...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Monday, July 27, 2009

'she has trouble acting normal when she's nervous'

subtitle: More inane facts about me which shall now and forever serve as a means of filling in the gaps when I've been too busy/tired/boring to write scintillating tales of mirth and merriment, but scratch those other two options because mostly I'm just a very boring person as evidenced by the fact that, well, I'm too boring to think of specific examples of how boring I am. Suffice to say I'm pretty damn boring.

Anyway, on with the show!
  • Last week I offered to have sex with The Cheesecake Factory after my Tool Man and I had our first meal ever there and I gasped in horror when the bill arrived, as though it had been placed on the table by a corpse and the words "I must kill you now" were scrawled in blood next to the price for my glass of iced tea. I assumed it was either a typographical error or I needed to show the restaurant a good time since it had given me dinner and all. In the end, I'm pretty glad Cheesecake Factory rebuked my offer because it's portion(s) is way too big.
  • I've never sent a text message to someone in my entire life. Oh, sure, there was that one time I thought I sent one to Fade To Numb that included words like "zombies," "don't look them in the eyes" and "come to your hotel room," but he insists it never arrived. Or did it? For all I know, zombies could have intercepted it and all this time, I've been talking to a version of Numby that (fingers crossed) could do the Thriller dance (which would be awesome, btw). Maybe he was just scared I'd actually come to his hotel room, so he lied. Hmmm. Something to ponder, too. Anyway, the point is, I'm not technologically savvy.
  • I also have large fingers. This probably impedes my ability to send text messages more than having an archaic phone. It's also probably another reason Cheesecake Factory told me it should be going when I made my offer.
  • When I look at other peoples' wedding photos, I have an overwhelming desire to get married again. About seven out of ten times those thoughts involve marrying my Tool Man. Also, we could use new towels and a larger crock pot.
  • Anyway, if looking at wedding photos can give me that sweet feeling, you can pretty much imagine what looking at photos of new babies does to me.
  • I also want to get married again so I can do something cool like this couple who rocked their wedding entrance. The first time I watched this clip, I actually cried. PMS much?
  • I also cried at least once during the last three episodes of the third season of Buffy The Vampire Slayer. "Why don't you look at me the way Angel looks at Buffy?" I asked my Tool Man. "You mean pained?" he responded. "I mean with a love that makes his non-beating heart ache," I said. "We've been married almost 15 years," he said. "What more do you want."
  • Seriously? New towels. And a honeymoon that doesn't include the words Wisconsin and/or Dells. (no offense, Wisconsin)
  • I've been overusing the phrase "You old galoot" a bit lately.
  • I think buying new underwear is akin to OD'ing on antidepressants for boosting a good mood.
  • In case you weren't sure, when I look at photos of new babies, I get a tiny bit crazed and the sound of eggs releasing from within the recesses of my body is deafening to the point where if you were showing me a photo of your new baby and asked "Isn't he/she adorable?" I'd look at you and respond "It is a nice day, but I think it's a bit too windy for a ride in a convertible."
  • I get irritated by drivers in front of me who start to brake for an impending red light while upwards of 30 feet from the traffic signal.
  • I also get irritated that McDonald's charges nearly $1.50 for an ice cream cone and then hands you a microscopic sample of their frozen treat when you pull up to the drive-thru window after a tough day and words like "portion control" and "part of a sensible eating plan" run snidely out of my head when I think of the half gallon of ice cream I could have bought at the grocery store for $1.50.
  • Did you catch that part where I said I was boring? I'm also very clearly lame.
  • Not lame? Hanson. I am never, ever being facetious when I speak of my great love for Hanson. I'd not be surprised if my neighbors put their house up for sale after seeing me dance in my kitchen to Where's The Love Saturday night. Four times. In a row.
  • I just spent 30 minutes watching various clips of people dancing to Thriller so it's time for me to maybe do something else with my day.

Sorry I've been lax in the whole responding to emails and comments lately. Life's been busy this summer (and I mean busier than just sitting around for hours watching old television shows and crying)(though sometimes I cry when I don't even watch old television shows, so hey, hmmm...). Please know, however, that I am trying, and I appreciate them.

I'm also still pretty damn boring.

Labels:

34 Comments:

Blogger Always Home and Uncool said...

What color towels should we register for?

Monday, July 27, 2009 10:32:00 AM  
Anonymous DCUrbanDad said...

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Cheesecake.

Monday, July 27, 2009 11:24:00 AM  
Anonymous TwoBusy said...

I presume Egyptian cotton is okay?

Monday, July 27, 2009 11:25:00 AM  
Blogger blissfully caffeinated said...

I will not click on that link to the wedding entrance video. Not because I don't love you, but because I watched it the other day and I ended up glued to you tube for hours watching various wedding dance videos. I can't go down that road again.

P.S. So not surprised about your love for Hanson.

Monday, July 27, 2009 11:30:00 AM  
Blogger Kat said...

I cried at the wedding dance video too! Yes, I am a raging hormonal mess today. But, seriously, does that wedding look anything other than purely joyous?

Monday, July 27, 2009 11:46:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

BRAAAAIIINNNSSSSS...

*PS* : I may actually go to a Hanson show in a couple of months. Stay tuned.

*PPS, or PSS, or whatever* : SHOULD I have been scared you were actually gonna show up at my hotel room?

*PPPS* : Word verification includes the word "booty," which you no doubt somehow arranged with the internet gods for the sole purpose of amusing me.

Monday, July 27, 2009 12:29:00 PM  
Blogger Swirl Girl said...

sweetie - if you're boring, then I am downright dead.

Monday, July 27, 2009 12:39:00 PM  
Blogger Brian o vretanos said...

Wouldn't it be cheaper just to buy the towels?

Monday, July 27, 2009 1:05:00 PM  
Blogger Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Sounds like you need to renew the vows just to get some presents.
Go for it!

Monday, July 27, 2009 1:26:00 PM  
Blogger Cocotte said...

I'm too cheap to text.

Monday, July 27, 2009 2:37:00 PM  
Blogger Laggin said...

I too love that wedding video.

My mother sent it to me with some comment about how they have their priorities mixed up and wondering if they prayed as they entered the reception. I responded with something (presumably not nice) which caused her to respond that, well, just maybe she was turning into a grumpy old lady.

Ya think? Hrmph.

Monday, July 27, 2009 2:41:00 PM  
Blogger The Savage said...

With a rack like yours I'll never find you boring....

I'd give you crap about hansosn but I like New Kids on the Block....

I got an actual word for word verification. flaked.... It seems vaguely appropriate.

Monday, July 27, 2009 3:01:00 PM  
Blogger The Savage said...

that was meant to read Hanson.... Damned dyslexia!

Oh yeah! And I lust you very much!

Monday, July 27, 2009 3:02:00 PM  
Blogger Whitemist said...

Boring? How can anyone who likes "Buffy" be boring?
I had a sample from our local (I mean across the street local) Bakery of their cheese cake. They aren't Cheesecake factory prices, but their cheesecake is much better. I think I might have sex with the lot of them for that cheese cake, but buying it is much easier.
So many issues, but bed, bath and beyond is cheaper than a wedding for towels, but not by much.

Monday, July 27, 2009 3:18:00 PM  
Blogger Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Having sex with a Heath Bar is cheaper.

And Giirrrllll, you are so not boring.

Monday, July 27, 2009 3:32:00 PM  
Blogger Bogart in P Towne said...

Micky-D's Caramel Sundaes are a gift...I think they are sent from God...I really do.

And are often found on the $1 value menu.

Monday, July 27, 2009 3:42:00 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

You cannot, I repeat, cannot overuse "galoot." It's a perfectly good phrase and sums up many of our loved ones...

Monday, July 27, 2009 4:38:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt Becky said...

The Cheesecake Factory is of the devil.

Monday, July 27, 2009 5:28:00 PM  
Blogger Madame Queen said...

If it makes you feel any better, I cried when I watched that wedding video too. I'm easy though. An easy crier, I mean!

And if you watched any season of Buffy and didn't cry at least once, I'd think zombies had stolen your soul!

Monday, July 27, 2009 7:35:00 PM  
Blogger Chibi said...

1. My favourite line from my favourite song by my favourite band (shaddup) = I <3 you.

2. I cried watching the wedding dance video and I also blame PMS.

3. I am stealing "galoot."

Monday, July 27, 2009 11:43:00 PM  
Blogger MereCat said...

I'm against the Cheesecake Factory. Gimme a good old mom and pop restaurant any day. And you old galoot? It's all mine now.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009 8:32:00 AM  
Blogger Pat said...

I loved the wedding video, also. Watched it several times. What a happy group of people!

I think couples should have a wedding shower after being married so many years. I've been married 25 years now. My towels are pretty threadbare and my sheets - well, we won't even talk about my sheets.

BTW - Thursday, July 30th is National Cheesecake Day. Any slice is half price at the Cheesecake Factory. It's TRUE!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009 9:07:00 AM  
Blogger Christina Lee said...

ok I had to click over and watch that video AGAIN- my favorite part is when they are all at the altar!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009 9:10:00 AM  
Blogger Meg said...

listen, if you get married again before J gets the cajones to propose to me I will be forced to hire an entourage of zombies to drive to the midwest and kick your ass. I'm just saying...

Also, you're so not boring. Seriously, if this is you being boring then keep at it, 'cause I giggled through your whole post.

Hope you're super busy this summer because you're having ana mazing time and not because you are curled up in a ball in the corner of your living room because the Summer of Yes has finally driven you insane.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009 9:37:00 AM  
Blogger Chasity said...

I cried over that video, too, but that was yesterday & I didn't have time to leave a comment. For reasons I won't get into, PMS is going to freaking kill me. Now that I've been allowed the time to comment, I find myself fighting the urge to go all Homer Simpsony..."Mmmmmmmm.....ice cream...." Seriously, now I can't focus on anything else. :)

Tuesday, July 28, 2009 10:39:00 AM  
Blogger JoeinVegas said...

Please post the Youtube link to your Hanson dance. Not your copy, the one the neighbors shot. (you were dancing in your underwear, weren't you?)

Tuesday, July 28, 2009 11:17:00 AM  
Blogger calicobebop said...

I am the lamest person I know. I don't text because I'm incompetent and usually wind up sending half formed messages to people because I spazzed out and pushed "send" in error. You are not alone. :)

Tuesday, July 28, 2009 4:18:00 PM  
Anonymous the weirdgirl said...

You and me on the underwear thing? SO THERE! (Except for those times you buy that bad bit of up-your-butt panties and then the experience is crushing in the way your first love dumped you on your anniversary was. But I'm not bitter.) So guess how giddy I was when Hanes turned out to be a sponsor at BlogHer?!? They very nicely declined to see the Hanes underwear I was wearing right that very moment but then I got handed a card along with the words "test new products" and SQUEEEEE!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009 4:21:00 PM  
Blogger Kathy B! said...

You are about the furthest thing from boring!!

And baby pictures and wedding photos have the same effect on me... Maybe that hos the bigamists get into trouble... looking at wedding photos gets 'em in the mood!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009 4:24:00 PM  
Blogger Zip n Tizzy said...

Well honey, you are my kind of boring!

I'm not a wedding person, (I know I'm not supposed to say that out loud) but if that was their wedding procession, I can only imagine what the reception was like. Now that I could get into.

Personally I got married at city hall. (I told you I'm not a wedding person!) but I could really go for a kitchen aid mixer.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009 5:39:00 PM  
Blogger Kyddryn said...

I adore the cheesecake factory. Oddly, it's their strawberry shortcake I prefer.

The wedding entrance made me cry...it was awesome. I hope they are always as joyful, as exuberant, as light in spirit as they were in those moments.

Seems like quite a few people have been out living their lives this summer, rather than swimming in the Blue Nowhere...

Shade and Sweetwater,
K

Tuesday, July 28, 2009 8:49:00 PM  
Blogger Mary Ellen said...

You're not boring. You're TWISTED. Which in my mind is so freaking awesome and the number one reason I come here.

That video? Unbelievable. I want to marry them.

I have to say that your word verification thingy definitely has words I never see anywhere else. Coincidence? I think not.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009 10:29:00 PM  
Blogger Chag said...

The remaining 30% of the time is reserved for Bono, right?

Tuesday, July 28, 2009 11:20:00 PM  
Blogger WILLIAM said...

I love counting crows.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 7:34:00 AM  

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