...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

poker? i hardly knew her!


I found this note penned by my Tool Man (who, it should be noted, is not a boy between the ages of 5 and 15, despite what his handwriting looks like) on our bedroom dresser last night. As he was already asleep when I noticed it, I couldn't ask him what's so important about Husky Nailer that he felt compelled to jot it down on a piece of paper that he'll inevitably leave on the bedroom dresser amidst various pens, screws, tire gauges and a J.R.R. Tolkien novel for weeks on end until I lose my mind and throw them all away, including the J.R.R. Tolkien novel, which I won't actually throw away but will perhaps hide, so I'm coming to you today, friends, to determine what you think Husky Nailer means. Is it:
(a) The breed and name of our neighbor's new dog
(b) A new pneumatic nail gun launching in the fall by Tool Man's tool company
(c) A fetish diagnosis
(d) The name of a lesser celebrity wrestler
(e) Tool Man's secret porn name
(f) Even worse - Tool Man's secret porn name for me, in which case this could be the last known document ever penned by this person
(g) None of the above
(h) Do most multiple choice tests actually have this many choices?
(i) I hope they don't look too closely at that photo because I need to dust that bedroom dresser
(j) All of the above

Labels:

49 Comments:

Blogger Meg said...

Damnit, that was so going to be MY porn name...

You're a much better person than me, and maybe that's why your marriage is still going strong, but I would've be tempted to write on the note OR wake the guy up and ask "What the hell is a husky nailer?!?!"

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 9:35:00 AM  
Anonymous TwoBusy said...

It's code. I think he's uncovered a secret link between Husker Du (led by Bob Mould) and Stephen Hunter's great novels about an ex-military sniper known as Bob the Nailer.

Husky Nailer = Bob.

All you need to do now is figure out who Bob is, and why he's on your bedroom dresser.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 10:15:00 AM  
Blogger calicobebop said...

Hmmm, that's a puzzler. Sounds like a porn name to me! Sorry! Hopefully it's his - and not yours!

:)

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 10:34:00 AM  
Blogger Wonderful World of Weiners said...

I don't care whose porn name it is as long as its someones name!! That is freakin' awesome!! ;)

Hallie

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 10:36:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

Some amateur handwriting analysis will tell us that, by the way he's kind of written over the letters more than once, he was kind of doodling absentmindedly while he wrote it. I'm guessing he was watching a quality movie on the SciFi network (er, excuse me, "SyFy") and during a scene where a heroic everyman ended up making hot, sweet love to the nubile alien babe, this came to him. It's essentially what his name would be, if he were to be star as the heroic everyman in a SyFy Original Movie.

So, pretty much answer "e".

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 10:40:00 AM  
Blogger Badass Geek said...

I'm pretty sure its option B, but it would make for an awesome porn name.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 10:44:00 AM  
Blogger Evil Twin Sister said...

E!
E!
E!
I vote Eeee!

(in his dreams at least)
=-P

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 10:46:00 AM  
Blogger cIII said...

It's obviously a Carpenter's Pants line by JC Penny for chunky kids with aspirations for Carpentry.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 10:46:00 AM  
Blogger Evil Twin Sister said...

Btw, TwoBusy?
My teenage daughters say "Bob" is an acronym for
Battery
Operated
Boyfriend.
So it works out either way, I guess...

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 10:49:00 AM  
Anonymous Pam said...

Is he dyslexic? Could he have meant "Hockey Sailor"?

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 11:35:00 AM  
Blogger Brian o vretanos said...

Well, I cheated and googled it. To my great disappointment, I got a load of DIY related links, so I'm going to go for b. In an ideal world it would have been c.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 12:29:00 PM  
Blogger motherbumper said...

His handwriting would make a cool font. And a couple of years back I bought jeans at Gap Kids and was all proud of this fact until my friend pointed out that the tag said HUSKY. Yup, I'm the same size as a 14yo husky boy. F**k.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 12:39:00 PM  
Blogger Anna See said...

Guessing B, but the others sound much more interesting. What is it about Tolkien on the dressers?

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 1:11:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy said...

Love it. Waiting for your porn trailer to go up on the interwebz.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 1:21:00 PM  
OpenID mommygeekology said...

Yeah I'm definitely going with porn.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 2:05:00 PM  
Blogger Cocotte said...

Google is your friend.

But I did initially think of Husker Du, that childhood game, not the heavy metal group.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 2:15:00 PM  
Blogger Whitemist said...

Well now, after all have had their say,
I remember that tool man is just that.
A man ( like many others) who cares about his tools (note no tool)!
It is a nail gun or stapler!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 2:47:00 PM  
Blogger Zip n Tizzy said...

I'm thinking it's b) inspired by f).
You should be flattered. He's fantasizing about you even while working.
What I'm interested in, is the target in the right hand corner...

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 3:24:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt Juicebox said...

The name of a new sex position/technique/toy he wants to try on you?

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 4:27:00 PM  
Blogger Pat said...

I vote for "e". And now "I" have a new name for MY husband. We both are on diets, so I think this fits him perfectly!

And I LOVE what Evil Twin Sister said about BOB. I have one of those too. BOB, that is. Oh, yeah, AND an EVIL TWIN SISTER. At least, that's what she calls herself! LOL!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 5:20:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

so how goes bullying parents of sick kids? burn in hell.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 6:52:00 PM  
Blogger The Savage said...

I'd guess (b) but considering Husky already has pneumatic nail guns It leaves that answer in doubt. I only know this because the tool company I work for sells them....

Mayhap he is wishing to purchase one himself....

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 7:09:00 PM  
Blogger Mary Ellen said...

I suspect it's B, but that's no fun, so I'm going with E or F. I would totally be your first fan on FB with a name like that.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 7:31:00 PM  
Blogger Madame Queen said...

(e) made me laugh out loud, but then (f) made me laugh even louder.

I think it's an option you haven't even considered yet. I think it's his idea for a new reality show. It will feature a heavy-set carpenter type guy who fixes houses to flip them yet is also looking for love. Whaddaya think?

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 7:54:00 PM  
Blogger Dana's Brain said...

Oh my god, all your options are funny - but cIII's comment should really be added as another choice!!

High-larious.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 9:21:00 PM  
Blogger Chag said...

Dusty or not, I'm impressed that you have that much space on your bedroom dresser. You couldn't fit a piece of paper on ours if you tried for all the other junk.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 9:32:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Anonymous - WTH?! I never have, nor would I ever bully parents with a sick child.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 10:58:00 PM  
Blogger T. said...

Hmmm Anon. has issues.

I am going to say Porn Name, but more importantly, probably his user name for one of those sub sites. Now you just have to figure out the password. And then he'll be so embarrassed he will give you whatever you want. (What do you want?)

Tina

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 11:07:00 PM  
Blogger WILLIAM said...

This post reminds me of a Ben folds Song Kylie from Connecticut.

I am going with C.

Thursday, July 30, 2009 7:21:00 AM  
Blogger Christina Lee said...

what's the heck's anonymous' problem???
anyway this is AWESOME!!! I choose B!

Thursday, July 30, 2009 8:15:00 AM  
Blogger MsPicketToYou said...

anon needs a husky nailer.

hell, maybe i do too.

Thursday, July 30, 2009 10:04:00 AM  
Blogger lime said...

i think it's like miss makita only for the guys who prefer woman with some heft.

Thursday, July 30, 2009 1:26:00 PM  
Blogger Bee said...

I am so distracted by that random hater. I think IT must have gotten lost on its wat to Dumbf*ckville.

Anyway, I'm gonna go with Toolman's porn name.

Thursday, July 30, 2009 10:51:00 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

I just love how your mind works. I'd see a piece of paper my husband wrote on and...well, I'd try to figure out what it said. His handwriting is atrocious. I often have to ask for translation.

I figured it's probably b though. Dang.

Thursday, July 30, 2009 11:43:00 PM  
Blogger Bogart in P Towne said...

I have been trying to keep my dancing name on the DL since I left the profession. I have a political career to think about.

Instead, you and your man expose me and ruin whatever chance I had to run for President in 2012.

I will not forget this. I will seek revenge.

Friday, July 31, 2009 7:06:00 AM  
Blogger Betsey Booms said...

Husky Nailer is my burlesque dancing name.

Because I'm no Gypsy Rose

Friday, July 31, 2009 12:00:00 PM  
Blogger Chris Wood said...

e or f, it's got to be.

Friday, July 31, 2009 1:53:00 PM  
Blogger Carolyn...Online said...

Oh my gosh I was going to say it was jeans for pudges from Sears but cIII beat me to it.

Friday, July 31, 2009 8:54:00 PM  
Blogger anymommy said...

I guess a tool for Tool Man. And I mean that literally. Husky is a brand of nailer? I'm married to a man with a lot of power tools. This is the most unintentionally dirty comment I've ever written.

Saturday, August 01, 2009 12:04:00 AM  
Blogger That girl from Shallotte said...

I always read your other comments first before leaving one of my own so I don't repeat a joke. But the troll has left me mad as hell. Seriously. Hello? Psycho much? Gah. Diff Girl is the best blogger, mom and all-around awesome person on the Interwebz.

Back to the subject at hand: Another hysterical entry, my friend!

Saturday, August 01, 2009 9:22:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

See, I read it and thought it was about a guy who has a thing for Arctic sled-hauling dogs. . .

But I'm guessing 'b'. . .

Saturday, August 01, 2009 12:53:00 PM  
Blogger The Stiletto Mom said...

You have a secret porn name? I always knew you were cooler than me...

Saturday, August 01, 2009 3:13:00 PM  
Blogger Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

Definitely the last piece of paper to ever be found by the Tool Man. ;-) I laughed MAO on letter F. Nobody, NOBODY puts Husky Nailer in the corner!! :D

Saturday, August 01, 2009 7:11:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy Lou said...

I'd say (k)just plain awesome

Saturday, August 01, 2009 10:52:00 PM  
Blogger Bex said...

you posted this last wednesday? egads. where have i been? i guess i was asleep under that rock longer than i thought. note to self: carry alarm clock (or cell phone with alarm clock) at all times but especially before lying down for a nap beneath rocks, boulders or other geological matter.

ok. so its been a few days? what's the verdict? what does it mean?

Sunday, August 02, 2009 12:34:00 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

I shudder at the thought of my young man having a porn name.

Keep the Tolkien it is a good break from other possibilities.

Monday, August 03, 2009 1:00:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

In the morning...

Monday, August 03, 2009 11:46:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Husky 2 Nailer/Compressor Kit

Wednesday, August 05, 2009 11:19:00 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

...I just didn't say what morning, or if it would be morning here or somewhere else in the world.

Despite my love of cake, thankfully, it is not Tool Man's porn name for me, though it would, indeed, be awesome, just as cake is awesome, but moreso in moderation. So that means that a Husky Nailer is, of course, an actual tool.

Also, the concise nature with which the Anonymous comment above this one left their answer leaves me wondering if it was left by my actual Tool Man, because it's straight up answer and no other remarks is pretty much how Tool Man operates. If so, then hello, Tool Man. If not, then hello Anonymous who sounds like Tool Man!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009 2:24:00 PM  

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