...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

when I think about me, I stalk myself

For various reasons, I've been periodically checking my stats the last few weeks, keeping abreast of who swings by here. In some cases, I can figure who's who. Most of the time, my visitors are unheard voices from around the world, and most, it would seem, share a kindred lust for all things Dirty Dancing and/or Grease.

And different kind of boobs. Wow! The internet, no matter where in the world, does love it some different kind of boobs. To which I say God bless you, brothers and sisters, and express my shared fondness. Well done, strangers of the world. Well done, indeed!

So anyway, my point in checking out my stats isn't to weed out any stalkers. I'm pretty sure I don't have any, nor do I stalk any of you, and to suggest otherwise is laughable. Because as much as I adore you all and would totally hang out with you if you wanted me to and perhaps you would try to make that happen by luring me into your car with candy and promises of gifting me with a puppy, I do have other interests that take up the bulk of my time that blogging doesn't suck away.

Like digging pits in my basement, burning away the flesh on my fingertips to eliminate trace prints, and dressing up like a woman in skins sewn from my victims. This last hobby doesn't take as much time as the others because, welp, I'm a woman, as indicated by the fact that I have boobs. Different kind of boobs, apparently. At least based on many Google searches that lead people here.

Because I know some of your locales, my tracking doesn't take much effort. And because next to none of you comes directly from my humble state, I was pretty relaxed about the whole thing. Until last week, when I began noticing an inordinate number of readers based right here from the state I call home paying me pretty regular visits. Visits that would, on occasion, stretch into really uncomfortable lengths of time.

"No need to panic," I thought. "The state's big enough for more than just my minor ego. Surely it's fine." As I've stated here before, no one I know has even the slightest clue I have a blog, for I never use words that start with the letter 'B' in their presence, so even though these new local visits kind of bothered me, I relaxed.

Until a few days later, when I logged on to my stat counter and noticed several visits stretched over the week coming from a town less than 2 miles from my house. Less than two miles! And I'm friends with people in this less than two miles from my house town! So not cool! I began thinking I could no longer pretend it's was just a fluke these new hits were popping up.

So I kept checking. Kept seeing this town showing up in my stats. Kept not liking it all. Seriously, I love my friends. What I don't love is them knowing some of the stuff about me that I've written about here, and by now, I was wholly convinced by dear friends now knew I liked to stripper walk in my front room when not enjoying sea animals and the routine Mike Rowe fantasy. I decided to get to the bottom of things. Did some poking around, and slowly started to wonder why, when I visited my own site, I no longer showed up as a resident of Minnesota.

Then it hit me. My cable company recently altered the locations from where my service bounces out of, and thus I'd noticed some of my readers now track from different locales. I'm a reader (I seriously dig this FADKOG chick. If you haven't, you should really check her out!). Could it be my locale had also changed?!

Hey, Colonel Mustard? Whaddya think? Why yes, yes it would seem I've been stalking myself the past couple weeks. Heh. Yeah, I'm cool. If I were me, and I hadn't already been obviously doing so, I'd totally stalk me.

And you know why?

Because I have a killer personality. And different kind of boobs. In fact, they're so different, so very different, they just might be able to quote from Dirty Dancing and/or Grease.

btw: A hearty "welcome!" to all those new readers lured here by the bait of a Google search for "different quotable boobs"! Enjoy! Maybe leave a comment so I don't think you're stalking me, k?



Blogger Nanette said...

I'm coming to you from the land of the mickster ears! The kids won't go to sleep, I'm half crazy, strike that, I'm fully crazy and I for one would love for you to stalk me!


Wednesday, October 24, 2007 12:55:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007 1:38:00 AM  
Blogger Sailor said...

Wow, that's some comment, up there. I'd be seriously worried about stalking, if I thought it wasn't a bot!!

Anyway, I'm glad you are stalking yourself. This way if I randomly get taken over by the internet stalking fever, you wont notice because you're too busy stalking yourself. Or avoiding your stalker half. Or something like that.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007 6:15:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If only you knew the truth, my dear .... if only.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007 7:46:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Just based on my own previous experience with stat-counters, I'm guessing that, whereas I probably show up from the proper state (which, if you've been paying any attention at all, you knew already), but I doubt very seriously that it would come within 50 miles of the actual town I actually live in. . .

Not that I'd have a problem with you showing up on my doorstep, at any rate. . .

Wednesday, October 24, 2007 8:46:00 AM  
Blogger Confused Husband said...

You know what? I went through the same thing a few months ago.Comcast did some changing and the city that Summer would show up on changed. Had me worried for awhile till I figured it out.

A month later.

Did you know that you can go to your control panel for site meter and set it up so that it won't count the visits that you make?

Wednesday, October 24, 2007 9:23:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I spend each day driving to a different city less than 100 miles from your house. Then I go to the public library in that town and check your blog. Just to keep you on your toes.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007 9:48:00 AM  
Blogger Nature Girl said...

see, this is why I love you so. I had the exact saem thing happen to me not so long ago when i was in the midst of my move. I was starting to get really creeped out by the person in the next town over spending copious amounts of time on my blog. I mean, it was obsessive. Scarily obsessive. I started becomeing anal about checking the locks on doors and windows at night to the point my ocd almost went into ritual mode. And then one day, I was chatting with one of my favourite computer guys and it struck me. "hey" I asked...when I visit your blog...where do I come from?" Sure enough, I was my own stalker. Which strangely...didn't put me at all at ease. I'm nuts, I have no idea what I'm capable of. Now I not only have to lock the doors and windows at night, I also have to lock my bedroom door. You know...just in case I try to pull something funny with myself....

Wednesday, October 24, 2007 9:59:00 AM  
Blogger Prom Queen said...

This may show up twice. How creepy stalker is that?! I am sure some of your unknown traffic is my fault - ahh, mommy-guilt spills into other parts of life, too. I have enjoyed your blog for a while as an anonymous lurker. I just recently started my own and put a link to yours on it. So, I used your link to test my set-up prowess quite a bit. However, I am not from the Midwest, so there be another lurker-start-up-blogger-stalker out there.
-Prom Queen

Wednesday, October 24, 2007 11:55:00 AM  
Blogger Choppzs said...

Sorry to say I have also done that! I'm like "wow, I've got an assload of hits", then look closer and realize it's me! lol I thought I was popular or some shit! lol

Wednesday, October 24, 2007 12:24:00 PM  
Blogger 1blueshi1 said...

so funny, have to admit something similar happened to me when I first started playing around with sitemeter. but I like the way you said it much better!

Wednesday, October 24, 2007 12:47:00 PM  
Blogger Phyllis RenĂ©e said...

I knew you were cool. I knew you were fascinating. I knew you were clever. What I didn't know was how talented you were. I mean, to stalk yourself for so long without yourself finding about yourself stalking yourself. Now that's talented.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007 12:58:00 PM  
Blogger sue said...

I have never stalked you... at least, not so you'd notice. ;)

Wednesday, October 24, 2007 1:22:00 PM  
Blogger Chrissy said...

OK, want to hear something funny? Prepare yourself for a good old fashioned stalkin'... Depending on how far from the city that shows up on the stats you actually live, as deduced by the time stamp on your comments and the page load stats on my stat counter...my baby sister lives less than 40 miles from you and works anywhere from 5-10 miles from you. Meaning, I too have been within those distances to you at some point. And since she is getting married in August and will make the obvious choice of her oldest, most favorite sister to be her matron of honor, I will most likely be in your neck of the woods sometime in the next 10 months at least once or twice. Muahahaha!

She could theoretically find your blog through mine. However, that would mean that she would also have discovered my blog. Not something I want to happen! ;)

Wednesday, October 24, 2007 6:15:00 PM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

okay this is pissin me i have commented for two days and my shit aint showing up. wtf.

i said something but i forget it all right now you probably wont even get this message....ugh. blogger you suck.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007 8:08:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy Lou said...

Glad I'm not the only one stumped by sitemeter now and then!

Wednesday, October 24, 2007 9:53:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Nan - Hey crazy mouse lady, I believe the rules of stalking are a potential stalkee doesn't tell the stalker what to do! Don't tell me what to do, woman!

Wait. Bad dream. Sorry! Let's take turns stalking the other, shall we? I'll start. Apparently, I have skillz at stalking. So I've been told.

Anonymous thing - Appreciate the manifesto. Do not lock me in a warehouse and set it on fire. Thank you.

Sailor - I'll be lucky if I get motivated enough to make dinner tonight, let alone start stalking myself! I'm so clueless. You could be stalking away and I would be oblivious. This apparently makes me an easy target in shopping mall parking lots.

XI - Um. If I only knew what? That you've been randomly stalking me? That I'm so bizarre I don't know I'm stalking myself? Am I really stalking myself? I think I'm stalking myself. And that I may like the word 'stalk' too much.

Desmond - Oh, I may have you down as close as the place of your employment, perhaps not. If not, that's courteous of them to allow you secret access to their internet hot spot. We'll discuss when I show up randomly on your door. Of course, if you live 50 miles from said location, I'm going to be awhile, what with all the knocking on the wrong doors to get to yours finally. Don't wait up if it gets too late!

CH - You gotta be on the ball about these things! Which, I am, typically, moreso than usual lately because of the fact that I've been doing this checking thing. So I know I can set a little cookie not to track my visits, but it never sticks. And, really, I just like cookies with chocolate chips, so eh, all good.

Creepy Anonymous Boobs! guy - You're cute. Leave me notes on my windshield next time your nearby, ok? Oh, and yes, write them in your blood. The chill it gives me will leave numb...

Stacie - Hilarious! And, if I didn't have such a raging case of OCD about the very same thing you mentioned, and that I wasn't home alone at night more than usual now, and if there wasn't someone calling my house and asking me if I've checked on the children, and if the phone still wasn't capable of ringing even after I tore the connection from the wall, well, I would laugh harder....

Prom - Secretly stalk away! And I'll not be all jealous because you figured out the link thing and what have you. Creepy Anonymous Boobs! buy makes fun of me about that kind of thing. Between the hunting and such. I tried to visit you, but your profile didn't have a link to your blog. Or I'm just stupid. Or really just stressed out from the anonymous phone caller.

Choppzs - I like to think I'm really popular in the anonymous life i lead. It helps make up for that traumatic BS that was high school.

1blueshi1 - Coming from you, whose clever way with the writing I've been enjoying...well, my thanks!

Phyllis - Oh, I'm all those things and more! That there isn't a lame series on the SciFi Channel about me and my ability to channel other parts of me is stunning. I should get on that. It would keep my husband up to date on my doings!

Sue - Seeing how oblivious I am, you may well be right!

Chrissy - Gah! That was almost like a story problem!! I am in math stress mode! I may have cried a little bit. Then I figured it all out and I was, I have to admit, super impressed with myself! So I turned to my basement window and said to the person peeking in "hey! did you get that! i figured out a math problem!" It wasn't you, was it?

kimmyk - There's kimmy! I've been wondering where you've been. Because in my checking the stats routine, I've seen you here and I've been like "Kimmy? Why no happy words to make me laugh?Kimmy?"

I'm relieved now!

Mandy - Oh, I'm easily stumped on things. Things that involved lots of steps and diagrams? Not my thing. I couldn't get a portable TV installed in a car last night, so seriously, I get stumped many times a day. It's a wonder I remember how to breath some days.

Thursday, October 25, 2007 8:51:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

that's hilarious. yeah, i'm pretty sure it's just you. no offense, cuz i could see you attracting some serious stalkage.

Thursday, October 25, 2007 9:43:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Paranoia is catching, share it with someone you love! Or everyone, as seems the case here.

Thursday, October 25, 2007 1:04:00 PM  
Blogger Prom Queen said...

Don't be too impressed! I can link but forget to add my own address. Rather like forgetting to attach an attachment or not writing thank you notes for wedding gifts (is 12 years too late?). I would love visitors to the blog if you are interested. All these comments have me VERY leary of the "traffic" button lest I become even more self-absorbed than I already am.


Thursday, October 25, 2007 1:15:00 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

My Statcounter location changed from my hometown to USA to Texas (?) and back to USA. At first I thought I had a new reader who couldn't get enough until I saw they were publishing for me and realized that can't be ...

Thursday, October 25, 2007 5:55:00 PM  
Blogger The Savage said...

I lust you more now that you stalk yourself... that just sounds so dirty....

Thursday, October 25, 2007 6:09:00 PM  
Blogger Loz said...

I promise I didn't get here doing a boob search - although now you've mentioned it I will consider it at some stage in the future ;)

Thursday, October 25, 2007 9:36:00 PM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

i been here.
everyday. not in a stalking sort of way everyday. but yeah okay sort of. but blogger doesn't like me i posted i swear i did...and it was witty. uh huh.

*flippin blogger the bird*

Thursday, October 25, 2007 10:14:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

you da mom! - While in theory, a part of me thrills to the idea of a stalker, I'd mandate my stalker be intriguing, cool, and not potentially into raping. I'm not sure that's altogether possible.
Thus, I'll stick to stalking myself.

XI - Oh, sometimes I have so much paranoia it's like I ingest it in little pills. Which reminds me. I should start taking those other pils to combat any paranoia I have...

Prom - I think the key to blogging, anyone blogging, is having a healthy dose of being self-absorbed. If not, I've been doing it all wrong!

Melissa - I need to look into this idea of having a reader publish for me. Very intriguing idea! Perhaps a small stipen to make it worth their while. Then a fear of what they'd write...

Savage - Sometimes, when I'm feeling especially creepy, I ask myself for pictures of myself. Then, when I say no, I start to get really demanding and tell myself the bad things I'm gonna do to me if I don't comply. A little trick I picked up in some life lessons.

loz - ...speaking of life lesson, yeah, boob search. Yeah, they're here mostly in the wordy word format. Glad you got here however you did, though! Hope this fact won't keep you from coming back from time to time!

kimmyk - Ah, good to know it's just blogger doesn't like you and it's not you, as a blogger, who doesn't like me. Cause that would suck, and I got enough suck because of stuff like that already. You can *totally* stalk me, kimmy. Totally.

Thursday, October 25, 2007 11:11:00 PM  
Blogger Scoobers said...

Visiting your blog by way of Mandy Lou (not a google search for "different quotable boobs"). : )

This is a great post. I love to check my stats just because it's fun! And I had to block my own IP address so I wouldn't 'stalk' myself anymore!

Monday, October 29, 2007 9:41:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

scoobers - Thanks for the visit. Hope you'll come around again. I'm jumping over to your place soon when I am not forced to go to work.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007 8:44:00 AM  

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