'i smell sex and candy'
Saturday morning.
Bliss. Love. Peanut butter toast and juice. Just another typical day in the Got It Goin' On household.
Sexy McSexerson (as he's known while doing undercover work as my husband): "So my hair. How's it look? Does it look OK? Do I need to take shower?"
Hottie McHotterson (me. 24/7): "Of course you need to take a shower. Whaddaya mean, 'Do I need to take a shower?'"
S McS: "Whaddaya mean 'Whaddaya mean 'Do I need to take a shower?' ' "
H McH: "Hello!? Don't you remember what you did yesterday afternoon?"
S McS: "Yeah. I didn't do any resets at the stores. I didn't get sweaty or anything. I should be good."
H McH: "Honey. Yes! Yes, you need a shower. Don't you remember? Sex. We had sex yesterday afternoon. For a long time. Many things were done. Wait a minute. You don't remember, do you?"
S McS: "Oh. Heh. I guess I did forget about that..."
H McH: (Silence. Silence coupled with the wonk eye. More silence)
S McS: "Well, I mean, I didn't forget the whole thing...."
H McH: "Whattaya mean you didn't forget the whole thing?! You just apparently spaced off over two hours of my patented lovin'!"
S McS: "I definitely remember that one part. And then when you did that other thing. So see? I didn't forget the whole thing!"
H McH: "Did you remember parts of the whole thing before or after I reminded you we had sex yesterday afternoon?"
S McS: (Silence. More silence. Definitely no wonk eye because by now he knows who's winning...)
H McH: "Maybe you outta go take that shower before I start talkin' about an entirely different kind of hole, honey..."
S McS: (Smirking. More Smirking)
H McH: "I'm thinking 'hole' more as in a label for you, honey, and not so much as what you're thinking..."
S McS: "So...I'm gonna go take a shower now."
H McH: "Good idea, mister. Because your hair? It is funky..."
Labels: candy....mmmmm....
posted by for a different kind of girl @ 12:00 AM
18 Comments:
Two hours?!?! Good lord you people are like energizer bunnies.
I'm exhausted just thinking about it....sigh. Ha, you may have put honey and hole right next to each other, and I might have snorted.
sewbsybtihvtmtofake
Sounds like a great time was had by all, if only S McS could remember it. Maybe, you can use this though, for those times when he's saying it's been too long: "What? We just did that, don't you remember?"
Bonus points if you snuck into the bathroom and turned off the hot water on him.
I'm pretty sure freezing cold showers are a patented cure for repeat offenses of this nature.
Or, if not, will make YOU feel better. And, after all, isn't that what it's really all about anyway?
Wait... Why does having sex mean a guy would have to take a shower? Were you rolling around in a tub of banana pudding while you did it?
Us men are built to be able to go multiple days without showers. It's just how we've evolved. We're a lot like monkeys that way.
Like monkeys that just put on a backwards ball cap when our hair gets all funky.
Oh good Lord, dudes. Please at least go for the Hooker Bath so your junk doesn't reek of post-lovin' funk.
2 freakin hours? yeah, don't let that shit get around these parts...i will so be in trouble.
my ginney can't do twenty minutes let alone 2 freakin' hours are you kidding me???
jamie will shower and i'll be all...your hair reeks did you wash it? and he'll go "uh huh, no. i just washed it two days ago". whatever scurveball...
just so you know-i posted an IM conversation we had. Hope you don't mind. ha!
just so know, I am TOTALLY picturing you in "platform double suede", DKG!
hilarious! and the convo you had with kimmy is a riot. love a good wonk eye! classic
Two hours! I don't have that kind of time or that kind of bagina! Good for you and your bagina!
Two hours... I think I remember that happening to me, once, a few years ago... maybe.
Did you share a Disco Lemonade afterwards for refeshment purposes?
That just proves my theory on men. Ask them any sports triva question and they'll even tell you the athlete's shoe size anything to do with their wives... NADA!
men are so clueless...
...but, we love them & marry them anyway...
Two hours?
Turning green with jealousy!
My husband and I both forgot once. A few weeks later when I discovered I was pregnant, we were pretty confused as to how this had occured. Eventually I remembered that it had been Mother's Day and he hadn't gotten me a gift, so he tried to make up for it. "Oh yeah . . . " we said simultaneously.
Nan - Sometimes I catch a second wind. Sometimes there really are those things the Energizer Bunny hawks in play that helps keeps things going!
dewuhvprvttme
Sailor - Ha! Good plan! I think it might actually work, too!
Superwife - Dang! I didn't even think about that! I blame it on the fact I, as the one who remembers everything, was still basking in the afterglow.
FTN - What about tending to that monkey thatch, though? You can't just turn a cap around and plop it on the monkey thatch! And shower sex. That's another incentive. Shower sex is a good way to go green.
Biscuit - Like maybe have a handy package of moist toilettes nearby, at the least, right? That's not asking for much!
kimmy - My mouth is shut, girlie. You tell Jaimie I'm all talkin' make believe!
1blueshi1 - Ha! Oh, if only I *could* wear platform double suede!
Katie - Thanks for the visit and comment. I totally agree. Wonk eyes are classic!
Scarlett - The bagina bulks up with daily vitamins and a regular routine of cardio and strength training. On weekends, it takes a pilates class. It's a commitment, to say the least, but it gives the bagina endurance!
Taja - I'm like double cherry pie, girl, so yeah, you gotta wash that down with some disco lemonade!
Bee - Ha! In my husband's respect, you can quiz him on anything having to do with science fiction programming and he's spot on, but you ask him about something he did, literally, 10 hours earlier and...sigh...
Lainey-Paney - Couldn't do it without this guy, that's for sure.
Bunny - The dude is a bit of a marathon man. Sometimes I'm all "tap, tap, tap. Listen. Um. 'Lost' is coming on. Can we wrap this up?" but other times, you go with the flow!
Two hours. . .
(closing eyes; smiling, sighing softly. . .)
And listen, if Molly 'suggests' that I head for the shower, it usually carries with it the implication that we'll be in 'water-saving mode'. . . just sayin'. . .
And, I suppose this isn't really the forum where I'll get a bunch of understanding nods if I say that I'm a big fan of the, uh, 'post-lovin funk', is it? Sorta like the body-hair thing? Nah, didn't think so. . .
Oh, and did I ever tell you about the Kegel excercise class that Molly signed up for? (ONE-two-three-four. . . hold it. . . HOOOOOLD it. . .)
2 hours??? Girl, I'd kill myself!
Seriously..right then and there. Dead. me.
stacie
Des - Funk has it's place, my friend. I like to think it's place is on the dance floor.
And, um, there are CLASSES on Kegel training?! Interesting!
Stacie - Here's where I shouldn't remind anyone that I said 'more than two hours,' eh? Ha! The dude thinks it's a Guinness event, I think.
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