...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

you'd love anything that sucked this well, too

"Oh...you're gonna love it," he said to me, his voice an enthusiastic whisper past my ear, the 'o' in the word love drawn out like a delicious tease. As if his voice tucked right in by my ear wasn't enough to push me over.

"God, I hope so," I replied, turning my head to glance back at him. "Honestly, it just seems like a bit more than I can take."

Sensing my anxiousness, he smiled, nodded and repeated the words I needed to hear again to make me feel relaxed.

"Everyone thinks that at first. They're scared," he said. "But trust me. You will love it. You'll want it all the time..."

"He knows me so well," I thought. "I have such a small threshold for self control."

"God help me," I whispered. "Let's do this, then."

So we parted, this stranger and I, and I returned my gaze back toward my husband and sons who were walking, as per usual, 3,062 steps ahead of me, and proceeded to push my loaded shopping cart through the Home Depot aisles toward the checkout counter.

To purchase a Dyson vacuum cleaner. With it's cyclonic sucking power that was first tested as it yanked the credit card out of my husband's wallet before it ever emerged from the box, and then literally grossed me out when we got it home and gave it a test run on our family room floor.

Let me just say that I am, by purely anal and obsessive habits, a neat person. Messes make me a bit crazy. Disorder robs me of calm. So I believed my floors wouldn't be some back alley crack den for dust mites and crap.

Damn you, Dyson, for proving me wrong. I'm humbled by your immense sucking power. My husband vacuumed the family room floor and pulled up a ton of things. First, I was amazed by the wonder of watching my husband actually vacuuming. After that, I was awed by what was being pulled up by the Dyson. Dust no doubt left by the home builders eight years ago. Gold doubloons. The skeletal remains of what may be a small ancient burial ground. A young Cambodian boy we've named Erik.
That mighty is the Dyson.

"Let me at it!" I screamed when it was time to go up to the living room. Then we "ooohed" and "awwed" and "what the hell'ed?" our way through the rest of the house. And the furniture! That my furniture is still standing after that gale force cleaning is nothing short of amazing.

"Why don't you take the boys and go somewhere? I want to be alone with the Dyson," I said to my husband. I had a bathroom floor to tackle.

I never thought I'd get a Dyson (sidenote: I think it's against the law to call a Dyson a "vacuum." I've only heard people refer to it by the brand name itself. We've said "it's time to Dyson the floor"). Not because I thought I was too good for such nice things. Oh, no. I just figured I'd have to return a lot of pop bottles for the five cent deposit money before I'd ever have the chance to buy one, and thus would just leave a pile of ashes from my dead body for my survivors to vacuum (excuse me - Dyson) up after I'd died in my quest.

And we still, technically, can't afford it. I did get a little shaky when we paid for it even though it was on sale and there were other discounts. But the old vacuum was to the point of screaming in pain whenever we turned it on, and now it cowers in the closet when we bring out its replacement. It awaits its eventual destruction.

So he was right, this stranger who enchanted me in the home appliance aisle of Home Depot. I do love it. I do want it all the time. And like him, the next time I'm shopping and see someone eyeing them, I totally intend to take their Dyson virginity, too.

Because they suck so good.



Blogger Choppzs said...

I bought my Dyson about 3 months ago, and have fallen head over heels for it! LOVE IT! He's so lightweight, and he sucks so well! lol Kudos to the maker of this product. I will forever be in his debt! And it's hard not to make this product sound so sexual when talking about it isn't it?? lol

Wednesday, July 11, 2007 12:10:00 PM  
Blogger Rug's Bug said...

I'm so jealous. And there's not a stitch of carpet in my house. Well, unless you count my bedroom. But that too will be replaced any minute.

I'd Dyson the hard wood. Because I hate to walk on grit.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007 3:14:00 PM  
Blogger Kelly said...

Oh, Dyson, how I love you. I have the Dyson Animal, so not only does it suck Precambrian fossils out of the carpet -- it's also a lovely shade of purple. However, we may be in trouble with the Dyson Names and Labels people; in my house full of Teletubbies fans, the Dyson goes by "Noo-Noo."

Wednesday, July 11, 2007 3:23:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is completely foreign territory. :)

Thursday, July 12, 2007 12:12:00 AM  
Blogger Nanette said...


I had another vacuum die on me...and, I went to Consumer Reports--surprisingly enough, the Dyson is not even close to being rated as the top vacuum. So, did I take the word of the magazine, or my internet friends--or did I listen to my wallet? You suck! :P


Thursday, July 12, 2007 1:55:00 AM  
Blogger The Savage said...

But think of it this way... it is sooooooooooo much cheaper than a kirby... I know.. I was a kirby vacuum cleaner for a short span once.... the average kirby is close to 2000 bucks

Thursday, July 12, 2007 5:17:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

The Savage was a Kirby vacuum cleaner for a short span once?

Thursday, July 12, 2007 7:59:00 AM  
Blogger Recovering Soul said...

I was wondering the same thing as FTN - that is an interesting reincarnation.

Boy, would it suck to come back as a vacuum cleaner!


IMHO, Consumer Reports is only good for vehicles. They suck on everything else!
Oooooh! Another vacuum joke, this is awesome.

Thursday, July 12, 2007 8:11:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Choppzs - If it wasn't frowned upon in polite society, I'd probably run away and try to talk my Dyson into marrying me. I'm pretty sure we'd be happy together. I'd be charmed by its sucking ability and I'm sure it would never let me down.

Rug's - I've Dysoned my kitchen flooring and it past the test. I'm pretty sure you could Dyson your backyard and this thing would suck a whole to the center of the earth.

Kelly - As purple is my favorite color, I was a little worshipful of that one, but we have the purple attachments (thanks to some covert action on someone's part who lives in this house and doesn't go by the name "me"). I forgot about "noo noo." Thanks for giving me those flashbacks!

Nocturnal - Somewhere buried deep within you, I think you have some vacuum using quirks. You can destroy my old one if you'd like. My neighbors would just look at me weird if I went out and did that in my backyard.

Nanette - Did you come to the Dyson Dark Side? Because you could suck that up and it would be much brighter and cheerier if you did...Come to the light, Carol Ann...

Savage - I was once - and I am not making this up at all - held hostage in my house by a Kirby vacuum salesman for five hours!!! I even threatened to call the police to make him leave and that didn't sway him. I think he was actually made of a durable Kirby vacuum material base. I feared for me life.

FTN - If he was, I'm pretty sure he wasn't the one who held me hostage, at retractable chord point, in my living room. Dumping sand over and over again on my carpet and making me watch him clean it up.

I'm crying now just remembering that night...

RS - If there were a song that could go along with this sucking post, I'm wating for you to pull out the clip. Until that time, I'll applaud you for bringing the jokes!

Thursday, July 12, 2007 8:37:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Wow...I *really* need to not speed type early in the morning and perhaps take a second to proofread...

Friday, July 13, 2007 12:36:00 AM  
Blogger cat said...

I think I love your blog. I love when a random blog find turns into a treasure.... (found you because Nocturnal left a comment on MY blog and I click on a link on Nocturnal's blogroll!)

ANYHOW... my husband and I were *this* close to almost buying a Dyson two weeks ago when my little vacuum seemed to be too archaic for new bags. But where I was hoping to only pay about $10 for new filter bags, I wasn't about to drop $700 on a new machine. We ended up getting the bags, but I was wondering about that expensive item that the sales people were so exuberantly trying to sell us. With two VERY furry dogs we were told nothing would beat the Dyson.

So maybe I'll rethink this whole thing at Christmas. Especially that even with the new bags my vacuum really (doesn't) suck. Drat.

Monday, July 16, 2007 8:33:00 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home