slip slidin' away...

You know how some things sound better in your head than they actually turn out to be? Things like Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, letting your mom give you a perm AND talk you into some highlights at the same time (not just a bad idea, but a horrific one)(I have photos but showing you would be an equally bad idea), chicken nuggets, Shia LaBeouf, or thinking you have this really great idea for a series of books about a mopey teenage vampire and the whiny girl who falls in love with him now with more werewolves!

We all have them, these ideas that sound totally awesome as they bloom in our brain like a virus. Mine struck yesterday afternoon when the boys came charging into the house, stripping off clothes and clamoring for swim trunks. It was the first truly hot day we've had and the words "Slip" and "Slide" were being belted out at the top of their lungs as I slathered them with sunscreen.

A few minutes later, the harbinger of all summer fun was up and operational in our backyard. Oh, we have a very cool Slip and Slide, my friends. A tunnel at the end for them to pass through squirts water in a refreshing spinning arc, and my kids' peals of delight as they splashed down at the end was music to my ears. So it's surprising I was able to hear my youngest son when he came up to me, his drenched little bones bouncing beside me, and suggested that I take a turn on the Slip and Slide.

Oh, yes. Yes, he did. And because I've always been a sucker for cute boys (another thing I've found sounds better than it actually is, btw) I smiled down at him and, rather than point out the corner of the box that says this bastion of summertime fun is not intended for anyone close to my age, I fervently agreed. Because I am young and heart.

I am also, apparently, an idiot.

While informing the boys to stand down, I backed up in the yard, eyed my opponent (which, it should be noted, is barely taller than I am) and, like Evil Knievel preparing to jump Snake River Canyon on a rocket-powered motorcycle (note to all you younger readers - this happened in The Olden Days), I powered up my mental engines and prepared to marvel my cheering kids with my prowess and spirit of adventure.

We interrupt this blog post for those of you out there to tap me on the shoulder and say, "Hey, what about that time you fell down your living room stairs and totally f'd yourself up?" and while I totally appreciate your compassion, I'm all, "What? I can't hear you. Are you saying something about how clumsy I am? Because I'm listening to these other folks over here telling me about my horrific back and how it planned to kick my ass and still, months later, reminds me who's boss."

You can see where this is going, right? Like Evil, I took off at a pretty good clip and it wasn't until I was about to toe the edge of the slippery, so very slippery Slip and Slide that my mind jumped in and screamed something about how this probably wasn't the best idea I'd ever had before getting incredibly mouthy by saying, "Though it doesn't by any means trump that whole perm and highlighting debacle of 1988, my friend, and oh, by the way, did you ever think that a product called "Slip and Slide" with the first word being "slip" which is generally considered to be a bad thing, as in 'Whoopsie! I just slipped!' wouldn't be as much fun for someone who takes up more gravitational pull in the universe than, say, your average small child for whom said product was intended?"

"Screw you, Mind!!" I yelled as I dove down and made contact - sweet, slippery contact - with the plastic deathbed that is the Slip and Slide. Oh, it was, indeed, fun. It was also refreshing and induced peals of laughter in my boys. In fact, they were laughing so loud they failed to hear me as I quietly began requesting their assistance in getting up from my death bed. So I had to keep asking. And asking. And asking. And finally yelling.

In the spirit of adventure, I totally wrecked my already fragile and bitchy right knee, and today I am writing to you while balancing my laptop on my left leg and with my right leg propped up higher than the rest of my body. It's a look that is, and I quote my Tool Man, sexy, and I would have totally kicked him in the ass for saying that, but as you can imagine, that's pretty much impossible at the moment.

It's gearing up to be another scorching day today, and the boys are already clamoring to have the Slip and Slide set back up for an afternoon of fun, but like Evil Knievel passing the baton of silly stunts off to his son, I'm leaving this day to my boys.