...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

not found in 'The Art of War'

"Mom, which do you think would win in a battle. Army men toys or Barbie?"

"Seriously? Barbie. No doubt."

"Nuh unh! Army men toys would totally beat Barbies in a battle! Army dudes have everything! Everything! They would totally take Barbies."

"They don't have everything, my son."

"Whattaya mean they don't have everything?! They've got weapons and training and power! They'd totally defeat Barbie."

"They don't have intrigue, honey. Clearly you don't realize that Barbie is equipped, ready and willing to be anyone at any time.Vet? Check. Gymnast? Covered. Pop star? Absolutely. Super model? Obviously. Successful Sunshine Family mother of two? Fry it up in a pan. The point is, you never know who Barbie is from one moment to the next. Thus, she's a super fighter."

"Big deal."

"Oh, that's not the biggest deal. I'll tell you the biggest deal. Barbie, my son, also has breasts. Sweater bombs, if you will. One day, you're gonna learn many a man, even those with weapons, training and power at their disposal, have fallen victim to such an arsenal. They can make even the smartest men do the dumbest things."

"If you say so."

"Oh, I know so. I also think I've won this debate. Lesson learned."

Labels:

25 Comments:

Blogger Stacie said...

Someday he will look back on that conversation and know that what you said was true!
Stacie

Wednesday, November 28, 2007 8:02:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

OK, FTN will be along any minute now. . . any minute now. . .

Just so you know, DKG - I am totally onto your little 'trolling for comments' game. Like, toss out some offhand 'breasts' reference, and watch the boys all come drooling. . .

Don't get me wrong, tho; I love me some breasts, I just try to confine myself to Molly's. . .

Or have I totally blown my own good intentions just by showing up here? . . .

Wednesday, November 28, 2007 8:52:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

You called?

I'm sorry, I thought I heard someone say 'breasts.'

Wednesday, November 28, 2007 9:01:00 AM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Sweater bombs, lol.

I'm with you - it'd be Barbie.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007 9:26:00 AM  
Blogger FindingHeart said...

You seriously dropped the 'sweater bomb' bomb on your own child? LOL!!

1) Yeah, but when Barbie goes back in for breast reduction, it'll be Plastic surgeon Ken holding the knife.

2) I'm NOT going to pay you for my new favorite phrase, "Sweater Bombs". Secretly, I think I'm falling in love with you. LOL!!!

Rock on sister.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007 9:31:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

FTN. . . dude. . . nine minutes!

Do I know how to call 'em, or what?

Altho - full disclosure - if pressed, I would have to admit that I'd have also predicted the appearance of the five-letter, all-caps, exclamation-pointed, owl-eyed nickname. So, I didn't quite nail it. . .

Wednesday, November 28, 2007 9:52:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Stacie - Ha! Um, he could also look at his Dad and realize love (and the love of breasts) makes you do stupid things. Of course, marrying me wasn't stupid. I'm hella cool. So much attention heaped on me! Woo hoo!

Desmond - So, yeah...does it not appear to you that my battle strategy was wonderfully demonstrated here? Trust me, my friend, I've been trolled on hard by men who merely *thought* I had breasts. Boys gots one thing on their minds and it's the two things we girlies got.

(plus, since you didn't come out for my Grey's Anatomy lovefest, I figured what's the best strategy to bring Des back...ha!)

FTN - If the BOOBS! (wha? no BOOBS! ?) could dial a phone, no doubt you'd be the first person they'd call. Of course, they can't talk, so it would be awkward, what with you growing irrate and yelling "Hello!? Hello??" and them just looking up at me all "What now?"

Melissa - Barbie reigns supreme in all fashion. Not just fashion.

Yep. Little joke. About that big.

FH - Oh, don't jump to any conclusions that it would be Ken wielding the knife, my friend. Barbie (Col. Barbara Millicent Roberts) and her trained brigade of freedom and fashion fighters are also skilled surgeons. Skipper and Kelly have entered into a practice together.

And if you're in love with me, then of course I give this to you all for free. What's mine is yours!

Des - It took him awhile because of the BOOBS! calling him. Those pesky things!

Wednesday, November 28, 2007 10:15:00 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

You ARE my parenting idol.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007 10:38:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

You've been hit on by guys who only *thought* you had breasts? What - you get hit on by blind guys?

And we got more than just one thing (or two) on our minds. But yeah, you're right - it's really only one thing. . .

But, speaking of Anatomy (nice segue, no?), I was going to comment on the 'GA' post, something on the order of what FTN did, but you know, he kinda beat me to it, and that's a joke that's not so funny the second time. . .

Wednesday, November 28, 2007 11:20:00 AM  
Blogger Phyllis RenĂ©e said...

Ok, so I'm reading this post and imagining your sweet boy standing there with army men in one and Barbie in the other. And first I'm thinking, "Yeah, Barbie can kick their . . ." But then a strange thing occurs to me: is your son playing with Barbies? Not that there's anything wrong with that, because the sweater bombs make it totally ok.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007 12:13:00 PM  
Blogger Bunny said...

Sweater bombs? Very cool. Must remember that one. Now I'm thinking of making a video for YouTube of Alias episodes, but all starring Barbie instead - the original undercover operative!

Wednesday, November 28, 2007 2:06:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy Lou said...

Love the sweater bombs as well! Will do my best to start working that into my lexicon (see got earn that blogger level).

But let's not forget that Barbie has also been a sailor, a marine, an army chick as well as baseball and basketball player - she can butch up when needed!

Wednesday, November 28, 2007 4:02:00 PM  
Blogger Bee said...

CRAP! I guess that means I should've played with barbie instead of GI Joe when I was a kid! Oh well! Too late now...

Wednesday, November 28, 2007 6:40:00 PM  
Blogger Wethyb said...

Amen sister :)

Wednesday, November 28, 2007 11:03:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Laura - Awww! I am totally going to tell my boys that someone thinks I'm a good mom when they're all up on me about how mean I am!

Desmond - Oh, not quite what I meant, but I'm just saying, you post half a profile shot and sometimes you become 'intriguing' to some people. And that's interesting.

Phyllis - I wish there were Barbies in this house! I'd totally be playing with them. And I'd be begging the boys to play them with me, which is only fair, since I play action figures with them (when they let me. they don't like it when I make them dance together). However, I guarantee their dad would be FREAKED if there was that option available. Which is interesting, too, since no one is too stressed about ME playing with boy action figures. Hmm.

Bunny - Barbie has a tremendous roundhouse kick, so I bet those videos would be outstanding. The first episode could and should be called "Sweater Bombs."

Mandy Lou - Ha! We can be all "Sweater bombs. Seriously? Seriously? Seriously!"

Bee - I played with Donny from Donny and Marie and Fisher Price Little People, too, along with the random GI Joe. I shall not hold your GI Joe affinity against you. I think you rock too much!

Wethyb - welcome to the choir, sister!

Wednesday, November 28, 2007 11:13:00 PM  
Blogger Nanette said...

First off...what are you posting during the day for? Snort!

Milk bubbles, lung pumpkins, fun bags, fleshy pillows, upper deck, ta tas, titties, cones, num nums, blisters, (ok so spicoli is feeding me the lines)....thanks for the mammaries, but sweater bombs w00t! LolZ

Now what was the post about? Words and sharks frighten even the bravest among us. Oh yes! Barbie would kick some major ass!

udntknwhwirstd (took too long)
ptngamdst

Thursday, November 29, 2007 1:29:00 AM  
Blogger Confused Husband said...

I was kinda thinking along the same lines as Phylis. Your son was playing with Barbies? seriously? I thought that I was the only one that had a son who liked to play with Barbies. He's 7 years old and has like 4 of those damed things. What makes it worse is that we have no daughter! WTH?!

Unlike Phylis this totally bothers me. What is my son doing playing with girl toys? UGH!
CH

Thursday, November 29, 2007 3:02:00 PM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

You totally crack me up.

A shark ate your words? Really? Can I borrow your shark and he can eat my paper on the scarlet letter? thanks in advance.

i'm still laughin because i was singing that "i can bring home the bacon..." song just earlier today. too funny.

Thursday, November 29, 2007 6:31:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Nan - Spicoli is a word man, my friend. What's the deal with this thing, anyway? Why is it guys have a thousand-plus words to breasts, and I can only think of a couple for penis. Unless you want me to use any random guy's actual NAME because they're a dick. I can do that. Totally.

I got a lap dance, baby. That's what I'm doing posting at 8 a.m.

CH - Nope. No Barbies in my house. Not for me not going down the pink aisles every time I'm at Target, though. I want some. There won't be any here unless I start having girls. Or girls come over and play with me.

KK - You can borrow my shark. You might know him. If you don't, his name is Benson, and he likes it when you scratch him behind the gills. He also enjoys ice cream. He doesn't know much about the Scarlet Letter, but unlike me and my momentary lapse, he knows it was A.

I'll totally hook you up on the Animal Farm, girly. Hell, just write about Animal Farm instead. It's easy!

Thursday, November 29, 2007 7:40:00 PM  
Blogger My Semblance of Sanity said...

I LOVE this!!!
It cracks me up to no end when my blogging Mamas blog actual dialogue b/t them and their kids - I can't remember my conversations for that long!!!

Thursday, November 29, 2007 8:39:00 PM  
Blogger 1blueshi1 said...

HAHAHA!!! you're right, Barbie would Totally Take GI Joe & Hiz Boyz.

Thursday, November 29, 2007 9:42:00 PM  
Blogger Choppzs said...

ohhh, that was great!!! Barbie rules! lol

Thursday, November 29, 2007 11:09:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

My Semblance - Ha! When necesary - purely for blog fodder - I can remember anything! Thanks for the visit and the comment!

1blueshi1 - Barbie is prepared to throw down. Anytime, any place. That little plastic chick's got your back.

Choppzs - Barbie is a plastic, well coiffed, super stylish fighting machine.

Friday, November 30, 2007 8:43:00 AM  
Blogger you da mom! said...

did he look really confused when you said, "intrigue?" he'll get it later. a little too well, i presume.

Friday, November 30, 2007 2:26:00 PM  
Blogger 2amsomewhere said...

You might be amused to learn that there is an ancient Hindu myth about a quarrel between the Goddess Parvati and the God Mahadeva. You can read more about it here. Although the summary does not speak of "sweater bombs", there is a reference to the Goddess' race of creatures as being "well-shaped". And, yes, the Goddess' race kicked @$$ in that battle, too.

--
2amsomewhere

Saturday, December 01, 2007 2:43:00 PM  

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