when you're married to a major tool company rep...

"So....want me to drill ya?" my husband said, and pressed the power button to the 'on' position. "Yeah, you want my big drill, don'tcha, baby?"

Silently, I looked over the top of my book at him and then at his big whirring tool in his hand. I may have rolled my eyes a little bit. OK, I rolled them a lot. At him. Admittedly, the tool was rather impressive. I might have blushed a bit when I saw it.

"That's a mighty fine drill ya got there, mister."

My words, however, were swept away when he turned a hand vacuum on and stuck it upon my toes.

"You like that, don'tcha? You like it when I suck your toes?" he sorta yelled (that little hand vac was loud!). "You're a dirty, dirty gurl."

Again with the eye rolling. I'm so not a foot person. Blech. As if he knew just what I liked, he shut down the vac and dipped into his tool chest (or tool box, depending on how far we wish to take this double entendre business).

"This? In my hand right now? This is the WORLD'S FASTEST HANDHELD POWER SAW!!" he gushed.

"Did you just say you're holding the WORLD'S FASTEST HANDHELD POWER SAW?" I asked. "Did you know there's no way that I can think of at this moment to tie the WORLD'S FASTEST HANDHELD POWER SAW in with anything sexual? How about you get that drill out again, baby?"

But nope. Tim "The Toolman" Taylor on the other end of the couch there had something better. Something bigger and so fully charged that, well, I couldn't help but swoon when he pulled it out. As soon as I heard it fire up, I was on him, like sawdust on the ground after a major home renovation project (I know! So sexy!). In his hand was a giant cordless screwdriver! The biggest, bestest cordless screwdriver I'd ever seen.

"So," he said. "Ready to screw?"

"You know what they say, baby. Lefty-loosey, righty-tighty. Take your pick, Craftsman."

(Then I made him clean out the sink drains and hang some pictures. You gotta work around here for some time in the tool shed).