...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

it's a thousand pages give or take a few

as i've probably said before, i believe that the world's great masters will see to it that one day i will be recalled in song, poems and statues.

not just one or the other. all three.

i've not said that to any of you? seriously? huh. well, make a note now. and for those of you with the skills, start composing those odes and chipping away at the marble. great masterpieces take effort and you really should pace yourselves.

however, because i like to think i have held onto a smidgen of my writing ability and have an "in" at a bookstore, my hope was to have a hand in the creation of my autobiography. purely because i'd like to ensure the facts are accurate (no, i never married impulsively and then divorced quickly, paying off my one true love never to speak of our indiscretion. i've never had a stint or five in rehab. there are no questionable photographs of me floating around out there...).

i wanted to tell my rags to rags story and handpick the photos used for the book jacket to ensure the publishers capture my best features (and we all know what those include, and we are stunned, actually, at how i've not mentioned that feature - or would they be 'features'? - in quite awhile now). i was positive that one day, the world would truly want to know all about me and oprah would go off the deep end by pimping my tome on her show.

anyway, i got to work last night and stopped in my tracks when i discovered that someone else had decided my story should be told now. apparently, the public has been clamoring for it, the insight into what makes me tick. i've just been too busy blogging to pay attention.

and i suppose i could be irritated that i wasn't consulted. that i didn't have a say in things. but honestly, i think the author truly captured the essence of what i'm about.

see for yourself.

honestly? i have to say, i'm pretty pleased with what they've done for me. much more poetically then i ever could have. the title alone sums me up reasonably well. it would seem to sell it. but truly, after reading the title, you almost don't even have to read the book, and where would that get me in my potential legal fight for royalities?

the cover artwork - a lovely silhouette montage - does capture my many wonderful moods. flirty. capricious. captivating. and always on the lookout for something or someone upon which to administer my titled abilities. at least based on that look captured on the far right.

i'm just a bit disappointed they opted to showcase the legs rather than my other kick ass attribute (attributes?), but what can you do when you lose your say?

(there's me bringing back that which i've not mentioned in awhile, btw. hello, beautifuls).

perhaps i'll regain my say with the already planned follow-up...

should you be interested in these reads, i should reiterate that i do work for a respectable, publicly traded corporation. it's not the type of book and novelty store where we request to look at your driver's license for any other reason than if you opt to pay by check.

but, because i'm a nymphomaniacal bloodsucker, i have to say i dig those kinds of stores, too, and i'm so going to request that they carry my life story the next time i visit one.


Blogger Nanette said...

If they really were all about you, I'd buy them in a heartbeat. I can't say when I'd get around to reading them, reading a book has fallen by the wayside these days. :D

Kickass indeed, perhaps some one with some creativity can come up with something spectacular! Nice squirrel covers, btw! ;)

Wednesday, February 28, 2007 1:45:00 AM  
Blogger The Savage said...

Roses are red,
Violettes are blue
You have nice legs
And "The Rack" is great too...

I can only assume on the legs having never seen them...

Wednesday, February 28, 2007 4:57:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

I don't suppose these tomes are of the "Choose Your Own Adventure" type, are they?

Wednesday, February 28, 2007 8:22:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

So - it's a dirty story of a dirty man, and his clinging wife doesn't understand, right?

Wednesday, February 28, 2007 9:07:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I always wondered how people felt about those unauthorized biographies. I am glad that you seem to be taking your in stride. (BTW the word verification for this post is almost a thousand pages long)

Wednesday, February 28, 2007 10:38:00 AM  
Blogger Edtime Stories said...

So a nymphomaniacal bloodsucker?
And to think i thought I was outside the box..

Wednesday, February 28, 2007 12:54:00 PM  
Blogger Nature Girl said...

Luckkkyyyyyyy! I can't WAIT for the day someone writes a book about me and gives it a juicy title! You are my new hero!

Wednesday, February 28, 2007 5:18:00 PM  
Blogger Confused Husband said...

Well after reading just the titles to your life story, I'm sure there's some kind of deal we can make to get me out there. After all who else can cook you a meal like I described AND put closet organizers in the kids' rooms. ;-)

Wednesday, February 28, 2007 7:33:00 PM  
Blogger Therese in Heaven said...

The book may be about you, but I'm totally the blood sucker on the far left who looks a little bit like Tinker Bell.

Friday, March 02, 2007 9:43:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

nanette - I had no internet connection for an entire day yesterday. Good time to perhaps read a book? No. I paced like a junkie. And like, had to spend time with my kids. Geez.

savage - your mad poetry jams are going to sway me if you're not careful.

ftn - *totally* choose your own adventure. a new, exciting ending every time you read! because i'm just that kick ass.

desmond - actually, maybe reverse those roles and the story reads more accurately!

finished - as an editorial comment about myself, blogger has given me the word verification which includes the word "putz" today. it fits me on many levels!

ed - sometimes it's fun to shake the box and try to figure out what's going on inside of it, no?

stacie - your new hero? cool! check out my most excellent red cape. and i have an invicible minivan. shh. don't tell anyone and blow my cover...

confused - pork roast is defrosting. i've got garlic. and still have messy closets. what are you waiting for?!

therese - "where my girls at?!" you could all be on the cover with me!

Friday, March 02, 2007 11:42:00 AM  

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