got it goin' on like donkey kong. (i wish...)
I like to think that I'm a pretty cool mom.
Note that I like to think that. I really have no clue what my sons think. As far as they're concerned, I might very well be the woman who buys them ice cream bars, yet lifts the box over my head and am all "Not until you do your math homework and complete 30 minutes of reading, bwahahahaha...."
(...and then maybe eats the contents of said ice cream bar box and pretends like I have no idea what they're talking about when they come crying to me for a fake frozen dairy treat coated in waxy chocolate goodness. Whatever, dude. Glass houses.)
Anyway, back to what a cool mom I think I am. I don't have to ask anymore about why Zack and Cody are living in a hotel (sidebar - that really would be a suite life!). I've figured out the difference when Miley is Hannah and vice versa. I say things like "Dat's jus' how we roll," and "It's all good in the 'hood!". I'll make time to play with action figures.
I'll also willingly listen to Crazy Frog butcher Queen's We Are The Champions. OK, maybe not willingly, but it's part of being a cool mom. You listen to the music that those around you find enjoyable. That's what I did when I was stuck in a car for seven hours with my own, cool in her own right Mom this week as we trekked back from the great state of Missouri (kisses, Missouri! do you miss me? No?? Huh. Well...fickle bastard...). My mom likes the country music. I've no beef with country music. I once owned a pair of cowboy boots (they were kick ass black leather with embroidered hearts and swirls on them and I would give a million dollars to have them TODAY! Because I'm cool!). I also dated a humble man with deep country roots, so yeah, you could say I got a little country western in me.
Here's what I forgot about my mom. She likes to sing along with her music. I'm not sure why I forgot this, since it's something I routinely do, too. When Paradise By The Dashboard Lights comes on my iPod, I'll bust out both Meat Loaf's and Ellen Foley's parts for the entire 8 minutes and 27 seconds (you better believe I'm doing it RIGHT NOW). Hell, when Paradise City, or (I've Been To Paradise But) I've Never Been To Me come on, I'm giving everything I have to the music, whether I'm scrubbing toilets or touring in the mini.
(But not Almost Paradise, because I just can't feel the love, Mike Love and Ann Wilson. Sorry.)
So back to the trip home. We're probably hour four into our seven hour tour when Honkeytonk Badonkadonk came on the radio. Mom heard this tribute to curvy posteriors, and she cranked that radio up and unleashed what I imagine rivals those American Idol audition episodes.
(I say I imagine because I may very well be one of the few people on Earth who has never watched a single episode of American Idol, and while that might mean I'm not actually cool, I beg to differ, because how cool am I for at least knowing of AI?!).
I shouldn't be hating on my Mom's vocal abilities, but the woman is bad! So, so, scary bad. She's making up words and she's all over the range. Hell, halfway through, she's singing an entirely differnt song. Most of the time, that is Bob Seger's Old Time Rock and Roll. It is ugly, people.
(and I'm sorry, too, Bob Seger, because dear Lord, I hate that song.)
And then it hit me. If she's cool, yet bad, then I AM, too! Oh, it might be fun to pretend I'm preserving my virtue when Meat Loaf is getting all sweaty on me in the back of the car, but it's never as good to those who must listen to me as I think it sounds performed before a live studio audience. This point was really driven home for me when I looked back at my sons, trapped in the backseat while their grandma was questioning how the female protagonist of said Trace Adkins song was, and I quote, "gettin' them britches on." Their faces were frozen in fear and shock, and those faces spelled out "This is NOT cool!"And one day, I am going to go from action figure playing, ghetto talkin', Disney Channel viewing Cool Mom to Lame Ass (nay - Badonkadonk!) Mom in one fell swoop, and I predict all it's going to take is one overzealous performance of another tribute to juicy bubbles.
(Which I'm singing along to RIGHT NOW, so let the transformation begin...).
P.S. While I'm shocked Blogger's spell check option doesn't recognize 'Google' as a word, the fact that "Badonkadonk" isn't in the internal dictionary doesn't surprise me in the least. Disappoints me, yes, but shocks me? No. And what the hell? It DOES recognize "Crazy Frog"! Lame.
Labels: welcome back rambly posts filled with paranthesis and YouTube links
posted by for a different kind of girl @ 9:45 PM
59 Comments:
I don't think I've ever been first here!!
I have never watched AI EVER.
You and I, we are the REAL cool peoples.
My mom taught my niece the Mexican scream so when a Spanish song comes on the radio, my niece shrieks AYYAY AYYYYYY! AWHOAAAAH!
::sigh:: I miss my mommy!
(:'o{
August will never get here!
Have you seen the video for "Honkytonk Badonkadonk?" Don't watch it with your boys in the room.
I love the song...the catchiness of it. My kids would d.i.e. if I sang it out loud, however.
I think I'm a cool mom, too. Actually, more than one of my kids' friends has said so. I'm thinkin' my kids are paying them to butter me up.
I guess that makes me person #3 who's never watched AI. And all this time I thought I was the lone hold out.
My sister has uncool absolutely PERFECTED for her girls...She sings out loud while shopping at Wal-Mart with them.
The mental images of your kids watching your mom sing is priceless. This was a great story.
Ahh..this post was a great way to start my morning. I understand now how my kid's feel when I start bringin' Sexyback in the car at top volume.
They're also going to learn 'Badonkadonk' today. Thanks!
Never seen American Idol, either...
Or Survivor, or Big Brother, or the Bachelor(ette) or any of those other reality shows.
There. Don't tell my kids I'm not cool - They don't know yet.
But I am cool enough to have "shekin" as word verif. Don't know what it means, but it's GOT to be cool.
Sweetheart, you have won a blogging award from me. Come by, pick it up and take a bow:
http://blogonkevin.blogspot.com/2008/07/once-whiner-now-winner.html.
Oh -and uh, Glad you're back!
Just let 'er rip - kids love their parents idiosyncrasies, don't they? (I hope so, I'm banking on it!)
I don't watch AI either, although everyone else in this house does, which makes them think I'm not the cool one.
And I just caught my kids rolling eyes with each other in the back of the mini, while I'm upfront singing, "I'll keep you my dirty little secret....."
hahah!!! I remember my Mom falling from grace when she opened her mouth to sing a Duran Duran song. Ever since we beg her not too....but she loves to sing. Bless her heart. ;-)
On a similar note, I shall *never* be too embarassed to sing "Baby Got Back" in the car with my kids.
So ladies if the butt is round,
And you wanna triple X throw down,
Dial 1-900-mixalot and kick them nasty thoughts
I also like to throw the word "badonkadonk" into casual conversation occasionally.
Cool moms rock...and singing is cool...so, you must be a star!
See, you've just been to too many cheezy weddings to properly appreciate 'Old Time Rock-n-Roll'. May I suggest 'Katmandu' instead?
And, uh, AI . . .
Artificial Intelligence?
Allen Iverson?
Aw, RS isn't the only one who likes to sing "Baby got Back."
It made me feel TOTALLY un-cool that the only song in this post I actually recognized is "Old Time Rock and Roll."
Um, did you just say that the Tool Man is "little?"
I have to agree mom's are cool! It does not matter what country song is playing on the radio, I'll sing right along with them. Trace Atkins he's cool in concert.
S.R.
"Honkeytonk Badonkadonk?"
(BLAM!)
Aaaaaand my head just exploded.
I'm laughing too hard to leave a coherent comment...
You daily crack me up. I saw I think two or three AI episodes about 4 years ago.
Obviously left a huge impression on me
I must admit, I have never believed I was a cool mom. I'm more the stay out of the way and provide snacks kinda mom. Now Hubs, holy crap you would not want him to be your dad! He embarrasses Girly just to get a good laugh. You know, acting retarded, and making gross jokes or picking his nose! It even embarrasses me!!
If spiders ever start looking as good as baked potatoes and bread, I MIGHT learn to like them more!!
Hallie
I regret that I will never get to be that cool mom. I'll never get to be the uncool mom either, come to think of it- I guess I'll have to settle for being the uncool dad, at least while my kids are teenagers.
After that, well, I may get promoted back to cool dad, at least I did eventually promote my own parents back into that esteemed group
Dude. I totally could have written this. Just not so eloquently. At least we can be uncool moms together.
So what about Drake and Josh? Have you figured out which one is the dad's and which one is the mom's? And which one of them is the real brother to that bratty sister? And do you think Josh had gastric bypass? Just askin' your thoughts.
I don't know how it happened but those videos somehow related to Hannah Montana videos, which I had barely heard of before this day. And now I have spent a half hour trying to see if Nick Jonas really did get her pregnant!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! ARG!
Must wash out lame culture...
I'd so love to be the cool Mom.. unfortunately, I think I'm destined for minivans and school councils, unpopular music and potentially painful interior decorating. I don't think I'll ever get to the point that I'm putting plastic on the sofa, but I do sometimes have visions of minivans with heating/cooling zones, 16 cupholders, DVD players, in-dash GPS, seats that fold completely flat and automatic doors...
Oh Lord. I can feel it coming already... must... fight...against...tapered...jeans...
must...avoid...fanny...packs...
Well you know what child number 1 of 2 thinks of me as mom. I am only cool if there is food around. But singing, ah yes singing. I could win every AI title there is. I am a talented tone aware, perfect pitch, I can sing it better than that chick top performing mom. In my own head. Jim now has the kids asking me "Mom, who sings this song?". I used to reply with not only the group, but the individuals names, and stats. In return I get "well then why dont we let them sing it".
D'OH! I now respond, "well I do you lovely charming sweet hearted children that adore my talents".
NOT!
I am so not loved!
Um. Okay. At the risk of losing the love of my blogger soulmate, I have a confession to make (honesty is the most important element of a relationship, right?).
I watched the last two episodes of season two of AI, rooting my heart out for my Raleigh boy Clay Aiken. C'mon, don't look at me like that. He's a sweetheart who loves his Southern mother. And I am a lifelong fag hag.
My teenaged stepson still thinks I'm cool because I took him to get Manic Panic in his hair before his job as best man at our wedding. And he lives in England and only sees me twice a year.
Some day, Diff Girl, we'll duet "Paradise By the Dashboard Lights." And I like you so much I'll give you first dibs on the parts.
i dont know that we can be friends anymore. i mean, i tend to only hang with the cool crowd cause you know that's how i roll. just ask my kids.
ha! not.
i remember when i was growing up my mom use to sing night moose by bob seger. yes i said moose and not moves. she never got it right...and to this day when she comes over i will pull that shit up on youtube and have her sing...it makes me giggle just to hear her go "oh i love this song!"
right mom. right.
You survived! I'm really trying to work my way back online--one blog at a time!!! I really should start scheduling internet time, sigh. I've really missed you. *hugs* In addition to being a cool mom, you would make the coolest neighbor. <3
The trick is to make it clear to your children that if they want the flow of cold, hard cash to continue, they will at least lie and tell you how cool they think you are. I admit this does get easier as they mature and realize that money can be exchanged for things they just HAVE to have.
I can live with that... ;-)
I remember my Dad singing along to the Rolling Stones on the old station wagon's wood-paneled AM-only radio.
Then, along came ... smoooooooth jazz. I am so screwed.
Wow! I'm currently writing something where I mention my hatred for that Bob Seger song. Kismet!
funny post! I actually threaten my children with singing in the car if they don't behave...they hate my singing...
Bee - FIRST!!!!!!!!!!
Bee - Since you were the first to come out and confess you've not seen AI, either, you can be my vice president of whatever club that puts us in. It appears we have a few members below us! Fight the power!
Claire - I think the neighbor kids who come around here think I'm cool. Of course, most of them just look at me like I'm talking Chinese when I speak to them, so I just have to take that thought on face value!
Chas - Welcome to the Anti AI Club! As I was sitting outside writing this post the other night, I could hear someone singing a rap song - as an opera. Then this huge, burley dude walking a little dog went walking by my backyard. It made me cast a 'Huh. That's interesting,' that I'd probably have if I ran into your sister at Walmart!
William - If only I'd been able to capture their mugs on camera! Thanks!
Alice - No matter where we go, if hear a song I know, I am singing. Cars. Restaurants. I'm probably really annoying. My oldest son sighs and asks, "You know this one, too?!"
Melody - I only watched a couple seasons of Survivor, one of The Bachelor and no Big Brother. I just can't commit that much time to television if Mike Rowe isn't hosting or walking around shirtless!
Always Home - For the briefest moment, I thought you were calling me a "once a whiner, now a winner" and I was gonna propose an old school throw down! Then my mind was cleared up when I saw your true intent! Thanks!
Melody - Very glad to be back!
Melissa - I think you're right. No matter how fast they can get their eyes rolling, I still think the kids dig it!
Cocotte - Another AI avoider! Woo hoo! Lately my kids wonder why I've been singing about kissing a girl and liking it and boots with the fur. Wait until I'm over 60 and still doing that to them!
Laura - Oh, I know my mom butchered some Duran Duran in the day. Also, when she kept referring to my beloved INXS as "INKS," I had to school her before she forever ruined "Need You Tonight" for me!
ftn - It disappoints me that you've never talked badonkadonks with me. It's just BOOBS! this and BOOBS! that and BOOBS! what have you. Huh. Guess that shows where I rank.
Eh, who am I kidding? It's so about the BOOBS!
Bogart - I like to think I'm a raginginly huge star. Thanks!
Des - I can not, nor ever will like that song. I endured so many mornings of hearing my mom sing that, horrifically, that it just cemented my already deep disdain for it. I just can't waiver on this!
Therese - Seriously, as I was writing this, I thought, 'I bet Therese only knows one or two of these songs...' I'm sorry that the one you know is the one I hate so much!
Phyllis - Heh! My little country phase was before Steve, and well, yeah, that wasn't such a little phase...
Summer - Here's where I'll confess that I have that song on my iPod, but with more than 6,000 songs on the thing, it rarely comes up for play!
Twobusy - I know, right?! (ignore that confession I just made above...)
Mandy - I always laugh after surviving scary things, so I got a good laugh out of this experience!
David - Daily? Aww, that's very kind of you! Most people around here just roll their eyes at me!
Choppzs - Honey, never underestimate the coolness of a mom who is armed with snacks!
WWoW - If spiders looked like baked potatoes, first I'd wonder what kind of chaotic world we've created, but then I'd be really, really happy!
Sailor - I still wonder about the coolness ratio of my own parents from time to time! I did think my Dad was like hella cool. Like more cool than he is today. Probably has to do with the fact that he'd give me money randomly when I was a teenager, and not so much now!
April - OMG! I specifically DIDN'T mention Drake and Josh, because no matter how many times I've asked my boys (i.e. - EVERY EPISODE!!!), I have no clue whose parent is whose, and who that girl belongs to. I can, however, reenact that entire salsa contest episode verbatum for I've seen in TWO MILLION times. Also, I can follow that with the Blues Brothers/school talent contest episode. Just don't quiz me on the family connections!
Anonymous - Sorry for leading you down the path of lame culture! However, you should have spent a bulk of that time staring all googly eyed at Joe Jonas. He's the hotter Jonas brother.
iMommy - Thanks for taking the time to read and comment! I'd traded in my sensible car for a minivan within hours of giving birth to my second child. While I hope to avoid plastic-covered furniture, I just think some things inevitably put a kink in our coolness armour!
Lori - I'm one of those people who can tell you title, artist, band members, year of their last hit, etc. It annoys my kids, yet I believe they secretly love it, for they're always asking. They don't so much ask me to sing, though, so huh. Don't know what's up with that!
That Girl - I can forgive you your AI indiscretion, for I can understand the power of rooting for the hometown hero. If you've stayed away since then, even better!
After reading your comment, I actually sat here and had a mental struggle - would I want the Meatloaf part or the Ellen Foley part. I used to rock both at slumber parties!
kimmy - I think our moms just can't help but be captivated by old school Bob Seeger and his night moose. Dude's like a rock. Let's be totally uncool together!
NAN!!!!! -- NANNNNNN!!!! Get thee back here more often! The world is a far less creepy place knowing you're around! I admire your ability to stay so strong and internet free. You, my sweets, are an inspiration!!
Michael - Ha! The flaw in that otherwise great plan is my overall lack of disposable income to hand out to the kids as (bribes) incentives!
Always Home - Ah, smooooooooooooooooth jazz. Sweet! Yeah, you are totally screwed!
Chag - I detest that song more than any Hannah Montana song. I swear. Thanks for standing up and fighting against it with me!
TZ - I'm forever singing along in the car, so I've foiled that option as a tool to get my sons to behave, unfortunately. Must start plotting new options! Thanks for reading and for your comment!
Cripes! That took forever!
BUT PEOPLE!! This has the power to exceed the 45 comments I got for the salad dressing post last month! I urge you to leave witty bon mots so I can believe my words are more powerful than some random shot of the five bottles of Thousand Island dressing I have!
For me. Do it for me.
And for freedom.
Ha! I torture the spawn with my RAPPING.
You ain't heard pathetic until you've hear my rendition of Run DMC's Peter Piper ( old skool is all I can expose the Spawn to, there's too much swearing in the stuff that's out nowadays.)
They literally cover their ears and BEG me to stop.
[rising to the call of "bon mots"]
Manager Mom -- Rapping! I'll have to file that torture tactic away in my repertoire for when Boopie gets a little older. I grew up on Country Music, so I can be sure that I will conquer the Kingdom of Suck.
FADKOG -- I secretly - well, now publicly! - yearn for a pimped out mini-van. I keep telling Hubby that I can't properly embaress my kid(s) until I have one, and am able to sit outside the school blaring HonkeyTonk Badonkadonk (or similar embarrassing country song) as loudly as possible, while singing off key and possibly shaking my own (badonkadonk)
I will partake in your challenge if only to make 2 or more attempts at getting mispelled verifications spelled right. Maybe it is that I believe that they are scrambled words and I need to unscramble them... hmmmm.. the great mystery.
Have you ever been singing along at the top of your lungs with your windows down and suddenly realized PEOPLE CAN HEAR YOU?!? I've learned to tone it down a bit when stopped at red lights, but sometimes I get so caught up in the song I say, screw it, and just belt it out.
I'm with you on the duets, although I can sometimes wrangle my sister into singing with me if we're in the car together. Then we forget who's singing which part and just sing both.
At least you're still a cool mom. Give it time.
Well, does it count that, when I'm denying the will of one of my kids, I'll often bust out the great moral philosopher Mick Jagger, with 'You Can't Always Get What You Want'?
Bonus points for singing it in front of their friends. . .
And, you don't hafta love 'OTR&R', but how 'bout just a little love for my homey Bob Seger? . . .
And gosh, you wanna go past 45 comments?
Well, I won't just hand it to ya on a silver platter, but I'll put it right here for the taking. . .
;)
Manager Mom - I once sat in the school parking lot, my beautifully innocent preschool son in the backseat, the windows down for all to hear, and slipped into oblivian while NIN's "Closer" was playing. Loudly. It took me longer than it should to remember the fancy 'f' words in there. I try harder now!
iMommy - Before you even realize it, you're going to be driving around in a mini. It's standard issue! Thanks for rising to the challenge!
Lori - Ha! I like to imagine that one day, there will really be a secret message lurking in the word verification, and unlocking it will bestow me all the world's bounty! Should you get it first, please share!
Meg - Oh, hell yes! Most nights when I leave work, if it's nice, the iPod gets plugged in, the windows get put down, and it's a full on assault! I also do it when I clean the house. I've found delivery men at the door some days when I've been singing loudly for no one (or so I thought...)
Des - Apparently, I just like to appear naked in front of the neighborhood kids. By accident. Then I don't so much sing, as scream. When I scream, I think sometimes I might sound like Bob Seger.
And I knew if anyone would, you'd do it!
Now, the quest continues...
I think you should hold out for 50.
This should put you at 48. Here's to 50!
Well then, here is #49 just for you friend! :)
BTW, (not that I am trying to get you to 50 or anything), but I think we should add "badonkadonk" to Wikipedia and then it will be Google-able! Just a thought.
FTN, its your challenge. Then you can also update "boobs" and "Fadkog".
What do you call that thing when you take a string of words and use the first letter only to create a code? IE: my verification is:
idjnbj, which I will not turn into:
I did not just blow jim.
We should start a game with verification to see if there really is a secret code that will open a world of wonderment.
Ok, so I am bored waiting for the storm to blow over...
and it was supposed to read:
I just did not blow jim.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?
I totally left a comment that begged your forgiveness for not being the first to leave a comment, and when I come back to check it over 20 hours later it's gone!!!!.
Did I offend you that much? Did you delete my words. Oh, FADKOG, baby, darling, you know I'll never neglect you again.
Bee - Me, too! Oh, wait...
Chag - You know, this is completely going to ruin me for posts that come nowhere near 50, just ruin me!
Lori - You spoil me with the 49!FADKOG should so totally be in the spell check! Petitions should be started, post haste! I am the first thing that pops up when you Google that. Finally...sure...if you say so... ;)
BP Dad - FINALLY! FINALLY! My heart ached until your comment landed in my in box (that's what she said...). If you can't be first, at least you can bring up the rear (that's what....)! However, don't let this discretion happen again! My heart can't take it! ;)
Lori -
OK, there is some kind of 'Badonkadonk' harmonic convergence goin' on around here. 'Cuz country music? Not so much with me. And 'badonkadonk' country songs? Even less. But I get up Saturday morning and start readin' my local paper, and there's this big article all about Trace Adkins, who apparently was performing at the local music festival Saturday night. And, I mean, two-thirds of the article was about his 'butt song'. . .
Oh girls, sorry to join the party but I haven't ever watched AI either! Maybe we should start our own club or somethin!
I loathe that show and unless they start calling it American Strip Show and have LL Cool J headlining, never will I ever watch
Des - Trace Adkins will probably end up with the word 'badonkadonk' chisled on his gravestone!
lil sass - Welcome to the party! I might tune in for the type of show you suggested, but it would have to be on just one night a week. I'm not sure I can commit to three nights a week of any one show! Thanks for coming by and commenting!
This comment has been removed by the author.
TOO funny! Go granny!
I know that look of shock - my children give it to me when that "keep bleeding in love" song comes on..right before they vomit out the window and pass out from embarrassment.
'that girl' - My son has started to give it to me in public now. We were out somewhere the other day and Barracuda came on the overhead, so I was singing quietly along. He was insistent that that song is only a Guitar Hero song, and was both shocked and dismayed that it was both a 'real' song, and I refused to not sing along!
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