...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

'you take the good, you take the bad'

as evidenced by this lovely playtime display i woke up to find friday morning, it's apparently time for a more direct form of 'the talk' to take place in my house. while i tend to hint around at it ("oh, when you get married and have a wife who is as kick ass as your mom," blah, blah, blah...), i'm not necessarily prepared for the official 'talking to.'

two reasons for this, really.

one, my parents never gave me 'the talk.' this could be the reason i held onto my virginity with such a fervent grip it's a wonder you're not referring to me today as sister mary grace of the holy order of frigidity (but when i hit 21? like a porn star, baby!).

second, they're boys, and while i'm fond of what a grown boy can do when he's keenly aware of things, i'm not big on the mechanics of a well trained, appropriately talked to penis. i quite suspect i would be reduced to holding my right hand with finger and thumb touching to form a circle and my left index finger poking hastily through it, babbling "now boys, this is not the way you want to approach things."

so i've informed the husband it's time to pay a bit more attention to things, offer up a male perspective. we'll see how it goes.

what do i think i'll contribute to 'the talk,' though? it's pretty obvious, really (and one i probably should brush the husband up on, as well):

"boys, when you see your partner's eyes start to look like those of the bottom dog's, it's a pretty good sign it's time to wrap things up. trust me. mommy knows..."


Blogger FTN said...

If there was as much as a size differential in real life as there is between the top and the bottom dog... Would it even be physically possible? Ew.

You'll be happy to know that my parents never had The Talk with me either. They claim that they did, but they are liars.

And I'm still trying to figure things out.

Monday, November 20, 2006 11:00:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My dad had a talk with me the night before I got married. Now that wasn't awkward or anything.

Monday, November 20, 2006 11:55:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As I recall, my folks gave 'the Talk' to all five of us simultaneously, around the dining-room table. It proceeded roughly along the lines of, "The plumbing works; don't mess around."

Of course, we had long since acquired the basic information about Tab A and Slot B through various 'black market' channels. And we were convinced that our parents were way too unhip to be doing anything like that, anyway.

Monday, November 20, 2006 2:02:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nope, never had the talk and it gives me the shivers to even think about it. My mom bought a series of books on my 11th birthday that did the trick :)

Monday, November 20, 2006 4:00:00 PM  
Blogger you da mom! said...

"the talk" never happened in my house. it was clumsily, embarrassingly and pathetically attempted, sure. but i learned from friends and then, later on, from diving right in! for my kids, however, i am definitely having "the talk" and on more than one occasion, no matter how many eye rolls i get!

Monday, November 20, 2006 9:38:00 PM  
Blogger Digger Jones said...

Hmmm. I grew up on a farm where putting tabs into slots was what put the beef on the table, so to speak. I don't recall having a proper talk about it all. Maybe that's what the 4-H trip to the stud farm was about.

There was that time after mom briefly left Dad about 7 years ago and she started asking ME about men and sexuality and stuff. THAT was awkward.

Give them a copy of the "Starr Report" and be done with it.


Monday, November 20, 2006 11:34:00 PM  
Blogger Nanette said...

Add another into the "no talk" column....hmmm....what does that say about us ;)

Very amusing and frightening at the same time, have you thought about freezing time yet--why oh why must they age so fast......

Tuesday, November 21, 2006 2:45:00 AM  
Blogger Edtime Stories said...

I want to use this post in my new curriculum for sex ed. LOL...

The picture is priceless. Remember, the act is natural and normal and oh a lot more fun than Physics homework. So be prepared that talk or no something will likely happen.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006 6:14:00 AM  
Blogger PAPATV said...

Hilarious! The eyes are definitely telling the story. I ALSO held onto my virginity for awhile which as a guy, i realize, makes my stock go WAY down...but i was so afraid of knocking a girl up...and in the midwest it happens real easily. Then I went to New York and I was a shy guy in a big city so suddenly my virginity loomed taller than the skyskrapers in the city. What's that building? Oh, it's Brian papa's viriginity tower. Weird, wasn't it shorter two years ago? Why, yes, now that you say that....wow, it really appears quite big. Poor guy.
I could have definltey have used THE TALK. :)

Monday, September 29, 2008 11:03:00 AM  

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