...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

regret what i've done (regret you) i couldn't go on...

From time to time, you'll hear someone talk about having a bucket list, a checklist of daring or exciting things they hope to do before it's their time to kick said bucket. I don't have one of those. Oh, sure, I, too, would like to one day don a jaunty beret and see Paris at night from atop the Eiffel Tower while also eating a baguette and French kissing a Parisian god, but I don't need to jot that down on a Post-it and hope it might happen. Honestly, years of scratching notes as a journalist has murdered my penmanship, so if I did write that goal down somewhere and then came across it years later, I'd think it was actually a grocery list and I'd wonder why I thought I wanted to buy parsnips. "Try parsnips" has a better shot of coming to fruition on any bucket list I'd create before a trip to Paris. I ate - and loved - brussel sprouts for the first time this year, so to say I'm capable of dreaming big is obviously an understatement!

I, do, however, keep two other type of lists, and while they aren't exactly bucket lists, I do refer to them using words that rhyme with 'bucket' and 'list.' Perhaps you can guess what I call them.

Take your time.

Do I really have to spell them out for you using the two letters and two symbols I'm going to because I want you to think I'd never actually deign to spell let alone say this word?

OK.

They are my F&$k It! and my F&$k That! lists.

(I know I said I used a word that rhymes with 'list,' too, but I can only think of one word right now that does and that word is 'piss,' or 'p&$s,' if you will, and I care not to put those two words together and then send them out into the ether, so in the interest of purity, I choose to stick with 'list.' Please accept my apologies.)

Confess. You have these sort of lists, too.

On my F&$k It! list, I have things like 'learn to belly dance,' 'go ahead and take a nap,' and 'start playing Angry Birds.' Nothing earth shattering, and truly nothing I'm going to excel at, as evidenced by how long I've been stuck on level 5 of Angry Birds, thank you very much. I am getting better at naps; however, closing my eyes for a few minutes a 3 pm and not opening them again until after 7 perhaps means I should change this entry to 'go to bed earlier,' but life's a marathon, not a race, am I right?

On my F&$k That! list, I've listed things like 'never climb anything that can be described as 'a mountain',' 'avoid falling on purpose out of an open plane door,' ''do not (again) style your hair in a manner that could confuse people into thinking you're a male,' refrain from killing your spouse,' 'never sing karaoke while drunk and/or sober,' 'eat all things from the sea in a fashion best described as 'cooked,'' and, most importantly, 'don't feel it necessary to attend any additional high school reunions.'

Well, guess what I did last week to screw this list up? No, I'm not writing this from a jail cell, so all's well on the 'refrain from killing your spouse' entry (for now)(oh, hahahahahahaha! ha.)

(ha.)

I f&$kin' went to my 25th high school reunion!!! It deserves two additional exclamation marks because I can't believe I went!!! I swore after my 10th I'd never go to another, and have spent the last 9 months avoiding any and all mention of the latest as plans were hatched and then swirled around my classmates on Facebook like so much cheap vodka in a red plastic cup (which, btw, is pretty much how the event went).

I blame Facebook for making me go. While Mark Zuckerberg was busy being a brainy two year old, I was grabbing my high school diploma, sneering "See you later, suckas," as I stormed out the building doors, and never planned to look back...at least after my 10 year reunion. But that dang Zuckerberg grew up, invented Facebook, and suddenly, every classmate who never spoke is sending me friend requests and commenting all over my Facebook page, telling me how awesome and funny I am. I was funny in high school, too, but nope, I didn't know about Senior Skip Day until coming across your photos from it on Facebook, Prom Queen, so I wasn't there to regale you with my sarcastic banter and witty bon mots. Sorry!

It was Facebook that uncovered me. "Where are you?!" "Come up here!" "We want to see you!!!" "UR SEW FNNNEEE!!!" Yes, the first night of our reunion was at a bar, and by the time I'd received that final message, it had been going on for about three hours, so I hope the spelling was so poor because of that rather than a testament to our education. Because I live the closest of any of my classmates to the reunion site - as in across the damn street - I couldn't go underground. I went, and I drank with my classmates for the very first time, which resulted in blowing another entry on my F&$k That! list.

I f&$kin' sang karaoke!! "Like a Virgin," of course, because I was quite possibly the only virgin in our graduating class...which was a little fact I used to introduce my selection. ME SEW FNNNEEE!!! Ah, like so much cheap vodka swirling around in a red plastic cup, indeed. Seriously, stop me if I bump into you somewhere and pull out maps and introduce you to my Sherpa, Mike, because I do not want to climb any damn mountains!!

By the time I ended the evening, all I could think was "F&$k me!" Screw the F&$k It! and F&$k That! lists. I'm thinking of tossing them out and referring to my new life plan as my Dammit! list I've already got a new entry for it. Last weekend, I cut my hair super, super short. I look like this now. So much for not looking like a dude.

Labels:

19 Comments:

OpenID Backpacking Dad said...

Fuck that.

Thursday, August 11, 2011 4:53:00 PM  
Blogger Anna See said...

oh my goodness. my 25th is coming up and the only working out like a mother i've been doing is more like working out like an auntie-- auntie m's pretzels, and aunt jemima pancakes, etc. loved the like a virgin line, since i was pretty sure i was the only one in my class, too. you are a brave soul.

Thursday, August 11, 2011 6:31:00 PM  
Blogger Xavier said...

All that and I still dunno whether you had a good time or not ....

.... but sounds like maybe, just maybe you enjoyed yourself. Good deal!

Thursday, August 11, 2011 7:19:00 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

that bieber kid is a little on the femme side, I bet the haircut looks lovely on you.

I went to my 15th reunion 4 years ago while 9 months pregnant (it was down the street from my house). I left early. Anyone I wanted to talk to from high school I am still in contact with. Everyone else pretty much reaffirmed my desire to never look back.

Thursday, August 11, 2011 7:53:00 PM  
Blogger Sailor said...

laughing so hard... I did better than you have though, I managed to avoid my 10th, 20th, 25th... and have no doubt I'll continue to successfully evade High School reunions for the remainder of my days.

Come to think of it, I've successfully evaded all my high-school classmates, too, lol- except for two, the only two I stay in touch with. One, I sorta haveto, cuz she's my wife- and the other, I sorta choose to, cuz we've been best friends for longer than I've known anyone other than family...

So, I figure, F*%$# the rest of 'em, I still come out ahead!

Thursday, August 11, 2011 9:13:00 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Love the shades, Bieber :) I bet your hair looks fantastic.

I went to my 10th, regretted it. Went to my 20th, regretted it. I think I'm done. Actually, f&%k that. Maybe the 30th holds some magic.

We have a friend in town this weekend, and someone suggested karaoke. I said "pfft!" to myself, but how much do you want to bet these feet grace the stage at some point? Sigh. (and Dammit!)

Thursday, August 11, 2011 9:53:00 PM  
OpenID bikinfool said...

Went to my 30th reunion, that may be my last. 35th is next year but thankfully, the reunions have devolved into an all ages fest. Naturally, it's the same old cliquey stuff going down. Fuck that.

Justin Beiber is one "e" away from being VERY feminine. No worries on that hair cut tho - I bet you make it look fabulous!

Thursday, August 11, 2011 10:53:00 PM  
Blogger Leslie said...

I went to my 20th and 25th...I discovered I liked a totally different set of people than who my friends were in high school and ended up enjoying myself. Key to reunions...go with your snarky, gay classmate who likes to drink!

Thursday, August 11, 2011 11:23:00 PM  
Blogger MadameQueen said...

Can you believe that my 20th reunion (which was supposed to be this month) was CANCELLED because not enough people signed up? What's up with that? I blame Facebook b/c people USED to go to see who was bald/fat/etc. and now we all know b/c of Facebook.

I've never really had a Bucket List either, but I really like the idea of a F*ck That! list. May I borrow it?

Friday, August 12, 2011 7:10:00 AM  
Blogger Craig said...

OK. . . a few words (besides 'pissed') that rhyme with 'list':

cyst
dissed
fist
gist
hissed
kissed
mist
missed
wrist
twist

Just, you know, tryin' to be helpful. . . ;)

Alas, I have enjoyed all the HS reunions I've been to: 10, 20, 25. And that's been it. Since the quarter-century, none of my erstwhile classmates has found the motivation to do it again. We're two years from our 40th (yeef; when did THAT happen?), so we'll see if anything happens then. . .

And, just for the sake of sayin' so - if yer hair looks like the Beeb's, that says more about him than you, my dear. . . ;)

Friday, August 12, 2011 8:56:00 AM  
Blogger Craig said...

And, uh, congrats on the 'refraining from killing your spouse' thing. . .

I'm sure the Tool Man is grateful.

Keep up the good work. . .

;)

Friday, August 12, 2011 8:58:00 AM  
Blogger Bijoux said...

Did I guilt you into it after my post about how wonderful mine was??

My F&$k List usually involves housework and Facebook, meaning I chuck the housework and while away the day on FB. Damn that Zuckerberg!

Friday, August 12, 2011 12:34:00 PM  
Blogger Homemaker Man said...

You went to your 25th high school reunion? You are the bravest man-boy I have ever known. I wouldn't do that S!@t if they paid me. Which they wouldn't. People knew I was funny in high school, but not funny enough to offset the desperate/insane/weirdo fumes that I may have constantly been giving off.

Friday, August 12, 2011 2:26:00 PM  
Blogger Bethany said...

I've missed you! You crack me up... you and your lists. Those are handy dandy indeed. On my list? Never waste another evening on a coen bros film.
haha, your inner adolescent loves that my verification word is "probe."

Friday, August 12, 2011 5:24:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Backpacking Dad - Word. Or, in this case, two words.

Anna See - I love all my Aunties. I miss them terribly, too. Sometimes I still curtsey before a queen. Dang but Dairy Queen makes a darn good Nutter Butter Blizzard... :)

Xavier - I think 'enjoyed myself' might be a wee bit strong a phrase. I'll have to say I at least tolerated the thing. :)

Lisa - There were two women present at my reunion who cast that "Ew" look teenager girls sometimes toss at something fowl or (sigh) each other, and I thought "Good lord...we're 40+ years old now ladies. Really?" I guess you can get your diploma, but you can never really leave!

Sailor - Your tactics for reunion evading are stellar. I fully intend to implement them from here on out!

Melissa - Somewhere tonight, I'm imagining you on stage belting out a little "Don't Stop Believin'" I'm right, aren't I? :)

bikinfool - There was talk at this reunion that from here on out, reunions become a fest that includes a couple of classes who came before and after us, as I guess is the case as we've aged and, quite honestly, all went to school together for most of our academic life. I figure there might be more people I'd want to see that way, but those are actually people I could see outside of a reunion setting if I wanted to, so I'm thinking I'm done.

Leslie - All my snarky gay boyfriends didn't come into my life until I went to college! Next time, if there is a next time, I'll make one pretend to be my husband and we'll play it up as I'm in total denial that he's a raging gay man! :)

MadameQueen - As the months ticked off between the initial "Hey, it's time for our reunion Facebook post and its actually arrival, I did hope it would get cancelled for lack of interest, but alas... Please feel free to create your own F&$k That! list (especially if another reunion crops up!).

Craig - I think I might spend less time on my hair than this young male pop star, but I will say I do think mine looks so much better!

Also, I couldn't dare bring myself to use the word 'fist' and 'f&$k' in the same post, so perhaps THAT'S why I went with what I did. :)

As for any killings...well, as of this moment, the day is still (sort of) young. I think the only thing stopping me is the knowledge I'd not get a fantastic haircut like the one I have no in the joint.

Bijoux - Perhaps there was SOME residual guilt from your post that had rubbed off on me. :) That and I thought "Oh, honey, just go be a grown up and do this." It's weird, though, how all the grown ups there stop acting like one when back in that kind of setting!

Homemaker Man - I'm pretty sure I gave off some of those same fumes in high school. I think perhaps we would have been good high school friends. It would have probably been weird, though, because I get the sense I'd have been the much older upperclassman hanging with a young kid, and I think I had enough odd things going for me back then that adding that to the mix would have been off the charts!

Bethany - I crossed Coen brothers movies off my list after 'O, Brother...' I'm also crossing any and all superhero movies off, too. I think our lists are solid. I might need more that involve using the word 'probe,' though! :)

Saturday, August 13, 2011 2:47:00 PM  
Blogger Kate Coveny Hood said...

I never make lists. But if I did - those two sound promising...

Saturday, August 13, 2011 5:32:00 PM  
Blogger Xavier said...

Well OK, tolerate fairly beats what my imagined experience would be .... :-)

Sunday, August 14, 2011 4:34:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

Kate - I get more sense of accomplishment from these two lists than I do my actual 'to do' list!

Xavier - If by some chance you imagined it ended with me committing a crime of some sort, than tolerated, yes, is probably the better option.

Sunday, August 14, 2011 9:35:00 PM  
Blogger lime said...

ok, i really cannot thank you enough because my 25th is fast approaching and though i have avoided all reunions thus far there was a little piece of me considering this one. thank your for snapping me back to reality before it was too late. truly. i owe you.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011 9:58:00 PM  

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