oh my gosh! thank you! you shouldn't have!

So let's say you want to get me a little something for Christmas, and you realize that, after you've wandered the malls or browsed Amazon for hours that it's impossible to put a price on the ability to have me and everyone around me break out into song and dance at any point in the day, ala Grease, which is what I would totally LOVE, but will accept the sad sack statement you give me when you tell me that was sold out, I've decided to give you a couple options that would make me equally as happy.

• Punctuation - Clearly, I need to brush up on the run-on sentence thing (see above). But that's pretty much how I talk. In my head. And sometimes in person. Just ask my husband. In fact, just cross this idea off your gift list, because I don't really want punctuation, but punctuation would be the type of gift my husband would buy me, assuming he could. Since he can't, I imagine I'm going to get a bizarre rap CD and maybe some temporary tattoos.


• These red sequin Chuck Taylor All Star sneakers. I'd maybe tear up a little bit if you got these for me, and perhaps spend the rest of the year running your errands and thinking of ways to make it up for you, even though you would be all, "Please, it was a gift! You don't have to do anything. I got them because I think you're awesome. So awesome." I promise you, at least once a week, if these were on my feet, I'd tap my heels. What's that? What size should you get? Tens. You know what they say about big feet, right? I don't know how that applies to a girl.

Pretty easy list, eh? Just two things. So easy I'm practically doing it for you. But it means more coming from you, so keep in mind you have just four days to get crackin'. To motivate you, let me send you on your way with big Merry Christmas wishes. You can even pretend I'm out shopping for you, if you like. We'll giggle if we get each other the same thing, but just in case, maybe you should work on your sincerely thankful look when you find out I can only afford a few exclamation points and a handful of apostrophes with helpful tips on how to use them to spell you're.

Merry Christmas!