...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Monday, December 10, 2007

'...has got it goin' on...'

"His triceps are perfection. Look at them!" I leaned over and whispered to the woman seated next to me about the stunning man seated in front of us.

"They are more than perfection," the woman whispered back. "I just can't think of a word right now that exceeds perfection because I'm overwhelmed imagining how stunning his abs must be. I bet his abs are tight."

"Oh, you KNOW they're tight. Look at that waist! It's so narrow! He probably has that sexy little cut thing right where the torso and waist connects. What do they call that cut?" I asked her.

"Oh, they call that cut whatever this bit of finesse's name is," she responded.

Compelled to high five this woman, I turned to face my cohort.

And came face to face with my mom. The woman who never spoke to me about sex when I was growing up. The woman in front of whom I do not curse because I do not wish to be reprimanded. The woman who would have me believe she delivered me and my sister as the result of magic and not by means of reproductive evil.

And I shuddered a little bit. My "you rock, girl!" high five fell, undelivered, back into my lap.

"So, yeah. You feel a little creepy now?" I asked

"We shall never speak of this again," Mom responded, fully unable to make eye contact with me. Thankfully.

"Agreed," I said. "But seriously. Those triceps!"

"I know," Mom sighed. "Imagine the dips he can do..."

Fifteen admiring minutes later, we finally kicked Mom's mandate into effect.

And I still will never curse in front of her.

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14 Comments:

Blogger Nanette said...

That is funny!

Where did you see this man and can I get him in my Christmas stocking?

uwldduwll

Monday, December 10, 2007 2:57:00 AM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

i was right there with ya ooglin' the dude, but then i got to your mom and all i could say was ew. no no. nope i dont cuss in front of my mom either. every now and then i'll be brave and say what the hell and then i want for the repercussions. some days they come in the form of a look, some days i wait-and nothing. but still...you should never speak of this again to her.

angels? i always knew you were heaven sent.

Monday, December 10, 2007 4:50:00 AM  
Blogger Stacie said...

Oh see now that's funny. That's a conversation I could never have with my mother. And I don't cuss in front of her either, and while I have no idea how I came to be, I know for a fact it wasnt' by my parents doing the horizontal mambo cuz EWWWW! THAT never happened! I must have been delivered by those same angels..

Stacie

Monday, December 10, 2007 1:59:00 PM  
Blogger 1blueshi1 said...

I'll take that convo ANY DAY over the one I was forced to listen to from my dad on our way to the mall one day on our Tgiving vizzy. let's just hit the highlights and say I NEVER WANT TO HEAR THE WORDS PREMATURE EJACULATION FROM MY FATHER'S MOUTH AGAIN. I was honestly wondering if the vehicle was going too fast for me to unbuckle my seat belt and jump.

Monday, December 10, 2007 2:16:00 PM  
Blogger Bee said...

My mom and I bonded over Paul Walker. Fast and the Furious was about to come on and I suggested she watch it. She asked if the movie was good. I told her it was a remake of Point Break and the acting was lousy but to give it 5 minutes. Paul Walker came on the screen and she understood.
We both understood each other better that day...;o)

Monday, December 10, 2007 6:48:00 PM  
Blogger FTN said...

Yes, they call that sexy little cut thing "The FTN."

I understand your mom's attraction to me. It's okay. I'm all about spreadin' the love.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007 8:09:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Yeah, even with eight, count 'em, eight of 'em staring each other in the face, my kids still don't believe that Molly and I would ever do something as nasty as, well, you know. . . The Nasty.

I remember talking with my Best Man once, and he was telling me about a conversation he'd had recently with his dad about reading NFP charts. And I confess, deep in my brain, I was thinking, "Ewwww. . ."

Tuesday, December 11, 2007 8:55:00 AM  
Blogger Mandy Lou said...

Oh I was so enjoying that till we got to the mom part! I could so never do that with my mom - I'm totally creeped out by the thought - ick...

Tuesday, December 11, 2007 11:37:00 AM  
Blogger Phyllis RenĂ©e said...

That makes me miss my Mom. We could always talk that way, especially when we were both single. It was so funny, because my Mom was so naive.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007 11:50:00 AM  
Blogger Choppzs said...

I miss those kind of moments with my mom too. We swear, and make innappropriate remarks about things all the time and it is the greatest!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007 12:15:00 PM  
Blogger Biscuit said...

Those are the kind of conversations I can only have with myself in my own head. Come be my BFF :)

Wednesday, December 12, 2007 12:43:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Nan - I had the good fortune of sitting behind him at the oldest's basketball game. Delish! And he helps coach with the guy I hated who was our old coach last year! Had I known he'd be around, I'd have rethought my position on our old coach.

Freakin' afterthoughts!

kimmy - I, honestly, don't even feel comfortable saying "butt" in front of my mom. Or speak of donkeys. Because I am truly an angel.

Stacie - I like to think that my parents just closed their eyes really tight and wished very hard for me and viola! Here I am!

1blueshi1 - Oh sweet Jesus! Had that conversation come up with my dad, I don't care if I was on a speedway. I'd have contemplated the risk of impact for the jump. Or stuck my fingers in my ears and been all 'lalalalalala'!

bee - I can see how the Paul Walker effect can have a way of bridging the generations!

FTN - Speaking of bridging the generations! My mom was all "So, this FTN guy? He's hot?" and I assured her that I assume you are, what with your knowledge of Neal Diamond and whatnot. It was the whatnot that sold her.

Desmond - Do those kids not realize that their parents are seemingly the poster children for The Nasty?!

Mandy - 0h, Mom and I are typically not that open, so it was a shock. I totally forgot she was the woman next to me when our conversation started. I actually thought I started in inside my head. So yeah, there was an 'ewww' factor!

Phyllis - I'm sure my mom wants to think I'm the one who's naive. Maybe one day, when I can say "butt" in front of her without thinking she'll be all "Wait until I tell your father..." we'll reach that point!

Choppzs - Wanna loan me your mom for a weekend?!

Biscuit - Oh, I'm *always* having these conversations with myself in my own head, so I'll totally be your BFF. Can we get matching outfits to wear on the same day? That would rock!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007 10:41:00 PM  
Blogger FTN said...

Your Mom tells me she's more into the what-have-you than the whatnot. Plus, she's upset that you misspelled Neil Diamond's name.

Thursday, December 13, 2007 3:04:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

FTN - I spelled it incorrectly to test your love for her. And for Neil D. Happily for you and the whatnot, you have passed. Shall I call you Daddy now?

Friday, December 14, 2007 8:34:00 AM  

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