...and then i wondered if my coworker thinks i'm as old as his mom

Coworker, after commenting on my reading glasses: "My mom had to get glasses a few months ago. She was diagnosed with a stigmata."

Me: "She was diagnosed with WHAT?"

Coworker: "A stigmata. The eye doctor said she has a stigmata."

Me: "Your mom's eyes are like the wounds of the crucified body of Christ?"

Coworker: "Huh?"

Me: "Is your mom a nun?"

Coworker, waving hands over the length of his body like a game show hostess: "Um...hello? I'm the oldest of six kids."

Me: "I think perhaps you're confusing stigmata with astigmatism"

Coworker: "Are you sure?"

Me: "How lucky we work in a bookstore! Follow me to the reference section and let's have a chat with Webster's, shall we?"

--- a few moments later, confusion abated ---

Coworker: "Could you imagine if you had an astigmatism and your eye was really bothering you, so you reached up to rub it, and when your pulled your hand away, you discovered it was covered in blood..."

Me: "...and you were all, 'Crap! First an astigmatism, but stigmata TOO?!' and you were always having to clean your glasses, but it was difficult because your hands were such a mess?"

Coworker: "Exactly!"

Me: "That would totally suck."

Coworker: "It would also make it really tough to be a thief."

Me: "Because it would be so hard to see, what with the astigmatism and all?"

Coworker: Sure...but mostly because you'd be likely to be caught red handed."

(I know, I know...so I won't tell you that this absolutely went on our entire shift)(and maybe I shouldn't tell you I taught preschool-age Sunday school this past weekend)(but both are true)