...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Monday, October 29, 2007

whattaya know. it really does taste like chicken!

My blog is often a landing pad for people Google searching for romantic tips and compelling ideas that will reward them with sex. Not sex with me, of course. What do you take me for?

(You. In the back. Yeah. Shut up. Why are you still here, anyway?)

But, because I'm sexy (yep), it's pretty understandable why they end up here. This weekend, someone searching for "fowl words for my sexy lady when having sex" happened upon my happy home. To help this individual out, I asked my inner 13-year-old boy, Seth, to join me and together we came up with some ideas. For our poultry loving suitor in Australia, and for you, charming reader, we dish up the following and, of course, wish you happy pecking:

  • "I'm USDA approved, little Chicky."
  • "You like dark meat, birdy?"
  • "Oh, I bet you're a 3-piece hen, aren't you?"
  • "We're doin' it extra crispy tonight, baby. Oh yeaaah."
  • "You strip for me, I'll show you my nuggets."
  • "Bahk bahk. Thank you, Easter Bunny!"
  • "I"m gonna pluck you. Oh, yeah. I'm gonna pluck you nice and slow."
  • "Wanna cluck?"
  • "Duck!"
  • "Now you're doin' the funky chicken. No. I mean you're really doin' the funky chicken!"
  • "You don't want no turkey. Turkey's only good once a year. Chicken can do it all year long."
  • "Are your breasts injected with water and hormones, or are they all natural? Can I see?"
  • "What's the matter? You chicken or somethin'? Oh. Heh. Right...."
  • "Shake and Bake!"
  • "What say you come over here and yank on my wishbone, baby."
  • "I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight. I feel like chicken tonight..."
  • "I'm gonna make you chicken dance like you've never chicken danced before."
  • "Wanna see my cock. It's beautiful, isn't it? The other hens tell me so."
  • "Wha? All those other hens? Oh, no, baby. You're the only chicken for me in this grossly overrun, corporate-owned slaughter house they call a poultry farm."
  • "Hey Chicken Little, I think the sky's falling. Let's do it for our barnyard..."
  • "Hey hen, watch it with the beak why don'tcha."
  • "There's a pecking order around here, Loosey Goosey. Unless you're into threesomes..."
  • "Your coop or mine?"
  • "Do you take it sunnyside up? 'Cause if you did, that would sure boil my eggs. I guarantee I'd make a big scramble."
  • "Chicken in the bread pan pickin' out ohhhh!"
  • "Four legs good. Two legs bad. Wait a minute...."
  • "We have an animal magnetism."
  • "You ever been with a duck? You should try it. Food for thought."
  • Eh, screw PETA! Just screw me!"

  • Despite what it would seem, I'm not a fan of the chicken. I think roosters harbour the evil. I blame it on being pecked down by a bad ass rooster as a child while visiting my aunt and uncle's farm. However, I'm a fan of the foul talk/sex combo meal, therefore, I'm not one to stand in the way of love, no matter how you get it. If it makes you crow in the end, it's all good. Cock-a-doodle-do, baby.



    Blogger Nanette said...

    You didn't, in church? You'll be fried for that baby!

    I don't care for the dark meat...I'm into the white of the breast--it is something about the slimy nature of the dark meat, I think. Now I need to drum up some chicken, no drumsticks though, breasts only please (you realize I have to pay extra for that at the colonel's?)


    Monday, October 29, 2007 1:03:00 AM  
    Blogger Sailor said...

    In church, huh? Good for you! ;)

    I like the foul talk as well, but to be honest, will be happy to leave the fowl talk to you and Seth.

    Monday, October 29, 2007 3:28:00 AM  
    Blogger Biscuit said...

    I'd never heard that dark meat is slimy, but the bonus there is that you wouldn't require any extra lubri- ...that sounded so much funnier in my head.

    Monday, October 29, 2007 6:21:00 AM  
    Blogger Nature Girl said...

    So who came first, the chicken or ...
    oh nevermind!

    Monday, October 29, 2007 6:29:00 AM  
    Blogger 1blueshi1 said...

    oh yeah baby, I love that hot mustard sauce! Dunk that nugget deeper, bay-bay! Oh! Oh! Now in the barbecue--yes! Yes!

    Monday, October 29, 2007 7:06:00 AM  
    Blogger Desmond Jones said...

    So, um, I s'pose I probably shouldn't ask you about the sermon topic, huh?

    Monday, October 29, 2007 9:15:00 AM  
    Blogger FTN said...

    Homophones amuse me.

    "You strip for me, I'll show you my nuggets" is the clear winner, by the way. Although I honestly have no idea what "We're doin' it extra crispy tonight, baby," even means. I'm sure it's very dirty, though.

    Monday, October 29, 2007 10:13:00 AM  
    Blogger Desmond Jones said...

    And what - no 'Chicken Lickin'?

    Monday, October 29, 2007 12:01:00 PM  
    Blogger Edtime Stories said...

    wow...the preacher must be completely boring eh?

    Monday, October 29, 2007 2:54:00 PM  
    Blogger The Savage said...

    It's only poultry related but....
    I'm not the pheasant plucker, I'm the pheasant plucker's son and I'll be plucking pheasants til the pheasant plucker comes....

    I have a rather dexterous tongue....

    Monday, October 29, 2007 5:44:00 PM  
    Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

    Nan - Oh, I see how it is. You like the pale white meat. Do you think it rocks? Dark meat, sure, yeah, I can see some of the slime factor. More so now than ever before.

    Sailor - Well, not all of it was jotted down in church. Some of it hit me at home while getting ready for church. Thus, I ran into God a little later than planned.

    Biscuit - Trust me, as a girl who cracked herself up at the line "Shake and Bake!" I totally laughed at what you said. Everything is funny to me. Like up there, where I said "cracked." Cracked. Chickens. Eggs. I'm laughing now!

    Stacie - GAH!! How is it even possible I forgot this clearly obvious and most necessary phrase?!?!

    Oh, yeah. Probably because I was still laughing at Shake and Bake!

    1blueshi1 - Chicken lover! I gots a little ranch dressing for you here...

    Desmond - I think it had something to do with God.

    FTN - Ah, Veggie Tales. I don't know how I've come this far in life and not learned all I could have from these talking food products. It is a well known fact that I do dig homophones, too.

    Extra crispy is nasty. It cuts you and ties you up in a closet. I suggest strongly staying away from extra crsipy if you can. Original recipe is much nicer and sends you flowers after.

    Desmond - GAH!! again! I leave out chicken lickin' and finger lickin'! Dang!

    Ed - Ha! Um, not so much. But God and I have been easing ourselves back into a relationship, and honestly, once I get something stuck in my head, like this did, I have a hard time letting it go. Thus, I'm glad I had a pen in my purse and an open program to write on.

    Savage - It's a good thing you do, because I can't even roll my tongue. Or say this twister without stumbling.

    Tuesday, October 30, 2007 8:42:00 AM  
    Blogger Phyllis RenĂ©e said...

    How you inspire me! I often have had things running through my brain that I must write down (even in church). But you are so much braver to actually post them. You're my hero :o)

    Extra Crispy sounds a little scary. Is there something in between that and Original Recipe? Oh, well of course, Hot n' Spicy. And can I get some extra dippin' sauce?

    Tuesday, October 30, 2007 9:30:00 AM  
    Blogger Desmond Jones said...

    And I suppose the whole 'Chicken of the Sea' line of discussion is just beyond the pale. . .

    Tuesday, October 30, 2007 9:30:00 AM  
    Blogger Mandy Lou said...

    This has nothing to do with this post, but I found this (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=highway+salute&defid=2128303) at Urban Dictionary today and thought of your previous post.

    Promise to come back later and actually read this post!

    Tuesday, October 30, 2007 9:31:00 AM  
    Blogger kimmyk said...

    Y'all some twisted motherfu..ers.

    I thought you were bad DKOG, but your readers? You know what they say....

    birds of a feather...

    ha! get it? birds? feathers? chicken is a bird and it has feathers.

    Tuesday, October 30, 2007 6:43:00 PM  
    Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

    Phyllis - Hot and Spicy is that middle ground between the two recipes, yep. But when it brings out it's cohorts, popcorn chicken, and they start to gang up on you, I strongly suggest running as fast as you can. However, yeah, I could see the allure of a little hot and spicy...

    Desmond - Ah, the trusty Chicken of the Sea! Once again, my brain failed me. Probably because I buy generic. Generic is not the best tuna, btw. C of the S totally has a lock on that.

    Oh, but the places I could have gone with that and an aquatic animal that may have washed ashore in the coop...

    Mandy - I'm a week out with no highway salutes! However, now I wish I'd get one so I could thank the nice driver for the acknowledgement!

    Kimmy - Come over here, you. I'm fluffing up this side of my nest over here for you. Early bird gets the worm, sista!

    Aww...um, did you really think I was bad? Like *really* bad?

    Wednesday, October 31, 2007 7:57:00 AM  
    Blogger Desmond Jones said...

    Ohmigosh. . . like, "is your tuna dolphin-safe?"

    yeef. . .

    Wednesday, October 31, 2007 10:41:00 AM  
    Blogger Jean Knee said...

    I hope my rooster doesn't see this post, he's cocky enough as it is, and there ain't no hens around

    Thursday, November 01, 2007 9:35:00 AM  
    Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

    Desmond - Oh! Nice one, mister. Nice one, indeed!

    jean knee - I't pretty show boatin' when those roosters start to think they're the darn cock o' the walk.

    Thursday, November 01, 2007 10:31:00 PM  
    Blogger Crazy Computer Dad said...

    In keeping with Internet terminlogy you missed HILC (er, like MILF). As in, "You're a Hen I'd Like to CLUCK". Can't believe I just wrote that.....

    Monday, November 05, 2007 1:03:00 PM  

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