...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Monday, December 17, 2007

when you're married to a major tool company rep...

"So....want me to drill ya?" my husband said, and pressed the power button to the 'on' position. "Yeah, you want my big drill, don'tcha, baby?"

Silently, I looked over the top of my book at him and then at his big whirring tool in his hand. I may have rolled my eyes a little bit. OK, I rolled them a lot. At him. Admittedly, the tool was rather impressive. I might have blushed a bit when I saw it.

"That's a mighty fine drill ya got there, mister."

My words, however, were swept away when he turned a hand vacuum on and stuck it upon my toes.

"You like that, don'tcha? You like it when I suck your toes?" he sorta yelled (that little hand vac was loud!). "You're a dirty, dirty gurl."

Again with the eye rolling. I'm so not a foot person. Blech. As if he knew just what I liked, he shut down the vac and dipped into his tool chest (or tool box, depending on how far we wish to take this double entendre business).

"This? In my hand right now? This is the WORLD'S FASTEST HANDHELD POWER SAW!!" he gushed.

"Did you just say you're holding the WORLD'S FASTEST HANDHELD POWER SAW?" I asked. "Did you know there's no way that I can think of at this moment to tie the WORLD'S FASTEST HANDHELD POWER SAW in with anything sexual? How about you get that drill out again, baby?"

But nope. Tim "The Toolman" Taylor on the other end of the couch there had something better. Something bigger and so fully charged that, well, I couldn't help but swoon when he pulled it out. As soon as I heard it fire up, I was on him, like sawdust on the ground after a major home renovation project (I know! So sexy!). In his hand was a giant cordless screwdriver! The biggest, bestest cordless screwdriver I'd ever seen.

"So," he said. "Ready to screw?"

"You know what they say, baby. Lefty-loosey, righty-tighty. Take your pick, Craftsman."

(Then I made him clean out the sink drains and hang some pictures. You gotta work around here for some time in the tool shed).

Labels:

18 Comments:

Blogger kimmyk said...

i've said it once and i'll say it again....that man right there? smooth. smooth as a baby's butt.

but still, i feel like i need to wash my hands er somethin' now.

Monday, December 17, 2007 5:38:00 AM  
Blogger Wethyb said...

That was great!! What great pick up lines he has. You better keep him away from the bars :)

Monday, December 17, 2007 6:10:00 AM  
Blogger Sailor said...

Hopefully, he didn't use the saw, to hang pictures- he does know *which* tool for the job, right?

Monday, December 17, 2007 6:25:00 AM  
Blogger Biscuit said...

My husband is especially fond of his impact driver.

Monday, December 17, 2007 8:26:00 AM  
Blogger Stacie said...

OMG..I laughed and laughed..you're clever...time in the tool shed! I love it!

My old job required me to not only make all the displays but to hang them as well. This often required they be screwed into place because they were so heavy. One day after drilling several holes into my display to no avail with my cordless drill, I took the screw into the office, very frustrated that we didn't have the variety I had asked for, layed the screw on his desk and said rather irritatedly.."I need a long screw!"


As soon as he was able to regain his composure, he went to the hardware store for me. It's tough being a shy girl in an environment like that.....

Monday, December 17, 2007 8:54:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

My dear, I doff my hat to you, the Reigning Grand-Mistress of the Double-E. I am so unworthy. . .

And I'm still a little disturbed by the juxtaposition of 'sexual' and 'power saw'. . . Please, make the mental images go away!. . .

And geez, I think they gave me somebody else's Word Verification - uiftn. . .

Monday, December 17, 2007 9:37:00 AM  
Blogger FindingHeart said...

And I found myself praying that he didn't work for Dremmel. LOL! And no comments about a 2-in-1 oil either? :) Have a very merry Christmas season!

Monday, December 17, 2007 12:37:00 PM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

I've always thought it would be fun to work for the Snap-On Tool Company. I mean, the Double-E possibilities alone. . .

Monday, December 17, 2007 3:59:00 PM  
Blogger Nanette said...

OMG! You are the queen of the double e! If only you could box that up and sell it! :) :) :)

ugtmgng

Monday, December 17, 2007 6:28:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy Lou said...

I clearly made a mistake - I married a tool, not a tool rep.

Monday, December 17, 2007 7:47:00 PM  
Blogger Choppzs said...

LMAO, that's great! My husband's line is "Come on Babe, touch me where I pee!" Now doesn't that just make you wanna jump someone's bones? Yah...didn't think so! lol

Monday, December 17, 2007 9:58:00 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

I love it. Still laughing over here!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007 10:27:00 AM  
Blogger Chuck said...

Wow, reading this was kinda hot. Sounds like y'all had a nice time. At least you didn't have to use the stud finder!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007 10:04:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

kimmy - The man is suave. It just oozes from his pores. Which means, of course, that when I'm around him, I feel like I have to wash my hands a lot, too.

wethyb - I keep that smooth talkin' man on a short leash. I just worry about him when he's in the big box home improvement stores rather than bars!

sailor - he likes to mix things up every once in awhile, but for the most part, the right tools for the job a on hand.

biscuit - I gotta respect a man and his impact driver!

Stacie - Hilarious! Part of me has pretty much given up the shy girl thing, to some extent. I mean, it's hard to reclaim it when you're using the word 'jack' and other verbs around man ears, even when it was so an accident.

However, ok, there are also some things I've learned to reclaim after tossing out part of the shy phase. That part now stays shy. Shy and smart.

Des - I got concerned when he yanked out the power saw. Suddenly I thought we were going to go all 'magic show' in the living room. Or he was planning my alleged disappearance. Had he put tarps down on the floor, my turn on probably would've gone to immediate turn off.

FH - Oh, the husband enjoys his Dremmel, believe me!

Des - Ha! He doesn't work for Snap-On Tools, but he did interview with them once. It's probably good he didn't get it. I think I exhausted myself with just the double e's in this post alone.

Nan - If I could sell it and make a profit, you can pretty much imagine the types of tools I'd be buying with my money!

Mandy - Sometimes he can be a tool. But he's not a major tool. I've major tools. But now I wonder if I'm a bit of a tool, allowing such charming words as my husband's sway me so?!

Melissa - I love that you love it! Good to see you around again!

Chuck - High five, mister! Dang, I wish I'd have remembered that stud finder thing!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007 8:47:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Choppzs - Ah! I missed ya! Probably because I was laughing at your husband's pick up line!

I probably shouldn't confess that, if mine said that to me, I'd probably be all "oh, ok!"

Wednesday, December 19, 2007 8:49:00 AM  
Blogger Sugar Kane said...

Brilliant!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007 7:41:00 PM  
Blogger Scarlett Wanna Be said...

Wait...I don't get it...did ya have sex or did you make him do work...I'm confused.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007 8:35:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Sugar Kane - Thank you!

Scarlett - Ha! There was a mix of both! Well, it wasn't a mix. It wasn't at the same time. Although sometimes I don't doubt the Husband would call sex work, and I then like to respond with a favorite line from "Sex and the City" and tell him "They don't call it a job for nothing, honey!"

Wednesday, December 19, 2007 10:44:00 PM  

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