...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Monday, October 08, 2007

superman can't save me now

If I've learned anything as a parent, it is that getting my children to obey any rule or suggestion requires repeating my request over and over again, and any car trip, no matter how brief, will have to include - per child and at minimum - six toys, four books, a snack, change of clothes and stamps for the postcards we'll send to our friends and relatives to share our adventures with them.

So taking these rules to heart, join us, won't you, as my sons and I visit the bank one recently fine afternoon. In the backseat the boys have created a pocket of air amidst the toys and are waging a battle of epic proportion with their assorted action figures. A glance in the rear view mirror indicates the black Power Ranger is really in over his head as he comes gut to helmet with the Incredible Hulk. For back up, Captain America lurks deceptively over the arm of my youngest's booster seat. Sure, the jaunty captain typically serves for good, but today, I firmly believe his motives are questionable.

Soon, the battle seems to be at a peak and Captain America, sensing a need to help the tiny Power Ranger before he opts to make a dive from the open window on the passenger side of the mini, has screamed through the air to take over. With each blow to the solar plexes that Captain America takes from the larger, mightier and way pissed off Hulk, my youngest (reprising his role as the Hulk for today's episode) exclaims "OH! Now THAT's gonna hurt!"

Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

Honestly, I am a girl. Huge surprise, I know. Because I'm a girl, I know little about super heroes and whether or not Captain American and the Incredible Hulk operate on the same side of justice. If their names were Britney and Noel and their hair was stylable and they came with a cool Hummer you could drive them on dates to, I would be so into them. But they are not. And I am not able to hear this anymore:

"OH! Now THAT'S gonna hurt!!"

At my limit, I glance back and suggest my son think of another way to convey the pain. For example, "Goodness, that's an unfortunate turn of events you've just experienced." Or "Perhaps you should have just stayed in bed today, Captain America." Good sport that he is, my son said he'd think of something else to say, and good sport that I am, I thanked him.

Three seconds passed and I heard the blow of fully articulated plastic feet making contact with Captain America again. And I wait to hear what springs forth.

"OH! Now THAT'S gonna..." my son yells out passionately, then pauses for just a second as our eyes meet in the rear view mirror, then says quietly, "...hurt when I can tell you about it."

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11 Comments:

Blogger Nanette said...

You mean to tell me that I can't dig up Superman and have him turn back time! Oh, now that is gonna hurt.

ificudtrnbktm

Monday, October 08, 2007 1:20:00 AM  
Blogger Stacie said...

roflmao! Yep...you have boys alright! The response in my house would have been, "I swear child if you use that phrase one more time, you're going to find out the literal meaning of it" but I'm sarcastic like that and my kids unfortunately have picked that up from me. Sigh...
you're a good mom!
Stacie

Monday, October 08, 2007 8:46:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Back in much younger days, Molly and I drove to Florida for spring break with such kids as we had at the time (three the first time, five the second). Roughly 48 hours total drive time, both directions.

My wife is an amazing woman. For two months before we left, she planned for those 48 hours as if it were the D-Day invasion. Borrowed 20+ hours of 'Adventures in Odyssey' tapes from our friends; scrounged up snacks to be distributed every two hours (and redistributed them into single-snack bagged portions); puzzles, books, games; even bought a book about games to play with kids on a long car trip (to this day, my kids just instinctively check out road signs for 'the alphabet game' - "OH! OH! THERE'S A 'Q'!!).

And, we made that trip to Florida and back - TWICE! - with nary a psychotic episode on Dad's (ie, my) part. Heck, by the time we got home, I had close personal relationships with all of the 'Odyssey' characters, so there was that, too. . .

Monday, October 08, 2007 9:39:00 AM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

Man I can't wait to hear what happened in the car when you guys went to the grocery store!!!

I miss days like this when my kids played with each other in the backseat. Now they both have their iPods plugged in and hardly speak. It's usually a quiet drive wherever we go. Not so bad at times when the world is so loud and crazy. Other times it's chaos of whose friend did what to whom and so on and so forth.

Monday, October 08, 2007 11:36:00 AM  
Anonymous you da mom! said...

at our house, it's, "THAT'S GONNA LEAVE A MARK!" and "GO BACK TO MAMA'S HOUSE!" that gets yelled over and over.

Monday, October 08, 2007 12:28:00 PM  
Anonymous Terry said...

About 6 months after I met my husband, I met his daughter who was a little more than 3 at the time. When she was about 4 1/2, at my wedding shower no less, she grabbed hold of the word CHICKEN. Chicken was said to convey something nice, pretty, horrific, scary, shocking and, of course, I Love You. At a loss for a word? Substitute chicken. To this day (she's now 9), she still uses the word. Though now? Sometimes, I think it's become an alternative for a foul word. (sorry I couldnt help it.)

Monday, October 08, 2007 2:45:00 PM  
Blogger FTN said...

Michael Stipe kind of creeps me out. I had a friend from Athens, Georgia, and he said that Stipe was known around town for picking up young teenaged boys at the local clubs.

For the record, the Incredible Hulk could beat the crap out of Captain America AND the black Power Ranger. Probably with one hand tied behind his big green back.

Monday, October 08, 2007 3:09:00 PM  
Blogger The Savage said...

I've got my spine, I've got my Orange Crush....

Tuesday, October 09, 2007 6:14:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Nan - If I could get anyone to turn back time, you know I would. Seriously. Hell, if I could get someone to give me back all that time, I'd probably do that first!

Stacie - thank you, sweet girl! My youngest is truly the master of phrases. This is either going to be to his advantage later in life with the ladies, or they'll roll their eyes at him. Kind of like what I do now!

Desmond - TWO driving trips to Florida with a vehicle full of kids and such a well thought out plan? You (and Molly) are like heroes to me now. Seriously. A trip across the block to the grocery store with the boys wears me out sometimes!

kimmyk - Trips to the grocery store also require packing supplies in case we get lost and stranded (nevermind that the store is actually just over the block from my house), as well as bracing myself for every feasible "Mom, what if..." question my oldest can think of.

And farting. Sometimes there is a great deal of fake farting going on in the backseat. This compels me to then actually turn up the soundtrack to High School Musical 2 to drown it all out. Alas, that little Zac Ephron boy is kinda cute...

you da mom! - Ah! "That's gonna leave a mark" is starting to become a staple in the house here now, too. And "actually." My youngest prefaces nearly all his conversations now with "actually."

Terry - I freakin' chicken (love) that story!

FTN - I figured you could school me on the super hero thing. I figured as bad ass as our little plastic Hulk looks, his plastic nipples alone could take out Capt. America and the entire Power Ranger brigade. And still probably have the energy for a date with Michael Stipe at the end of the day.

Savage - follow me, don't follow me
(one of thew REM cd's I listen to from start to finish)

btw, I think you forgot to say something...

Tuesday, October 09, 2007 11:19:00 AM  
Blogger The Savage said...

I do lust you even though I don't say it often enough.....

Tuesday, October 09, 2007 9:34:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Savage - Ah, Savage, I rest a little more peacefully now...

Wednesday, October 10, 2007 9:30:00 AM  

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