
FTN -
Your haiku skillz stun
They nearly merit the BOOBS!
But I'll just say 'psych'
(and if I could come up with one about Costo dogs and your kindness - no doubt masked by sighs and eye rolling I couldn't see - in listening to that lengthy tale, I'd have a 5-7-5 on that)
Heather - I'm am, as alluded, a long practictioner of this habit. I could quite go all Karate Kid and be a teacher/mentor. But that would be kinda gross. Anyway...
Showers certainly have earned their spot. Gushing? Nope. At least not "movie style" which is, wow...um...stunning and a little bit beyond my talents. Plus, I think having that skill would ultimately annoy me, what with the cleaning up and such afterward.
Can these rabbits be had good, but cheap? That is my question!
Desmond -
Sturdy friendships, yes
Besides, no more tit for tat
But feel free to think
That one sucked. I simply don't have the haiku magic! Because basically that one right there alludes to the idea that I'm flashing rack all over. Oh no, my friend. Only if you're a doctor or a cable repairman.
If you think of a question, drop back...
Stacie - Hopefully my answer to you will be of tremendous service!
Heather - Ha! Um. No. But God...I would be *that* easy in moments of weakness!
Did you get your package?
Do you like the song Bizarre Love Triangle?
Am I allowed to ask more than one question?
What are your thoughts on global warming?
Can I see the kickass rack? (No harm in asking, now is there? Ha! You can send it to nanette@icantbelieveigavemypantiestoageek.com)
Nan - I got *a* package, but not *the* package.
"Bizarre Love Triangle" could be a bit of a theme song, sweets, but probably not loud enough.
Global warming is scary. Like other things. Well, I actually think some of the other things we know of are way scarier.
We know each other well enough. Check your inbox, baby.
(snort)
Hmmmmm.....
-Other than the 80's music, what is your favorite sound?
-Where is the most comforting place you can be?
-Where did you meet your best friend and how long have you known that person?
-Would you consider meeting online friends in person? No Im not asking, I mean I would if I lived closer cause you seem like you'd be a fun friend to have tea with and act silly with on a Friday night, but I meant in general. :)
SNORT!!!
Ooh...
First concert?
Last concert?
Favorite concert?
Least favorite concert?
You may have answered these before, but my brain's shot tonight. I could give you twenty more questions if I wasn't so spent.
what would you drink if diet mt dew was taken off the market?
how much wood does a woodchuck chuck?
i asked nocturnal this question and he didn't answer so i shall ask you--
you're stuck in a well with a goat and a slinky, how do you get out?
how good are you at math because i have a math class in two and a half weeks and i'm not real good at math.
do you like peanut butter and jelly? if so, what kinna jelly you like? i like strawberry and blackberry with peter pan creamy peanut butter.
are you happy? like everyday sort of happy? i worry about that with my friends. you my friend. *hugs*
i'm tired yanno. i should be in bed.
i tend to ramble when i'm tired.
i need a new cell phone company. who do you cell phone with? i have sprint. my phone is all jacked up and broke...i keep dropping it. oopsie.
good nite.
Terry - Other than 80s music, what is my favorite sound? Hmmm. U2 from the 90s and all they've put out since 2000. To go deeper, the gasping belly laughs of my sons. But honestly, I enjoy silence. When I'm alone here, many times the only sound you hear is me shifting on the couch and the pages of a book turning. That sound rocks.
I wish I could think of the most comforting place I could be. I have a tendency to feel anxious a lot. My mind very rarely shuts down. Planning the next thing. Worrying about that other thing. It's not comforting, necessarily, but when I'm driving, alone, and the music is playing loudly (as it always is as I drive), there is some basic level of comfort there. I can't really explain why other than perhaps it's because I'm having to give some focus to the task and it calms me.
My met my best friend from college, whom I've known for more than 20 years now, when we passed each other in the hallway. She'd just joined the yearbook (as I had) and was stressed about her first writing assignment. I had no help to offer her, but I knew how she felt for I had experienced the same anxiety. She approached me to discuss it and I was thankful, for I'd had my eye on her as friend potential but was too fearful and shy to approach her (I'm still like this today to some degree). She is the friend who has seen me thru some really bad stuff. Our friendship is different now, 20 years out, but we fall back into comfortable paths when we can spend time together.
Would I consider meeting people I've met online? I think it's been quite lucky that everyone I've seemed to "meet" via my blog have seemed like people I'd most definitely want to spend time with in the real world setting. I've connected with some on different levels, and I know there are some I'd feel bonded to by virtue of how we can even complete each other's thoughts even though we've not shared the same space. I'd hope they'd feel the same about meeting me, and would forgive me when I was momentarily shy in the moment. It doesn't take long to get me warmed up to the real me, though, so I'm quite cool to hang out with on Friday nights!
Great questions! Thanks for playing along!
Nan - I gots your snort right here, baby. Tell me. Tell me where you want it! Wait. No. You're just gonna take my snort!
Chag - Yeah! Good to see you here!
My first concert was when I was when I was 13 or 14 and was when Foreigner was touring in support of the '4' album. Inflatable jukeboxes at the side of the stage, lighters blazing for "Waiting for a Girl Like You" and attending with my best friend at the time and her mom! We were so very cool. Especially when we kept asking what the sweet smelling smell was that wafted up in front of us. I wore my concert baseball T for many years after that.
Last concert - Wow. I don't get out much anymore. I'm trying to remember. I know we saw Pat Benatar and Neil Geraldo play for free at a casino here a few years back. I had to pass on the Violent Femmes at another casino this summer. I live in the middle. Nothing good comes to the middle. They tease us from the sides.
Favorite concert is, without question, U2 on Sept. 11, 1992, in the open air Zoo TV tour. Back when it was still affordable to see U2. I was madly in love with my boyfriend, the show was insane and immense and visually stunning. If I could have that night over again once a year for the rest of my life, I'd be quite happy.
Worst concert - I go to so few, unfortunately, that I can't think of a bad one. I mean, there's been some sucky experiences getting to some concerts, but that doesn't count, I imagine. And I, now without shame, admit to having seen Neil Diamond and Al Yankovick (a concert opener) more times than a person my age should admit to, but to say they were bad would be a disservice to all Neil Diamond has done for our country, and I do dig me some "Holly Holy".
Thanks for playing along, too!
kimmyk - If Diet Mt. Dew were taken off the market, I would die. Plain and simple. It would be a messy death, I'm sure. Shaky withdrawals. Poingnant crying. Family crowded around me, begging God not to foresake me. And then I'd probably ask for a Diet Mt. Dew Code Red (delish), or, barring that Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi. Or mocha frappacinos, if they were minus the calories.
Any woodchuck I know would probably have an eating disorder and would eat more than they should and then spend a lot of time grumbling to their woodland friends who they ate too much, and why did you stop me, and damn, I can't eat another bite. Wait! Is that a young sappling over there?
I may have to consult Stacie on this matter!
Like so many other things involving Nocturnal, I can't imagine why he wouldn't have answered the following question. Hmmm. Ok, if I were trapped in a well with just a goat and a slinky, I would stand atop the back of the goat as the sun rose to greet the new and precious day. Then I would take that slinky and use it as a means of catching a glint of light off the sun, thereby blinding a passing motorist or trail runner, what have you. They'd be all "What was that? Did you see that?" to nobody inparticular. But they'd say it outloud, thus assuring me they had notice my makeshift distress call by saying it aloud. When I heard them, I'd turn to the goat and tell him to do his thing by bleating (goats bleat, right? Stacie again...!), and I'd yell "HEY! It's me! The goat! I'm trapped in this well!" And the person would then be all "Hey! Did you hear that!? A goat! Talking! A talking goat!" Next thing you know, they're peering down the well, and wha la, I'm freed. Then I would claim that goat as my pet and together we would roam the land seeking out injustices and lending a hoof up to the downtrodden we encountered. And I'd marvel people with the reminder that "it's slinky, it's slinky. it's fun for a girl or a boy"
This is probably why he didn't asnwer that question.
I am not good at math. I am good about talking about how not good I am at math. I don't know fractions. I sweat at percentages. I pray for my checkbook to always balance because I'll never find the problem if it doesn't. Story problems are like government secrets to me. In fact, this question about math has made me cry. Give me a moment.
Peanut butter and jelly is one of the food of the gods. In fact, I have one made to take to work for lunch tomorrow right now. In my fridge. Awaiting that first bite and the release of ecstacy that it will bring. Me? I'm a super chunky girl (damn right), and I kick my pb & j's old school. Super chucky wiht grape jelly on white bread. Represent.
Am I happy? My daily happiness waxes and wanes. If I have too much time on my hands to dwell on thoughts, I can overthink things and that tends to be things that don't make me happy. But for the most part, I'm hella happy. I've got friends. I've got kids who thrill me and frustrate me. My husband lets me tweak his nipples on a regular basis and will retaliate by grabbing my ass. In tomorrow's mail should be a package that makes me SO happy. Sure, there's some sucky stuff in my life, but I've been worse. I'll take where I am now. However, I'm fine with hugs. Even gropey hugs. Are you gropey? I could live with that. Friends can grope. Plus, I think guys dig it for some strange women when chicks grope/hug. Silly guys.
I'm tired, too. It is my own fault. I am a night owl. But I ramble even when I'm not tired, as evidenced by my blog. And if you chatted me up, you'd be all "dang that girl can ramble. And I bet she's a groper!"
I have Verizon. I only take calls from people I dig. And I have used my phone to take pictures of my boobs. For the most part, these two features of my telephone service seem to be working for me. They should really consider paying me for this endorsement.
"..... and doing God knows what else and things I don't want you to know about."
The question is, what are those things you DON'T want us to know about?
I'm thinking that Slinky, Goat And Me would make a terrific TV series. You and the goat, seeking out injustices, and solving them in 44 minutes each week. Definitely SciFi Network potential, baby.
I'll be happy to be your manager. All I require is 10% of your earnings.
And that you sing at least one song about BOOBS! during the pilot episode.
Because it would be a musical. Oh yes, it would be a musical.
well, no glaring questions, but I did want to say congrats on the anniversary. Here is to another stunning, musical year.
WOW - Based on your answers to my (and some of the other) questions... and the fact that you crack me up.. I think we could totally be blogger soul sisters. :)
XI - Oh, hmmm...those would be things that would brand me for life or have you all thinking wild and wacky (or worse!) things about me. God can really barely handle what he knows and I just glaced over at him and he was all shaking his head and mouthing "Oh hell no!" when he thought I was gonna spill some secrets. I'm gonna follow his suggestion on this one. For now...
FTN - I dig how the Slinky gets top billing in this program. Some manager you are! Hmmm....You're probably gonna make me give up my weekends, touring the country with some smelly goat and rusty piece of wire (not even the *real* Slinky, just some old bedspring). We'll be setting up Q&A's in the party rooms at local Applebee's, won't we. And when I look at you with despair in my eye when I realize the goat's getting more autograph requests than me, you're gonna probably give me that same look God up there did. And yet...sigh...I'll still cut you that 10 percent. Out of loyalty and because you have the dirt on me and my Neil Diamond lust, and you're willing to spill...
The only really good thing about all that? You'd probably be able to work some magic and get "The Band" to do the show's theme music. Hit song - "Slinky's Get Stuck and then they Suck"
RS - all demure, fluttery eyes as I say thank you!
Terry - oops! I got all caught up in the idea of the quasi, "FADKOG's husband demographic" fame "Slinky, Goat & Me" could bring me!
I'm game for more sisters. Just don't tell on me when I won't play a game of Clue with you. Geez. I'm the quiet older sibling. Can't I just go read my books and listen to my records?!
I'm pretty certain he was all shaking his head in my direction and mouthing "him, but no one else". We're that close, you know ....
See? That's just it. While I'd enjoy the thought of the board game, I'd probably be upstairs fluffing our pillows while we get cozy and enjoy reading time. With some tunes playing softly in the background.
XI - Huh...you may be right about that one. Sometimes, when God gets all worked up and his hair's whipping around, I don't know if he's actually suggesting I *not* do something, or dancing around to music from the Polyphonic Spree. So let's just say, for now, that there are things I'd be hella embarrased abuot if you all knew...
Terry - Then game on, sister. That's how I wanted my youth to be. Except the music was always loud, and always burning into my ears direct from the massive headphones I was rocking. No wonder I was so cool and popular growing up...sigh..
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