...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Friday, October 24, 2008

working my witchcraft. it make sense. just read.

If you and I were to ever meet in real life (because I'd call it 'real life' and not 'RL' due to my personal creed to use Internet abbreviations and emoticons sparingly), I imagine a couple things would cross your mind. First, you'd probably be stunned by how truly kick ass I am. Seriously. I'm not bragging, but I feel I should tell you that some people I know in real life have referred to me as, and I quote, "cool." Oh, sure, when we first met, I'd probably come across as ragingly shy and I'd be very quiet, but right about the time you were starting to think I must be some kind of bitch or something, I'd totally start talking and then never shut up and, "Whoa! Hold up! Is that my phone? Because I think my mom may be trying get ahold of me and I should probably get that!" you'd be saying, in some feeble attempt to get away from me, but, whoops, sorry! By then I'd be totally into you and follow you around like a puppy.

So that's the first thing you'd notice. The second thing you'd notice is how I tend to go off on tangents out of nowhere, and you'd have to tap me on the shoulder to get my attention from all the talking I'd be doing and ask, "So. This tangent thing? Does that count as the second thing in the whole couple of things about you I'd notice?" and I'd have to respond, "No. Crap. Seriously, what were we talking about anyway?" Then it would hit me. The second thing, which is now actually the third thing, that you'd notice about me if we were to meet in real life is that I'm absolutely NOT a crafty person. I don't enjoy crafts. In fact, I like only two thinks that contain the word craft or a derivative of such:

I'd also probably be inclined to include Craftsmen tools to that list, too, but that's not the Major Tool Company for whom my Tool Man works, and if he were to find out, he'd totally put the screws to me.
Which, of course, wouldn't be that bad...

See!? I just caught myself before I went off on a super sexy tangent!

(p.s. I can only take so much Kraftwerk, btw)

(p.p. s. You'll note that 'btw' is really one of the few Internet abbreviations I have a love affair with)

So, back to the crafts. People, in my cache of craft items, I've had the same four bottles of paint and three different colors of glitter for FOUR YEARS! Additionally, there are hundreds of wooden popsicle sticks, pipe cleaners, and googly eyes which, I've little doubt, come alive at night and weep (especially those googly eyes!) because they're so rarely used. My kids just aren't crafty kids. Well, I take that back. They sort of are, but because I'm not, they tend to do that kind of thing with their Grandma M., and that explains why, in my bedroom, I have a red sand pail that's filled with cat litter, a Styrofoam paper plate colored the shade of dirt atop the cat litter, and plastic yard ornaments shaped like tulips sticking out from that. Oh, and with a foam art penguin face dressed in a stocking cap and scarf decorating the side of the pail, because this is nothing if not a multi-seasonal craft item.

(btw - what's the statute of limitations on keeping craft projects? Because seriously, that penguin face is creeping me the hell out.)

So, when and if we meet in real life, I quite imagine the first (or third) thing you'll say is, "Wow. You really aren't crafty, are you?" I suggest you say that quickly in the brief time where I'm quiet and just before the tangents start, because as soon as you say it, I'm going to remind you of this post! Because keep reading!

Last night, my youngest son and I were the only people home. Having exhausted all of the books he was interested in reading and thwarting his goal of watching Zack and Cody (thank you, hot glue gun!), I suggested we make a craft! My son's head nearly exploded at the idea! "But you're not a crafty mom, Mama!" he cried. "I know! But I'd do anything for you!" I cried back. "And besides, I have these bags of candy corn and mallowcreme pumpkins that, if we don't do something with them, I'll just sit around and eat and then when and if I ever meet any of these glorious Internet people, the first thing they're going to notice about me is what a fat ass I have!"

We decided to make haunted gingerbread houses. I know! My kid nearly hyperventilated as we tore up the kitchen in search of all our supplies. Alas, no gingerbread, so we resorted to graham crackers. Cut to several hours later. Want to see what we made?

Pretty flippin' awesome, aren't they! And get this - that's all free form, my friends! Check out that awesome attention to detail. Ghosts and giant spiders and bugs?! Awesome! You'll notice that a portion of my roof fell off. That's just ambiance, my friends. Also, I modeled my haunted graham cracker house after my neighbors, the Frat Boys Who May Or May Not Be Cooking Meth Next Door, whose house is driving down the property values of on my cul-de-sac faster than the tanking economy. However, now I must resist the urge to eat the candy corn shingles that are resting sadly upon the construction paper grass.

My kid is, to say the least, pretty thrilled with the work we did. I'll admit that I kind of got into it, too. Today, however? My living room smells like the inside of Wonka's factory. The blend of frosting and sugary candy has created a sweet, sweet cocktail that is burning my nose. Sadly, though I wish it would, I'm sure this won't curb my hot, hot love for frosting.

Don't look for me to get all wacky and start making hand-print turkeys and cornucopias out of rolled up newspapers for Thanksgiving, though. At best, I'm a tri-annual crafter. I'm also in a little bit of mourning because, OMG, I freakin' love Brachs pumpkin mellowcremes, and I didn't want to be sad seeing them glued to construction paper, but it kind of happened. However, yeah! We can still totally skip over that part of the conversation when the topic of my ass comes up!


So, my kid and I? We listened to this last night while doing our craft project. What? Oh, ha ha! Very funny! Unlike the time I bought the Jonas Brothers' cds for me and me alone, I did actually buy this for my 6-year-old, with whom I'll also probably be going on a date with to see the movie this weekend. The good thing is it's a pretty quick cd. The other thing? I think I'm already kind of addicted to this song:

Damn you, Zac Efron and your mesmerizing eyes. Damn you straight to my heart, where the three of us - you, me, and Joe Jonas - can live together forever in my super sweet smelling, candy-coated graham cracker house.



Blogger The Stiletto Mom said...

I feel like I won the lottery...FIRST!!!

Ok, off to read. :)

Friday, October 24, 2008 11:55:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay, so many MANY questions. I'll limit myself to two:
1) Where does Seth hide while you, Zac and Joe are living it up in the graham cracker house in your heart?
B) While I'll grant that you are, indeed, "crafty" (cue Beastie Boys) I'm really hoping you meant "craftsy" instead. Wait. That's not a question.

Friday, October 24, 2008 11:58:00 AM  
Blogger The Stiletto Mom said...

Those houses are adorable. Honestly though, if we met in real life I'd probably get stuck on the first thing and just sit there and stare at you all day totally in awe of how kick ass you are. Would that make you think I'm creepy?

Friday, October 24, 2008 12:00:00 PM  
Blogger Bekah said...

haha very impressive!

I am also not a big fan of internet abbreviations. I swear if I hear one more prepubescent girl say "OMG" I might lose it...

Sorry, I also tend to go off on tangents

Friday, October 24, 2008 12:03:00 PM  
Blogger Michael said...

Wait, a post about things we'd notice in meeting you with no mention of your "kick ass rack?"

Who are you and what have you done with FADKOG?!

Friday, October 24, 2008 12:09:00 PM  
Blogger Eternal Sunshine said...

And you said you weren't craftsy... Shame on you for fibbing like that.

Those houses rock!!

Friday, October 24, 2008 12:13:00 PM  
Blogger Seriously Brenda said...

At least you can say that you are crafty-er than I. I would never even consider thinking of doing a haunter cracker house. My house doesn't even contain 1 piece of construction paper... There was a reason I was a science major in college and not an art major.

Friday, October 24, 2008 12:14:00 PM  
Blogger Maggie said...

Ok, do I completely dispute your assessment of your craftiness. I consider myself mildly crafty (although also thuroughly disinterested) and I could never do that. First, because I'm not that steady handed. Second, because I'd eat that candy faster than your could say "demolish the forclosure." And last, because I don't cook and the special store run it would take to get all that stuff would exhaust any inkling to craft.

Friday, October 24, 2008 12:15:00 PM  
Blogger Backpacking Dad said...

So they would be Hansel and Hansel?

Friday, October 24, 2008 12:22:00 PM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

I have no doubts whatsoever as to your kick-ass-ness, my dear.

And, having sampled the magical powder of the face-to-face (F2F?) meeting, I am seriously hoping that someday you and I (and the Tool Man and Molly, just 'cuz, you know. . .) can do more than just say 'Hi' on the phone, while I'm in a noisy pub and can barely hear you. . .

Friday, October 24, 2008 12:26:00 PM  
Blogger Momma Trish said...

Cute houses! I would totally eat the roof. I loves me the candy corn!

Friday, October 24, 2008 12:43:00 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Your house is awesome. If you can pull that off with no crafty practice going on, there's something there.b

Friday, October 24, 2008 12:45:00 PM  
Blogger Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Houses are awesome. You done good mama!

Hallie :)

Friday, October 24, 2008 12:48:00 PM  
Blogger cIII said...

I could so totally make a Bong out of some of that Derelict crafty stuff.

Then eat those Yummy looking Haunted Houses.

But I won't.

Friday, October 24, 2008 12:48:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn you are one fly mamma. You must teach me.

Friday, October 24, 2008 12:54:00 PM  
Blogger Kevin McKeever said...

First, I must express disappointment that you did not post the Beastie Boy's "She's Crafty" video.

But more troubling ... if you are "cool" and I am Uncool, would our first encounter cause a reverse polarization of universe? Ripple in the time-space continuum? Hmm, the consequences could be epic.

Friday, October 24, 2008 1:12:00 PM  
Blogger Meg said...

I must say that the fact you post about crafts and such and still have all these male blogger dudes return day after day is proof alone of your "coolness".

Yes, I'm jealous.

Friday, October 24, 2008 1:13:00 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

I am new to your blog, but I think we must be long lost sisters. I'm not crafty (craft-sy?), love alternative music, especially the 80's, I'm 41, SAHM in the midwest. Anything else? I love to go off on tangents and I can sometimes talk non-stop, even when no one is listening, or even in the room for that matter!

Friday, October 24, 2008 1:13:00 PM  
Blogger Leslie said...

I do not to meet you in RL to believe that you are...OMG...really cool. idk why, but I'm already drinking the FADKOG craftsy kool-aid. Maybe that's because you're crafty.

Friday, October 24, 2008 1:47:00 PM  
Blogger Andrea with the Flipflops said...

Wow you have out done yourself. I can not build anything ... like that. No wonder toolman is so hot for ya!

Friday, October 24, 2008 2:04:00 PM  
Blogger Kori said...

I personally like fat asses, so eat away, my un-craft(s)y friend. Myself, well, I would rather chew off my left arm than try something like that, so you are right, you ARE cool!

Friday, October 24, 2008 2:27:00 PM  
Blogger kaila said...

Between my son and I, those awesome little houses would never be built. Alas, the poor boy inherited my sweet tooth. The linger of a smelly fart lasts longer in my house than candy corn does.

Friday, October 24, 2008 2:34:00 PM  
Blogger Chasity said...

The houses turned out way cool. If it were me and my son making them? I would have eaten a chunk of the roof and then told people it fell off. Which is why I keep the crafting strictly non-edible in our house.

Friday, October 24, 2008 2:47:00 PM  
Blogger DKC said...

Those houses ROCK!! I am actually jealous of your craftiness - that is how non-crafty I am.

Friday, October 24, 2008 2:57:00 PM  
Blogger That girl from Shallotte said...

You're crafty and you're just my type.

Friday, October 24, 2008 5:04:00 PM  
Blogger xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx said...

Ok, those houses are awesome!!!

Friday, October 24, 2008 5:36:00 PM  
Blogger Wendy said...

Your houses look way better than mine did and I used a preform. Course, it was back in early September, but still.

I wouldn't go so far as to call you crafty, though. Personally, I would be offended if someone said I was crafty. Artistic is a different story, and fits you lots better.

Friday, October 24, 2008 6:13:00 PM  
Blogger Bijoux said...

You could so kick my wimpy craft ass! And I do confess: I've listened to HSM cd's while kids are at school!

Friday, October 24, 2008 7:38:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Like you, I have a love/hate relationship with Internet abbreviations. Mostly hate. I can tolerate BTW but despise IDK, RL, LOL, ROFL, basically anything with an L.

But because I am a mess of contradictions, there is one I love. One brilliant, bright, shining Internet abbreviation that makes life worth living. It. Just. Makes. SENSE.

It is so sexy, so PERFECT, I swear I would marry it if I could.


Friday, October 24, 2008 8:33:00 PM  
Blogger Bee said...

OMG!!! That is sooo cool FADKOG! Wait till I tell my niece and sugest she get mommy to help!

Now I'm off to get some candy corn.

Friday, October 24, 2008 11:11:00 PM  
Blogger The Maid said...

Thanks for the awesome comment on my blog recently! You are someone I would like to meet in RL. :)

And yes, if I wasn't so spooked by the haunted house, I'd rip the pumpkin off and eat it...glue and all.

I will have to envy your skill, seems I'm so "crafty" all I can make are more people. Sigh.

The Maid

Saturday, October 25, 2008 4:53:00 AM  
Blogger Brian o vretanos said...


I must admit, I hardly ever use abbreviations. I can't really see the point of them, since it's not as if we're short of bits or electrons. Yet. Future generations will curse us when they start running out of them.

Those houses look good enough to eat ;-)

Saturday, October 25, 2008 5:14:00 AM  
Blogger Gina said...

your "crush" on zac efron really amuses me! :)

Saturday, October 25, 2008 8:31:00 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

I always wondered what you were supposed to do with candy corn!

Saturday, October 25, 2008 12:16:00 PM  
Blogger Sherendipity said...

Those houses are adorable. You, you are adorable.
I mean, you're totally a cougar, and that might chase off some people, but not me, lady. Oh noes, not this girl.
I have undying love and adoration for joo.

Saturday, October 25, 2008 2:34:00 PM  
Blogger Christina Lee said...

OMG, OMG that's TFC!!!!! You are my new BFF, 'k? How's that for abbreviations? I am pretty impressed and inspired- I would have given up after no gingerbread- I would have had NFC (figure that one out!)

Saturday, October 25, 2008 2:45:00 PM  
Blogger Rhea said...

I'm so impressed with your edible craft creation! You go girl!!

And I totally use my kids to buy things that I'm really buying for myself but won't admit to. :o)

Saturday, October 25, 2008 3:39:00 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

What's worse than someone who says they aren't crafty and then does something crafty? Someone who is crafty but never crafts with her kids.

That's me.

Saturday, October 25, 2008 4:31:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

All day I have been begging Boo to let me make him a cake for his birthday tomorrow.

All day I have been texting Moo begging her to let me make her a cake for her birthday today.

And you rub this in my face? Shame on you girl.

Now I wanna make a damn Gingerbread house.

Saturday, October 25, 2008 7:20:00 PM  
Blogger steenky bee said...

I feel like I lost the lottery. Why am I so late? Um, you and I would make a handsome girl on girl couple. I don't do abbreviations. I don't roll like that. You'll never find me LMAOROTF at you. I'll be laughing my ass off rolling on the floor instead.

Also? Don't think I didn't see Zach Effron buying a bunch of gatorade in down town SLC during the filming of HSM3, cause I didn't. I saw Vanessa doing that. But I'm pretty sure it's close enough.

Saturday, October 25, 2008 8:27:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are going to weep, WEEP with envy I tell you, when you see the gingerbread houses me and the kids make at Christmas. Of course, I buy the kits at Target, but they are a sight to behold.

Sunday, October 26, 2008 12:12:00 AM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

those houses rock!
i love gingerbread houses or in this case graham cracker houses. love that hard as a rock icing!

now, i gotta talk to you about these crushes you got goin' on here with the 12 year old boys.

you think maybe seth is gay?

Sunday, October 26, 2008 4:27:00 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Those houses look great. Being from the UK I have no idea what Graham crackers are (biscuits?). Also I am unfamiliar with High School Musical, but if it's a quick CD and bought for a 6 year old, I'm guessing that's a good thing. Oh wait! You'll have to play it on a loop, probably.

Ah, a shame.

Sunday, October 26, 2008 12:16:00 PM  
Blogger motherbumper said...

You did not make those - I don't believe it and OMG (my favorite highly abused and more than slightly nauseating abbrev.), I can't believe you made me listen to HSM3 (holy sh*tballs that Efron boy is cute - DAMN YOU FADKOG).

And having Tangent for a middle name is super sexy - how do I know? It's my middle name and it's gotten me laid due to confusion over what we were talking about - works every time.

Sunday, October 26, 2008 1:28:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Those houses are great! So inventive. Halloween candy kicks Christmas candy's ass anyway.

I'm the same way when I meet people. Totally shy at first, but then I can't stop talking. Kinda like this comment... :)

Sunday, October 26, 2008 4:40:00 PM  
Blogger CT Mom said...

Very impressive! I'm not crafty either, so I hire babysitters who are, which seems to satisfy the girls for now. I don't scrapbook either, which I've heard is addictive as crack.

PS: My girls and I are seeing HSM3 on Election Day. I guess there's no other way to celebrate the end of political commercials.

PSS: If you and I ever met, we would blow people away by our combination of cuteness (me) and coolness (you). A lethal combination!

Sunday, October 26, 2008 7:01:00 PM  
Blogger Lainey-Paney said...

Oh, I love the gingerbread houses!!!

Sunday, October 26, 2008 7:22:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK that's so great my kids were passing by while I was reading and they said mommy can we make those? I could never pull something like that together ...nice shots too!

Sunday, October 26, 2008 7:27:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The foam art penguin... its eyes (eye?) seem to follow you wherever you go...

Sunday, October 26, 2008 9:53:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Those houses are badass.

And everyone, everywhere can only take so much Kraftwerk.

Sunday, October 26, 2008 11:30:00 PM  
Blogger Zip n Tizzy said...

OMG U R K. A.!
O.K. I'm no good at internet abbreviation – I'm too old to text –
But really, those houses are Kick Ass, and a much better use for candy korn and candy pumpkins if you ask me.

Sunday, October 26, 2008 11:45:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt Becky said...

She's crafty.

Anyone? Anyone? Beastie Boys much?

I'm the opposite of crafty, truth be told. And I have a box of crafty crap that moves around when we move, and someday I will toss out. Because, what's the point?

Monday, October 27, 2008 11:09:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dang, those houses are awesome! I am envious of your mad crafting skills - I can't believe they're free form. Wow!

Monday, October 27, 2008 2:19:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Now a little experiment to see if you come back and read comments after it's been several days:

stiletto mom - Hope it's ok that there was no money involvd...

waltz - (A) While Joe and Zac are here, Seth often goes to his buddy's house and they play MarioKart and (B) I'm not really sure what I mean most of the time.

stiletto mom - believe me, I'm not that kick ass in real life. I only play kick ass on a blog.

bekah - I kinda have a thing for tangents... :)

michael - Sometimes I set aside the obvious things!

ES - Really, what you're seeing here is a shining example of my insane perfectionism!

seriously mama - What I meant to say was "Hey! Let's make bats out of construction paper and glue!" but it came out sounding like "Let's spend a lot of time making haunted houses out of delicious food!" and then I was stuck!

Maggie - Believe me, I am sporting evidence of why I needed to get rid of those damn delicious Brach's mallowcreme pumpkins!

BP Dad - Unless I decided to use your name, and maybe Always Home's. :)

Des - Then you could see just how NOT kick ass I am!

Momma Trish - One of the kids sampled some of the roof tonight and declared it "Not so good."

heinous - If there's someing there, it only comes out twice a year, at best!

WWOW - I do my best, which sometimes turns out better than expected!

ciii - If you're in the market for some googly eyes, I could totally hook you up.

dc urban dad - The key is to be a bit of a perfectionist and willing to give up hours you would have spent doing something a bit more relaxing....and...GO!

Always home - I'm disappointed in myself that I didn't think of the obvious Beastie Boys! Also, science fears what it is you're suggesting! They are not prepared for the likes of such a thing happening! We'll have to tread very, very carefully!

Meg - I think it just means dudes love candy houses. ;)

kimandco - Have we ever been seen together in the same room? If not, I think you may be on to something here...

laggin - I'm something, alright. I hope I didn't make that Kool-Aid, btw. I can't even make good Kool-Aid!

Andrea - He does seem to like it when I talk about tools and tool-like things!

kori - I am also a glutton for punishment, and these houses got to be a little punishing after while!

kaila - I'll confess that it was hard to stay out of the frosting. I'm a little crazed around frosting!

chas - The next project, whatever it might be, will be strictly glitter and glue!

dcd - When you remember that these wil end up in the trash at the end of the week, I hope that jealousy disappears!

That girl - I totally want to be your type!

imommy - Thank you!

wendy - I could go for artistic, especially since that would seem ironic for the likes of me, who can't draw a straight line minus a ruler!

Monday, October 27, 2008 9:44:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Cocotte - In the spirit of your confession, I'll totally now admit that I have done (and continue) to do the same!

bejewell - Oh, honey, WTF is a shining testament for pure joy! I stand beside you in continued support.

bee - Have her tell her mommy to take lots of deep cleansing breaths while holding those walls in place!

becky - You're welcome...and isn't your latest craft project nearly due?!

brian - A taste test today proved that their expiration date is fast approaching, which is good, because seriously, the sweet smell they are putting off is nearly killing me!

gina - I appreciate that you didn't say it scared you!

heather - Normally, I'd devour it. Especially mixed with some salted peanuts, but I have to save my strength for Halloween candy!

sherendipity - A cougar's gots to get the love anyway she cans.. :)

Christina - I have no flippin' clue what NFC is!

rhea - Ha! You may have totally figured me out regarding that CD purchase... :)

heather, Q of SS - That's like a very awesome fortune cookie note!

kelley - Yeah, but looks like someone came through with a pretty cool cake, lady!

steenky bee - You have no idea how delighted I was to see you arrive here. If that would be enough for a lottery prize, I'd shower you in riches! ;)

sammanthia - I'm alreayd teary eyed thinking how the boys are now going to want to build gingerbread houses in a few weeks! Post pictures of yours and I'll just tell them they're ours, but they don't remember doing them because they were sleeping!

kimmy - Heh...Oh, honey, trust me, If Seth was actually gay, he'd probably dick around with a couple girls and totally deny the facts until I pointed out that everyone was onto him, anyway, so he should just come out already. ;)

chris - I'm going to assume that graham crackers are just like biscuits. I'm also going to admit you're right. This CD is already on a loop!

motherbumper - I am so hot for you right now!

anonymous - Oh, Christmas candy doesn't stand a chance in the face of Halloween candy!

ct mom - That is totally a lethal combination! I've seen that interview you did. You're totally spot on in the cute department!

lainey-paney - Thank you! A lot of work, but worth it.

anita - Honestly, I am still shocked I was able to!

twobusy - Yes...scarily...yes...no one should know this fear...

Blissfully - Thank you. And Word!

zip n tizzy - I'm so old, I've never even sent a text! I'm also broke, so that has a bearing on it, too. :)

aunt becky - I'm so ashamed I missed out using the Beastie Boys! I'm kind of looking forward to the day I toss out all that paint and glitter I've rarely used. It'll be freeing!

goodfather - I have this little problem with needing things to be 'just so.'

Monday, October 27, 2008 10:26:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know about every other post of yours I think, "Damn, we were separated at birth!" Except for the crafty part... I'm good with my hands.

heh. That's what she said.

Anyways, for that day we meet in real life let's agree to burst into tangential haikus about Queen songs. kay?

Tuesday, October 28, 2008 12:40:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

weirdgirl - Your plan is a very awesome plan!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008 10:05:00 AM  

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