...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

orange you glad i didn't say banana?

A tip from me to you -

Be sure to speak clearly and slowly when you phone your mother and ask her how to macerate strawberries lest you desire having her scream "WHAT?! You want to do WHAT WITH STRAWBERRIES?!" in your ear. This is especially important if you also plan to use the word balsamic at any point in your query. Additionally, enunciate if you are inclined to announce your intention to give the strawberries "a good forking." Planning accordingly cuts down considerably on the amount of time you might spend explaining yourself, and gets you to the good stuff, so to speak, faster.

You're welcome.

p.s. If anyone knows how to make whipped cream blobs look more enticing, I'd love a tip. If you just want to talk about whips, I'll smile and nod, but I'll not really be able to add much to the conversation.

p.s.s. My food play has never actually involved strawberries, and in fact may have peaked following a long weekend and a box of Cracklin' Oat Bran cereal.

Labels: ,

43 Comments:

Anonymous Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

I macerated some strawberries this morning.

I felt so dirty afterwards I needed a shower.

But day-um they were awesome.

Monday, April 20, 2009 1:26:00 AM  
Blogger Cocotte said...

You couldn't work in a berry bush, a kumquat or cherry popping too?

Monday, April 20, 2009 6:38:00 AM  
Blogger Chas said...

I have no clue what macerated strawberries are, but you can bank on the fact I'll be googling it in about 2 minutes- that looks YUMMY!

Monday, April 20, 2009 7:17:00 AM  
Blogger Dana's Brain said...

Who doesn't love a good maceration? And is that angel food cake?? Be still my heart.

Monday, April 20, 2009 7:38:00 AM  
Blogger The Stiletto Mom said...

My husband macerated some strawberries this morning. I had to look away. Some things are best done in private.

Monday, April 20, 2009 8:13:00 AM  
Blogger Immoral Matriarch said...

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Tell mom to get her mind out of the gutter!!

Monday, April 20, 2009 8:14:00 AM  
Blogger Kathy B! said...

Yum. I'd like some of that for breakfast :)

And if you're going to make me all slobbery the least you could do is post a recipe!

Monday, April 20, 2009 8:17:00 AM  
Blogger lime said...

i'd like to masticate some macerated strawberries

Monday, April 20, 2009 8:25:00 AM  
Blogger Meg said...

YUMMMMM!!! And your mom is a pervert. It's ok, though, she probably thinks you're a pervert.

Monday, April 20, 2009 8:44:00 AM  
Anonymous zelzee said...

Does anyone ever really admit they macerate?

Monday, April 20, 2009 8:45:00 AM  
Blogger American in Norway said...

LOL... love it.. & now I want some cake... Looks awesome!

Monday, April 20, 2009 8:47:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Dang it, Lime - you beat me to the masticatory punch. . .

Reminds me of an old bit from Mad Magazine when I was 12 or so (yeah, I read Mad Magazine when I was 12; so what?). A political campaign speech where the speaker accuses his opponent of engaging in 'countless acts of public mastication', and being 'obsessed with sects', and his sister was 'a notorious thespian', etc, etc. . .

But hey - I love masticating with strawberries. Often, Molly and I and all our kids will sit around the table, masticating together. 'Cuz that's just the kind of family we are. . .

Monday, April 20, 2009 8:58:00 AM  
Blogger cIII said...

I feel much better after a good Forking as well. Maceration is good in a pinch.

As for the Whipped Cream....try putting it in a piping bag with a star tip and twisting as you squeeze.

See what I did there?

Food porn rocks.

Monday, April 20, 2009 9:33:00 AM  
Anonymous abdpbt said...

Wait, I thought "strawberry" was our safe word?

Monday, April 20, 2009 9:45:00 AM  
Anonymous bejewell said...

This post has ruined the movie 9 1/2 weeks for me. How can I ever enjoy the sexy-blindfold-food scene again now that I realize how much better it could have been with some Cracklin' Oat Bran?

Monday, April 20, 2009 9:59:00 AM  
Blogger Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

Yeah, I'm with bejewell.... 9 1/2 Weeks was totally rockin' until you brought up the Cracklin' Oat Bran. Ew.

And whipped cream can be very sexy looking if you don't over-whip it... leave it a little loose and it will be absolutely lovely draped over your strawberry shortcake. Yum! I am definitely making this soon.

Monday, April 20, 2009 10:04:00 AM  
Blogger blissfully caffeinated said...

Cracklin' oat Bran? That sounds scratchy.

Monday, April 20, 2009 10:23:00 AM  
OpenID mayopie said...

I do have a whip cream tip that really enhances presentation. Get a heaping tablespoon of your favorite whipped topping. Use another spoon to round off the edges, then lightly place it in the middle of a boob. I'm pretty sure I saw it on Martha Stewart.

Monday, April 20, 2009 10:33:00 AM  
Blogger Betsey Booms said...

All good advice here.

It reminds me of the time I told my grandmother that I hate Halloween make up because it cracks and smells like fish.

She peed herself laughing about my exclamation of my crack smelling like fish.

Monday, April 20, 2009 10:35:00 AM  
Blogger Christina Lee said...

maceration should only be done in the privacy of your own room!

Monday, April 20, 2009 11:02:00 AM  
Blogger Kat said...

Your cream blobs might look better if you piped them out of a bag (all kinds of double entendre for your pleasure).

Monday, April 20, 2009 11:03:00 AM  
Blogger Drama Queen Jenner said...

Innuendo aside, what looks really good whipped-cream-wise is if you have the swirls, (like soft-serve) trace them with a thin line of chocolate sauce.

Monday, April 20, 2009 11:04:00 AM  
Blogger Bogart in P Towne said...

I wonder how those taste

Monday, April 20, 2009 11:06:00 AM  
Blogger Peggy said...

LMAO at Kat! Couldn't have said it better myself!

FADKOG...you make me hungry!

Monday, April 20, 2009 11:17:00 AM  
Blogger Phyllis RenĂ©e said...

Unfortunately, my husband just *had* to show me a video involving reddi whip, therefore I can longer even consider whipped cream on desserts. (Resist the temptation of researching said video. You can't say I didn't warn you!)

Monday, April 20, 2009 12:40:00 PM  
Blogger Nature Girl said...

I'm pretty sure I don't know what macerated strawberries are and I'm quite positive I don't want to know what went on with the cracklin' oat bran, but I might be inclined to listen to the talk about whips..I'm just THAT kind of girl...

I hope your mother recovered quickly from the shock...and I applaud your relationship. I was NEVER able to talk to my mother about forking strawberries. A conversation such as that would have sent her into cardiac arrest I'm sure of it!
Stacie

Monday, April 20, 2009 1:38:00 PM  
Blogger Brian o vretanos said...

I had to google to find out what maceration was, and I was somewhat disappointed by the search results I got back...

Monday, April 20, 2009 3:14:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt Becky said...

I am drooling. Heavily.

Monday, April 20, 2009 4:27:00 PM  
Blogger HoodChick said...

I never thought I'd say this, but baby do I want to fork those berries!

Monday, April 20, 2009 5:44:00 PM  
Blogger Zip n Tizzy said...

Your mom has to get her mind out of the berry patch.

Oh, and you would have to show us this on the hottest day of the year. It's like August here, Hot Hot Hot!

Monday, April 20, 2009 10:28:00 PM  
Blogger bernthis said...

my mother is losing her hearing so no matter what you say you have to be careful

Monday, April 20, 2009 11:00:00 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Next time, take the angel food cake and gently slice off the TOP. Dig out a sort of "canal" in the cake, fill it up with strawberries and glaze (or custard or chocolate mousse) and then put the top back on. Spread the whip cream on like icing, or you can use actual icing. When you slice into it, everyone will be agog at your craftiness. And it's delicious.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009 12:32:00 PM  
Blogger Eda said...

Yummy!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009 12:36:00 PM  
Anonymous Sammanthia said...

Who knew strawberries could be so *sexual*?

Tuesday, April 21, 2009 2:09:00 PM  
Blogger Swirl Girl said...

please , no talk of macerating and forking until I've had a chance to gather change the batteries on Papa Smurf!

this was so 9 1/2 weeks!!!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009 2:36:00 PM  
Blogger Get8More said...

I always go with banana!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009 2:44:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy said...

This whole post went right over my head. I just got that there was some sexual innuendo in there.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009 3:01:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy said...

ooooooh. okay got it.

clearly i need more sleep.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009 3:02:00 PM  
Blogger Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

Whatever macerate strawberries are, if those are them, they look YUMMY!!!

I wish I had been able to hear that conversation though. Too freakin funny.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009 3:18:00 PM  
Blogger Chris Wood said...

If you're going to be obscene, please speak clearly ... message on an answer phone. Nice one!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009 5:03:00 PM  
Blogger San Diego Momma said...

I've always found that whipped cream blobs look most enticing in my mouth.

That's my tip.

Please send your maceration tips over now in return.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009 5:38:00 PM  
Blogger iMommy said...

I am slightly disturbed, but mostly intrigued -- oat bran cereal?

Also -- my daughter is obsessed with that knock knock joke.

Saturday, April 25, 2009 5:36:00 PM  
Blogger tamilyn said...

Tears.Streaming.Down.Face.
OMG-that was hilarious-I'm still laughing.

Monday, May 04, 2009 1:25:00 AM  

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