...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

i went to chicago and all i got were these bullet points, a burnt scalp, and a better understanding of why we don't take many vacations

I call this one "Be thankful for small things." Like the fact this is not a small, curly piece of hair on the bed, but rather a long, curly hair on the lap shade. Hotels rock!

When last we were together, I was getting ready to leave for a vacation in beautiful Chicago. We've been home a few days, and those of you who travel know those days are spent doing laundry, playing catch up on real life, and regaling your Facebook friends with photos of your trip. I've not done any of those things yet. That's the plan for today! What a great way to spend the first day without my kids around all the time! Kids who apparently don't have any clean underwear and, well, at least one of the two is rather fond of fresh drawers and informed me I have work to do this afternoon. So needy that one! I was going to write a fantastic post letting all of you know Chicago did us a grade-A solid, because it really did (psst - call me, Chicago!), but instead, I figured why bore you with my vacation slides. Instead, here's a few things I observed during our time away that helped make our trip complete:
  • HBO is airing the same episodes of Taxi Cab Confessions they were when I was 14 and would sneak viewings of what I then thought was edgy and shocking content. Now you've heard one transsexual's story, you've heard them all.
  • One room bad, two rooms good. After an initial night of hotel lodging in which I thought my 8 year old was actually going to attempt womb re-entry as we tried to (yet never actually did) sleep, we booked a second hotel room. Hooray for Priority Club member points! Tool Man being gone constantly has it's rewards!
  • There's something sweet (and OK, perhaps a wee bit wrong) hearing your 8 year old sing the lyric "...put your hands on me in my skin right jeans."
  • Speaking of jeans, jeggings really aren't for everyone. Seriously. They're not. I mean it. No.
  • While we're still on the subject, neither are body suits ::cough lady wearing neon blue body suit at the Iowa rest stop cough Glamour don't cough::
  • Homeless people love, love, LOVE to pray for me! I was stopped three times on my walk to Buckingham Fountain for a bit of divine intervention. That's more times then we pray during an actual church service!
  • I can go 6 days without a diet Mountain Dew, but you won't like me by the fourth day.
  • I finally got a diet Mountain Dew on day seven, and alas, you would have liked me less. Let's just say fountain pop that's not mixed right put me into tears.
  • However, I'm blaming the tears on having to listen to the that "I Wanna Be A Billionaire" song 5,402 (or an actual billion) times while we were traveling.
  • What up, Oprah!
  • Before I even unbuckled my seat belt when we got home, my oldest was in the house, up two sets of stairs and on the phone with his best friend.
  • Before I got my leg out of the car, he was back asking if we could drive him to said best friend's house 14 minutes away. This after he'd complained and sighed his way through being in a car for 7 hours.
  • Air travel has to be better than car travel with my family.
  • Although portable DVD players are the shiz, yo!
  • Ten minutes after we got home, the phone rang for my youngest but he was already gone to another friends house.
  • Basically, my kids got a ticker tape parade upon arriving home, like they're astronauts.
  • We learned about astronauts during a trip to the Adler Planetarium. Well, I learned about astronauts. Unlike my family, I like to stop and read about the various displays. Call me crazy!
  • P.S. - no one has called for me (crazy or otherwise) yet. We've been home five days.
  • "War" by Sebastian Junger isn't the lightest drive time read you could choose.
  • Negative - My husband got to continue his vacation on Monday while I went back to work. Pro - While I was at work, he took the boys to Chuck E. Cheese and I didn't have to go!
  • My kids ran around the Holiday Inn like they were freakin' Zack and Cody at the Tipton. That was just about as annoying as the actual Zack and Cody.
  • My husband and I accidentally dressed alike on three of our vacation days. We didn't realize this faux pas, of course, thanks to our separate rooms. Not awesome. We were one day away from a fanny pack.
  • We got gas bombed by a dude who got off the elevator two floors before us. I was this close to scratching a goodbye note on the walls before the doors finally opened and we all fell out and crumpled to the floor.
  • We'd driven 40 miles before I finally abandoned all hope someone would say "That's what she said!" after I'd tossed a bag into the trunk and said "I don't want this giant thing between my legs for seven hours!"
  • Speaking of my legs, they are strong like bull after walking the entirety of Chicago. My spirit, however, is crushed after walking the entirety of Chicago with two kids who only wanted to know when they could eat again and to remind me of just how tired they were. "Listen," I said. "You didn't stay up late watching HBO's Taxi Cab Confessions, so just zip it!"
  • I also lost a tremendous amount of sleep on Day 3 because I dreamed of bed bugs most of the night.
  • My scalp is still burned more than five days later. You could drive a Mars rover around up there and not know the difference between me and the red planet...which I learned more about at the planetarium. I did. Not my family, though.
  • Dude, seriously, if I see another museum or anything remotely resembling a museum for awhile, it will still be too soon.
  • Chicago, your pizza is made of fairy dust, angel's wishes, and the bright cheeriness of a child's smile, but sweet heaven, that's some serious cheese! It's way more cheese than my colon should be near. I needed a safe word after eating just one piece!
  • Nice try, Sky Deck. You nearly got me to go completely out upon your 4 X 4 glassy box of (possible) death, but I realized what was happening before it could have been too late. You are a formidable foe, but this round goes to me.
  • I can get Chicago souvenir cheaper on Iowa...so I did. Shhhh. Don't tell my kids!
  • Whoa oh oh oh sweet bed of myyyy-eeee-iiine!
  • "Heh...Wacker Drive...heh!" giggled Seth, my inner 13 year old boy (who should be celebrating a birthday soon) In fact, Seth found it hard NOT to giggle.
  • P.S. - 'Found it hard'? Perfect place for a "That's what she said!" Take a note, Tool Man!
  • Obviously, I need to get out more.

I choose to believe this is the dried blood of a previous occupant of my hotel room, and not the sauce of a delicious Chicago-style pizza left here as a reminder from said previous tenant as he or she searched the channel guide for the more adult fare on the hotel's television. It made things more exciting to think that.



Blogger Cheryl said...

Welcome back. I've got ticker tape floating from the top of the house. It's kinda a wet and limp.

"That's what she said!"

Wednesday, August 25, 2010 11:44:00 AM  
Anonymous Kat said...

I should follow you around at all times just to say "that's what she said" at the appropriate moment. I am sure the joke would never fail to amuse us.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010 12:20:00 PM  
Blogger Craig said...

You think you'd like to do air travel with your family? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Not having to go to Chuck E Cheese is a very good thing.

And, uh. . . that's what she said. . .

Wednesday, August 25, 2010 1:00:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The pile of laundry I have to do includes not only the clothes of my son and his mendicant father after their trip, but also of my wife and daughter who delighted in saving it all for me as a cost of getting to go on vacation without them.

Screw them all, we're going naked for the rest of the month.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010 1:48:00 PM  
Blogger Homemaker Man said...

Nothing like coming home from vacation to your very own bed. I made out with mine for 15 minutes upon homecoming. I still don't know what the kids were doing.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010 3:33:00 PM  
Blogger Bijoux said...

I think I like my vacation photos better.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010 4:13:00 PM  
Blogger Brian o vretanos said...

Of all the places in your hotel room that you could find a previous occupant's bodily fluids, the TV guide is probably one of the least worrying.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010 4:32:00 PM  
Blogger Pat said...

Makes my old Chicago blood just pump with pride! Glad you had a nice time. Welcome back!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010 6:07:00 PM  
Blogger The Savage said...

Though I missed you I still did and do lust you....

Wednesday, August 25, 2010 6:23:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt Juicebox said...

I heart hotels. They are always such an adventure. My daughter likes to talk about the one time she found a cheeto under the bed at one.

I have no idea why, but that lamp picture made me actually LOL.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010 6:41:00 PM  
Blogger Sailor said...

Avoiding Chuck-e-Cheese? Worth the whole missing-of-the-diet-mt.dew part, all by itself.

Welcome back!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010 7:57:00 PM  
Blogger Anna Whiston-Donaldson said...

Love love love this list! Fanny pack? Bed bugs? An astronaut's welcome? You had me rolling.

btw,we're going to the beach next week where i always stay up late worrying about getting lice. fun.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010 10:25:00 PM  
Blogger Kevin McKeever said...

Did you some how manage to avoid Navy Pier? How'd you do that?

Thursday, August 26, 2010 7:54:00 AM  
Blogger Christina Lee said...

I hate you for this right now b/c I'm eating breakfast--but not anymore ewwwwwwwww!!!!

Thursday, August 26, 2010 8:48:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Welcome back! Sorry about the sunburn and all the museums...and the weird dreams and long drive. sounds like an awesome vacation! And I agree on the pizza. Hello gorgeaus!

Thursday, August 26, 2010 9:11:00 AM  
Blogger Bee said...

FADKOG! Know where I was when you were in Chicago? In Chicago! I would have loved to have met you!

Friday, August 27, 2010 5:57:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Cheryl - THAT'S how we do a 'That's what she said!" lady!

Kat - I have no qualms with your plan. I also believe we'd not annoy anyone around us AT ALL! :)

Craig - Well, maybe not through O'Hare. I've been stuck there for hours before and I'd hate to add my family into that kind of mix.

Backpacking Dad - I put my last pair of clean socks on today. Operation Nakedness commences in three, two, one!

Homemaker Man - My bed and I had a reunion so emotional it would rival anything shown on the Lifetime Movie Network. Not that I'd know about what's shown on the Lifetime Movie Network, of course.

Cocotte - Rainbows and mountains trump stranger hair every time!

Brian - To be honest, I was more terrified every time I touched the TV remote. Could you think that could be the reason for the giant green fingers now protruding from my palms now?

Pat - Thanks! You've got a fine hometown, lady!

Savage - There's no getting away from the lust!

Aunt Juicebox - The hair on the lamp was the first picture I took of our vacation. Seemed a great sign of things to come!

Sailor - Sometimes you have to take one for the family, huh? :)

Anna See - I hope you come home from the beach lice and fanny pack free!

Always Home - Oh, there was some hardcore Pier action, my friend. The Pier is the primary suspect in my scalp burn. Who knew you could waste so many hours in a place where, essentially, there's only three things to do?

Christina - Heh...sorry! I'll try to remember to put appetite spoiler alerts on any pertinent posts! :)

Meg - Oh, that pizza...give me a moment... :) I hope you enjoy your time away this week!

Bee - BEE!! BEE!!! DAMN MY HUSBAND FOR HIS STRICT SCHEDULE OF ACTIVITIES AND FAMILY FUN TIME!! DAMN HIM! I very honestly want to visit your wonderful city again and soon, and at that time, I will point to something in the sky, ask "Hey, what's that?" and then run away from my husband to find you. Keep your doors unlocked!

Friday, August 27, 2010 12:35:00 PM  
Blogger TwoBusy said...

I have to say that stepping onto that little plexiglass cube at the Sears Tower (or whatever the hell it's called now) when I was there in May is one of the most terrifying things I've ever done. Just total whacked out crazy insane vertigo.

Also, more than a little thrilling.

Anyhow. Glad you had a time. And while I'm late to the game (as always)... welcome home.

Saturday, August 28, 2010 6:24:00 PM  
Anonymous apartments in dubai said...

Ah it was quite a long post and took good amount of time to read it. But I* must say I really enjoyed reading it and had great fun

Monday, August 30, 2010 8:53:00 AM  
Blogger motherbumper said...

Well apartments in dubai stole my comment but I'll just add, I'm glad you're back in one piece and isn't playing Hotel CSI fun?

Monday, August 30, 2010 7:28:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

TwoBusy - My kid would have moved into one of those boxes had we opted to leave him there. Me? My theory is man isn't meant to step out into the abyss even if the abyss is made of reinforced plexiglass.

motherbumper - I sort of feel bad that apartments in dubai had to spend a great deal of time reading this post, but then I got paranoid that EVERYONE thinks my posts are too long! They all do and they're not telling me, aren't they?

Thursday, September 02, 2010 10:53:00 PM  

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