there’s a girl starting to realize eternal fate has turned it's back on her

I'm coming off one of the most boring weekends in recent history, and when you consider most of my weekends involve cleaning toilets while dancing to Golden Earring's Twilight Zone, you'll understand why the fact that I spent the bulk of my time over the three-day emerging from a coma to watch crab fishing marathons and cannibalistic soldiers gave me plenty of time to ponder the following:

• Why I have a freakish, encyclopedic knowledge of all things Jonas Brothers.
• My cougar-like attraction to Joe Jonas, particularly his viral eyebrows, which look like they could provide warmth to a small Icelandic village or perhaps speak to his raging testosterone levels.
• Why people who never spoke to me in high school now wish to be my friend on Facebook
• Why my mom wants to be my friend on Facebook
• Why my husband doesn't want to be my Facebook friend
• (But I made him. So there, Tool Man! Take that!)
• Why Tool Man and I had an entire conversation via Facebook Saturday afternoon while seated two feet from each other.
• How I like to say "Oh, we holidayed in the Hamptons, luv," when asked what I did this weekend.
• How my boredom must make me really annoying to people.
• Wait until my new Facebook friends find that out! No wonder Tool Man didn't wanna be my friend!
• The allure of Stephenie Meyers' books. Blech, blech, blech. Did I mention I found them to be blech? Super blech.
• My lack of inspiration.
• How guilty I'll feel knowing you read this and there's really not much here.
• My insane guilt issues.
• Why must the Cha Cha Slide and Cotton Eyed Joe be played at every party I ever go to.

See? BORING! Boring but jaunty, because it should be put out there that I can now rock it to the Cha Cha Slide, thanks to my oldest son, who taught me the steps he learned in gym class, and I was all "What? Why, back in my day, we played volleyball and ran laps until we cried, and you're re-enacting every wedding reception and graduation party I've ever been to in gym class?" But I'm just saying, in the event you wish to invite me to a party, I'm willing to get things started on the dance floor. Just know that I'll be that annoying one screaming for some Jonas Brothers.