...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Friday, April 11, 2008

'it's not gonna make me wanna have sex, is it?'

Good morning, lovelies. I planned to write a post last night that was equal parts thought provoking and outrageously hilarious (which is most often my writing M.O., but very rarely the outcome), but my plans were thwarted by the Tool Man's triumphant return to the shed. I was, as any tool crazy woman would be, pretty excited by his arrival, because for about an hour before he pulled his lovin' truck into the driveway, he'd been calling me and being all chit chatty about cocks.

(I know, right?! It's been a very long time since I used that kind of talk around these parts, and even then, it was mostly having to do with my tremendous phallic arms, so if I made you gasp in horror and make that "tsk, tsk," sound, I say, "Seriously, Mom, how'd you find my blog, anyway?")

Back to the story. For like an hour, I thought I was getting the sexy talk. "You wanna see this cocks, dont'cha?" "I'm bringing cocks home! Be ready!" (this one scared me), and "You've been wanting this cocks."

Amen, Tool Man. Just get home.

Shortly after the final telephone call, the man walks in the house, drops his bags, yells "Who wants cocks!?" and I (momentarily scared again at the plural), ran through the house all, "The kids are at my Mom's! Get your pants off! Woo hoo!"

Then I landed in front of him, and found he was brandishing the Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story in his clenched fist. "In my dreams you're blowing me...kisses!" he said.

It has recently been suggested to me that, when the Tool Man and I are together again, I totally unleash the "f word" on him, and really get him going, tell him exactly what it is I need him to do. It should be noted that, more often than not, I can get him going by heading up the kitchen and stirring up something delicious for supper.

Because I do that naked.

No I don't.

Not always.

That mostly gets done at breakfast.

Anyway.

So, using the "F word." Standing before my husband, thrilled at his return home for however long, I took a deep breath, steeled my back, spread my arms and let loose.

"YES! I totally want to watch a film with you, baby!!"

And so, for the next two hours, I paid a lot of attention to Cox.

The unrated version. Because we're freakin' hardcore animals.

And we were. Later.

(Don't "tsk, tsk" me, woman! Seriously, how did you find my blog?)

Labels:

22 Comments:

Blogger Laura B. said...

Girl, you're too much! That could so totally be my house, though! ;-)

Friday, April 11, 2008 9:09:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

"The kids are at my Mom's! Get your pants off! Woo hoo!"

Ah, you made me smile, my dear. . .

See, the other night, we dropped the younger kids at their big sister's place an hour's drive from us (for two days!), and it bein' spring break, the teen boys had farmed themselves out for the night, so Molly and I had the entire, freakin', big-enough-for-ten house to ourselves. Which never happens. And several of the rooms, we haven't made the sweet lovin' in yet. . .

Not anymore. . .

And you know, when nobody's home, Molly's, um, a lot less reserved. . . That is to say, if a tree falls in the forest - or maybe better, rises (just sayin') - and no-one's there to hear it, it makes more noise than usual. . .

So - nice for you and the Tool Man. We, uh, share your space on that one. . .

Friday, April 11, 2008 9:13:00 AM  
Blogger Bogart in P Towne said...

Hopefully the "MOVIE" was worth the wait!

Friday, April 11, 2008 10:40:00 AM  
Blogger Melissa said...

A triumphant return! Sounds like a damn fine time.

Friday, April 11, 2008 12:04:00 PM  
Blogger Choppzs said...

Holy Crap, if I did and said some of the things you do to Tool Man, my Hubs would bow down before me and call me his queen! lol

Friday, April 11, 2008 12:11:00 PM  
Anonymous your mother said...

Not the dreaded f-word! Didn't I raise you better than that?

Friday, April 11, 2008 12:21:00 PM  
Blogger FTN said...

I would just like to know why you spend an entire post (or, really, an entire month's worth of posts) leading up to Teh Sex, and yet your entire synopsis of the sexytime is "And we were. Later." ??????

Also, I shall be giving you my wife's phone number so you can teach her how to use the phrase ""The kids are at my Mom's! Get your pants off! Woo hoo!" appropriately.

Or, you know, at all.

Friday, April 11, 2008 12:24:00 PM  
Blogger Phyllis RenĂ©e said...

I am so jealous!! I won't get any Cox until maybe next week. You are one lucky woman!!

Friday, April 11, 2008 1:44:00 PM  
Blogger Bee said...

We don't have kids but my mom lives downstairs. When she goes to visit her parents in Mexico... lt's just say the house trembles and we're nowhere near California!

;op

Friday, April 11, 2008 6:58:00 PM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

shhhiiit.
if i EVEN said the C word to Jamie...???? holy hell...I'd have to beat the man off with a stick. [not literally...i was just using the stick as a metaphor] so yeah, you freak.

Bee,
Stop braggin'.

Friday, April 11, 2008 9:26:00 PM  
Blogger Sailor said...

Woo hoo? I like woo hoo, and especially when the kids are farmed out.

Hoping the unrated version was a nice prelude, to an unrated version for you- during the 'later'.

Saturday, April 12, 2008 9:44:00 AM  
Blogger Chag said...

So how was the movie? I wanted to see it when it came out, but never got the chance.

Saturday, April 12, 2008 8:43:00 PM  
Blogger 1blueshi1 said...

hehe, the DH and I watched Rush Hour 2 earlier today...

Sunday, April 13, 2008 3:24:00 PM  
Anonymous MadWoman Meg said...

Hahaha. I think I just peed a little reading all that.

Sunday, April 13, 2008 7:04:00 PM  
Blogger katie said...

Ha! oh, i love it, diff gal. i enjoy a good "woohoooo" myself. you used yours better than mine though i believe. Hilarious post as always, my dear.

Hope your weekend was fun!

Monday, April 14, 2008 5:35:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Laura - Hope you always enjoy the flms!

Des - Imagine how you would have smiled had I used the original title I had in mind for this - "I saw a film today, oh boy" - but I didn't want to give it away the point immediately. Now you can smile more because the first word I used here was 'imagine,' eh?

Bogart - The film was very good. The movie left a little to be desired.

Melissa - And there was a big buttery tub of popcorn involved, too! Ha!

Choppzs - Hey! I'm going to now suggest that my darling Tool Man start calling me his queen! And maybe bowing down to me more often, too! Thanks for the idea!

Mom - Gah! Wait! I think you're the one who taught me that word. At least you were the one pushing me to use it from time to time - and not just 'cause you always frustrate me. I love ya, Mom!

FTN - Just let me know when it would be a good time to give her a call. I can be rather chatty, so, you know, don't be surprised if we're still chatting when you get home from work and don't get to benefit from my lesson plans.

Phyllis - Take it when you can, even if some films aren't as good as others!

Bee - You are amazing! But then, why would I be surprised at that? You just confirmed why I truly believe mortals quake in our presence!

kimmy - Ha! Good think Jamie got that bat, 'cause in the event you need a stick, it's right there waiting. Assuming you can pry it from his loving arms!

Sailor - There were plenty of bleeped out moments. Very art house!

Chag - It's one of those movies that starts strong, but starts to be a one joke theme. If you have those one dollar Redbox rental places, I'd pick it up there.

1blueshi1 - Sometimes I wish my Tool Man was more a fan of rush hours. Hope yours was fun!

Madwoman Meg - Ha! Thank you. Glad you stopped through again. I've had a chance to pop in on you and want to tell people to leave me alone a bit so I can spend more time!

Katie - Thank you! Nothing beats a good woohoo. Except maybe kimmy's stick. Or chocolate. Or all those things. That could be fun! Have a good week, too!

Monday, April 14, 2008 8:47:00 AM  
Blogger Biscuit said...

Such a naughty post. I think I need some alone time ;)

Monday, April 14, 2008 8:55:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Aww, you're so good to me; how come you are?

(Oh, so now it's with the Beach Boys lyrics, eh?)

Monday, April 14, 2008 10:14:00 AM  
Blogger Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Is it crazy that i just reread this for the third time and still laughed my ass off?

Hallie :)

Monday, April 14, 2008 6:20:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Biscuit - It's payback for you and that push up video, girlie!

Des - It's cause I'm such a doll, isn't it?

WWW - Not crazy at all. Laugh your ass off anytime. I totally snicker mine off!

Monday, April 14, 2008 11:00:00 PM  
Blogger Nanette said...

Cock a doodle doo! You crack me up sweetie!

Thursday, April 17, 2008 3:28:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Nan - some cox are more inspiring than others, ll!

Thursday, April 17, 2008 9:26:00 AM  

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