...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Monday, November 03, 2008

I'm gonna put on 'the thong song' and we'll tear this place apart

See that title up there? I've had it languishing in my Blogger account for more than a year. I remember hearing it somewhere, 'shushing' anyone who wished to speak to me, as I repeated it over and over in my head while I searched wildly for a piece of paper and pen to jot it down in my serial killer penmanship and one day use it as the title of a blog post. Apparently, I must have wanted to write something about how wild and kooky my life is, and thought referencing thongs would be a great jumping off point.

A couple problems with that. First, I
don't wear thongs (I have shockingly used the word "panties" or "underwear" on this blog 24 times. Actually, that seems really low when you consider I have more than 300 posts up. Either way, you're welcome.)

The second problem is I don't have a wild and kooky life. Shocked? I know. It happens. Learning this is like finding out there's no Santa Claus. I just ask that you keep that information to yourselves because I have at least one kid who still believes those boxes of toys under the Christmas tree have been made by elves, and who cares if they've been made by Target elves, m'kay?

So, anyway, I thought I'd tell you about my weekend. Here goes: I cleaned, took my sons out for Happy Meals, and read a couple book. Oh, and are you sitting down? I made banana bread!

"Wow. You're really living the dream. The rock star life must be super tiring," you're probably saying, to which I'd respond, "Word. You have no idea. Plus, this time change thing is really screwing me up."

Yeah. That's exciting.

Lacking the fodder, I thought maybe I'd write a post about the Google search words that drive people to my blog. I always like those when I read them elsewhere. You all get some great keyword searches. You know what I get?
  • "My wife dresses me in panties"
  • "Can I borrow your panties?"
  • "I'd like to get inside your panties"

A lot of my other search strings are quite pornographic, using words I pretend I don't say, but when my Mom's not around, I use a lot. Some of them are scary pornographic. When you think fetishes and monkey porn, rest assured I'm the first thing to cross your mind! Also, a lot of people really mangle up some Duran Duran lyrics and then land on my blog. However, that's not my point. My point is do you see what happens when you mention panties in excess of 20 times (although I think credit for that second example really rests with my raging love for "Sixteen Candles" and not so much with underpants), and now I've tossed "thong" into the mix.

Anyway, long story short, I am devoid of blog fodder today. I've probably been devoid of fodder for quite awhile now and you're all just far too nice to tell me. The point of this pointless post, though, is I got to use the line I've had sitting around for more than a year AND I've added to my panty post count at the same time. Stellar.

I'm going to go eat some banana bread now. While not wearing a thong. Yeah, I really know how to tear this place up. Totally living the dream. Feel free to go all crazy in the comments.

P.S. Speaking of going wild, I'm thinking of going to go see Hanson when they play here later this week. If you say you don't like "Mmmbop" you're a damn dirty liar. Also, Taylor grew up super hot, and I have a lot of panties to toss.

P.P. S. My birthday is coming up in less than two weeks if you want to start planning accordingly. Woo hoo!



Blogger Wonderful World of Weiners said...

But banana bread tastes SO MUCH BETTER if you're wearing a thong! It's a proven fact!


Monday, November 03, 2008 8:17:00 AM  
Blogger graham's mom said...

mmmbop is a TREMENDOUS song. agreed.

Monday, November 03, 2008 8:19:00 AM  
Blogger Neil said...

First time here. Found this terrific blog by searching for "making banana bread in her panties."

Monday, November 03, 2008 8:47:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is it weird that I am wearing a thong?

Monday, November 03, 2008 8:58:00 AM  
Blogger Joe said...

I found your blog while looking for monkey porn (with Duran Duran soundtracks). Thanks for the shout-out! ;)

Monday, November 03, 2008 8:58:00 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

mmmbop truly horrfies me. More than those searches you have going on.

I wonder if it's possible to kidnap Target elves and skip the store entirely?

Monday, November 03, 2008 9:00:00 AM  
Blogger Bex said...

The thing that creeps me out is when someone arrives to my blog by googling something disturbing like "sodomizing Cinderella", they click on ME (why??!), and then they stay around for a long time reading stuff. I'd like to think that I have absolutely nothing to offer someone who is into any kind of sex with a fictional Disney character (except Goofy, obviously).

Monday, November 03, 2008 9:08:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

So I'm curious. . . what do shower flip-flops have to do with underwear?

Oh, THAT! OK; I s'pose here's where I tell you that Molly calls 'em 'Butt Floss'. . .

Monday, November 03, 2008 9:08:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was number four... blogger ate my comment. Now I'm number 9. I liked 4 better.
I seem to remember you mentioned in a comment that your birthday is the 15th? Or was is the 13th? Either way, my birthday is the 14th. I think we should tear it up on Twitter and make a toast to our oldishness.
For someone who didn't have blog fodder, you did good. Hilarious.

Monday, November 03, 2008 9:12:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love the fact that in a post rife with mentions of monkey porn, thongs, fetishes, "my wife dresses me in panties," serial killer penmanship and multiple, non-monkey iterations of the word 'pornographic'... it all boils down to the fact that you made banana bread.

(fist bump)

Monday, November 03, 2008 9:32:00 AM  
Blogger Bijoux said...

Taylor Hanson is married - I know because I saw a clip of his wedding on one of those VH1 shows. And his bride was pregnant. His squeaky clean image was ruined for me. And now it's ruined for you too. Happy Monday!

Monday, November 03, 2008 9:32:00 AM  
Blogger Chasity said...

I never tossed panties, but my bra did make it on stage at a Gin Blossoms concert once (woohoo a walk on the wild side)and the hubby still feels the need to mention it occasionally.

My birthday is the 13th. Scorpios rock!!

Monday, November 03, 2008 9:37:00 AM  
Blogger Christina Lee said...

I have been wanting to do a post for awhile on key words to get to my blog -the one I get alot is "real pictures of dead people"-so one day I thought I's show a fashionably dressed dead person on my site-it might horrify everyone else, but not these people....they might subscribe and drive up my numbers :)

Monday, November 03, 2008 9:41:00 AM  
Blogger DKC said...

I have become a thong convert. Never thought it would happen, but there it is.

My rockstar life consists of thinking about making banana bread and then leaving the bananas in the fridge until they are more liquid then banana.

So, you got me there!

Monday, November 03, 2008 9:42:00 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Panties, monkey porn and Hanson?

You're going to get some interesting traffic from that!.

Monday, November 03, 2008 9:55:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

I bet you've worn a thong at least once or twice. No doubt, you had some horrific experience and are emotionally scarred as a result.

And... some of us love Hanson so much that we even record those songs in our spare time. With me playing all the instruments. That's not weird, right?

Hmm. Yeah. Maybe it is.

Monday, November 03, 2008 10:09:00 AM  
Blogger Chuck said...

I never thought of you as a thong kinda girl. For some reason, in my mind, you seem so much more conservative in what you choose to cover your goodies. I guess I was right!

I could totally go for some bananner bread. Mmmmm....all hot and nannerific!

Monday, November 03, 2008 10:39:00 AM  
Blogger Claire said...

Taylor.Hason. OMG. How absolutely adorable he is!!! I haven't seen a picture for a long time, obviously. (did I really just type "OMG?" Yes, I did.)

Monday, November 03, 2008 11:03:00 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

My mom still calls flip-flops thongs. I tell her her choice of undergarments has no place in a conversation with her grandchildren present.


Monday, November 03, 2008 11:07:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The fact that I wear underwear at all is a mystery to some of my friends. IDK what to think about that...

Monday, November 03, 2008 11:21:00 AM  
Blogger Kori said...

I really have just enjoyed reading the comments today. I even agree with a lot of them, though I will leave you to decipher which ones.

Monday, November 03, 2008 11:45:00 AM  
Blogger Swirl Girl said...

I do wear a thong. I figured that I used to spend half my day pulling my undies out of my butt, why not start the day with them up there in the first place and be done with it?

...and better to throw at a Hanson Bros. than my granny panties.

Monday, November 03, 2008 11:52:00 AM  
Blogger Jansky T said...

If you go see Hanson, take pair of panties to throw on the stage.

Monday, November 03, 2008 12:11:00 PM  
Blogger Ali said...

mmm...banana bread...

(in terms of underwear...there's little better than a VS v-string. just saying)

Monday, November 03, 2008 12:27:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. Banana bread, huh? Too bad you didn't get REALLY crazy and try zucchini bread.

And who doesn't love MMMbop?

Monday, November 03, 2008 12:32:00 PM  
Blogger Brian o vretanos said...

I won't criticise the monkey porn thing - I seem to remember googling for panda porn once, but that was all Bee's fault...

Of course now you're going to get loads of hits from weird people looking for banana bread recipes ;-)

Monday, November 03, 2008 12:46:00 PM  
Blogger steenky bee said...

I'm down with Mmmm Bop, but I can't get into the Thong Song. I mean, what is up with Cysco? Is he from the future? I hope he invested his money wisely. I haven't seen anything from him lately. I think he was in that Freddie Prinze Jr./Rachel Lee Cook nightmare of a teen movie but since then, nothing. How is it that I know that? I'm not saying. Let's just say sometimes Steenky Bee spends Friday nights alone. Only a few more days until we should be able to have our unholy union. I'm waxing and exfoliating in preparation. Too much information? Pretty doesn't happen overnight, sista!

Monday, November 03, 2008 1:04:00 PM  
Blogger MereCat said...

ooh! What should we do for your birthday???

Monday, November 03, 2008 1:37:00 PM  
Blogger Kevin McKeever said...

This is all a subtle ploy to get Tool Man in a banana hammock, isn't it?

Monday, November 03, 2008 2:49:00 PM  
Blogger Backpacking Dad said...

What. Ali. Said.

Monday, November 03, 2008 2:49:00 PM  
Blogger Meg said...

Umm MMMBop is a fantastical song and I think the chick who trapped Taylor into matrimony needs to be offed. Just saying.

"She had dumps like a truck truck truck / Thighs like what what what / All night long / Let me see that thong"

Yeah...it still doesn't make sense to me.

Monday, November 03, 2008 3:00:00 PM  
Blogger Cameron said...

"I'm going to go eat some banana bread now. While not wearing a thong."

You go girl - eating banana bread while going commando is definitely a liberating feeling!!

Monday, November 03, 2008 3:31:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm still shuddering from the use of the word "panties" so often in this post. Ugh. [shakes fist in your general direction]

Monday, November 03, 2008 3:55:00 PM  
Blogger PAPATV said...

I bet Tyler would love a Cougar. :)

Heh. I said Cougar.

Monday, November 03, 2008 4:18:00 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

When I mentioned in a post that my wife wears thongs, it became one of the most linked-to posts in the history of my site. Kind of sad, really.

Your cake is in the mail.

Monday, November 03, 2008 4:50:00 PM  
Blogger Wendy said...

Lol. I got "old lady fuck cream." Creepy.

Monday, November 03, 2008 6:33:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt Becky said...

I personally despise the word "panties." Ew.

Monday, November 03, 2008 6:35:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy Lou said...

And just think about how many more searches can be based on "panties" now that you've posted it half a dozen more times! I do love the title though, well worth the wait.

Monday, November 03, 2008 8:18:00 PM  
Blogger Seriously Brenda said...

Forget Monkey Porn or female butt floss or how many times you have sucessfully managed to sneak panties into a blog post. Tell me more about that banana bread. Oh how I miss banana bread. Banana bread with real butter. Who needs monkey porn were there are dreams of banana bread looming...

Monday, November 03, 2008 9:58:00 PM  
Blogger Bee said...

I completely forgot what I was going to say once I read brian's comment! What?? I had people searching for panda porn?? Wow! I have me some power!

And also, now I have the thong song in my head... thanks for that!

Monday, November 03, 2008 10:24:00 PM  
Blogger The Stiletto Mom said...

MmmmBop is a work of art, truly. You will be so jealous...once I was at the airport waiting for The Man to get back from a two week trip to Australia (which obviously I was not invited to...pfft) and Hansen got off the plane he was on and walked right past me. (This was right after MmmBop came out too). So he gets off the plane, walks over to me thinking we are going to have this big reunion kiss and I said, "Why are you putting your bag down? Hansen is standing right over there...hurry or I won't get a chance to ask for their autograph!" Needless to say, there have been many moments he liked me a lot better than that one. :)

Monday, November 03, 2008 11:47:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WHOA, got here by googling 'monkey panty thong'. This is a crazy sick blog. Oh yeah, and I'm with Bee too: Thong Song is gonna be going through my head all night long.


Tuesday, November 04, 2008 2:52:00 AM  
Blogger The Savage said...


Tuesday, November 04, 2008 6:01:00 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

What day is your birthday on?

Tuesday, November 04, 2008 8:29:00 AM  
Blogger San Diego Momma said...

Random comment: My nurse friend calls thongs "e coli strings," due to the number of bladder infections she sees caused by the things.

Yum! How's that banana bread tasting right about now?

Tuesday, November 04, 2008 9:04:00 AM  
Blogger Robin said...

Ugh, I hate the p word, am I the only one? I say undies.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008 9:48:00 AM  
Blogger Tuesday Girl said...

wow thongs, banana bread and hanson all in one post!


Tuesday, November 04, 2008 10:13:00 AM  
Blogger Andrea with the Flipflops said...

really I would have thought the pantie count would have been much higher.

Did you put chocolate chips in the banana bread? After all the hard work of making the banana bread, how long did it last before it was gone?

Tuesday, November 04, 2008 11:55:00 AM  
Blogger Sailor said...

I want some of the banana bread. And, I don't care if the cook was wearing a thong or not- in fact, I think I'd rather not know!

Great to see you still mixup and comeup with the most interesting collection of post-topics, I've missed that!


Tuesday, November 04, 2008 2:54:00 PM  
Blogger Sherendipity said...

You talk about nothing and you get 49 comments. I think you must be doing something right.
I'd totally hang with you on that boring weekend. But, I kind of have a girl crush on you, so that should scare you a little.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008 5:53:00 PM  
Blogger Madame Queen said...

First of all, I am totally NOT ashamed to say that I love Mmmbop. It is a totally catchy tune and I often find myself singing it for days after I hear it.

I keep saying I'm going to do a google search post and I keep forgetting. Dang!

Tuesday, November 04, 2008 7:37:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I do have some secret embarrassing songs that I love, but I can unequivocally say Mmm Bop is not one of them....though that middle Hanson was always disturbingly cute.

And please don't waste good panties on the Hanson brothers...there are so many other deserved 90s pop stars

Tuesday, November 04, 2008 10:00:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

no lie...never, ever, ever liked mmmbop.

My husband hates it when I call my daughter's flip-flops, thongs. "Stop calling them thongs! she doesn't wear thongs!"

that makes 2 of us.personally don't care for perma wedgie.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008 1:02:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hope you voted not wearing a thong!

Wednesday, November 05, 2008 3:44:00 AM  
Blogger Biscuit said...

I ONCE did a post about BoobieThon, and forever I got hits from people googling "boobs" or "boobies." Really? I'm guessing I got a lot of traffic from the Seths of the world.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008 8:56:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Even when you are supposedly "out of blog fodder" you still manage to make me simultaneously pee my pants with laughter and seethe with jealousy at your abilities. So, I just don't buy it. Sorry.

Plus, with a Hanson concert coming up, you should have plenty to write about soon. The Hansen's are blog gold. Mmmbop!

Wednesday, November 05, 2008 12:04:00 PM  
Blogger That girl from Shallotte said...

I was just talking about thongs at the beauty parlor. When I wear them, my flat butt looks like a biscuit with a rubber band around it.

I love saying "panties." I'm also starting a movement to bring back "beauty parlor" and "pocketbook."

Jeebus, this week's been crazy. I just told Mr. Sweetypants, "I need to go catch up with (your real name), she always makes things better." :)

Friday, November 07, 2008 7:56:00 PM  

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