'i myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward'
In the event you're wishing to clean your house on the quick, I recommend the following soundtrack clamped loudly to your ears when dusting commences as a means of propelling you through your duties.
- "Losing My Religion" - R.E.M. - You will think "I can't dance to this!" You would be wrong.
- "Whiskey In The Jar"- versions by Metallica and U2. On a five-play repeat each. At least. (Note: Do not invite Metallica over to your house prior to cleaning it)
- "New Sensation" - INXS. Dance mix if you can. And I can! Pause at all the appropriate places and jam back in. Then hit 'repeat' and kick that drum beat's ass.
- "Hey Ladies" - Beastie Boys. Step to the rhythm. Step to the rhyme. This will slow you down a bit.
- "The Globe"- Big Audio Dynamite. Where are you going, my beautiful friend? It's time to scrub toilets!
- "Cradle Of Love" - Billy Idol. Stop and pretend you have a stripper pole in your living room. Maybe cat crawl across the floor. Pretend your stripper name is "Devon Double Ds." When you're done, check your knees for any errant dust.
- "Get It On (Bang A Gong)" - The Power Station. Pretend you're making your world a lovelier place for John Taylor when he comes over to strum your bass. What's that? You're dirty and sweet, clad in black and he loves you? Hmmm. Interesting. Ponder stopping your chores and addressing other things.
- "To Be A Lover" - Billy again. You've not been showing him the love lately. Well baby, I'm so sorry. But the bathrooms are nasty.
- "Remedy" - The Black Crowes. Long enough to vacuum your furniture, if you're so inclined. And when I come on like a dream, the house is always sparkling
- "Let Forever Be" - The Chemical Brothers. How does it feel like to wake up in the sun...that you can now see through your clean windows?
- "Santa Monica" - Everclear. You may not want to do my sleepwalk dance anymore. But you will. Because "Father of Mine" is next.
- "Bawitdaba" - apparently, his name is Kid Rock. By this point, your house isn't quite the pit it was before you started cleaning, but go ahead and get in it and try to love someone.
- "Interstate Love Song" - Stone Temple Pilots. By now, you should be nearly done. Take a look around your place while making up your own lyrics. It's cliche, and god knows you dig some cliche.
- "Whiskey In The Jar" - Metallica again. Dammit. Who knew you could shake the ass to this so hard? Me. That's who. It's why it took me 20 minutes to Windex two mirrors.
- "Elevation" - U2. Have I educated your mind? Good. Plus, Evil Bono is just as hot as Good Bono.
- "Icky THump" - The White Stripes. La la, la la la la la la la la la laaa laaa laaa. Your house is clean now!
Of course, if you're like me (lucky bastard!), you'll find that several minutes will have passed and you're just a sweaty mess in the middle of the family room floor from all the dancing you've been doing. Your dust rags and your hair just defeated, limp messes around you. It's OK. This would be when I suggest you're just too good to be cleaning your house and you need to take this act on the road, get famous and get yourself a maid.
Or just look around the place and think "Paint It Black" (U2 cover if possible, but remember what I said about digging cliches).
The dust won't show up as easily that way.
Labels: whack for my daddy-o