...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

'goin' 'round the world in a pickup truck'

Secret time. I've got a case of truck lust. I credit my enamored state on the fact that I had my first taste of the lovin' in the cab of my boyfriend's truck while we were in college.

Additionally, every time I run across my pretend husband,
Mike Rowe, pimping for Ford trucks, I get a little squirmy in my fully boxed spring. I don't know what fully boxed spring is, but Mike seems to think they're important, and I'm all about whatever Mike thinks. Built Ford tough? Come show me, Mike. Come. Show. Me.

When my husband started his new job last fall and learned he'd have access to a pick up truck he'd be able to drive for personal use, I began to conjure up thoughts of just how personal the use could get. Last week, in an effort to coax him home earlier than scheduled, I promised him that if he could make it, we would do something that rhymes with truck (big ole' wink, wink) when he got here. That something also rhymes with the root of "lucky," and I told him I wanted him to get that way in the truck.

Or 'trucky' if you want to make this into a silly, immature poem. I'm OK with that. And yes, I had to explain my plan to him, which, in some small sense, diminished the planned spontaneity of it all, but we rolled with it as soon as he was all "OH!"

Fast forward to said day, and my mood brightened as I pulled around the corner and spied the bed of the truck peeking out from the garage. I know that actually getting the truck into the garage had been a task of monumental proportion for my husband because seriously, with all the deliveries that come to our home on the daily, our garage is reminiscent of the final warehouse scene in Indiana Jones and the "Raiders of the Lost Ark," with boxes and boxes and boxes as far as the eye can see (or I can trip and/or knock over, but I digress). In my head, I totally thought "bow chicka bow wow!" and started humming
"Let's Get It On".

Ok, no I didn't. In keeping with my truck love, I actually started humming "Convoy". I had big dreams for this F150 extended cab, ladies and gentlemen. But that was after I finished humming a little of the "Raiders Of The Lost Ark" theme (which, tell me I'm wrong if you don't think it sounds a bit like the theme to "The Empire Strikes Back" in the beginning. Or don't, because a conversation like that one would be the type of thing that would turn my husband on and distract him from something like the truck/luck poem I'd be trying to conjure up to get his attention again. "Look, honey! Shiny things and boobs! Snap, snap. Over here, honey!").

Anyway, back to the task at hand. Hopping out of the mini, a renewed spring in my step and a big old heart thump going on because, oh my gosh, I am NOT kidding when I say trucks get me revved up, I caught the receptive gleam in my husband's eye, and I started to unbutton my coat so he could take a look at what was going on under my hood. BTW, the garage door was down by this time. I'm a giver, people, but not to my neighbors.

A few moments later, we were in the early stages of our own
Paradise By The Dashboard Lights when, in the midst of whispering encouraging words, ("Do you love me? Will you love me forever? Do you need me? Will you never leave me?") I realized my teeth were chattering. Chattering so much, in fact, it had the potential to make one of the desired goals of our pick up truck tête à tête risky at best, and painful at most. When my husband mentioned something about not being able to feel his legs, it hit us. The fire of our combined lust had made us forget that the temperature outside at the time was arctic. Not wanting to give up so quickly, there was rubbing and talk of friction put into play, valiant efforts to forge ahead outlined, but when I saw things starting to turn pink that normally aren't quite so pink, we conceded defeat to Mother Nature, who we also decided need to get herself a little some soon.

So, moral of the story. If you wish to ram your Dodge, don't go thinking you should go dropping a payload - or your pants - in the middle of February in some suburban Midwestern town. In the end, the only engine you'll succeed in getting running is the actual pickup truck engine so you can throw open that garage door, throw on your shirt and wait for the heater to kick in again.

For now, you can come knockin', but I swear to you, I will get that truck rockin'.

One day. Probably around the middle of May.



Blogger Desmond Jones said...

A couple years ago, Molly and I decided it was time to relive the teenage lust that neither of us had ever lived in the first place, and go for a round of lovin' in the back seat of the car (since we don't have us a truck). And, since we don't have an actual garage, but only a ramshackle carport (heh - I said, 'ramshackle'; as my kids would say, "I'll ram your shackle" hehhehheh), which doesn't have any doors to close (or heck, even walls), it was necessary to find a secluded spot in the surrounding rural countryside. Fortunately, we chose the occasion for our auspicious coupling to coincide with our wedding anniversary, which falls in August (good planning there; I can't say that, 27 years ago, we decided that, hey, we should get married in August, 'cuz 25 years from now, we might want to make with the back-seat nookie, but if we'd thought of it back then, it would've been a no-brainer).

Anyway, when I wanted to re-enact the scene a couple months later, Molly let me know that naked in the back seat was one thing in August, something else (as in, not-gonna-happen else) in October. I'm not even sure May would be satisfactory in the northern clime to which we are native.

Of course, the cold weather also makes for certain unfavorable, uh, 'shrinkage' of certain items (OK, one certain item), the 'shrinkage' of which is, um, detrimental to the cause. . .

(sigh). . .

Wednesday, February 20, 2008 9:01:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

I had a good comment-thought going on in my head, with some additional Dashboard Light lyrics, maybe some more vehicular double-entendre, some Raiders of the Lost Ark action... But alas, Desmond has killed it with his talk of shrinkage.

If only I had gotten here 10 minutes sooner, I would have graced you with the absolute Most Perfectest Comment ever.

Instead, you get this.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008 9:10:00 AM  
Blogger Bunny said...

I was so hoping you had a heated garage!

There's always June, I suppose.

word verification: gripky
I don't know what that means, but I felt compelled to share

Wednesday, February 20, 2008 11:59:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Once, in the back of an Aerostar (yep, minivan) on Valentines. Thta's our story. I fear that even though I possess a truck of my own now it will never be accused of rocking. Such is as it is.

And for SOME of us, even in Northern climes, February shrinkage has yet to be a problem. Just saying ....

Wednesday, February 20, 2008 12:13:00 PM  
Blogger Laura B. said...

Girl! I have never had a wild makeout session in a car, much less nookie. Maybe I can twist Shooter's arm and get a truck. Who am I kidding, I wouldn't have to twist...he's so jonesing for a truck...hmmmmm....

Wednesday, February 20, 2008 1:36:00 PM  
Blogger Nature Girl said...

I am a huge fan (was a huge fan) of vehicular sex. Did that sound dirty? A few years ago, the DH and I decided to "relive our youth" and we engaged in certain activies in the back seat of my minivan in the parking garage of a very large casino.

As you know, casino's have a ridiculous amount of security video cameras. I did not know this at the time. You can probably see the whole debacle on You Tube, but dear God in heaven I hope not! And thankfully at least that van had some tinted windows...

Desmond had me cracking up with his shrinkage..

Wednesday, February 20, 2008 1:39:00 PM  
Blogger Therese in Heaven said...

All this talk about shrinkage is killing my morning nookie buzz.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008 2:20:00 PM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

OK, OK, I'm sorry I said anything about 'shrinkage'. . .

Sheesh. . .

Wednesday, February 20, 2008 3:27:00 PM  
Blogger Me said...

Haha! I don't know if I'd attempt that in this frigid shit either. Not to mention our neighbors have motion lights everywhere. We'd be busted for sure.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008 5:34:00 PM  
Blogger Sailor said...

Go for the warm weather, you won't be disappointed then. We didn't worry about the garage part, (there are advantages to living in the country), but I'll tell you that on each occasion it's been paradise- and I didn't need the dashboard light, either.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008 7:51:00 PM  
Blogger Bee said...


Between you and me, I've been trying to talk the hubs into showing me his in the coldness of our unheated back porch to see if in fact, it turns into an innie.
He won't!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008 8:01:00 PM  
Blogger Amber said...

I am so sorry you couldn't get "trucked" because it was too cold. I can't do cold, I'll pee and we're just not into that.

BTW, I have tell you, I say "something shiny...something shiny" and wave my hand over my head when I think I have lost Big Daddy's attention. For me, seeing that you say, "shiny things" was my favorite part of the post. It was all great, but the shiny part had me giggling. Perhaps it is best we don't live near each other. I think we would get into too much trouble.

Thursday, February 21, 2008 12:08:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your vehicular enthusiasm is inspiring. Unfortunately, until I can come up with a dirty rhyme for "crossover SUV with three cheerio-crusted child seats in the back"... I think I'll just have to live vicariously through you.

Word verification: the vaguely-filthy sounding "plojubh"

Thursday, February 21, 2008 7:49:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Oh, sure - everybody gets all bent outta shape over 'shrinkage', but Scarlett talks about peein' and no big deal?


Thursday, February 21, 2008 8:23:00 AM  
Blogger Eternal Sunshine said...

OK - I finally posted the before and after pictures that everyone requested. Come check them out if you dare!

Thanks for the comments!


Thursday, February 21, 2008 9:18:00 AM  
Blogger Eternal Sunshine said...

Oh - and BTW - the was the best post! LOL! Reminds me of a few pickup stories of my own! **wink, wink!**

Thursday, February 21, 2008 9:19:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

Come on now, Desmond. Nothing personal, but I'd much rather think about Scarlett peeing than your shrunken junkage.

Thursday, February 21, 2008 10:01:00 AM  
Blogger Nanette said...

Winter prevails again! Damn, damn, damn, damn!!!!!!

Thursday, February 21, 2008 10:10:00 AM  
Blogger Phyllis Renée said...

We kind of have a ritual of "breaking in" a new vehicle. Luckily the weather has been favorable at those times.

Scarlett, are you blushing knowing FTN is thinking about you peeing? And btw, FTN, I loved the "shrunken junkage!"

Thursday, February 21, 2008 12:52:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy Lou said...

Oh no - there's no truck lovin' here. I don't mind the truck per se - but it smells like a locker room most of the time, so I try not to have to get in!

Thursday, February 21, 2008 1:03:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

girl, i once got busted by the cops doing the deed in my old lady's souped up caddy! never again i tell ya!!

hope you have a great weekend!

Thursday, February 21, 2008 5:32:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Des - I've been known to do this deed in the back of a Pontiac LeMans and a Chevy Cavaliar. Such things requires a great deal of flexiblity and proper hydration, of course!

FTN - Are you all, "So now I'm praying for the end of time, to hurry up and arrive...so you can erase ideas of shrinkage out of my mind"?

In the end, I believe we made up for it.

Bunny - Gripky seems entirely appropriate for the subject at hand! And I'm perhaps marking down calendar pages, and hoping for a warm spring!

XI - Despite the convenience of a mini, we've never explored the possibilities within it. Too many kid items to work around!

Laura - Making out in the car ROCKS, girl! It rocks. Get thee to the truck dealership this weekend and, if nothing else, just take a test drive, wink wink.

Stacie - Ah, memories. My husband and I engaged in what I believe you also engaged in before we were married at the top of of a parking ramp in a mall. Here's a hint. If yours is the only car parked at the top of a parking ramp in the middle of the afternoon, it's pretty much a given security will assume there is something sexual going on. Good times. That wasn't embarrasing at all!

Therese - I didn't even have morning nookie buzz and I was a little "welp, I could go clean closets or something..." at the idea of shrinkage!

Des - Ah, you know we come to count on these sidebars, right?!

Wethyb - I live on a street of perpetually closed garage doors, so we'd be so undercover. Except for the neighbor's dog. That thing would probably bark constantly and kill my mood!

Sailor - Back in college, I was made of heartier stock. I used to do this type of thing no matter what the temperature. Time to get back to my peak, I think!

Bee - I laughed so hard at your comment I couldn't breath. Then I walked around all day saying "Damn you Mother Nature! Damn you!" It works on so many levels. Get him out on that porch. It's fun to see it warm up again.

Scarlett - You're probably right. If we lived near each other, you'd be afraid to ride in the truck with me because of it's legacy as a love machine, and I'd not blame you for that, really! Especially since now I can talk about getting trucked with the husband this weekend when the temps are teasing me with a warm up!

Twobusy - I think plojuhb wins the potential double entendre award, especially as it applies to this topic! And it's because of the cereal and mystery spills that we've not yanked the seats out of the van and given it a go! I don't want to have to vacuum first just to get a little action!

Des - Oh, I cringed a little at the idea of peeing/trucking, but, like the idea of shrinkage, I had to push it out of my mind and move on!

Melody - Pickups ain't just for farm work and helping your friend's friends move!

FTN - That's until Numby here came in and brought up shrinkage again. But he made it cute with the 'shrunken junkage' and now I'm thinking about it again.

Nan - Winter is, indeed, a cruel, cruel mistress! I shake my fist at her! "Take that, winter. Take that!"

Phyllis - We broke in the rooms of our houses when we moved in, and we may have said goodbye to our old car in a similar fashion, but the eye on the prize rests in that truck!

Mandy - Yeah! You're back here! I've missed seeing your name pop up here! His truck actually smells like clean laundry. I don't quite understand how, but it beats what you're describing, and apparently, it acts as a pheremone to me!

Katie - I have only been the recipient of a stern look from a mall security guard. It's a wonder I've not endured the wrath of some farmers, though, from my youth!

Friday, February 22, 2008 12:14:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh ye of little ingenuity! Rip out the seats, shove the kid-junk out, and lay down an open sleeping bag. Now git to it, we'll be expecting the report post-haste!

Friday, February 22, 2008 10:22:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

XI - Ha! Oh, I have a lot of ingenuity! I'm just too lazy at the moment to vacuum out the crumbs in the mini!

Sunday, February 24, 2008 6:26:00 PM  

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