things I think are the tits*

Hello, lovelies (...and my special someone who knows who they are. Wink!). I apologize for leaving all of you very creative people (and the hundreds of you who came around and were perhaps too busy, annoyed, scared, or overcome to want to leave a comment) since Sunday night, when I was all, "Haha! We should totally play a game!" Truth is, I've taken this week off of work to reclaim my house now that the kids are entrenched in their new school year (although, seriously, as of 3 p.m. Tuesday, my oldest has been in sixth grade for five days and they STILL haven't done anything!! I see this as both a pro and con. Con - I've handed over my kid and my cash. Start teaching! Pro - The lack of overall teaching means no homework yet, which is fantastic, because I spend much of my Internet time now trying to break either fade to numb or backpacking dad into admitting they crush on me to suddently have to turn my attention toward finding the solutions to sixth grade math problems. Math is Tool Man's domain, and he's gone for the rest of the week, so fingers crossed on middle school laziness!).

(good Lord, was that parenthetical comment long enough?! Sheesh!)

Anyway, I've taken this week off so I can clean the house (here's a math problem I solved instantly this afternoon when I stepped down into the basement: two boys + three months = OMG!!!) and, hopefully, enjoy some peace to read and catch up on things I've, regretfully, put off (if I owe you an email, I swear, I'll do my best!). Cleaning means I've filled bags and bags and bags of garbage so far this week. Bags and bags and bags. See where I'm going with this?

Yep, the thing I was encouraging Tool Man to shove in or take it out already was, indeed, an overflowing bag of kitchen garbage. Kudos to zip n tizzy (who guessed garbage by the third immediate comment, leaving me wondering "Huh. Well. Hmmm. Now what!?"), and to Brian and Mandy Lou, who pretty much backed up the first guess at it. All of you had some truly hilarious guesses, and it was a pleasure to see Matthew Broderick step up. I also enjoyed seeing so many new faces, and hope you'll come back out. I'd respond to all of you in comments, but basically, it would be a lot of me going "Hey! Great idea!" or "OMG! That's hilarious!", or, in the case of Undomestic Diva, "Oh, HELL NO! NO JAMMING!", so if you don't mind, combine those sentiments, then follow me to what will, finally, be the meat on the bones of this post (this is where you all stand, stretch, and cheer "Yeah! Finally! The BOOBS!" and I say "Hahaha, silly, silly you!") - a list of things I'm enamoured with of late, in no particular order, also known as:

Things I Think Are The Tits

• Muffins
• Belly dancing
• Cynical Dad's Thursday night Twitter Radio Show
• Bedtime for my kids
• Tide-To-Go stain sticks (sidebar: one of mine smells of ass, so, yes, I love it, but I hate it)
• Wearing my hair in pigtails
• Really fantastic salads
• Spaced ('ello, Simon Pegg)
• Attempting to persuade my Tool Man into seeing David Sedaris with me for our anniversary in October
• U2's Where The Streets Have No Name (bliss, bliss, bliss)
• Zombies
• Goatees (again)(still)
• Australian accents
• Sleeping with the windows open (despite my continued fear of Big Foot)
• Fat Bottomed Girls (both the song and the actual thing)
• That moment of silence when you first go underwater
• Michael Ian Black's book, My Custom Van: And 50 Other Mind-Blowing Essays that Will Blow Your Mind All Over Your Face
• giantits - (I don't know what they are. I hope they're not painful. My blog gets a lot of visits from people wanting information about them)
• Neil Diamond (god)(for reals)

I hate that annoying Jessica Alba and her bitchy "This shade's mine. Go get your own!" Revlon commercial, but I kind of feel like saying that now after sharing my list. Only I wouldn't sound bitchy. No. I'd sound super nice. Like so nice you'd want to sweep me into a tight, tight hug and sniff my ponytails, and then share the things you think are the tits. So here's where I turn it over to you. Feel free to share what's on your list. Seriously, though, you don't have to sniff my ponytails.

* by 'the tits', I mean things I think are cool and/or totally awesome, and not necessarily actual tits, which, it should also be noted, I have no problem with whatsoever, and, in fact, have found to be useful through a large portion of my life. They are, to bring this full circle, the tits. Thank you.