...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

what about prom, blane? no. what about prom? no. WHAT ABOUT PROM!

Sometimes the universe hands you a really amazing gift you can't imagine not sharing with others. My gift came when I sat down to watch this week's episode of 18 Kids and Counting (like you don't), and Josh Duggar turned to wife Anna's prenatal nurse, who'd just asked morning-sickness ravaged Anna if she was taking her prenatal vitamins, and said, "Anna's a master swallower!" I swear to you, Seth punched me so hard on the arm I spilled the lowfat microwave popcorn we were sharing and then we fell to our knees to thank the sweet, sweet Lord for that line.

That, friends, is an example of a gift that demands sharing, so I'm saddened The Internet hasn't yet provided me that particular clip anywhere. WTH, Internet?! What's a gift that doesn't warrant sharing? Oh, a little something called My Prom Photos. However, in what I can only assume is what's known as peer pressure (which I can only imagine, having seen enough ABC Afterschool Specials about the perils of speed and teen pregnancy - though not at the same time - to know not to succumb in high school), this post...sigh...this post contains images that may not be suitable for any of you, but I'm sharing them because Stiletto Mom and Blissfully Caffeinated had the fantastic idea we do this. The part of me that remembers hiding in the bathroom during P.E. to avoid being picked last for volleyball imagines these two already very beautiful women, and everyone else who melted at their wiles and posted their photos, will have gorgeous, completely unembarrassing prom pictures on their blogs, and then here's me, wondering why John Travolta's laughing at me and The Greatest American Hero's passed out at my feet.

So, lucky you!

You know what makes this even more awesome? I've been blogging for nearly three years and very few of you know what I actually look like, so for that first glimpse, why not show you how lame ass I looked at 17? I expect those of you who do know what I look like to immediately flood the comments telling everyone what a stone cold fox I am.

So aw(ful)esome!

Sigh....

I know what you're probably thinking right now. You're thinking, "Hey, didn't she just allude to the fact she WASN'T a stone cold fox in 1985?? Who the hell does she think she's kidding? Because baby, somebody should call the zookeeper and tell them it appears a tigress has escaped." Stop it. You're embarrassing me! Here's what I think you should be thinking when you see this photo from my junior year: "Hey, did you say these were photos of YOU going to the prom? Yeah? Then how come you look like a 41 year old woman instead of a 17 year old girl?!"
I know, right?! Seriously, I must be taking magical Benjamin Button supplements because I seriously look younger today than I did in my teens and and 20s. I suppose that's what no longer giving a rat's ass about what the popular girls think of you does to a person. Or maybe it was nixing the whole perm thing and losing the frosted purple lipstick, which, if you click on that photo to make it bigger (but OMG, why would you want to), you'd see I was wearing. Sexy's just another word for scary.



My dress was a stunning pale purple frock of the finest imported polyester ordered direct from the fashion house of JC Penney's. The straps, kissed by the ruffled lips of angels, doubled as a seductive enchantress by draping casually off the shoulder if one desired to be daring and dangerous. As you can imagine, such a move was employed during slow dances to Careless Whisper, Heaven or I Miss You. Do I have a photo of it like that? No, and for that, I apologize. However, if it's skin you want (and based on the emails I so often get from the random paramours wishing to see, and I quote, "my boobies!"), then it's skin I shall give you!

Oh, yeah, baby! The smirk says, "For the love of God, can we stop taking photos now?" but the leg says, "Mmm, Legss Sheer Comfort control top pantyhose in realistic Suntan!" I believe it was Roxette who said it best when they sang, "Tasty like a raindrop. She's got the look!" It's especially crazy that they said it three years before that song even came out. Inspiration, perhaps? I don't even want to presume to imagine. By the way, I still have that garter should anyone wish to hang it from the rear view mirror of their pickup truck.


You're probably wondering if a MILFy looking 17 year old like me had a date for the junior prom (which was themed "When You Wish Upon A Star" - LAME). Oh, yes, my friends. I absolutely had a date, and if you think I was hot, check out the sizzlin' hunk of high school hotness who took me there in my Dad's bitchin' midlife crisis Camero! Tommy lived one house down from mine (convenient!) and we spent every night together (rawr!)(except not really)(as you'll soon find out) playing basketball in my driveway, working at Target after school, or taking turns going for drives in our Dodge Darts - yes, we had the same cars! That, I believe, is the definition of destiny. Tommy was the first boy to see my shoulders AND my boobs, and I fully intended to have his last name one day.

Oh, fate, you cruel mistress...

Do you remember the spring dance episode of Beverly Hills 90210 when Dylan gently deflowers Brenda in the hotel room they retired to after skipping out of the festivities (hardcore BH-Niner fans can click the link and watch the entire episode!)? Yeah, well, is that the outline of a Skoal can in your tuxedo pocket, Tommy, or are you just happy to see me? My adorable and sweet high school boyfriend, who just happened to conveniently live one house down and was not only the first boy to see my boobs but ACTUALLY TOUCH THEM, had other plans for us to mark this Very Special Episode of our lives. But look closer at that photo (if you must). Do you see that look on my naive little face? That look is why I like to call this photo "Like A Virgin" (alternate title - "Yearning for Zion"). Remember what I said about peer pressure? Well, I'd also read enough Judy Blume books to know there were consequences to teen sex! Despite his best efforts and his strong lips, my nun-like resolve (good lord, but I was a loser) prevailed, which proved to be most wise and lucky on my part. Soon after we broke up early in our senior year, Tommy began dating a classmate and impregnated her with his Sperm O' Magic, gifting her with what would ultimately be the first of FIVE children he'd have with her before either of them were 25 that he never actually helped raise because he'd get her knocked up while home on every military leave he had.

I last saw Tommy nine years ago. Damn if that magic man still wasn't hot. Love's a bitch, Duck. Love's a bitch.
Speaking of damn, this post is getting damn long and I haven't even shared my senior prom with you. Actually, I hated my senior prom so much I have very few photos or mementos from that evening. Probably a little something to do with the fact that I appeared to be rocking a minor chick mullet, my dress fit poorly, and look like I ate my date - who was neither my cousin nor lived out of state and/or in France during the school year - instead of the delicious Village Inn meal he took me to prior to taking me to the dance and proceeding to stand against the wall with his buddies the entire night. So you know what? I think I'm going to sit out that one and let you go dance with some of the others who are sharing their prom photos today. Please visit The Stiletto Mom and Blissfully Caffeinated for their posts and the links to others they'll share throughout the weekend.

But first, while I can understand why you might be ashamed to go out with me, that you might be terrified your rich friends won't approve, don't leave me hanging here thinking I'm the girl who was, is, and will always be nada (oh, Pretty In Pink, I say I love you and too much...). Leave me a comment. Maybe ask me to dance, and don't fear my incredibly pale arms and dark legs!

Labels:

83 Comments:

Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

I don't know why that first photo isn't showing up when you click over to to the blog. It's there in Reader. Anyway, in a delicious twist of awesome, I guess you are going to have to click on it to get the bigger picture for now while I work to fix it. So, so awesome...

Thursday, May 14, 2009 10:24:00 PM  
Blogger Bee said...

I see the first pic...

Thursday, May 14, 2009 10:30:00 PM  
Blogger Bee said...

HAWT TAMALE!!

Are you really tall? I was going to post mine but I freakin can't find it.

Thursday, May 14, 2009 10:31:00 PM  
Blogger Cameron said...

Damn, showing a little thigh in 85....I bet all the boys were hanging around your house, hoping you might 'accidentally' leave the curtains open while you undressed.

Thursday, May 14, 2009 10:44:00 PM  
Blogger Kate Coveny Hood said...

Oh my god - tears are pouring down my cheeks. I find many posts amusing and sometimes I even "LOL" - but very rarely do I have an epileptic seizure. This was by far, one of the funniest things I've ever read in my entire life. A garter at prom! I so needed this today...

Oh and I wish I could participate since I love this idea so much. But for some reason my graduating high school class (all girls school) was rocking the LBD like we were the cast of S&TC (or the much younger, dorkier version in 80's "pumps").

Can't wait to read the others but I seriously doubt that anything can compare to THIS!

Thursday, May 14, 2009 10:51:00 PM  
Blogger T. said...

still trying to decide if I want to post mine. My date was hawt (and not in high school, thank you very much) but I am wearing a high-necked Jessica McClintock dress and I look like I am twelve and swathed in meringue.

T.

Thursday, May 14, 2009 11:18:00 PM  
Blogger Mary Ellen said...

I, too, was rockin the whole Sheer Energy suntan thing. It's a good thing you didn't decide to go all Dylan and Brenda on prom night, because, as I remember, those things got harder and harder to get out of the more you danced in a hot sweaty gym. Ahh, the glory years.

You, my dear, are a goddess, and you brighten my day every time I visit.

Thursday, May 14, 2009 11:20:00 PM  
Blogger Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

You are a brave brave woman for sharing that dress with the modern world. I'm not sure that I have the cajones to share either the virginal white linen number from 9th grade, the harlot's red satin ruffled monstrosity of 10th grade or the black, off the shoulder, swear-to-God-it-looks-like-I-belonged-in-an-old-timey-saloon get-up of my 11th grade prom. Thank GAWD I had the sense to skip it my senior year.

You are hysterical, too. This was an excellent post! (And my captcha word below? "Story" !!)

Thursday, May 14, 2009 11:21:00 PM  
Blogger msprimadonna67 said...

I came across your blog via a comment you left on someone else's blog, and I have to say I'm so glad I clicked over! You took me back immediately to my own 80s prom days and my infatuation with the entire cast of Pretty in Pink. Now that I'm a teacher, I get to see the prom from the other side of the dance floor. Here's a link to The Prom Speech that I give my seniors each year. http://msprimadonna67.blogspot.com/2009/05/prom-speech.html

Thursday, May 14, 2009 11:31:00 PM  
Blogger The Stiletto Mom said...

holy shit...i love you...had to just stop and say that...off to read.

Thursday, May 14, 2009 11:42:00 PM  
Blogger blissfully caffeinated said...

I am loving you and Seth right now. And laughing my ass off. Seriously, that whole prom experience sounds like a John Hughes movie. Thanks so much for sharing. And just know that my pregnant hormones are wild right now and I would totally make out with you given the chance.

Thursday, May 14, 2009 11:50:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy said...

You are possibly the bravest woman I know, because no way, as stated before, are my prom pictures ever, ever, going to see the light of day.

Did I mention ever?

And thanks for all the 80s movie references. Life isn't good without a few allusions to a Molly Ringwald flick.

Love you. I truly do.

Thursday, May 14, 2009 11:51:00 PM  
Blogger The Stiletto Mom said...

You may be the most awesome blogger on the planet. That post made me cry laughing. I cannot even believe you finally posted a picture of yourself, even if it's decades old. I consider this a personal victory.

Also, I blew up every single picture...that dress? HAWTNESS.

Now excuse me while I go wipe my eyes from laughing so hard I'm crying. I'm pretty sure you and I would have been BFF's in high school.

I love you..did I say that already?

Thursday, May 14, 2009 11:53:00 PM  
Blogger Always Home and Uncool said...

Dear Lord. You ... you have a 'do much like my own strawberry-blonde junior prom date did that night. It is destiny, my wild Iowa one. Destiny.

Friday, May 15, 2009 12:14:00 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

Oh Lordy. That is one vision in purple.

Friday, May 15, 2009 12:26:00 AM  
Blogger Cocotte said...

Obviously you had something going on because your date is foxy in 1980's standards.

Friday, May 15, 2009 5:45:00 AM  
Blogger lime said...

in a totally non-prom related comment, i am thinking if it's 18 kids and counting then they have an odd definition of what constitutes "master swallower." might wanna check where those prenatal vitamins went. just a thought.

that being said, good thing you had nun-like resolve with tommy or you might be rivaling the duggars in an absentee father sort of reality show.

and finally the word veri is "bratinal." sounds like some sort of drug tommy's wife might want to use to handle her offspring?

ok, i'm leaving now before i really get in trouble.

Friday, May 15, 2009 6:06:00 AM  
Blogger Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Yes, you are a brave woman.

I think we were all slaves to perms back then, which explains the reason we look so much younger today.

Friday, May 15, 2009 6:45:00 AM  
Blogger Katherine said...

Did you and Iona sit around and talk about boys and pick out dresses before the prom? God I love Pretty in Pink...I am such a nerd. LOL.

Friday, May 15, 2009 6:48:00 AM  
Blogger Kat said...

Gah that last comment was me.

Friday, May 15, 2009 6:49:00 AM  
Blogger Badass Geek said...

I'm sorry, I'll be back to comment after I take a cold shower.

Friday, May 15, 2009 7:06:00 AM  
Blogger Christina Lee said...

hilarious!the hair...oh the hair.... what did we do to ourselves in the 80's??? you're hair btw, looks lovely now (in your profile picture)

Friday, May 15, 2009 7:23:00 AM  
Blogger Under the Influence said...

Ya gotta love the '80's! I SO wish I had a scanner so I could participate.

Friday, May 15, 2009 7:31:00 AM  
Anonymous Karen said...

Holy shit that post was awesome!

And "Anna's a master swallower"...totally the quote of the day.

I have to go change my pants now :)

Friday, May 15, 2009 7:44:00 AM  
Blogger Peggy said...

You are a genius! For 1983, you were one hot chick-a-dee! Target? I'm calling bullshit! There was no Target back then (was there?) Admit it, Fadkog, you and your hot chunk o burning love worked at the big K didn't you! Thanks for sharing your sweet sweet memories...I really want to see senior prom though....

Friday, May 15, 2009 8:22:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

OK, is this where I say that Molly doesn't really like to swallow?

(yeah, for all the good that did us. . .) ;)

And, just so's you know, I am on the phone to the zookeeper right now, Miss Tigress McHotterson. . .

And listen, you weren't the loser there. . . that would've been Tommy. . . But I'm guessin' that you know that, really. . .

Friday, May 15, 2009 8:29:00 AM  
Blogger Chasity said...

You. Are my hero. I wasn't going to post my prom pics on my blog due to the fact that the bottom 1/2 of my head of hair was growing back after I allowed my husband to shave it off for me, but your bravery is catchy. I'm off to the scanner...

Molly Ringwald would have totally looked like a weeks old wilted flower next to your prom hawtness. I know you quoted Roxette, but I was totally getting Bananarama vibes: Goddess on the mountain top...

Friday, May 15, 2009 8:50:00 AM  
Blogger DiPaola Momma said...

Wholy farggin snitt Batman I NEEDED to pee laughing this morning... you had me at the Pretty in Pink title of this post. AND you managed to get the 16 candles-esque dress too.. HOW VERY Molly Ringworm of ya. Now I'm longing to kiss Jake while sitting on the dinning room table.. and then will sticking with the cars and deflowering theme.. ravage him on his freakin red porche.. "The Donner need food"! LMFAO thanks!!

Friday, May 15, 2009 8:52:00 AM  
Blogger Betsey Booms said...

1985 was the hardest year to be a stone cold fox in.

Friday, May 15, 2009 9:02:00 AM  
Blogger Jenni said...

Oh, my, that is a serious hair helmet, lady. And some god corsage action.

Friday, May 15, 2009 9:08:00 AM  
Anonymous TwoBusy said...

Okay... first off, this is incredibly brave of you. Secondly, this is one of the funniest goddamn things I've ever read/seen. Your titles for photos #1 and 2? I'm still laughing. Especially when I imagine Brando in full-on Apocalypse Now style muttering those words while he looks at that picture. And "The straps, kissed by the ruffled lips of angels..."? That's a special kind of genius, right there.

My love for you knows no boundaries today.

(Word verification: fatins. Not. Kidding.)

Friday, May 15, 2009 9:24:00 AM  
Blogger PAPATV said...

Wow Prom Flashbacks bring out the best in people! YOur writing was ON FIRE!!!
And yes Stiletto Mom is right, FINALLY after all this time we get a picture, lovez it!
I took it to the lab and with the aid of Google imaging, adjusted the photo with light streaks to advance the chrome to give me a picture of what you would look like now.
Totally joking about that last part!
This was so much fun!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, May 15, 2009 9:45:00 AM  
Anonymous Sarcastic Mom said...

In advance, I'd like to say, no, that is not a banana in my pocket.

Because this post is fuckin' fab.

Friday, May 15, 2009 10:11:00 AM  
Blogger Legallyblondemel said...

*clank* That's the sound of my falling off my ergonomic chair in sheer bliss, so elated am I by this John Hughes / "90210" / permed prom pic trifecta.

Can I just call Friday a day right now? There is no Earthly way for things to improve from here.

Friday, May 15, 2009 10:33:00 AM  
Blogger Joy said...

look at ya getting all sexy and showing off some leg:)

Friday, May 15, 2009 10:45:00 AM  
Blogger Bex said...

i want to give you a hug. that tommy - what a nerd. he doesn't know what he missed out on.

you look very tall in those pictures.

Friday, May 15, 2009 11:09:00 AM  
Anonymous zelzee said...

This post was hysterical!! I was laughing so hard, as it broght back flashes from my past!!!

My first boyfriend turned out to be an overweight alcoholic loser....don't know why I never married him.

I married everyone else!

And you look very sexy showing some leg!

Friday, May 15, 2009 11:24:00 AM  
Anonymous Maureen at IslandRoar said...

I was just thinking what a cutie your date was when you shared his chivalrous history.
Brava for you for being brave enough to post prom photos. I would rather have my eyes pecked out by a crow. Seriously.

Friday, May 15, 2009 11:59:00 AM  
Blogger Brian o vretanos said...

I think they have "proms" here these days, but not when I was 17, so it's interesting to see what I missed out on. Except that the 17-year-old me wouldn't have gone to such a thing.

Friday, May 15, 2009 12:26:00 PM  
Blogger Tuesday Girl said...

I just love it.
LOVE!

Friday, May 15, 2009 1:11:00 PM  
Blogger BrnEyedGal said...

Oh heavens!!!!
I just happened by your blog when I went to SITS for Roll Call....and Im SO glad I did!
Your hilarious....have you written a book? You should.
"You had me at hello!" LOL
I just love "Pretty In Pink" in fact, Im a fanatic...so your use of all the quotes had me just giddy!!!
Im heading over to check out the other prom pics now...I may even display mine if I get up the nerve!!!
What a FANTASTIC post!!!! :) :) :)

Friday, May 15, 2009 1:33:00 PM  
Blogger Meg said...

Woo-hoo! Smokin' hot! I got my dress for prom for Sears, so you're totally one up on me on the coolness factor for the dress.

Friday, May 15, 2009 1:56:00 PM  
Blogger Pgoodness said...

Best. Title. Ever.

Friday, May 15, 2009 4:43:00 PM  
Blogger Dana's Brain said...

Oh, darlin. You are awesome. I really wish I had the time this week to track down my pics.

Love these and if it makes you feel any better, my junior prom date turned out to be gay. (Which I found out years later and which definitely made sense!)

Friday, May 15, 2009 4:47:00 PM  
Blogger Angel said...

I think it was a wonderful post and amazing that you combined all of 90210, Judy Blume and prom! As well as the hilarious laugh I got just in the first paragraph.

Friday, May 15, 2009 5:29:00 PM  
Blogger The Stiletto Mom said...

Oh my goodness, I've found myself back here again somehow. Like a moth to a flame, I just cannot stop admiring that amazing gown of yours.

I told you I loved you yesterday right?

Oh yeah, twice...nevermind.

Friday, May 15, 2009 6:06:00 PM  
Blogger CT Mom said...

First, gotta say, the Duggar's "master swallower" soundbite? A gift from God ...

That is quite some gown! I wore Gunne Sacks myself, and my prom picture looks like a wedding snapshot. Loved my senior prom! My date wore a top hat and tails, and we didn't get home until 5 am. It was awesome.

My prom was 27 years ago Memorial Day weekend. Sigh.

Friday, May 15, 2009 7:54:00 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

I'm in happy tears from laughing. And thank god someone else looked older at prom. I swear I looked more like a chaperone. Which is why I would never post the pic. Thank you for the snicker.

Friday, May 15, 2009 8:49:00 PM  
Blogger Michele said...

The old lady hair cut, ruffles and pearls. You so RAWKed that look.

Friday, May 15, 2009 9:32:00 PM  
Blogger Laggin said...

Hey, I'm an 80's chick...I know what was hot. You were working it!

I love this idea. But I'm currently dedicated to totally sad and depressing blogs.

Friday, May 15, 2009 9:45:00 PM  
Blogger Casey said...

A girl who throws around a Roxette quote and makes fun of a Mormon swallower is alright by me. Your dress was the perfect 80's dress, I can't think of a better one to represent that decade.

You really dodged a bullet with your prom date. I didn't get any on my prom night either and my date knocked someone up a few months later. There must be a trend.

Friday, May 15, 2009 9:57:00 PM  
Blogger Zip n Tizzy said...

This post was SO fabulous, you've left me speechless.
You always make my day.
To perned hair and sateen dresses.

Friday, May 15, 2009 11:45:00 PM  
Blogger anymommy said...

Awesomely funny. Now I've cried and laughed out loud and I have to leave.

Friday, May 15, 2009 11:56:00 PM  
Anonymous Redneck Mommy said...

OH my GAWD woman.

How the fuck did I miss this?

You rock.

I am dying laughing.

And um, 1983? I was 8. Snicker.

God I love ya.

Saturday, May 16, 2009 12:21:00 AM  
Blogger bekah said...

hahahaha ohhh lordy. In 1985 I was...dont hate me...1. HOWEVER I did wear an awful green monstrosity that bared my midriff to my junior prom. I didnt bother going to my senior prom because there was just no way in hell I could top that!

Love the garter!

AND...I too spit out my frozen yogurt when Josh extolled Annas swallowing skills.

Saturday, May 16, 2009 5:01:00 AM  
Blogger Melissa said...

I can't believe I'd forgotten the garters! Mine was light blue trimmed in lace and I saved it as a memento for a few years.

You rock the dress, darling.

Saturday, May 16, 2009 8:53:00 AM  
Blogger Bogart in P Towne said...

That hair...oooh that hair.

I just want to bounce things off of it.

Saturday, May 16, 2009 10:11:00 AM  
Blogger Kathy B! said...

I love, love, LOVE your blog!

This post is awesome on so many levels, and the pictures just elevate it. And when you find that "master swallower" comment on YouTube post is ASAP, please :)

Saturday, May 16, 2009 1:35:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt Becky said...

I'm still wiping tears of laughter out of my eyes, duder. You are HYSTERICAL.

And HOTT!

*makes embarrassing sizzling noises*

Saturday, May 16, 2009 2:12:00 PM  
Blogger Chag said...

I admire your braveness. If I were to post a picture of myself from that era, I would be laughed off the Internet. Of course, the same could be said if I posted a picture of myself from the current era.

And I'm glad you didn't give it up to Tommy. Never trust a guy with feathered hair.

Saturday, May 16, 2009 10:37:00 PM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

what the fuck is up with that rose bush on your chest? LMAO. i'm kidding.

ooohhh those were the days. at least youre smiling-me at my prom? no. dude almost had to pay me to go with him....

sheesh.

lovee the garter you sassy ass.

Sunday, May 17, 2009 10:36:00 AM  
Blogger April said...

You are so brave. There is no way in aych ee double hockey sticks I am posting my prom pictures. No need to remind the world that I used to be young, thin and had the biggest hair outside of New Jersey. But I admire you girl. And your sexy pantyhose.

Sunday, May 17, 2009 10:45:00 AM  
Blogger Divine Chaos said...

gawds .. my story is nowhere near as good as yours, though I do think that I can beat ya with the "lameness" factor (I didn't get to GO to the prom .. I got to go to the non-heathen, non-dancing, non-fun "jubilee") .. I think I'm not gonna post it now though! lmao

Thanks for the (hysterical, belly aching laughter) giggle.

Sunday, May 17, 2009 11:45:00 AM  
Blogger Biscuit said...

Is it my imagination (and by imagination, I mean lust fueled fantasy), or can we see through your dress in that first pic?

I don't have any of my prom pics, but I do have the dress!

Sunday, May 17, 2009 1:57:00 PM  
Blogger musingwoman said...

Love your jpg title for that first pic. :)

Sunday, May 17, 2009 10:13:00 PM  
Anonymous Sammanthia said...

I'm so glad I came back to the internet, otherwise I might have missed this fabulously hilarious post.
I hope that someday you and I will meet, and when we do I'm going to wear a spandex mini dress and tell everyone they lose IQ points every time they go to the bathroom. Somehow I have a feeling you won't be embarrassed.

Monday, May 18, 2009 8:12:00 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

I was going to post mine but I forgot about it. I'm pretty sure I have it. Now you have to come out of the closet and show us something more up to date.

Monday, May 18, 2009 9:44:00 AM  
Blogger sparklywizardsleeve said...

Ah, Fiona, Shrek is so lucky!

Monday, May 18, 2009 11:13:00 AM  
Anonymous Pam said...

This is why an all girls Catholic school is not a bad choice. No prom, no prom pictures. That said, I've looked at all of their pictures and, I swear, you're the one I'd want to go to prom with. Is it trick photography or do you really have legs that go on forever??

Monday, May 18, 2009 11:34:00 AM  
Blogger Lainey-Paney said...

That Duggar comment is PRICELESS.

Monday, May 18, 2009 12:00:00 PM  
Blogger FTN said...

The fates must be on our side today, because I can actually GET TO YOUR BLOG. Crazy.

First of all, my wife told me all about the Duggar comment. She said it was the funniest thing ever, and that I must have corrupted her mind for her to find it that hilarious. So mark one down for me.

All I can say on the pictures is, rawr. You are one hot, mullet-wearing, purple-dress wearing babe in those pictures.

Yes, you look better now than you did then. At least your BOOBS! grew in. You've got that going for you.

There are so many comments I want to make here, I'm not even sure where to begin. What I really love in the full-size pictures is the close-up of the oil stains in the driveway.

That, and the mullet.

That, and how Tommy looks like he's one of those 30-year old Hollywood actors who is trying to portray a high school homecoming king in a bad teen movie.

But seriously, when did your BOOBS! finally grow in? Because you are majorly flat-chested in that last picture.

Monday, May 18, 2009 12:25:00 PM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Sometimes FTN just leaves me with my mouth hanging open, asking myself, "Did he really SAY THAT??"

(I mean, I might've been thinking it, but fer cryin' out loud. . .)

;)

WordVer = 'synce'. Synce when? And where's Prinderella?

Monday, May 18, 2009 1:12:00 PM  
Blogger HoodChick said...

Oh dear god, I think I peed myself a little. We definitely could get a competition going for crappy purple prom dress. My mom was too cheap to buy me the beautiful blue one at the mall that I really, really wanted. And to top it off, the dress I got was second-hand.

Monday, May 18, 2009 9:02:00 PM  
Blogger Lisa Stone said...

Now I know: I really did have a twin when I was 17. Thank you for making me laugh so hard I cried. Brilliant post.

Monday, May 18, 2009 11:33:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Thank you to all of you who came here and shared in my prom photo misery, and for telling me the words around them were hilarious rather than the photos themselves. I believe that must be what people mean when they say they're laughing WITH someone rather than AT them!

;)

A few answers to the questions some of you posed:

- Although I apparently appear to be quite the glamazon in those photos, I'm a plain old 5'7". At least on the days when the world hasn't defeated me and I'm slumped over and lamenting my fate.

- The hair...oh, the hair. If you think THAT is a chick mullet, then there's a really good reason you'll never, ever, ever see the one photo I could find from my senior prom.

- Speaking of hair, why I didn't have gigantic mounds of long 80s hair confounds me. I would have knocked out a spiral perm for the ages.

- To the person who keeps typing "Who is the person who writes For A Different Kind of Girl" into Google: I pray we didn't go to high school together.

- Alas, I am not a brave person desspite what posting these photos would lead you to believe. For reference, please see my many "Crap, I'm scared of Big Foot!!" posts there are here.

- The BOOBS! must have grown in around the time I left for my freshman year in college. To quote pop culture, they are real and they are spectacular.

- Just a reminder, people, that those photos were from 1985!!

- I would have been besties in high school with all of you!

- I do not write books, alas. Instead, I merely sell the works of so many others who do.

- I do not think I've worn panty hose since 1988.

- I absolutely am a STONE COLD FOX!!

There are probably more mysteries I could answer, but now I must get ready for work. Thank you all for sharing in my misery. I think this was a comment pinnacle for me, and I appreciate it.

P.S. I still have that dress, so if anyone wants to go out and have a really lame time that might involve a meal, standing around while people around us have a great time, and perhaps some random crying, I'm game.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009 8:04:00 AM  
Blogger creative-type dad said...

Oh wow...

My side hurts from laughing right now.

And yes, sadly I do know of that spring dance episode of Beverly Hills 90210.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009 1:50:00 AM  
Blogger Shannon said...

Oh mama...that post has reminded me that women of a certain age need to either do kegels or wear depends. Between the fits of laughter, I am having 'Nam flashbacks to highschool. I missed my grad night (that's What we Canuck's called our prom) and have spent years regretting it *until now*. Thank you FADKOG!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009 5:11:00 AM  
Blogger That girl from Shallotte said...

I. Love. Everything. About. This.

You really do rule the blogosphere.

Thursday, May 21, 2009 10:59:00 AM  
Blogger MereCat said...

I can't even begin to think where my prom pics might be. A good thing I think. Strapless electric blue taffeta and and flaming red nervous rashes don't photograph all that well together.

You are precious, by the way! I'd ask you out.

Saturday, May 23, 2009 12:44:00 PM  
Blogger The Gonzo Mama said...

My husband and I find using "bitchin'" and "Camaro" in the same sentence redundant.

I mean, what Camaro isn't bitchin'?

Monday, May 25, 2009 4:47:00 PM  
Anonymous the weirdgirl said...

I am crushed that I missed this post! I must have been traveling in my oh so glamorous life. You are a very, very brave woman and I have no doubt you are a stone cold fox. I'm tempted to email you a copy of my junior high picture. The ones that my mom and I both burned except the single shot that escaped and has been on file at my dentist's office for the past 25 YEARS! I think my glasses were trying to eat my face.

And now I'm quite cute, thank you very much.

I still have my prom dress, too. We should hang together and dance sexy to Careless Whisper while getting all emo.

Sunday, June 07, 2009 2:50:00 AM  
Anonymous jonniker said...

I need to tell you that I came here from TwoBusy and have never laughed so damn hard. The photos! The Benjamin Button! Your glorious self-deprecation!

HA HA HA. I love it. And you. Love.

Monday, June 08, 2009 10:10:00 AM  
Blogger Anna See said...

Holy Moley, I don't even know what to say. Benjamin Button? That's hilarious. I think I had that prom dress in PEACH. My boyfriend? Had the intent to deflower me as well. Oh well. Also still hot, but I don't think he has 5 kids.

I love your writing!

Monday, July 20, 2009 7:06:00 PM  

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