...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Monday, January 07, 2008

'in fact, it was a little bit frightening'

So my weekend, it was random. Guess what that means! You get a little taste of it! It's been awhile since I've served up a piping hot casserole dish of random ("But what about Shark Week?" "That was literary greatness! Pray for it's return!"), so grab your forks and dig in:

  • I'm at the WalMart on Saturday afternoon because I'm on a quest to find the perfect round hair brush and I needed some generic Goldfish crackers (only the best for my little spider monkeys!), and I'm in line at the customer service counter to remit my receipts after returning empty pop bottles (we've got a house payment due and that Diet Mountain Dew is gonna own me one day). I'm minding my own business, thinking about why in heaven I'm here at the WalMart on a Saturday afternoon, when I feel something warm behind me. Having some experience with back of the neck action and a predilection for personal boundaries since my Dirty Dancing days, I venture a peek up to the security monitor hanging behind the customer service counter and notice an older woman so close to me I fear she's going to mount me and ride me through the store like a mythical unicorn (People have wanted to do this, I assure you. That or something about wanting to get behind me and cut me to watch me bleed. I get fuzzy on the details sometimes). Alarmed, I turn my head just a bit (because a bit is all my new Siamese twin has given me room for) and think "Perhaps you'd like to step back just a smidgen, Sugar" really loudly in my head, thinking since we seem to now share a brain and I like it when strangers call me Sugar, she'd pick up the message and do as I thought. Not so much. Every step forward I could take in my escape attempt, she was right there on me. Like a shape shifter, I think she wanted to actually be me. In retrospect, that migh have been a good idea, because her hair looked pretty good, leaving me to assume she's secured the reigns of a really great round brush, and my life is so ragingly great, what with the redeeming empty pop bottles for spare change, that it would be a win-win for the both of us. Eventually I lost her around the toiletry aisles, but I feel a part of me is gone. I miss you, Sugar.
  • You know how you sometimes do something and don't remember doing it (or remembering doing it, but can't imagine why you did so now - Hello, 2007!). That's the sense I got yesterday on the way home from WalMart when I was busting my groove to the iPod and Kung Foo Fighting came up next on the shuffle. There's never been a time in the two years the iPod and I have carried on this torrid affair we have that I downloaded this song, and how it got on there is a mystery to me. But oh-ho-ho -ho, oh-ho-ho-ho, you bet I sang along with it, and now I hope you are, too. Thanks to me. You're welcome.
  • Remember my husband? That guy who's basically a 14-year-old with only one friend and even that friend wonders what he's doing hanging around with him? This is the kind of conversation we had Sunday that keeps our marriage throbbing: Him: "If I go get you a pop, you gonna suck on my straw?" (laughing, laughing, laughing, 'I just said the funniest thing ever!' grin). Me: "Does Diet Mountain Dew come out of it?" I'll stop now so as not to make you uncomfortable describing the exchange we shared when he discovered I was reneging on the hand action I promised him if he took me to see Sweeney Todd Friday afternoon, but clearly, I think you can tell he's a happy boy.
  • So I'm playing catch up with kimmyk this weekend when talk turns to the french fries at Red Robin and we had a momentary time out to the topics at hand so I could ramble about how I'd just recently discovered the addicting crack that is Red Robin french fries. Kimmy's good to me like that. Let's me be all wordy and stuff and will politely LOL me. Thanks, girlie! Anyway, with our conversation fresh in my mind Saturday night, I dreamt of Red Robin french fries. And they weren't layered across the body of some hot guy or anything. Just basket upon basket of piping hot french fries. Brought to me by hot guys. Whatever. So I got to thinking - I didn't really catch up with kimmy so much as I played ketchup with her. Ha! I know, right!? It's why I'm married to a 14 year old.
  • Back to WalMart. I'm in the checkout and I ask the nice gentleman behind the register how he is, expecting the standard "I'm good, and you?" answer that doesn't require either party to commit too much to the other. Instead, he unleashes what turns into way too much personal information about his married life and his grown kids and grandkids and how ungrateful they all are, and how he's not appreciated unless one of them needs something from him. After taking a breath, he begins chapter two, which is a manifesto against his ex-wife and the drama holidays create in families. The entire time, I can only stand there and listen with the blank smile that attempts not to encourage him further, but serves as a pleasant "I'm listening" coda to the whole thing, and worrying he'll expect me to say something in response when he finally finishes what has now turned into his seething expose on the downfall of women and how they are never truly satisfied. Then I'm like, "Light bulb!" Blogging is like a vast worldwide cash register where we share personal information (sometimes way too much personal information - Hello again, 2007!) and hope that the person standing there waiting to have their toilet paper and peanut butter bagged up so they can be on their way will have something insightful or humorous to say in response. I considered suggesting he start blogging, but I think there are probably enough people out there already who think the world will implode because women are never truly satisfied, so I grabbed my hopefully perfect round hair brush and scurried out.

So there you go. Hope you're full because, like my brain, the casserole dish is empty. Feel free to offer up some desserts in the comments!

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21 Comments:

Blogger kimmyk said...

went to lunch with my kiddies today-we went back and forth-red robin and their unlimited fries or applebee's and their oriental chicken roll up. oriental chicken won. it was good.

i love listening to you ramble on from red robin to walmart adventures to just about anything.

it's so funny everytime we chat it up i realize we've shared ALOT of the same experiences...amazing how that happens and the world as big as it is...seems smaller.

almost as if i've kissed the same people you've kissed...it's that freakishly small. except you can keep the old lady and her dragon breath breathing down your neck--i gotta draw the line somewhere ya know?

oh and for dessert might i suggest the chocci peanut butter bars that nan sentcha.

Sunday, January 06, 2008 4:57:00 PM  
Blogger Bee said...

If not for the fact that I know where my dad works I'd think you bumped into him at Wallyworld!

At least you went out, I sat thru America's Next Top Model and True Life marathons... so sad.

Sunday, January 06, 2008 6:49:00 PM  
Blogger Bee said...

Andyism (husband):
You might be a redneck if you have a pink leopard print bra.
Bee:
WTF Andy!! Take my bra off your head!
My husband is at least 2 years older than yours so that would put him at 16.

Sunday, January 06, 2008 6:51:00 PM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

bee,
don't feel bad. i watched the ANTM marathon on VH1 all day yesterday. in fact when i cleaned we had it on downstairs and upstairs incase i carried laundry up i didn't miss anything.

i dunno true life and that's prolly a good thing, but i will admit to being excited to see rock of love 2. oh and the reunion is on tonight of i love new york 2. almost forgot that was on. shew. that was close.

Sunday, January 06, 2008 7:15:00 PM  
Blogger Chuck said...

I think I could like your husband. Well, you know what I mean...not in a gay way or anything. We do seem to think alike.

Red Robin fries are good, but have you had Five Guys fries? OMG they are all kinds of awesome in their salty crispy taterness.

oh ho ho ho...

Sunday, January 06, 2008 10:26:00 PM  
Blogger Nanette said...

Between you and Kimmy, I have the strangest desire for an oriental chicken roll up and some fries, and thanks to my effing nocturnal schedule, Applebees, hell any place to catch some fries--hmmm, there is that 24 hour arches--is closed up tighter than a certain prized target's instant messaging account. So now I'm hungry. And singing, yaaaah!

kntgettitupe

Monday, January 07, 2008 1:34:00 AM  
Blogger Nanette said...

And hmmm, have I been lost in some strange space time continuum here at the ol' fadkog, because I swear you've mastered the art of time shifting. Either that or all of your previous commenters have discovered time travel, if that is the case...they must share!!!!!!

hwcnpstcmmnttbfruwrote? ;)

Monday, January 07, 2008 1:38:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

kimmyk - I love when you let me ramble and LOL me and sometimes ROTFLMAO me and then call me a dork. Some people have called me 'fool,' or 'man' or, well, a litany of other less than nice names for women. But you? You can call me a dork anytime!

Sometimes I get the feeling many, many people around the web have kissed the same thing. You'd think they'd get tired of sharing the same germs. Blech.

Oh, I ate at Cracker Barrel last night. I do not recommend it.

Bee - I've never watched ANTM nor does True Life sound familiar to me. But Sunday, here's what I'll be doing - Rock of Love 2 and Scott Baio is 46 and Married. Hi. I'm a dork.

kimmy - Will you stay in the house and rock my world?

Chuck - My husband would probably like you, too. Not in the gay way. But he needs some new friends, so I'll let him know!

We just got the Red Robin in our neck of the world not that long ago. We're a bit of a cultural divide. So we don't have a Five Guys yet. This is probably a good thing, because I do have an addictive personality and it's bad enough I'm pawning stuff for Red Robin's crack fries!

Nan - I say ditch those nocturnal tendencies before they consume you and enjoy the fresh fries you get in the daytime! Woo hooo! Or do the former and forget about the latter. We got naked DDR to bust!

Oh, and about that time thing. I am a cyborg, sent from the future, to smirk and clever comments and shake my head in 'wtf?!' dismay at the trail of bloody bodies left by sharks.

Monday, January 07, 2008 8:45:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Well, gosh, DKG, who wouldn't wanna be you, y'know? . . .

And, you know, I like having my straw sucked on as much as the next arrested-development guy. . . (but, 'Diet Mt. Dew'? ROFLMAO on that. . .) (and hey, no creamy shake?) (just askin') ('cuz yer hubs - we all know he's a lucky, lucky man. . .)

Monday, January 07, 2008 8:57:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

I've got nothin'.

Pretty much because my mind turned to mush at the straw-sucking, hand-action paragraph.

Sorry to let you down.

Monday, January 07, 2008 9:33:00 AM  
Blogger ATLLG said...

OK for my first time over after stalking from somewhere else. Sorry but I just finished lunch. ( dessert was milk and cookies )
But at least I know where I can get my fill ( or not since I can be 14 errr more like 17 or 18 as well ).

But thanks!

Monday, January 07, 2008 11:28:00 AM  
Blogger ClaireBoe said...

*humming to herself while waiting to post a comment - "Everybody was Kung Fu Fight-ee-eee-ing!"* What!? Oh, hi!

I will be humming that song all.day.long. Thanks?

I noticed that you miss John Hughes - I do, too. Living in the 80s is my forte.

Monday, January 07, 2008 12:48:00 PM  
Blogger 1blueshi1 said...

I was at Walmart on Saturday afternoon, TOO! I mean, you know, states away, but STILL!! It's a SIGN that we were, like, MEANT TO BE TOGETHER.

Yet, states apart. Deeeep thoughts, deep thoughts. I've been reading too much Kalil Gibran lately. Or something.

Monday, January 07, 2008 9:36:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Des - I think, mister, you win the prize today for the person who used more paranthesis in their writing than I do/did. Plus, you did a fine, fine job of dropping in the double entendre. Ghost write much? Wanna?

FTN - mush as in 'Good Lord, please, stop. I can't read any more of your veiled sexual escapades!' or mush as in "Lucky..."?

Actually, the fact I just used the word 'escapade' should make your mind mushy. It did mine. I never use the word 'escapade.' See what you do to me, Numby?

atllg - Mmmm. Milk and cookies. I love milk and cookies, but I'm not a dunker Tell me, were they chocolate chip? Because that's even better! THanks for the visit and comment!

claireboe - Tune in when I'm dropping in the "Come On, Eileen". It gets used here a lot! Thanks for your visit and comment, too. If the 80s are your forte, you are so so welcome here, where random "Breakfast Club" quote throwdowns break out at any time!

1blueshi1 - that feeling you get? that one where it's like someone is with you but no one is there? that's me. let's just not be at walmart the next time that happens, k?

Monday, January 07, 2008 9:56:00 PM  
Blogger Chrissy said...

Oh you poor girl...WalMart on a Saturday! Not my idea of fun at all. I did get caught up in ANTM for a minute or two on Saturday too, until I decided to drag myself off the couch and go to the movies. And you just reminded me and now I'm mad that I missed Rock of Love 2 and Scott Baio! Oh well...it's VH1, they'll surely show it again!

Monday, January 07, 2008 10:00:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Chrissy - OH! You're safe! Those shows don't start until this Sunday, where they will no doubt be run into the ground! Stay home from any store on Sunday night and dig in!

Monday, January 07, 2008 10:20:00 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

What sort of perfume were you wearing? It's rare that anyone tries to sneak up on me the way you described and I'm thinking maybe a new scent will do the trick.

I've found that interrupting the diatribes of salesclerks with "Oh wait, I thought I put that item back, could you set that aside, please?" not only makes them lose their place in the monologue but also provides a Can You Believe These Stupid Customers rant for the next in line.

Monday, January 07, 2008 10:37:00 PM  
Blogger FTN said...

Mush as in 'Good Lord, please, DON'T stop.'

Said in a deep, raspy, out-of-breath voice.

Because in those instances, I totally sound like Kiefer Sutherland with a nasty cold.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008 12:19:00 PM  
Blogger Wethyb said...

I ate at Red Robin for the first time last month and those fries are on the money! Yummy!

As for Walmart, I love the deals, but I hate our local one's clientel. I'd have told that lady to get off my ass (not really, but it sounds good). That bugs the poop out of me when people do that.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008 3:55:00 PM  
Blogger Stacie said...

I came here earlier today, (or was it yesterday?) and I read this post and I had a clever comment (at least I thought it was) and so I left it (at least I thought I did) and then later you came and visited me and all a sudden like, i was second guessing myself...did I leave the comment I thought I did or not? So then I got distracted..cuz I'm a mom like that and then later tonite, i was going thru my blogroll and I thought oh yeah...I better check on that and then I clicked over here and I didnt' recognize the title so I re read adn then I was like..oh yeah, I remember that..so I skipped down to comments to see waht I wrote only to see that I didn't write and so here I am now leaving a comment telling you I have no idea what I was gonna say. Sigh...somedays I wish I had a better memory.
Stacie

Tuesday, January 08, 2008 10:41:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Melissa - I think that day I was wearing Eau de Me.

Ha! I've *totally* been one of those eye rolling sales clerks. I just make sure my back is to the customer, 'cause I'm only *so* ballsy!

FTN - Would you mind saying that again, but tossing in "The following takes place between 1 a.m. and 2 a.m."? Because that would so have me busting out the what nots and what have yous all over the place! Raspy voice style.

Wethyb - I've had some Red Robin on the brain hardcore for a couple weeks. I'm thinking I need to encourage the husband to take me back there. I may just ask for fries, glorious fries!

Stacie - I was wondering where you've been, girlie! I get the fuzzy headed mom thing, though. Totally! Props on the rambly comment, too! You so know the way to my heart!

Tuesday, January 08, 2008 11:40:00 PM  

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