...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

performing way, way, way off broadway

A one-act play entitled "Sex in My House." I will be playing the part of Italic, a moderately fancy minx and temptress of San Serif, the husband, who shall be played by my husband. As the curtain rises, Italic and San Serif have scampered like bunnies to the bedroom after enjoying a bit of the kitchen counter flirting they'd be known for if what they sometimes do against said kitchen counter when Italic wears a nightgown - just a nightgown - ever got out among their friends.

"So yes?"
"Yes."
"What's that face?"
"Showin' ya my O face, baby."
"If that's your O face already, you've got some work to do down here."
"Hey honey? Did you eat peanut butter before you came up here?"

"Toast. I had toast. Has anyone ever told you you talk a lot?"
"They should really make one of these things with booster jets..."
"Maybe you need one of those big wand thingies. Everybody uses those."
"Who's everybody?"
"Just everybody."
"When are you talking to everybody?"
"Just places."
"You're watching porn, aren't you? That's where you get your information, isn't it?"
"No! No, I am not watching porn!"

"Really? Because that last thing you did? The last time? That seemed like a porn thing to me!"
"I am not watching porn!"
"Oh, that's what everybody says when you bring up the porn thing!"
"Who's everybody?"
"Just everybody."
"When are you talking to everybody?"
"I get out there, man."
"So, you sayin' you wanna watch some porn?"
"Porn? Blech! Porn is yucky!" (fingers crossed behind San Serif's back)
"Seriously, what is that face you're making?"
"It's just my face."
"Maybe if you talked a little dirty to me, yeah?"

(silence)

"No? Maybe?"
"Hey! Did you remember to lock the bedroom door?"
"Oh, baby, did you feel that? I think I might have just... . Your dirty talk got me going..."
"So whattaya think, yeah?!" (wink)
"WHERE?!"
"There!" (wink)
"WHERE?!"
"There!" (wink)
"Oh! Yeaaahhh. I don't think so!"

Offstage, a faint ruckus erupts. Italic is oblivious and doing her thing. San Serif pauses.

"Did you hear that?"
"What? Dirty talk? No. No I didn't."
"That. "Did you hear that?"

-knock knock-


"Daddy? Daddy, can we have lunch?"

"That? Was that what you were talking about?"
"You good?"
"Oh, I'm bad, baby! Very, verrry bad. Rawwwr."

(silence)

"I meant are you 'good' good?"
"I could eat."
"Oh reallllly?"


(silence)

"You know what I'm craving?"
"Some peanut butter toast?"
"I think you just made me have the O face, baby!"

...and scene...

Labels:

16 Comments:

Blogger Nanette said...

I know who says it, probably that pesky century gothic or the wingding! Everybody knows that.

O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O

ugtmgng

Wednesday, December 05, 2007 1:01:00 AM  
Blogger Sailor said...

I didn't know century gothic did too, I always heard it was Estrangelo Edessa, when he gets together with Mistral; you know how those two talk!

Wednesday, December 05, 2007 5:21:00 AM  
Blogger Phyllis RenĂ©e said...

Kitchen counter . . . dirty talk . . . peanut butter toast. Yeah, baby!

Wednesday, December 05, 2007 5:43:00 AM  
Blogger 1blueshi1 said...

oh my god--LOL!

Wednesday, December 05, 2007 6:58:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

If we're picking our own names... Just call me Rockwell Extra Bold. With extra serif. I was always big on the serifs.

What was the time of day that this one-act was set in? Because all of these plays are late-night endeavors at my home theatre. We very rarely partake in the matinee.

So... Do a few of us need to sign up for some dirty talk lessons, then?

Wednesday, December 05, 2007 8:58:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Nice story. . . when's it due out on video? . . .

;)

Wednesday, December 05, 2007 9:28:00 AM  
Blogger Edtime Stories said...

wonderful.... just wonderful

Wednesday, December 05, 2007 9:55:00 AM  
Blogger Choppzs said...

Ok was anyone else completely clueless to all that? I swear after the 1st sentence or 2 I was lost! lol Your dirty talk is like a crossword puzzle to me! lol

Wednesday, December 05, 2007 5:11:00 PM  
Blogger Sugar Kane said...

This was my first time stopping by and I will totally be back.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007 7:38:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy Lou said...

You lost me at peanut butter - I can't stand the smell of it. If Scott comes to bed with it on his breath (it's one of his favorite midnight snacks) all bets are off!

Wednesday, December 05, 2007 9:04:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Nan - Definitely that wingding. And wingding's alter ego (oh my, the ego), dingbat.

O Face? Oh, hell no.

udewwll

Sailor - Mistral is a bit of a floozy. I think Mistral just likes to stir up trouble with her fresh line strokes. Those other fonts are best served staying away from Mistral.

Phyllis - Yep. It's pretty much the trifecta of seduction!

1blueshi1 - btw, LOL. U R kool!

FTN - everybody *wants* big serifs, but not everybody can handle the power of a big serif. Can *you* handle the power of a big serif?

This was a mantinee showing. We like the cheap, mister. And yes. Yes. I think there should be an adult ed class on the dirty talk. I'll look into that.

Des - This is strictly pay-per-view. That, or look for this in those $1 red box video things at McDonald's.

Ed - Thank you, kind sir.

Choppzs - Ha! It's ok. I kinda get lost in the dirty talk,too. That or I'm concentrating so hard for it to kick in that gets me distracted. Either way, it's understandable!

Sugar Kane - Welcome! Look forward to your visits! I'll swing by your place this week.

Mandy - Peanut butter is the lifeblood of salvation. Only if it's extra crunchy, though. And believe me, it beats the smell of cheese, which is sometimes the wiff I get!

Thursday, December 06, 2007 8:28:00 AM  
Blogger Bunny said...

What is this wand thingy of which Sans Serif speaks? And can one perform sans serif? I thought a serif was a necessary function. But then again, I'm an Arial girl myself . . .

Thursday, December 06, 2007 1:02:00 PM  
Blogger The Savage said...

I'm back and still lusting you, you feisty italic wench you!

Thursday, December 06, 2007 8:36:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

bunny - one can perform sans serif, but if the serif is packing a whollap, it adds a lot to the experience. Of course, I say this as a girl who has stooped to Hobo, before, so take what I say with a grain.

Savage!!! - You know what's creepy? As I was sitting on my couch, wondering "Whatever became of Savage?" you were sending me this comment. I raise an italic to you!

Friday, December 07, 2007 8:21:00 AM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Mmm, toast.

And so that's what our kitchen counter is for! I thought it was only to hold piles of magazines and receipts ... this sounds much more interesting.

Friday, December 07, 2007 10:57:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Melissa - More often than not, our kitchen counter is a catch all for things other than body parts. But doing that whole 'movie scene' arm sweep, throwing everything to the floor? Totally hot.

Not as hot as toast though. Toast...mmmm...

Monday, December 10, 2007 12:02:00 AM  

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